I just keep posting...

I feel like I've posted a lot of stuff lately, but maybe no more than I used to. I know recently I've been pretty silent because of work and school...

But I feel like I can't really adequately express myself anymore. Here I am, at almost 3 am, when I should be resting so I can get up for church in the morning, and I can't seem to make my mind turn off.

I was thinking today how long its been since I sat down and watched a Lord of the Rings movie. The friends I had before leaving for college used to talk about having a LOTR marathon, where we'd watch all three movies back to back. We never really worked up the courage to do it. My college friends aren't that geeky, no matter what they say. Or maybe it was something else besides the geek factor that was so attractive. Maybe it had something to do with adventure, being part of a story that goes beyond the edge of the Shire, striving in a distant land to preserve everything you love about that land back home. Is it something about me that's changed? Or is it the new friendship dynamics now that those former friends and I have moved on?

I feel out of place at home, but I am not sure that moving anywhere else would help. I have discovered that I am the most "down" on my days off, on those rare moments when I have some days off. I sleep in, read, and generally stay in my room unless Steve is coming to visit. I don't like to be sociable, I don't even use the computer much. I had Thursday off, worked Friday, and have Saturday, Sunday, Monday off. While I know I need the time to sleep in, I am sort of dreading it. I will become moody and unproductive.

Taylor and Anissa are two pretty close friends of mine, and I don't see them much anymore. I heard once that a person should never marry their best friend because best friends change. We choose our friends as we need them in our lives. I hope that I will always need Anissa and Taylor.

I wonder how my story is going to unfold. Am I on the right path? Am I choosing the right things and walking with the right people? What if God is telling me I need to be somewhere else and I just can't hear Him because I haven't been able to hear God speak in so long that now, when everyone else is yelling things at me too, I can't hear Him over the crowd? Is that why Gideon put out a fleece? Or was Gideon just a coward, hoping God wouldn't answer him with something miraculous? What if Gideon was afraid of change?

Sitting here, blowing bubbles with the party favor from the last wedding I attended, I can't help but notice that the bubbles are always so pretty, the bubbles always go down, and the bubbles always pop. I wonder which wedding that was, and how whomever is doing with whatshisname. And I hope no one ever remembers my wedding like that.

The Lunacy of Thanksgiving.

I just had my third Thanksgiving meal in as many days. While the second one was completely Indian, and completely more delicious, I have serious doubts regarding the "traditional" American meals. I imagine the conversation surrounding the origins (between people I imagine as college frat boys) would go something like this:

Joe: Lets have a new holiday where people eat a lot.
Bob: Wow, great idea. We should do it where they eat the same exact combination of food every single year. It could be a holiday celebrating the food more than anything else.
Joe: Yeah, forget that Christmas and Easter "being with friends and family" garbage.
Bob: Yeah screw them, who needs family?
Joe: So, what kind of food should we celebrate?
Bob: Well, I was thinking we could take some of this wet bread and stuff it in this bird here.
Joe: Wow, you are a genius. And lets cook it for about 6 hours straight.
Bob: Brilliant! There is nothing else in my cookbook that has to cook for that long!
Joe: Dude, you have a cookbook? Seriously. Wow. Well, whatever. When its done cooking, we'll take whatever liquid comes out of the bird, and we'll pour it over some mashed potatoes.
Bob: Will the genius never end? But lets not stop there, lets use potatoes for something else!
Joe: Well, if we're not careful, people will get tired of potatoes. Let's find a different starchy root.
Bob: Too true. How about sweet potatoes?
Joe: Excellent. What can we do with them?
Bob: Well you know how we drizzled the bird liquid all over the wet bread and mashed potatoes?
Joe: Yeah?
Bob: Lets put brown sugar and marshmallows over something that is ALREADY sweet and ALREADY has complex sugars in the form of starch!
Joe: OMG YOU ARE BRILLIANT MAN, BRILLIANT!!
Bob: But lets not stop there. Lets put MORE desserts on the dinner table!
Joe: Like what?
Bob: Lets have them spread cranberry jelly all over everything.
Joe: We are going to be millionaires for coming up with this.
Bob: What about for actual dessert?
Joe: Take something you wouldn't expect and put it into a pie.
Bob: Like what?
Joe: How about a squash or something?
Bob: A pumpkin!!
Joe: Yes!! And another one could be completely pointless: A sugar pie.
Bob: Well that's cool but don't you think people would hesitate to eat that?
Joe: Yeah, well maybe if we just put some pecans on top of it.
Bob: Oh ok then yeah that's a good idea too.
Joe: I am getting so excited about this. Its so American to have a holiday celebrating eating things that are bad for you.
Bob: As American as apple pie.
Joe: Yeah, mmmm I want some apple pie now. Lets add that to the list of desserts.
Bob: I don't know, Joe, I've been writing all this stuff down... and I don't think people are going to buy into this. I mean, don't you think they're smarter than that?
Joe: No. Not really.

