Reading faces like a wolf...

I recently visited a church I've never attended before. While putting on my coat to leave, I was ambushed by two girls caked with makeup and hair that screamed "OH PLEASE STOP TORTURING ME!!"

"Hi!!!! I'm Jodi, and this is Elizabeth!!!" Not their real names; I forgot their names the moment I replied politely with my own.

"Have you been coming here long??!!" I replied that I was visiting the church because a friend attends, and pointed her out. "OHH thats great!! We loooove her so much!!"

The whole conversation continued like that. My friend came over to say hi to the girls, and they talked for much longer than I had the patience for. Elizabeth had such a large grin stuck to her face that I thought the skin on her nose was going to rip off. It reminded me of a story I once read about a girl who was lost in the wilderness. She tried to show the wolves she was friendly and not food by smiling at them but then realized that a smile to a wolf looks the same way a snarl does- squinted eyes, raised lips and bared teeth. I imagined I must have part wolf in me.

My friend wandered away and I was now finished bundling up for my trip back into the cold. The girls took the hint that I was leaving. "Well, it was wonderful meeting you; I hope we see you again soon!!!" And then they both hugged me.

I have to say, I love hugs. I love hugging my friends, and I sometimes hug my Asian friends who grew up without that in their culture and find it "weird." But that is the thing. I hug my friends. People who I know will forgive me for not adhering to their cultural differences, people who love me regardless of my invasion of their personal space. (And yes, I need my own space too. I am not a 24-7 hug machine.)

If I have just insulted you five times in three paragraphs written in my head while you continued talking, don't hug me. If I am new to your church and you appear to have a plastic grin on your face, don't hug me, and don't invite me back. And more importantly, if I have just compared you in my head to a helpless child and myself as a wolf, don't hug me.

I enjoyed the service quite a lot, I enjoyed being with my friend and having a new experience. But my impression of the church is that it embodies all the reasons I stopped going to a brick and mortar church (way-too-cheerful-people, worship songs that make no sense when you actually read the lyrics, nothing in the sermon that I didn't already know from 3rd grade.)

However, I did love the fact that my visit to the church caused me to imagine myself as a wolf. That was a highlight of my night.

Another reason to have a kid...

"Well, our first year in our apartment, we got a puppy. The second year, we got another puppy. The agreement we signed says two dogs maximum, so we figured the next logical step would be to have a baby."

Making Christmas Cookies

Meg's Lemon Glaze (yes I invented my own instead of going to allrecipes.com)

Ingredients:
1 Lemon
2 cups powdered sugar

Directions:
Zest lemon. Set zest aside. Slice lemon, squeeze juice out. This should make roughly 1/4 cup of juice. If not, you may have to supplement with another lemon, or bottled lemon juice, although it also would not hurt to have less than the full amount.

Place 1 cup powdered sugar in a bowl. Mix lemon juice and zest into bowl. Slowly stir in the second cup of powdered sugar. If you are short 1 1/2 cups of powdered sugar from the beginning, get your dad's coffee grinder out of the cupboard. Clean out the remains of the rosemary you ground in it last time and did a crap job of cleaning. Mix granulated sugar into the grinder, and run it until you no longer hear the sugar grains hitting the sides. Do this three or four times, since the grinder only holds 1/2 cup of sugar at most. By the time you get the correct proportions into the bowl, the glaze will be thick and creamy, but fairly fluid. This is ok. Place on your favorite cookies or pound cake, and set aside in a cool place. It will harden in a little while and then you can place the cookies in a sealed container.

My day yesterday involved bad or missing ingredients and the best substitution I could come up with, so it was only somewhat productive because I lost a lot of time deviating from the recipe. Several of the recipes I wanted to do yesterday had to get moved to today. My cooking today seemed to go a bit better, and I managed to follow three recipes, invent two, and direct my dad and brother on making the appetizer for tonight's Christmas party. The cats are fed, the dishes are clean, and it looks like I might actually be dressed up for the party AND arrive on time, with the wrapped $5 gift for the gift game.

The only thing is the crackle-top ginger snaps didn't crackle-top themselves. I don't know why.

Blanche DuBois

So, yesterday I went to a dinner prepared by my great aunt, who is visiting her brother in NJ. These two are the siblings of my biological grandmother, who died when my dad was three. I find it wonderful that even after all these years, they still remain in contact with their sister's side of the family.

Now that I've got all the pleasantries out of the way, and you know I appreciate them, I'm going to make a few jokes out of the evening.

I walked in, and my dad's aunt, G.A.B for short, kissed me as all great aunts do and said, "Gracious, I haven't seen you since you were 16 and you visited my farm in the midwest!"

Me: No Aunt G.A.B., I am pretty sure I saw you the last time you came out this way, just a few years ago.
G.A.B.: Oh heavens, I haven't been out this way in many years! [Begins to walk back to the kitchen to finish the preparations.]
Me: Weren't you here just after your trip to Machu Picchu?
G.U.D. (Dad's uncle): Yes, yes, you're correct Melanie- I mean- Meghan. She did go to Mexico a while back.
[Now my head is spinning as I try to keep my South American countries straight: "Peru- no, Argentina, no, its that one on the side..."]
Me: You mean Chile?
G.U.D.: Ah yes, South America. You are right.

To clarify matters, I did visit G.A.B.'s farm- in 1993 (age 9). Upon further reflection, it is possible I may have acted 16 while I was there. But I know for a fact my 16th birthday was spent in a car traveling to Nova Scotia, and that is the only vacation destination my parents chose that summer.

After our general greetings were accomplished, we sat in the living room catching up while waiting for my dad to arrive (there was traffic on Rt. 17 so we expected him to be delayed). My brother was unable to come, so after an explanation of his absence, discussion naturally turned to his job.

Mom: He had to have a physical done in order for him to be on a special project, so he scheduled the appointment and when he got there, they ran the test two or three times before the doctor came out and informed him that the machine was not set to measure the physical fitness of people as healthy as he was, and that for that reason, they could not give him an accurate read-out.
G.A.B.: Why didn't they know this before they hired him?
Me: Because his job usually doesn't require great physical fitness, only this special event did, so they tested him when the occasion arose.
G.A.B.: What was the job?
Me: They knew he would be outdoors, running, jumping, lifting, things like that.
G.A.B.: But what would he be doing that for?
Mom: Well, they want him to know what the soldiers go through so that when he's doing his engineering stuff, he can figure out how to make new inventions that would keep them safe and make their job easier. So they had him running all the same maneuvers the new recruits would have to learn.
G.A.B.: I still don't understand the job.
Mom: They gave him and his teammates laser tag guns. The opposing team had to hide among civilians on an abandoned train car, and they had to go in, kill the enemy without harming civilians, and secure the car. Then they would switch.
G.A.B.: [in utter consternation] But thats... thats WAR!!!
Mom: Yes.
Me: [in my head] What part of "My brother works for the Department of Defense" don't you understand?
G.A.B.: [sputtering] Doesn't that bother him?
Mom: He's been blowing things up since he was in high school; this is his dream job.
G.A.B.: Well, lets go eat.
G.U.D.: But Dan's not here yet! (My father)
G.A.B.: He will be here any minute. We'll start now while the crab is still hot. (Subtext: War is evil, change the subject NOW.)

