Musing about my weight problems

If you don't know, my body has a certain weight it likes to be and that is the weight I am going to stay.  When I went to college, I lost weight, followed by my body's lame equivalent of the Freshman Fifteen.  It was more like the Freshman Five and a Half for me.  I may waver slightly depending on whether I've gained food-weight from Thanksgiving, lost water-weight sweating in the summer, or spent the day puking my brains out with a flu.  But I always bounce back to my normal weight once the food is digested or I have re-hydrated.  I have been the same weight since 2002.

With two exceptions.  In the case of the simple exception, I was taking six classes and doing intense physical exercise 5 nights a week, in addition to walking to all my classes.  Also, this was before I was pretty close friends with Navin, so I was more or less a chicken-sometimes-but-no-other-meats vegetarian.  I pretty much wasted away to nothing, went to some event for my class and found myself daydreaming about steak.  I went to Wendy's that night for as much protein as I could get and managed to keep myself alive another couple of days, when classes ended at Christmas.  I came home for Christmas dinner and was back to my normal weight in no time.

The other exception is more complicated and kind of a secret I kept for a while.  Once, when I had different life goals than I do now, I wanted to lose six pounds, for no other reason than that I liked how the numbers (of my goal weight) sounded in my head.  I set my mind to it, knowing there was no medical reason I should be losing weight, but wanting a different weight none-the-less.  I managed to accomplish my goal, and when I did, a friend who hadn't seen me in a while asked me if I had been sick for very long.  Sigh.  End diet, return to normal.

In the past few weeks, I have been struggling a lot with the cold, and even struggling to keep my body temperature up while I'm indoors.  This is not due to a weight loss, but it seems that as I get older, it is becoming harder for me to cope with the cold than it used to be.  (I sound like an old geezer!)  So, in an effort to both raise my metabolism (warming me up) and add a little insulation (FAT!) I've put myself on a weight-gain, increase-your-caloric-intake diet.  I still intend to eat healthy foods (limit donuts and fried foods as usual) but eat foods that will help me gain weight.

Here's what's happened so far:  Gain two pounds, lose two pounds, gain two pounds, lose two pounds, etc.  Ideally, I will be gaining 5 pounds and losing zero.  Going off the generalized healthy-weight rule of 100 pounds for the first five feet and five pounds for every additional inch in your height, I'd still be 12.5 pounds underweight.  But I need to take baby steps, and 5 pounds is a more reachable goal than 17.5.

However, I've been gathering information about gaining weight (hence, my previous porker post) and I have discovered I have an aversion to carbohydrates.  It is a struggle to force myself to eat them, however, I don't have this problem at breakfast.  At breakfast, I love an egg on toast, hot cereal, granola, waffles, pancakes, a bagel.  Carbs galore!  But lunch and dinner, especially at restaurants, I find myself cringing at the thought of carbs.  Not that I consciously don't like carbs, but when I scan a menu and pick out things that look delicious and things that don't, the things that don't tend to be carbs- sandwiches, pasta dishes, potatoes, rice.  The things that do look good tend to be salads, soups, meats- things with nutrients and animal fats and protiens and water!  (Thats another thing- despite my love of tea helping with my morning fluid intake, I think I am usually dehydrated.)  So the foods I naturally love are not fattening foods, and the foods I do not favor are the carbs I need to add a few extra pounds.

Perhaps people are not "naturally thin" or have a "genetically high metabolism."  Perhaps it just has to do with what foods are pleasing to their palates.  And if that is the case, is that preference genetic?

A Game of "What If"

What if you were a farmer?

You would probably have something like this:

You would want to turn him into something like this:

So, to fatten him up, you feed him some of this:

Those are grains, in case you didn't know.  Grains form the foundation of an American's diet, because someone gave us this:

And then, after learning in school that grains are the most important part of our diet, we look like porkers and someone has the audacity to put in the newspapers things like this:

Why on earth is obesity a surprise?  And WHO is the farmer that's trying to fatten us up for the slaughter?  Make no bones about it, one of these days, we're going to wake up and realize we're just being farmed by aliens.

