my day

So... I was trying to be optimistic with that dove entry... but it only holds out for so long. I'm trying to be transparent now, we'll see if it works. I spent the afternoon crying because things were piling up. Then I dried my tears, and left all my problems in my apartment. I went to jujitsu and managed to leave everything bad off the mat. Its funny, right after I tested for blue belt, I started learning how to do a stime (for those of you who don't know, a stime is a sort of aerial somersault where you land in a side-fall position, rather than on your feet- sounds painful but isn't unless you do it wrong). Then, I just kept getting injured in ways that made me incapable of practicing stimes. I couldn't understand why, but after today, I think I do. I don't claim to know God's reasoning for letting things happen, but here's a good idea I've got: injuring my thigh/hip forced me to focus on my falls, and make sure I stay straight. Without that, stimes would be torture. In addition, waiting until tonight to work on stimes was perfect timing. Although I was drained from an emotional day, the incredibly hard work on the stimes kept my mind occupied, and off the rest of the day. In terms of emotionally struggling, doing stimes tonight allowed me an outlet... to sort of take it out on my body. Like I did last summer working at Betty's on the rock wall. I'm not saying that injuring myself in order to postpone stimes to this moment is the whole reason for the injuries, but they can be good things too. There's always something good about life, even the bad things.

Having said that, doing stimes correctly feels like flying. I've always wanted to fly. Its really a wonderful feeling. I think I'm going to like this.

Anyway, I came back from jujitsu and lookie there, my problems were waiting for me at the door like lost puppies. I cried again, and this time, it felt like the tears were productive. I really wanted my mom to come and hold me. And I called her, but she wasn't home. All the same, the tears did something, and I don't need to cry anymore... till something else happens haha. Now, after a refreshing shower and a good cold glass of water, I'm all good again, and Anissa and Sam are here. Which is why I've gotta cut this short. But I've said what I wanted to say. So that's all. Thanks for listening to what I hope was me not holding stuff back, but really sharing about me. Goodnight, all!