Something interesting to observe is that while I did know that G.A.B. is very far onto the pacifist end of the spectrum, I did not know until now that she seems almost delusional about it, as if avoiding it could make it not exist. Yes war is ugly, but it is also unavoidable. There is nothing any Americans can do to prevent us from having a military, so instead of hiding from the truth, why not face it and make war safer for our soldiers? That is the job my brother does. And one other thing: wishing for my father to arrive will not make him arrive, and acting on your wishes only makes you rude when he arrives and you've already finished the first course. Luckily, in this instance, my dad pulled up right as she announced we should eat.

At the dinner table, we all got caught up on how my dad's cousins are doing, and where their children are going to college, etc. G.A.B. was explaining how her son had just completed a 10-year project at a well-known computer company.

G.A.B.: And my son said to me, "Mom, as a life-long environmentalist, I know you will appreciate this project I am working on. We spent ten years working on this and we have finally done it. We have made our computers more efficient, so that if you put in 100 giga-whatever-unit-she-used, 100 is what it takes. Nothing is lost."
Dad: So, the input of energy is the same as the output?
G.A.B.: [Chuckle] I don't know what Phillip is talking about half the time, but he really impressed me that he created such an energy-efficient computer.
G.U.D.: Babbi (his name for her), what Dan is trying to say is that it sounds like you are saying Phillip has created a perpetual motion machine.
G.A.B.: [Beaming brightly]. Yes, exactly.
G.U.D., the engineer, and Dad: [perplexed looks.]

At this point I am trying to hold back my fits of glee because 1) I have so much awesome blogging material and 2) I can't wait to tell my brother the engineer that his cousin-once-removed may have broken the laws of physics as we currently understand them.

Mom took the opportunity to jump up and start doing dishes, which was the signal for us all to begin whatever preparations needed to be done for dessert.

By the way, my G.A.B., although I view her as somewhat delusional, is a kindred spirit in the kitchen. The menu for the evening was as follows: Cocktail shrimp on a bed of lettuce and julienne peppers, baked crab stuffing on a seashell, baked sweet potato, stuffed baked zucchini, and salmon hollandaise. Follow with coffee ice cream, cookies, tea or coffee. As you may have guessed, G.A.B. did the dinner, and G.U.D. provided a manly dessert.

As I end this blog entry, I can't help but wonder who in my family gets to be Marlon Brando.

A guide to this season's calendar

These days, its hard to know what holiday traditions you should be a part of, and what you should skip. For your peace of mind this season, I've put together a guide on what to do and when.

November 28: The first Sunday of Advent. Light a purple candle on your Advent wreath, burn for the day, then extinguish it.
December 1: The first day of "commercial Advent." Open a door on your little paper advent calendar, on this day, and all the following until the 24th.
December 2: The first day of Hanukkah. Light one menorah candle each night until Dec. 9
December 5: The second Sunday of Advent. Re-light the purple candle from last week, and light another purple candle on the Advent wreath, extinguish at the end of the day.
December 6: Feast day of St. Nicholas. Today is the day everyone should await the arrival of Santa Claus, bearing gifts for children OR if you are reading this from the past, before the arrival and conquest of Catholicism, you would be awaiting the arrival of the Germanic god Odin, riding his 8-legged flying horse leading a great hunting party through the sky. It seems everyone is waiting for someone.
December 9: Reminder, it is the last night of Hanukkah.
December 12: The third Sunday of Advent. Re-light the previous candles, and light the rose colored candle, extinguish at the end of the day.
December 13: Feast Day of Saint Lucy. By the Julian calendar, this would have be the longest night of the year. If you are Scandinavian, Roman Catholic, Lutheran, Anglican, or Orthodox, you should go to church for a special service in honor of this patron saint of blind people; the service also mourns the loss of daylight. Young girls will be dressing in white with candle-lit wreathes on their heads. Note- the saint is often depicted holding a tray of her own eyeballs, but have no fear, any religious service you go to this day will not require young girls to gouge out their eyes.
December 19: The fourth Sunday of Advent. Light all the candles on the Advent wreath, burn until the end of the day.
December 21: The winter solstice- Yule. A three-night festival. Start drinking now. Drink a toast to Odin for victory and power to the king. Then drink a toast to two gods whose names you won't be able to pronounce when you're drunk, for the harvest and peace. Then drink a toast to the king. Then drink a toast to the dearly departed. This is my kind of holiday. Also, send your drunk men out into the woods with instructions to find the biggest honkin' log they can find, bring it back, and burn it. For the heck of it. We'll drink a toast to the log too.
December 24: Christmas Eve. Tonight, you lie to your kids about a fictional, overly commercialized character who is loosely based on the characters from December 6, in order to get them to go to bed early because they've probably been on a sugar high since Thanksgiving and you are sick of the little brats. If you are German, your kids will be awaiting the arrival of Kris Kringle (who is NOT Santa Claus or Saint Nicholas), or Christkindl (Christ child). Traditionally, today is the day to decorate a Christmas tree, which dates back to when St. Boniface cut down the tree of Thor to prove the helplessness of Norse gods, and a spruce tree grew in its place.
December 25: Christmas Day. Commercially, all the junk bought on Black Friday will be given today. In some cultures, it was given last night. From a religious perspective, we commemorate the day God gave the ultimate gift to mankind by miraculously coming to earth in human form.
December 26: Kwanzaa begins. This is a holiday which was invented in 1966. It combines the lighting of colored candles (Advent) on something that suspiciously resembles a menorah with the giving of gifts and a week-long celebration. It ends January 1.
December 31: Another reason to party. Its the last chance to make mistakes in 2010, so get drunk and make them before midnight because after midnight it will be a new year and you don't want to get off on the wrong foot.
January 6: Twelfth Night/Epiphany. This day concludes the 12 days of Christmas. Tell all the maids milking, pipers piping, lords leaping and drummers drumming to go home because your true love is tired of the gifts. Today also concludes the "winter festival" that begins on All Hallows Eve (Halloween). Additionally, it is the day Christ was supposedly revealed as the Christ by the "wise men from the east." Because, the angels and the shepherds weren't revealing enough. You may now remove your Christmas tree on any date after this one.
February 2: Candlemas. This feast day represents the day Jesus was presented at the temple in Jerusalem. If your Christmas tree is still up, it is a bad sign. Because in addition to all the religions represented here, we have to get non-theistic superstition somewhere in here as well, so here you go.

Please note, I have attempted to list the holidays you are most likely to encounter while going about your daily activities. I have deliberately left out Festivus (December 23), National Regifting Day (the Thursday before Christmas, also December 23), Boxing Day (December 26), Handsel Monday (the first Monday of the year, January 3), and Distaff Day (January 7) because honestly, you are not likely to encounter many people observing them.