Crap day.

So I showered on Monday evening. Usually I shower every other night but yesterday, Wednesday, I thought it was Tuesday so I didn't shower. When I woke up today and remembered it was Thursday I realized I should have showered last night. Now I have to shower before visiting relatives and then shower again when I get home to wash the cigar smoke out of my hair. This morning, my mom stole my cheese, I ate a cup and a half of yogurt BECAUSE I am lactose intolerant and I became a vegetarian again, on a whim. I hate Thanksgiving. Its a stupid holiday which invokes stupid memories.

Edit: Oddly enough, in a strange twist of fate, I put on a pair of pants that I haven't worn in a while, and found my retainers, which have been missing for the past six months. In that six months, three of my four wisdom teeth came in, pushing my teeth all over the place in my mouth. I think that I am more heartbroken to find that the retainers no longer fit than I was to find them missing in the first place. There is something comforting about having them in my mouth, and for the past six months, my teeth have felt "naked." Of course, it WOULD have to be on a day like today. Why don't we see how much more bad vibe we can fit into the day? Did I mention I don't even LIKE turkey or stuffing?

character analysis

There are only two guys in my class of 9. I have become one of those "watchers" sitting back and analyzing what's going on around me. Guy #1 installs flooring. Because of that, he is somewhat buff. He is an actor, which means he is somewhat gutsy. He has a black belt in judo, which means he thinks he's tough, AND he probably is. He is soft-spoken and is learning massage so that he can open a martial arts school/health spa with his brother.

Guy #2 got everyone's emails on the first day of class. No one knew exactly why, but we gave our info to him anyway, because the vibe he gives off is of utter innocence. As it turns out, he wanted to get a study group together, and he emailed everyone the lecture notes with info about what would be on the tests. He forgets things and subsequently comes to class unprepared, but we help him out because he made the time to put together study notes for everyone. Leaving class at 10:30, he warned us about the ice in the parking lot and scraped the ice off my car and the car of his massage partner. He is what one might call a "nice guy." Guy #1, with his judo tattoos and low-range-of-motion-joints (because he has broken or dislocated almost everything in his body), might be considered a "wild guy."

Now, according to one particular book I have read, people are generally attracted to the wild guys, but have more respect for the nice guys. Although the book has a few flaws, I generally agreed with the concepts laid out. However, now that I am seeing the types of guys mentioned in the book characterized in my classroom, I am wondering how my perspective on the book will change in the next few months, based on my observations in class. I would like to ask my readers to leave me a message. Which of my classmates do you find the most admirable, interesting, desirable, or some other superlative adjective of your choosing?

Christmas is coming

http://www.amazon.com/RSVP-White-Marble-Mortar-Pestle/dp/B000BUB58K/ref=wl_it_dp?ie=UTF8&coliid=I1KSFM6G5ORRL1&colid=GF85P5O99BNC

Way to go Meg. You're so subtle its awesome.

Living in the sticks

Mom's Sunday School class talked about their Thanksgiving traditions. She found this gem coming from a four-year-old:

"We're not getting together for a family dinner this year. Instead, we're going turkey hunting!"

What the heck?

Who was this insane?

"Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my Momma cry
Please Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want my Momma cry
Just last year when I was only seven
Now I'm almost eight, as you can see
You came home a quarter past eleven
And fell down underneath
our Christmas tree"

"Grampa's in jail he shot a reindeer
hunting out of season Christmas Eve.
Venison just don't seem right at Christmas,
but Grampa says 'it seems alright to me.'"

"Randolph the Brown-Nosed Reindeer"
(Couldn't stop when Santa yelled Woah, his big nose ran into Rudolph's rear.)

Public Threat

I would like to know how our soon to be president proposes to handle the growing problem of Pirates.

Ok ok I kid. But seriously. Pirates are a problem.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27766333/?GT1=43001

I don't get it.

A blogger wrote a list of things she wanted her future husband (whoever he may be) to know. She said, "I hope never to be divorced."

There is no one out there who gets into a relationship thinking, "Yes, I'd like to spend X amount of money on a wedding, X amount of paperwork in pre-nups, and then the eventual joining of two people legally and taxably, and then after a few years, I think I'd like a divorce." Am I wrong? Why waste your words to your future husband?

If God were on facebook.

Just click to enlarge the photos. Something I found on Xanga at the site of someone I don't know.