When Hormones Attack

I have just dis- covered something dis- turbing.  I used to blame the hormones when I feel like taking out the world with a chainsaw.  I never really thought my body responded well to estrogen or progesterone, based on how many times I felt like roadkill on a monthly basis.  But I have just discovered that the times I am tempted to behave the worst are the times when I have neither of those hormones in my system.  Perhaps I actually am a... jerk that rhymes with witch, and the hormones are there to make me more normal.  Usually on my bad days my personality changes and I begin to have issues with people.  I am now curious what the deal was with those 11 months that I worked in the mall.  Someone must have been sneaking antihormone pills into my food or something.

Today's issues with people:

When I call you inquiring about a job opening, is it really that hard to call back, even if its to say, "Sorry, position filled"?

Please don't tell me how to run a business, and please don't tell me that its my duty to work pro-bono.  There's a reason it costs money to be trained to do what I do.  (That being said, there IS a volunteer job I am considering taking because I believe it may advance what I'm doing.)

Please don't tell me something so obscure I have no idea what you are talking about and then ask me not to share it.  I'm not going to share it, I don't even know what the heck kind of problem you are having because you haven't told me anything.

Please don't text message a single word to me.  That "Hey" just cost 20 cents.  Don't put feelers out to see if I'm near my phone, just say what you want to say and when I am near the phone I will respond to you.

If we are best friends, I will say so.  If I haven't said so, its not because I'm shy, its because I choose not to hurt you by throwing you to the curb.  This is the same reason children think I love them.

Call me.  I don't even remember now why you need to call me but you do.  Its the principle of the matter.

Powerful Words

Many years ago, I took a class at my church.  I don't remember the name of the class but it had to do with being spiritually in tune to God's will for your life and for others.  Basically, it outlined the difference between psychics and prophets of God, and how they often operate under the same spiritual properties but with a different purpose in mind and a different end result.

Additionally, it has been taught, both in my church and many others, that the "power of life and death is in the tongue."  In other words, "God said 'let there be light,'"  "God said 'let the waters teem with living creatures,'"  "In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God,"  "the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us."  (Emphasis mine.)  Just as God spoke the world into existence, we can speak things into existence in our lives or the lives of others.  Telling someone they are ugly cuts deep and if your words take hold in them, they will believe it, and can become ugly people in their own words or actions.

So, when someone speaks negative words in our lives, we are taught to verbally say with equal authority, "I do not accept that," and usually, to get the name of Jesus in there somewhere.  Psychics and energy workers such as Reiki therapists operate on similar principles.  When negative words are spoken, they respond with positive, "to speak positive and not negative into the universe."

In many cases, however, church goers shun all things psychic, including the psychic herself/himself, to the point that anything the psychic says gets a response (verbal or internalized) that is something along the lines of "I DON'T ACCEPT THAT, YOU SPAWN OF SATAN."  And that is not a loving way to respond, especially if the psychic really is just trying to extend a blessing from one human being to another.

So, what do you think?  If a Christian receives a blessing for prosperity, lets say positive words upon a business endeavor, from a psychic, should the Christian accept the positive words, or say "I do not accept words for my future from someone who does not share my faith"?

An unusual post

If you know me well, you know I'm not likely to write a blog post about astrology.  Yet, here I am, doing just that.  Hooray for unpredictability!  If you were unaware, like I was until I was informed by a friend last night, an astrologer in Minnesota published an article in a newspaper stating that there is a 13th zodiac sign called Ophiuchus and that we need to begin using it because the earth's wobble is messing with the locations of the constellations.  For a few hours, I went from being a Cancer to a Gemini.  I was unhappy because I prefer being crabby to being not-the-only-one-of-my-kind (cancer is a crab, gemini are twins).  Then I read an article stating that the American Federation of Astrologers issued an official response stating that the Minnesota guy is wrong and we can keep our old signs.  Not knowing anything about astrology, this could be like the CDC saying not to worry about smallpox anymore, I have no idea.

Although I don't read horoscopes (except to play the game where you add "in bed" to the end of every sentence), and I don't put much stock in the personality traits associated with each sign (I fit into ALL of them), I do have a fascination for the stars.  One of my favorite star stories comes from the Bible, where the wise men followed a star to find the savior of the world.  Because stars are stationary, scientists today believe the wise men were following a wandering star -a planet- or possibly a configuration of two planets lined up.  To me, this is wonderful.  Although in my day-to-day life I do not believe we should try to find meanings or messages from the stars about our fate or make choices accordingly, this story says to me that God thought Jesus' advent to earth was so important, that even the stars declared the coming of the Messiah.  It says to me that perhaps, just maybe, there are other events that are important enough that God would reflect them in the stars.  The invention of chocolate truffles perhaps?