Tree Lighting

Every year, Santa comes to my town in a firetruck and lights the large evergreen in front of town hall. I have never witnessed this phenomenon, but I have, on multiple occasions, witnessed the Santa-mannequin-in-the-rocking-chair-in-the-rowboat parade of fire department vehicles from yesterday's blog post.

So I was curious to see what the fuss is all about. I got there, and the mayor was complaining that the planning committee did everything she asked except make the weather warmer. Apparently, on December 6th, 2001, the temperature was 71. Tonight, it is 28.

So, after the Pledge of Allegiance, led by the boy scouts and the high school color guard, and then the national anthem sung by the high school choir, and Christmas carols led by the choir, and the high school band, we finally generated enough holiday cheer to beckon Santa from the firehouse down the road- I mean, all the way from the North Pole. When the engine pulled up (poor reindeer got outsourced for a cooler, flashier mode of transportation), Santa hopped off and took a microphone. Mayor Bieri asked him about the weather up at the North Pole and here's what he said:

"Oh, I gotta tell you, the Nowth Pole is so cold, this weatha down heah isn't cowld at awl. Its wawm!" Apparently, the North Pole is inhabited by settlers from Brooklyn. "Well, I heah I've got an impowrtant job to do, so, lets get awn wid it." Then we had a countdown, just to get people involved and the halogen lights dimmed, the tree lit up, and that was that. Thank goodness, now I can get out of the cold.

Santa Claus is coming...

In the stories, Santa comes to town on a flying sleigh pulled by magic reindeer. In the neighboring town of Bloomingdale, Santa comes to town by helicopter. In the good ol' hick town known affectionately as Milly, today is the day you do not want to have a fire, because the firemen are getting drunk today and pulling a Santa mannequin around town in a red rowboat towed by a red pickup truck and preceded by the Fire Chief's truck and a fire engine with sirens blazing.

No pictures, unfortunately. Although it happens every year, it slipped my mind and I was not prepared for the occasion.

Nothing

I keep opening my blogger account with the intention to blog something but when I do I find I have nothing to say. The feeling is there, that urge to express myself, but the words are not. I've got nothing.

Christmas Grammar Lesson

So, the song is sung at a fairly high tempo with enough speed that there really isn't much room for punctuation: Godrestyoumerrygentlemenletnothingyoudismay *breath* rememberChristyourSay-ayv-viorwasbornonChristmasday *breath.*

But what does it mean? I have seen three interpretations based on the location of a little tiny comma.

1) God rest you, merry gentlemen
2) God rest, you merry gentlemen
3) God rest you merry, gentlemen

It is amazing how much a sentence can change with the location of that tiny punctuation mark. What are these meanings?

1) May God give rest to you and by you I mean the merry gentlemen in my presence. The phrase "God rest you" sort of has a "rest in peace" feel to it.
2) May the creator rest as he did on the 7th day. Yes, I'm talking to you, the merry gentlemen in front of me. Give him a break!
3) May God make your lives merry. I'm talking to you, the gentlemen.

So, what do you think is the intended meaning of the song? Isn't the comma an amazing little thing?

A Thanksgiving Scrooge

Its been suggested to me that perhaps something traumatic happened to me on Thanksgiving which I have repressed. It would explain my aversion to the day.

I do remember, upon learning that my chicken pox would prevent me from attending the family's Thanksgiving gathering, a feeling of extreme satisfaction that I would have a legitimate and acceptable excuse. And that was in 4th grade. Anything traumatic in my buried memories must have occurred before that.

The reason for this post is that my parents packed up some Thanksgiving leftovers to take with them on their weekend trip to Cape Cod. Then, they never ate the leftovers, and brought them back. Mom opened them up for dinner tonight, and for some reason, I was awash with anger nearly instantly. Not at her, but at the food. I was angry at food! As if it has somehow wronged me? There's something wrong with me.

I've skipped Thanksgiving

I have officially started the Christmas season. And, to be precise, my Christmas shopping was completed primarily in August, with the last gift being purchased in October. The Christmas cds are going out to my car tomorrow morning.

What has triggered this? It had something to do with the last blog I posted, the theme of which I blog about every year- that I dislike Thanksgiving food, and most of the experiences related to Thanksgiving. It also had something to do with this:



I wish I could have been there for this. Of all the public stunts you hear about- spontaneous pillow fights, freeze frame for five minutes in Grand Central Station, or people walking down the street dressed as zombies- this one is the most exciting.

I love the tradition that states that when King George II heard this, he was moved to stand to his feet, and thus the performers, orchestra and audience also had to stand. It in some ways gives validation to the chills I feel when I listen to this music. I would love to have been in that food court, and even if I were not originally a part of the planned event, I would have stood and joined the singing. Because who doesn't love a Broadway musical moment where the simplest act causes everyone around you to break out into song and dance?

Thanksgiving to do list

~ Stuff yourself with food that doesn't really taste good but which you eat anyway out of force of habit and caving to social expectations.
~ Enjoy the cranberries, they are the only food item that tastes good; if necessary, you can enjoy the cranberries even more if you make cranberry sangria.
~ Surround yourself with people who love you enough to try to run your life for you, yet who will also forget what you said about how you're doing 30 seconds after the conversation ends (gives you something to talk about at the next holiday).
~ Enjoy the select few who take a genuine interest in your life on days that are not holidays.
~ Watch a game involving men who are too sissy to play a game without substantial protective gear beyond shinguards.
~ Enjoy the humor of watching people make fools of themselves by yelling at players who have no physically possible way of hearing them.
~ Take comfort in Tequila.
~ Enjoy the looks on your blog readers' faces as they realize Tequila is the cat.

Kids...

I went to my volunteer job at the farm today, where my first session was helping Meredith, the speech pathologist. It was raining, and Meredith needed to bring a teaching tool into the barn from where it was sitting outside. The child we were working with was a stable, sturdy kid whom she felt she could trust to sit safely on the horse with only one side walker, so she walked away to go get the items she needed.

In the interim, the child was instructed to walk his horse around the arena and make the horse go in circles around the barrels- first one direction, then the other. To keep him attentive, I asked him questions about the task he needed to do.

"Do you remember how to make Dude go around the barrels?"
"Yes, like this." He began moving the reins lightly in either direction. "This is left, and this is right."
"Actually, its the other way around. That hand is left, and this hand is right."
"Well, my mommy says..." Stops to think. "My mommy says that THIS is left."

How can you tell a 5-year-old his mommy is wrong?

Common "Husband" Checklist

There's this stereotype going around. A good Christian woman should look for a husband with xyz qualities. Those qualities are usually backed up by obscure or not-so-obscure Bible verses.

(The following qualities have been gleaned from Bible verses found on a website listing wedding scripture readings, as well as observations of real people, and things I picked up here and there from some sermons on the topic.)