Damn Estrogen

So the other day I felt like there wasn't a thing that I could do right. The day after that everything Steve said annoyed the heck out of me. The next day I only wanted to eat meat and junkfood so I settled for putting pepperoni on everything. I have graduated from eating dark chocolate to going straight to the cacao bean and eating them raw. Today I don't have a particular food craving, I'm just eternally hungry. And now, this has me bawling:


The photographs you are about to see show how a very determined male bird tries to save his female mate that has been seriously injured. 1) Here the female bird is injured and her condition is not good. 2) The male bird brings her food and attends to her with love and compassion. 3) Although he tries to help her, she is too badly injured and dies. 4) He is shocked over her death and tries desperately to bring her back to life, trying to pull her up and make her move. 5) He finally realizes that his sweetheart has passed away and will never come back to him, and brokenhearted - he cries over his lost love. He stands by her side, calling and crying for help. He is devastated by her death. 6) Finally realizing that she will never return to him, he stands beside her lifeless body with great sadness and sorrow, unable to leave her side. The photos of these two birds are said to have been taken in the Republic of the Ukraine. This male bird was bound and determined to save his female mate. The photographer sold these pictures for a small price to one of the most famous newspapers in France. All the copies of that newspaper were sold out on the day they published these photos.

Some day, I will look back on these days with fondness as I sit emotionally stable and having a hot flash.

more of "I hate the media"

If anyone wonders why I think Americans have been brainwashed by media propaganda, just read these two articles.

The first one is entitled "Youth Vote may have been key in Obama's win"
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27525497/?GT1=43001

The second one is entitled "Young voters not essential to Obama win."
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27582147/

Yeah and it even comes from the same news station. Its not like CNN and NBC are reporting two different things. Its one news company that is blatantly contradicting itself.

Sackcloth and ashes

So many people have been asking about the status of my mental and emotional health after the election, that even though I was not going to comment on it, I feel I owe it to all the people concerned about me.

No, I'm not distraught that Obama won.

1) It is historic that we have finally elected a president who is not an old white man. Its about time. I have to admit though, I did not think it would happen. I overestimated the prejudice in this country.

2) Obama supports family life. On that, he and I agree. In his book, Audacity of Hope, he talks about the effects that a political office has on his family. Yes, I read it, and God did not strike me down. Living in Washington DC and visiting his wife and kids in Chicago on the weekend took its toll. He talks about calling to hear his daughters' voices only an hour after hanging up with them. When his daughters walked out on the stage with him Tuesday night, it was quite obvious how highly he values the family unit. Even in his greatest moment, it seemed obvious that his first thought was, "My family is sharing this moment with me!"

3) All life is cyclical, and all matter is cyclical. Planets and comets orbit the sun, eventually returning to where they were before. God (or the author of Genesis) started the weekly cycle by placing creation at "six days and the seventh for rest" before the cycle starts over again. The temperature of the sun flares up and dies down every few years or so, resulting in global temperature changes on every planet. (This is not to imply that greenhouse gasses do not exacerbate the effects.) Even the human body is cyclical. Without the presence of light, the body will still rely on circadian rhythm, an internal clock telling us when to wake up every day and when to feel hungry and when to go to sleep. Therefore, why should politics be any different? Keep a Republican or Democrat in the White House for too long and the balance of our government will be thrown off. We will cease to be a free country. We will become a single-party state, with no freedoms.

4) This is not to say that I am without concern for the state of our country. It concerns me that Obama supports many things that I do not. As a leader, he will sway the sheep** who do not have the sense to do their own research, but instead follow blindly. He will lead people further away from any kind of morality whatsoever. This is not about religion, you can have a set of morals without God. But this is about taking a stand for something. Too many people will not.

5) It concerns me that people have referred to Obama as their "redeemer." Yes, it is just a word. But he is just a man.

There's more, but five is a good number. And yes I have concerns, but I am not distraught. Obama and I may not see eye-to-eye, but its ok. He's young, and a work in progress. Come to think of it, so am I. Thank you all for worrying about me. I, in turn, will worry about you, just in case Obama fails at the things he promised you.

**Edit: Apparently, this comment is not clear to some of my readers. By sheep I am referring not to Democrats or Republicans but to those people who are undecided and who will follow the president as long as the president is charismatic, good looking, and young. He is all of these things, and people will follow him because of that, not because they actually believe in what he believes in.

Quotes

Oh Bethlehem, what you have missed while you were sleeping- For God became a man and stepped into your world today. Oh Bethlehem, you will go down in history as a city with no room for its King... United States of America, looks like another silent night, as we're sung to sleep by philosophies that save the trees and kill the children.
~Casting Crowns

But when they said, "Give us a king to lead us," this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the LORD. And the LORD told him: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. ... Samuel told all the words of the LORD to the people who were asking him for a king. He said, "This is what the king who will reign over you will do: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots. Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots. He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers. He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants. He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants. Your menservants and maidservants and the best of your cattle and donkeys he will take for his own use. He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves. When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the LORD will not answer you in that day."
~I Samuel 8 : 6-18

Esther again pleaded with the king, falling at his feet and weeping. She begged him to put an end to the evil plan of Haman the Agagite, which he had devised against the Jews. Then the king extended the gold scepter to Esther and she arose and stood before him.
~Esther 8 : 3-4

Election 2008

Fast and pray with me today. Do not pray for your favorite candidate to be elected. Pray that God's will is done, pray for mercy for America, not because the next president will be God's judgement on us, but because we simply need mercy.