There is another interesting thing about the astrological signs.  In Christian circles, astrology is viewed with great distrust and is considered sinful, pagan, and even demonic.  However, the constellations associated with the astrological signs tell a wonderful story that Christians tell over and over in less creative ways.  Allow me to elaborate:

Virgo (the virgin):  Isaiah 7:14  Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign:  The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.

Libra (the scales):  Isaiah 42:1  Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will bring justice to the nations.

Scorpio (the scorpion):  In the sky, the constellation is reaching its claws towards the scales, as if to keep them out of balance.  In art and mythology, Scorpio is shown stinging the foot of a man while the man crushes it.  Genesis 3:15  And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers, he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.

Sagittarius (the archer/centaur):  In the sky, the constellation is pointing his arrow to shoot the scorpion.  In art and mythology, a centaur represents a being caught between two natures, or the incarnation of God as a man.  Below him in the sky, is the Southern Cross.  John 1:14  The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Capricorn (the goat):  Reference Leviticus 16.  Aaron as the high priest was to offer to the Lord a sin offering for his own sins.  Then he was to offer a goat to the Lord as a sin offering on behalf of the people.  Jesus became the scapegoat and the sin offering on behalf of all people, so that blood sacrifices were no longer necessary.

Aquarius (the water-bearer):  After the sacrifice, God poured out his Spirit to guide us.  I John 5:6-8  This is the one who came by water and blood- Jesus Christ.  He did not come by water only, but by water and blood.  And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth.  For there are three that testify: the Spirit, the water and the blood; and the three are in agreement.

Pisces (the fish):  As Jesus' followers began to establish the ancient church, and were persecuted, they found ways to identify themselves using secret symbols.  Even today, the fish represents to the world one who follows Jesus' teachings.

Aries (the ram):  A continued reminder that just as God sent a ram in place of Abraham's sacrifice, so he provided a ram by sending the Messiah, and continues to provide for his followers to this day.  Genesis 22:13-14  Abraham looked up and there in the thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns.  He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son.  So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, "On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided."

Taurus (the bull):  In this constellation, the Pleiades (stars) make up the neck of the bull.  The Pleiades in mythology are the 7 sisters who judge.  Judgment is coming in the last days.  John 12:47-48  If anyone hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge that person.  For I did not come to judge the world, but to save the world.  There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; the very words I have spoken will condemn them at the last day.

Gemini (the twins): He came once and is coming again.  Mark 14:61-62  But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer.  Again the high priest asked him, "Are you the Messiah, the Son of the Blessed One?"  "I am," said Jesus.  "And you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand of the Mighty One and coming on the clouds of heaven."

Cancer (the crab):  The crab is an animal that has completely encased itself behind secure walls of protection.  It trusts in its exoskeleton and can sometimes be fearless because of that.  We too can live our lives knowing we are secure in who we are and without fear of the end times.  Psalm 91:1-2  Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Leo (the lion): Revelation 5:5  Then one of the elders said to me, "Do not weep!  See, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has triumphed.  He is able to open the scroll and its seven seals."

And so concludes the story of the world that is written in the stars.  But, you ask, what about the 13th symbol?

Ophiuchus (the serpent bearer): He falls between Scorpio and Saggitarius, both in the zodiac and in the timeline of the story I've laid out above.  His symbol is that of a snake wrapped around a staff (shown above).  Sound familiar?  Numbers 21:6-9  Then the LORD sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died.  The people came to Moses and said, "We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you.  Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us."  So Moses prayed for the people.  The LORD said to Moses, "Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live."  So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole.  Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, they lived.

Moses provided a foreshadow of the things to come; Jesus was later asked if he was Moses or Elijah.  The literary element of foreshadow is amazing and, in my opinion, makes a story just that much more exciting!  John 8:24 and 28  "I told you that you would die in your sins; if you do not believe that I am he, you will indeed die in your sins."  ... So Jesus said, "When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me."