~ a man she feels made for. God created Eve because the right partner for man could not be found anywhere in the Garden of Eden. It was like God's creation was incomplete until she arrived on the scene.
~ a man she can stand next to. Despite being created as man's helper, she came from Adam's side. Not his foot or his back end. This is where I think each person being the other's biggest fan comes in. If one is the head and the other the foot, they cannot equally cheer each other on.
~ a man cut from the same cloth. Genesis says "Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." Perhaps this is why women are always looking for a guy who likes all the same things she likes.
~ a man with a plan. Men are born to lead. Not just lead women, but to rule the earth and to lead each other. Solomon wooed his girl by knowing exactly where he wanted to take her on a date and exactly what he wanted to do. She could take comfort in knowing that he was not just going to wing it and risk a flop of a date. He cares enough about her to put some time and effort into it.
~ a man who loves her and demonstrates in their relationship an image of God's relationship with all humans. For some reason, metaphor is big in the Bible, including using relationships as metaphors and teaching tools. On the flip side, this is her excuse to ask him to love her regardless of her flaws, and to die for her, not necessarily in a literal sense, but a sacrifice just the same. This gives her a ton of power and has great potential to distort the perfect image of the original part of the metaphor- God's relationship with all humans.
~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Probably the most misrepresented verses in the Bible. Read the beginning and ending sentences of this paragraph. It is not about romantic love. But, women seem to look for men with all those qualities. To be honest, those are just qualities that make you not a jerk. If your guy lacks these qualities, he's a jerk.
~ a man who guides her spiritually and leads her in prayers and teaches a teen men's Bible study.
~ a man who pursues her. Jacob worked for Rachel's father and endured trickery from his future father-in-law for 14 years in order to finally get the girl he wanted. Hosea led Gomer to the desert and pursued her heart despite her unfaithfulness, as a way to live out yet another metaphor for God. Solomon clearly spent countless hours planning dates and writing poetry to capture her heart.
~ a beloved-lover relationship. You can be married to anyone. A relationship is special when you can say you are married to your beloved.
~ sparks that fly even after 50 years of marriage. That urge to "look nice" for your spouse even though they have seen you fart and burp and puke and all sorts of gross things in all the time you've been together.

I will come out and say it. Just because you can back it up with a verse in the Bible doesn't mean it is a quality you should look for in a husband. It could mean you are misinterpreting the Bible. Just because many churches say to look for a certain quality, doesn't mean you should take their advice. BUT, that doesn't mean that I believe all of the above qualities are crap either. Some are really good things to look for.

But with all the things Christians are supposed to be, combined with all the things Christian men are supposed to be, combined with all the things Christian husbands are supposed to be, isn't it somewhat naive to think that anyone could find a guy who matches all of those things?

I'm not sure the "ideal" husband is out there by everyone else's standards. And my standards? I haven't figured out what I'm looking for. Just a lot of qualities that are, "Oh yes, that sounds nice" as if I'm adding an optional adventure excursion onto the cost of my vacation package.

To be honest, I don't feel driven to figure out what I'm looking for. But I don't like floundering either.

Spam Poetry #3

During the temple of gold. Show his mother and justice yet this. When things from whom were forced them. Though we shall be thought. Especially those in words of everything that

Then the assembly of syracuse. Besides this matter of glory. Rather than the most sacred things Hannibal to take care and third time. Pericles himself down their own security that. While they marched out among these matters. Said in like the river side. Others think fit for either the philosopher.


In case you didn't know, I get a lot of junk mail. I generally browse the titles to see if there is anything from a friend that went into the wrong email box. I open the most recent junk email just to remind myself that I've checked everything up to that point. So when I open the emails, there is usually something like this: "Click here to enlarge your..." or "I made $400 in one hour from my home! Click now!" followed by a large space and a paragraph like those above. It reminds me of poetry, poorly written in another language and translated with an online translator. But I like to think its actually a secret spy message related to government security. How brilliant to hide the code in a place you KNOW nobody ever looks.

Each time I make a spam poetry post, I think, ok don't bore your 2 (count'em, two!) readers to death with these posts. But then I get another one in the junk box, and it just intrigues me... for no apparent reason. Kinda like when you're flipping through the channels and you stop on the Weather Channel. I once watched TWC for hours on end. I don't know why, it just happened to be a channel that needed watching on that particular day.

Anyway, here's a desperate plea for interaction: Feel free to leave me a comment with YOUR version of spam poetry! Seasoned poets can welcome the challenge of dropping their poetry IQ levels, while people who have no practice in poetry can feel comfortable that nothing they've written is as poorly written as what lands in my junk mailbox!

Post #1000

Yes, this is my 1000th post. I can hardly believe that 6 years (almost exactly) have gone by since I started writing this thing. In honor of my blog, and in light of my family's recent loss of its patriarch (my grandfather), I have decided to compile a list of one thousand things that make it good to be alive (a.k.a. "reasons to be happy").

I have also decided that no one wants to read a list one thousand items long, so I have shortened it to 100. But each item on the list will be ten times better than it would have been if I hadn't shortened the list, and so you will still get the full effect of one thousand things. How does that work out for you?

1. The calm before a storm.
2. The undersides of leaves.
3. Spots of fog on a hillside.
4. Low hanging clouds.
5. The first 400 leaves that fall in Autumn.
6. Hummingbirds.
7. Wind chimes.
8. Lanterns.
9. The Silver Maple.
10. A barefoot horse on pavement.
11. A good sailing wind.
12. Stacked firewood.
13. Spring peepers on a foggy night.
14. Tire swings.
15. Laughing at dinner.
16. The smells of breakfast.
17. Hush puppies in a frying pan.
18. Powdered donuts.
19. A ripe peach that leaves juice somewhere on you other than your mouth.
20. Watermelon, for the same reason.
21. Pine trees in the house.
22. Floors made of salvaged wood.
23. Accomplishment.
24. Colorful socks.
25. Men's hats.
26. Brotherhood.
27. Night-time photographs.
28. Sunrise on New Year's Day.
29. Salt-water wind.
30. Olive groves.
31. A field of working bees.
32. The sound of a snowfall.
33. Rahsaan S. Fenn's status updates. (Inspirational guy. Friend him on Facebook.)
34. Seeing firsthand the bond of a family.
35. When cats do yoga.
36. Physically intense exercise.
37. Sea shanties.
38. Knowing if you died today, you'd leave behind a legacy.
39. Soup in the fall.
40. Cooking with friends.
41. Warmth in the winter.
42. Balancing.
43. Campfires.
44. Making memories.
45. Touring old buildings.
46. Touring rebuilt buildings.
47. Challenging expectations.
48. Meg's Tandoori Harvest Sandwich.
49. Creativity.
50. Cooperation.
51. Crisp air.
52. Spring cleaning when it is not spring.
53. A pie fresh from the oven.
54. Heritage.
55. Discovery.
56. Finding a robin's eggs.
57. The white tail of a running deer.
58. Black walnuts (but beware of stained hands!).
59. Solving a mystery.
60. Saying "I love you."
61. Sprinting.
62. Pigeons and salamanders.
63. Dreaming.
64. Cats on hay bales.
65. Days gone by.
66. Sketch books.
67. Many names for the same thing.
68. Children discovering something.
69. Old books.
70. Peaceful breathing.
71. Black and white photographs.
72. Greenhouses.
73. Running water.
74. Thunder.
75. A signature drink, so your waitress will remember you.
76. Regrets that no longer matter.
77. Forgiveness.
78. Campfire smoke.
79. Beach honeysuckle in bloom.
80. Flocks of crows in flight.
81. Getting lost on purpose.
82. Old coins.
83. Supportive friends.
84. Inventing something.
85. A blue sky.
86. Blooming after a rain.
87. Dates.
88. Scripture.
89. Rhythmic anything.
90. Organization.
91. Marveling at progress.
92. Birth.
93. The coconut palm.
94. Voicemail.
95. History.
96. Someone to love.
97. Pomegranates, mangoes, passionfruit.
98. Guacamole.
99. Long-lost friends.
100. Friends you've never lost.

Which one is your favorite?

October Blog

Today was the Autumn Lights Festival in my town which, as cool as the name sounds, is actually a small-town festival honoring the installation of the only set of traffic lights in the town. I wanted to do something to keep with the fall traditions around me, but I really didn't feel like changing my blog's colors to orange and black. So instead, I am reprinting something somewhat seasonal from the official blog for Rutgers Alumni.

Campus Spirits,
By Lizethe Martinez, Rutgers sophomore

Rutgers University is known for its school spirit — from football stadiums bursting with red to alumni proudly displaying RU memorabilia on clothes, cars, and in homes across the world. But Rutgers is less known for its school spirits, though many claim that it’s full of those, too, haunted by the ghosts of forlorn lovers, dedicated workers, and every oddity in between.

On the College Avenue Campus, if you’re lucky (or in this case maybe unlucky), you might catch a glimpse of the Grey Lady of Old Queens. This apparition is rumored to pace the building’s bell tower, glance longingly towards the Raritan, and fade into thin air. The identity of the Grey Lady is unknown, but some suggest that she is an 18th century woman who, for more than 200 years now, has been waiting for her former boyfriend, none other than Alexander Hamilton.

For a creepier encounter with the supernatural, walk a block from Old Queens, to Miller Hall. Throughout the hall’s existence, more than one university employee has mentioned hearing eerie groans, spooky whistling, and unearthly footsteps. A university administrator reportedly fled Miller because she was frightened by the noises and atmosphere of the building. Perhaps she would have dashed out even faster if she’d known that Miller Hall used to be a mortuary. Indeed, the building’s former name, McDede Burial Company, is still legible on its stone.

Perhaps these ghosts are doomed to walk our world forever, their souls searching for a rest just beyond their reach. But considering how awesome Rutgers is, maybe the ghosts aren’t trying to leave — maybe they have found the perfect place to rest. We think this is most likely the case for Jane Inge’s ghost. Legend has it that Jane Inge was a director who loved her job so much that she decided to continue working even after death. From time to time, she flickers the lights of the Little Theater on Douglass as she used to do when she needed the attention of her actors and crew. Electricians have checked the wiring but cannot explain the strange incidents. Even more puzzling is that the lights never malfunction during a performance, only during rehearsal. Peculiar phenomenon or paranormal activity? You decide…

Special thanks to Campus Information Services and Rutgers Magazine for providing the archived stories that led to this edition of “Rutgers Lore.”


In addition to the stories found in the above essay, I can fondly remember a few stories from my days at Rutgers. I lived in a wonderful old building which seemed to have a mind of its own, called the Jameson dorms. I had wonderful hallmates but I distinctly remember that one of them worked for Rutgers, giving tours to high school students thinking of attending Rutgers. In the fall, the tours switched over to "haunted tours" in which the guides would lead visitors at dusk through every area rumored to be haunted. Because we lived with her, she would often just sit in our room and tell us the stories she had to learn as a tour guide. One of the most interesting is the story of the Dean of Douglass College (the women's college) who disappeared mysteriously, and was found in upstate New York almost 20 years later at the bottom of a lake, an apparent suicide. Her former residence was said to be haunted by her, as well as by a relative of hers who committed suicide there by hanging herself out the window.

But the "closest" encounter I've had there involves an entire building that hated me. It was late at night, I was upset about something or another, so I walked around to Passion Puddle. After calming down and heading back towards my apartment, I was met by Steve and Anissa, who wanted to be sure I was not out getting mugged or worse.

And then, something scary and ghost-related happened, but I have to run out somewhere with my mom so you will just have to wait! Dun-duh-dunnnnn... cliffhanger!!! SORRY!

Edit: I'm back! Ok so, where was I? Out late at night on the green. There's the pond, with Red Oak Lane on one side (just like it sounds, a line of hundred year old oak trees, and uphill from the pond is a large grassy field. The whole green is surrounded by classrooms, similar to how Central Park is surrounded by buildings but much nicer than New York City. The area was pretty well lit, because Rutgers gets funding for their electricity. If they don't use a certain amount, then they lose a portion of that funding in the following year. So they leave lights on all over the place in order to keep to their quota. Its kind of like how some towns over-salt a road so that they won't lose funding for it the following winter. Generally, there are many outdoor lights and inside, the hall lights stay on, while the classroom lights get shut off after the nightly cleaning.

We were standing at the top of the grassy knoll near the stately old buildings that look out over the whole sloping landscape, and I got that prickly feeling like I was being watched. I looked around, because in New Brunswick when your I'm-being-watched alarms go off, your instinct must always be to look behind trees and down alleyways for rapists and muggers. On campus its a bit safer, but its still a good idea to look. Being at the top of an open hill, the visibility was great, and it was clear there was no one around except the three of us.

Anissa and Steve had noticed me looking around and were cautiously looking too. I asked if they felt like they were being watched and Anissa said she did have a creepy sensation like that. As we stood there longer and longer, I had the irrepressible feeling that I was in danger- the kind of danger I only ever feel during bad dreams. As I turned away from the green and towards the buildings, the sensation got stronger, and I noticed that all the lights in one building were on, even the classroom lights. The danger I felt was emanating from the building, and that was when I proposed that we all just walk back to the apartment I was sharing with Anissa and Taylor. From then on I always avoided "the building that didn't like me" which was fairly easy since it usually housed the food science classrooms and I never took any classes in that subject.

However, when I was contemplating going back to Rutgers for a Masters in Nutrition, I had to go into that building to the third floor admissions offices for more information. I made Steve go with me because I couldn't go alone. I ended up deciding against the Masters idea. And here I am.

The end, hope it was fun and fits a little with the October themes going around. Now I don't have to find a black and orange dragon to replace Fred on my background.

Stewing and some thoughts

I am sitting here stewing over something, maybe trivial, maybe not. My mom was prevented from calling my great uncle to give him the bad news because she is not a blood relative (and I quote, "someone within the family should tell him"). Just a quick poll for whoever is reading this, if you had to receive bad news, would you rather hear it from someone you go out to lunch with once a week, or a blood relative you haven't seen in 30 years? I should have saved them all the trouble and stopped at his house to tell him myself before even getting to the hospital.