If you ask me, the story the Bible tells is an exciting one, and to see that same story told in the stars is just beautiful.  I love stars!

How to be neurotic.

The theory is that everyone is an expert on something, and through blogging, a person can be that expert, even if it is something simple like "fashionable t-shirt expert."

My problem is I have a lot to say about a lot of different topics, but I would not consider myself an expert on anything.  Do I really have a right to blog, if that is the purpose for blogging, and if I am not an expert?  Am I selling myself short by believing I am not an expert?  I have been trying for 5 or more months to write about something that's been turning around and around in my head, but I can't seem to get it to come out.

If I had one blog entry left to write, and upon having written it, I would die, what is the one thing you wish I would write about?  Do I have something valuable in me to leave to others before I go?  More importantly, perhaps I should turn the question around to myself.  If I had one blog entry left before I die, what is the one thing I would want people to know?  I suppose for the purposes of this line of questioning, I'll make the rule that the "I love you and goodbye" stuff has been gotten out of the way, so I can't write that.

I see blogs about people's photography, the journey of motherhood, style and fashion, style and fashion on a budget, DIY projects, DIY wedding projects, healthy foods, unhealthy foods, you name it and it is out there somewhere.  But I don't think there is any one thing that I can safely say is "MY" area of expertise.  Except "being me" and that... who really wants to try and be me?  Its impossible and a crazy idea.  Just tonight I was making faces at my webcam and being silly.  Nobody really can be my kind of silly, they can try but they will just end up being their kind of silly.

So what am I getting at?  I suppose its a strange and slightly neurotic mix of "I'm unique but I have nothing unique enough to interest people on a blog."  Sometimes I feel I could write the book on being neurotic though.  If I had a blog about how to be neurotic, do you think anyone would read it?

The Crossroads

So, I came to a crossroads and I had a choice.  I could blog about some spiritual topic which I've forgotten but which made me go "Ahhhh too comp-
licated!"  I could blog about "my type of man."  Or I could blog about my favorite flavor muffin.

The only logical blog topic, of the three, is the muffin.  There are many different types of muffins I've eaten, and most of them I've liked, with the exception of the lime-green colored pistachio muffins.  When it comes to baking, my favorite muffin to bake is this, the Pumpkin Apple Streusel Muffins.  They are not incredibly difficult, and also, not incredibly easy.  But they are incredibly tasty.  There are also so many ways you can make variations on them, so they can be catered to the health-food crowd, the weight loss crowd, the I-just-have-weird-tastes crowd, and the I-don't-care-how-unhealthy-it-is-I'm-still-going-to-eat-it crowd.

But when it comes to store-bought muffins, I think I have to say I like to stick to the good old traditional blueberry muffin.  Bonus points if the blue gooey goodness is there but somehow in baking the blueberry skin has disintegrated and become part of the muffin batter.  For some reason, this is only my preference for muffins.  Blueberry pancakes and waffles, in my opinion, taste best when made with artificial "bluettes" which are balls of blueberry-flavored cornstarch or some other thing that will dissolve when cooked.

And while we're talking about breakfast foods, here's a recipe for you to try and get back with me.  Get a box of Bisquick or other prepared pancake/waffle mix.  Use the appropriate amount of dry mix to make waffles.  Omit all liquid ingredients listed on the box and replace with the same amount of raspberry ginger ale.  If you are allergic to red dye #40, R.W. Knudsen has some fun all-natural spritzer flavors, like boysenberry.  Or, you can use regular ginger ale but then you don't get that cool pink color of the batter.  When the batter is just barely mixed, pour a cup at a time onto a waffle iron and make waffles.  No need for syrup- the sugar in the ginger ale or spritzer should be enough unless you like the idea of developing diabetes.  This is one of my favorite "lazy-day" recipes because it has only two ingredients and is very easy to throw together.  Enjoy!

Re-vamping my life

No, thats not what I mean, but the word re- vamping does make me giggle.  I just mean I think I need to fix some aspects of my life.  This is not because of the new year, or maybe it is.  I don't really believe New Year's Resolutions work, but it just so happens I'm thinking about making some changes and its January as well.