...

He looked good. I hope I look that good when I am dead.

...

When everyone was going to the hospital but no one knew what was wrong, I thought "At his age, you don't get rushed to the hospital unless its a heart attack or a stroke." I hoped it was a heart attack because a stroke is worse for morale. At least with a heart attack you can have cute puns like "Our hospital is number one in mending broken hearts." It was a heart attack, and if I could choose a way to die, it would be the way he did: unexpectedly, but with enough time to be surrounded by loved ones, listening to Big Band music. The only thing missing was his Gibson martini, which the hospital did not allow to be added to his morphine drip.

...

Alternatively, flying a biplane upside down through a barn would also be a good way to go out.

...

Just a thought as I peruse my life at the moment. If you don't know what your loved ones believe about the afterlife, have that discussion with them now. It is totally insensitive to bring it up on their deathbeds or try to sway them to your own beliefs.

...

To live long enough to see your grandchildren born, that is a great goal. To live long enough to enjoy your retirement, that is a great blessing. To live long enough to enjoy 27 years of retirement with a full set of teeth and hair that is not as gray as your sons' and die looking just as good as you did at 25, that is a great miracle.

Date Night, or My Corny Commercial

You meet him on the street of a foreign country, which is exciting in and of itself just to be so far from home. He has a.) been staring at you all morning as if you are the first woman he's ever seen or b.) just rescued you from a potentially dangerous situation.

He looks into your eyes and says, a.) "Vous êtes si belle, je dois faire l'amour avec vous immédiatement." (You are so beautiful, I must make love to you immediately.) OR, b.) "Sei così bella, le stelle del cielo deve cessare di splendere in vostra presenza." (You are so beautiful, the stars in the heavens must cease to shine in your presence.)

He then asks you to dinner that night and you accept. He takes you to:

a.)


or b.)


As the night is coming to an end he leans in for a good-night kiss and you realize something you've been suspecting all along. He is wearing:

a.)


or b.)


So, which one will you buy?

Thoughts

If I get these thoughts out then maybe I'll be able to go to sleep afterwards. Its going to be sort of rambling.

I haven't been going to my home church recently, in fact I haven't been there since March 14th. Or maybe April 4, since that was Easter, but I can't even remember if I went there for Easter or not. However, I've been going to a small group that meets at the church in the middle of the week. This group has a large number of people from the community who do not show up on Sunday mornings, however there are some who attend both the Sunday service and the group I attend. Which means I get a lot of people asking me "How have you been?" when they really mean "Why don't we see you at church anymore?" Frankly, if more people just came out and said what's on their mind, I might feel a little more like I fit in there.

There are several reasons I don't attend my home church anymore. Here is a blog entry I wrote on Easter Sunday of this year: "Church. Why go to church...? The quite simple answer is that you can have friends who agree with at least a portion of your beliefs. It is, in a sense, a support group. Church is fellowship, it is not the building, but the people..." And yes, I have all those people who want to find out what I'm doing and why I'm not there anymore, but I came to a realization some time last year that all these people, who I have known for years, have really only reached an "acquaintance" level of trust with me. There is no connection between them and me, no camaraderie. In some ways, based on my blog entry, it had become something other than a church to me.

Additionally, I have had some issues with the worship music and the sermon topics, but have not shared it with anyone (my fault, I probably should say something if I see room for improvement).

Although I have not spoken about my non-attendance at my home church to very many people, based on experience, I think I can project a reasonable conversation that may result. "Do you feel that God is moving you to another church?" To which I would be very tempted to reply, "No. God is not responsible for the sound quality being at the lowest level of the church's priorities." Or for any other issues I might have come across. To say God is moving me elsewhere is to remove responsibility from the church for creating an environment that fosters spiritual growth.

But lets say for a second that it has nothing to do with the church. Lets say I was fired from a job, or a relationship ended. We still hear, "Do you think God is moving you to another career?" "Do you think maybe God has someone better for you?" No. I am not in the habit of blaming God for the misfortunes in my life. Yes, sometimes God provides situations that help us learn to lean on him. But overall, the misfortunes that befall us are a product of living in this world. There is a saying that Earth is the closest a Christian will ever get to being in Hell, and the closest thing to Heaven for everyone else. I am inclined to believe that things here happen completely at random to anyone indiscriminately, and the bad cards that we are dealt are just opportunities for God to make things beautiful. In other words, I don't think God deals bad cards on purpose, but I think he makes the bad cards into good ones on purpose.

So how does this fit with what I'm trying to work out in my head? I don't feel at home in my own home, I don't think that I will be staying in my hometown much longer, and I don't feel connected to my home church. I think that God is not moving me to another church. I think my lack of roots here will lead to a pursuit of God that will turn into a wonderfully good card. A different church may or may not be a side effect, but it is not the main event.

Little Brat

So, when I was in 6th grade, I had to memorize the infamous "I'm Special" poem. Every 6th grader dreaded it, but every 6th grader in the school learned it. It starts like this: "I'm special. In all the world there's nobody like me. Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me. Nobody has my smile, nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice. I'm special..." And it goes on and on and takes every 6th grader the full school year to memorize.

In 8th grade, in February, we had to do sermon notes for our Bible class. We had to keep a bulletin to prove we'd gone to church, take notes on the sermon, and apply it to our lives. Apparently I missed the part that said we had to do it in essay form, because I just listed all the bullet points. Also, I was going to a pentecostal/charismatic type of church while going to a non-denominational school run by a whole staff full of strict Baptists. That right there brings me down a full letter grade. Lastly, in 8th grade, I had the worst case of senioritis in my entire education, including my last semester at Rutgers where I did pretty much nothing.

So, when my first 5 sermon notes came back with C+, D+, D+, D+, and D-, I sat down at the computer for my next two sermon notes, to get even. Instead of bullet points, I used block quotes to include whole passages of the Bible, and thus, fill up a page and make it look like an essay. The next paragraph was a paraphrase of the previous Bible verse. The paragraph after that was a brief explanation of the point the pastor was attempting to draw from the Bible passage. The paragraph after that is a brief explanation of how the church service improved my life: "I liked the singing, dancing, shouting, clapping, and horn blowing best because Pentecostals enjoy that sort of stuff. I also enjoyed it when the smelly lady next to me left to go have a smoke." And from the second sermon note: "I liked being the only one with shorts on in the church. I like this because I'm special. In all the world there is no one like me."

They were returned without letter grades, only plus signs.

Science in the Bible

I'm not a scientist. I won't be able to put this blog entry into scientific terms. But recently, some things have been turning over in my head so I kinda have to say it, even if I can't be scientifically accurate about what I want to say.

I am sure everyone is aware of the debates in the education systems: should evolution be taught in the public schools, is it fact, is it theory, is the Bible's account just a myth or a creative rendition, etc.

Recently, it has been suggested to me that the Bible's depiction of the creation of the world does not contradict the secular ideas about the creation of the world, and that the two ideas may be two sides of the same story. Many people believe that if the Big Bang Theory is truth, then the Earth must be billions upon billions of years old. Many Christians believe the Bible depicts a creation of the earth in 7 24-hour days (6 with a day of rest), and that this occurred only a few thousand years ago. The time discrepancy is sometimes explained by the fact that God created Adam and Eve as mature humans (probably had belly buttons- indicating a history prior to their creation) and therefore the whole earth could have a history of billions of years even though it was only created five thousand years ago. Although it sorta makes sense I kind of feel that this human explanation is an insult to God's ingenuity. I think he could (and probably did) make a much better story of the creation of the universe.

As to the time difference, as one person pointed out, time works differently in space than it does on Earth, and time is affected by gravitational fields. Time passes differently on Jupiter than it does on Earth because Jupiter has a huge gravitational field. If all the matter in the universe is located very close together, time will pass differently than if all the matter in the universe is spread out (and I believe that somehow, it has been proven that the universe is continuing to expand). So, seven 24-hour days back then could have been the equivalent of millions or billions of years today, and today's 24-hour days will be different than the 24-hour days of a million years in the future. Also, the Big Bang Theory is a reference to the creation of the whole universe, not the planet, so it is very egocentric of us to put the time line in terms of earth-years.

Because I'm not a theologian, I haven't studied the original Hebrew words that were used, or the ancient Greek into which the Bible was translated years ago in an effort to preserve it in the great libraries of the day. When the Bible says "water," does that mean hydrogen dioxide? Does it mean fluid? When the Bible says "heavens," does it mean sky or a spiritual location? Even the word "beginning" is obscure (kind of on par with "I'll do it later," well when is later?). But I, like everyone else, am just trying to make sense of the world with what I've got, and I'd be silly if I dismissed something that the ancient Greeks found important enough to keep in their libraries.

Because I'm not a scientist, I really can't explain much about anything regarding the Big Bang. What I can explain is my interpretation as I have understood it, and if I've understood it wrong, well, that is because I prefer the arts over the sciences. Its my understanding that the latest research has indicated that before the Big Bang, there was no matter, it was only energy gathered up into a very small point. The energy exploded from the point, and then everything was uniform and fluid, and by everything, I mean ionized protons and loose electrons flying around. This huge fluid mass is very bright because of the ionization, and as it continues to expand, it cools, which allows the protons and electrons to join together through gravity and magnetism instead of being separated by the thermal energy. This makes pockets of areas that are lighter than others, so some pockets are dark, and some are light.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
² Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
³ And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. ⁴ God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness. ⁵God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

As more and more protons and electrons join together, gravitation pulls them into nebulae, stars, planets, and galaxies. On earth, there was a boiling mass of liquid under a tumultuous sky (ok, I told you I like the creative arts over the sciences, right? I HAVE to make this into some interesting literature).

⁶ And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." ⁷⁸ God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so.

As the earth cooled, the crust of the earth was able to form and hydrogen dioxide (water) was formed. Now that water exists, plants can survive. As stated before, this does not have to happen in a 24-hour period as we know it. It could have been a 24-hour period as it was back then, or not at all, depending on what the original language states.

⁹ And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. ¹⁰ God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

¹¹ Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. ¹² The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. ¹³ And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

Now, I don't know where this fits into the whole secular theory on the formation of the universe, but I do know if our sun just suddenly blinked off, we would not know it for 8 minutes. Likewise, if a distant star goes out, as some have been known to do, it may take years for it to disappear from our night sky. So, is it possible that the formation of the celestial bodies was not evident on earth until the Bible's fourth day? And is it possible that on the fourth day, earth was pulled into the sun's orbit in such a way that makes it possible to distinguish seasons and days and years?

¹⁴ And God said, "Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, ¹⁵ and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth." And it was so. ¹⁶ God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. ¹⁷ God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, ¹⁸ to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. ¹⁹ And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

Now we move away from the Big Bang Theory and into the realm of evolution, which states that life first appeared in the water, which is not contradicted by the Bible's account.

²⁰ And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." ²¹ So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. ²² God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth." ²³

And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

Then came the larger animals, mammals, land creatures. Followed by the late-comers, humans, who in a very short time would dominate and transform the entire planet to suit their own needs.

²⁴ And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. ²⁵ God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.²⁶Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

²⁷ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground." ²⁹ Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. ³⁰ And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so. ³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

It is interesting to note that geneticists, through mapping human DNA, have been able to identify a genetic Adam and genetic Eve- that we humans are all descended from two people. Whether they were THE Adam and Eve, no one knows, but who cares? Their names aren't important, only that we all share their genes.

Lastly, what's really been turning over in my head recently, is this: someone asked me, "Do you believe that God works instantaneously, or through a process?" Based on the context of our conversation, I believe the person was asking in relation to miraculous healings and things of that nature. But, after thinking it through, I have to say that both are in evidence around us. The process is evident in our hearts and minds. We don't just change our minds about things all of a sudden. There are little tiny daily occurrences that work on us until one day we do have that instantaneous realization that we have changed. In the same way, I think miraculous healings are just the instantaneous realization of something that has been changing in minute ways all along. And if that is the case, why can it not be that humans evolved in minute ways and in one instantaneous moment, said "Hey, we're humans! I'm Adam, you're Eve!" Is evolution any less of a miracle than God speaking a person into existence in an instant?

More spam poetry.

Found another spy-code-poem in my junk mailbox:

Themistocles to speak of scipio
They could keep them namely that.
Kings had also how that.

I swear, some spy is sending a message to someone else using spam mail, and its coming to me instead. If I disappear, its because I was kidnapped and am being interrogated in a holding cell in Serbia. Its a case of mistaken identity!!

I'm Back!

I have taken some time to clean out my old blog posts and delete the ones I no longer care to have, and now you can all view my blog again. Thank you all for your patience as I tidied up the place a little. Sorry there aren't more stunning visual results to see. I had thought of redesigning the look of the page as well but I realized I'm kind of partial to my dragon, Fred. I am sure he is happy to be here still as well.

Also this week, I am taking requests for blog topics. Anything you would like me to talk about? Any burning questions you have for me? Make a suggestion; I will see what I can do. If not, its back to the same old stuff- ranting about what bugs me, pondering spiritual life, pondering love life, and posting random photos of hot actors.

Roots

Roots is the name of the latest sermon series at Liquid Church. While the essence of the message today had to do with a person's faith taking root in their lives, the series on a whole seems to be about going back to the roots of our faith, and trying things the ancient church practiced.

I really like both concepts. The church I grew up attending used to hold a "shadows" service on Good Friday with a structure that dates back to the 4th century. A church I attended when my mother first became a Christian and began bringing my brother and me with her played lots of old hymns, which I also heard in the worship service today (with the addition of an electric guitar of course, haha). Although certain ancient practices sometimes become mindless, mechanical tasks (recitation of the same prayer multiple times throughout the day for example), I believe returning to them after a time away can help strengthen a person's spiritual life.