I spend a lot of time on the computer, blogging, following others' blogs, learning new web design skills, learning from others' blogs what designs work or don't work, job hunting, and wasting time.  As you can see, not all of my time on the computer is a waste of time.  I just think perhaps it should be made more productive than not.  For instance, I don't really need to follow the blogs I follow for the writing itself.  But in seeing how others make changes to their designs, I can see something cool, say, "I want that," and then figure out the html to do it.  So should I stop reading those blogs?  I don't know.  It certainly would save me a lot of time to quit reading them.

On the other hand, learning all this cool html stuff, learning how Blogger design works, learning what looks good and what doesn't... all that stuff has to count for something, right?  Can I use it to make my life (and my massage business?) more productive?  Can I make a little moolah designing my friends' blogs or websites for them even though I haven't gone to school for graphic design or web design?  I feel like the world is changing faster than it used to and if I want my business to succeed, I have to try and keep it current.  And I feel like that last sentence makes me old.  Am I OLD?

One thing is for sure, THIS blog is staying the same.  I like my blue dragon, even though I've forgotten what name I gave him.  Was it Fred?  I can't remember.  Although, I do believe I'm going to try to put more pictures in my blogs more often.  Everyone likes pictures.

Here's a list of ways I'm thinking of adjusting:
1.  Yoga and Pilates.  That was going to start last week, but I was sick.  So its starting this week.
2.  Running and Dancing.  For those days when I'm sick of Yoga and Pilates.  In all, I intend no more than 1 hour of exercise per day.  I have other things to get done too, you know.
3.  My Massage Website maintenance.  New updates every few days, alternating between my webs.com site and my facebook fan page.
4.  Book blog and Tea blog.  Because books and tea go so well together, I can do research for both at the same time.  The only thing better would be to drink tea while reading a book about tea and then blog both.  If I can make them great, perhaps I'll get enough traffic to generate some income.
5.  Squidoo.  A friend suggested I try this.  The Squidoo slogan is something along the lines of "Everyone is an expert at something" and presumably, that is why one should begin making lenses at Squidoo.  I have not tried it yet because I have this fear that I will have nothing worthwhile to write about.  Someday, maybe this year, I will try it.
6.  Jill-of-all-trades.  My post-high-school education suggests I might have one of three possible career areas.  It is my goal to have a career in everything, and defy my family's expectations that I will one day settle down with one.

Just thinking...

My first post of 2011!  Apparently, people have been waiting to hear what I have to say.  Unfortunately, its not much.

The first thing I have to say is, Blogger's new editor sucks.  Hitting "enter" doesn't create a line break, it takes me back to the top of the entry, which is annoying.

In other news, I've been sick since Sunday night, with the longest sustained fever in the history of Meghan.  While waiting to get better I slept more than my cat, and listened to the New Testament on tape.  Which leads me to my first pondering question of the night.

It seems that in Jesus' day, there were a lot of people going around and being possessed by demons.  And not just the kind of demon possession where a reader could think, "Oh well it was a mental illness but in those days they didn't know what to call it so they called it demon possession."  These demons had personalities different from the people they were possessing, and brought to their hosts abilities humans cannot sustain, such as breaking through chains and taking gates off their hinges (yes, those stories were around long before "The Exorcist").  Having a personality disorder does not give you superhuman strength.  It also does not give you knowledge.  When Jesus encountered a demon-possessed person, the demons would declare him as "the Son of the Most High God," "the Holy One of Israel," or some other title which Jesus was not yet making public to his followers.  He would tell the demons to be quiet.  So, it seems clear to me that when it comes to demon possession, the accounts found in the Gospels are not simply misdiagnosed mental disorders.

My question is about today.  Aside from the movies, we don't see instances of demon possession.  The crazed people living in the wilds outside the city limits do not have superhuman strength.  They often have watery eyes, runny noses, and scars on their forearms.  So, where did all the demons go?  Did something happen that makes humans less vulnerable to possession?  Do the demons still possess people but have found a way to make their hosts blend into society better so that no one would suspect?  Did the demons simply find a better method to accomplish their goals (whatever those may be)?  Or is it just that all such instances of demon possession are hidden away and swept under the rug (denial of existence)?

And there were a few other things I was going to talk about but I think I'll save it for another day.