At Liquid today, just before the service ended, churchgoers were welcome to visit different stations so that they could meditate on God and have a private moment with Him in whichever way best suited their needs at the moment. There was a cross, on which they could nail a confession of sins, a table for communion, and a row of candles to "light a prayer for yourself or for another person who may be struggling with their roots." (Did you know "votive" means vow? When you light a votive candle, it was originally to commemorate or honor a vow you have made. Cool little tidbit.) In some ways the set up resembled a Catholic service, but I believe that when something is not routine, it stands out more in a person's mind and can become more meaningful for them.

I really enjoyed the hymns today. I think that if I could find a church with teachings as relevant as Liquid, but which sings at least one old hymn every week, that would be the church for me. But, for right now, Liquid is the place for me until God provides a new place. I have often felt uprooted in my life, so I have begun to feel quite comfortable with knowing at any moment I could be transplanted somewhere.

Which makes the analogy of me as a plant, which brings me to the second part of the Roots sermon today. The Bible references were from Matthew, where Jesus tells the parable of the man planting the seeds. The following conversation never happened, but it popped into my head while Pastor Tim was talking. I feel it is a good way to describe my journey with God.

Person: So, you've heard my wonderful/exciting/miraculous/180/conversion testimony about that moment when God was like, "BAM," so real to me, and I was like, "Whoah," and right then and there on Friday the nth day of X month in that year, at 3:42 pm and 45 seconds, I became a Christian. Tell me about your conversion story.
Me: (as I usually answer) Uhh, from the time I was 4 my mom told me things which I believed the moment she told them to me, and then as I grew up I just believed.
Person: So, you never like, converted?

Me: (what popped into my head today, as I should start answering) When a person plants a seed, it goes underground, right? You can't actually see it the moment it begins to germinate, and sometimes you don't even know that a tiny plant has emerged from the ground. When it is finally a full grown plant, sometimes you can say, "Wow, how did that get there?" But it has actually been there all along. You can't see the roots because they are underground, but you can see the fruit that it is bearing. When I was 4 my mom planted a seed, when I was 11 I had that "Wow, how did that get there" moment and when I was 16 I began to see fruit.

And since most people don't understand me, the person would probably still say, "So, you never like, converted?" But at least I would feel like I tried to describe my story a little better.

Re-publishing

Browsing through some old blog posts, I came across one about a wedding I went to. This paragraph made me laugh:

"Anyway, at the reception, by arranged seating, I sat with Kevin, Jordan, and Eric. Not that its a bad thing, but... you know... That's quite an arrangement. I learned that one of them (name withheld) wants all the men at his wedding to be equipped with a sword. Then the men on the groom's side have to battle the men on the bride's side for the groom's right to the bride. I reflected how lucky society is that woman plan weddings, not men."

Two of those three are either married or engaged now, so I am curious if there are or were any plans involving swords.

Spam Poetry

So, I found this in my junk mail box:

"Think~big when~ inbed"

It was followed by a link which I of course did not click on. Then it ended with this:

"Whereas the senate as soon after. Numa also to meet with our time. While all justice yet some say that. Amongst the temple in truth of rome. Upon whom were just and taking away. But where having cut off by force. Whether it appeared to bear arms. Just as appears by night"

It is a fascinating piece of text. Note the over-use of periods, but the lack of one at the very end. Incredible!

Side note, I wonder if this is some kind of spy code encryption thingie.

My Bad

In searching for actors of all ethnic backgrounds, I focused on TV shows and movies. I neglected to search the TV commercials, and so I neglected to include one of the best looking actors of all time. My apologies to Isaiah Mustafa, the Old Spice Man.

(For the record, I love the smell of Old Spice.)

Eye-candy Blog Correction

So, I was called a racist for only posting pictures of white actors. In my defense, I'm not entirely sure what race Joaquin Phoenix is.

To satisfy the heckler in the crowd (of three who can still read this blog), here are some pictures of good looking non-white actors.

James Kyson-Lee. He played Ando in the TV show Heroes. His character was cool because for at least the 1.5 seasons that I watched before losing interest, he had no superpowers like the other characters.


Antonio Banderas. Mask of Zorro, Evita, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, countless others. He always plays characters who have intense passion for what they believe or want within the story.


Dante Basco. Rufio, leader of the Lost Boys of Neverland. Also Ramos from the dance movie Take the Lead. Also plays characters with intense passion for their goals.


Abishek Bachchan. In this image from the movie Dhoom, his character is watching his wife paint the living room wearing tight shorts and a midriff shirt. Its Bollywood. They have to do things like that. For some unknown reason, their house is also quite windy and her hair is blowing beautifully. In a few minutes, he is going to chase her into the yard and spray her with the garden hose. Then he is going to sulk because she is playing hard-to-get. This actor is great at sulking.


Here, we are going to play Name That Actor. Tell me who is who and what movie or TV show you saw them in.

EDIT

EDIT to the previous post:

12. Browsing a baby blog, I discovered the phrases "projectile milk vomit" and "all the textures of newborn poop." Newborn humans are messy; newborn kittens know immediately to clean up after themselves. Cats are better than children, dogs, and most college students.

The kid debate...

Reasons not to have children:
1. Having to endure the torturous device called a baby shower.
2. Kids that play in the street and scream in the grocery store.
3. The world is screwed up, why on earth would you want to bring another person into it?
4. The responsibility of raising a child not to be an ax murderer.
5. The world is overpopulated.
6. Children have annoyed me even when I was a child myself.
7. Stubbornness and rebellion against all those who want to see me with a family.
8. Lack of confidence that I can give my kids the blessing of having parents who do not disagree on issues.
9. Fear of change (lifestyle).
10. Really crappy family genetic traits that I wouldn't want to pass on (its my evolutionary duty NOT to reproduce).
11. Unwanted bodily changes during pregnancy ("I like my hips the way they are, thank you!").

Reasons to have children:
1. Being able to make pregnancy look this good: http://www.tirzahphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_5124.jpg
2. Illustrating the beautiful bond of a husband and wife like this: http://www.tirzahphotography.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/IMG_5842.jpg
3. Having a close group of family and friends completely invested in you and the life of your child.
4. Feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit through the presence of a little one.
5. Hearing a 7-year-old say, "Dad, I want to go to heaven to be with Jesus when I die, and I know how to get there, because you taught me well."
6. Bigger boobs.

So, the cons outnumber the pros. But do the cons outweigh the pros? (Pro number 6 may just tip the scales!)

The eye-candy blog

I have to get this off my chest. Its been turning around and stirring inside me for a while and I'm ready to let it out.

Twilight fans are to be pitied for their delusions. They are not deluded because the forbidden romance is an overworked plot line, nor because said romance is with a vampire, also a tired element. Its not even because of the Romeo-and-Juliet-esque element of vampire families fighting amongst each other and involving humans, sacrificial love, and werewolf families (already a great story called Underworld). Can we all just make this simple and agree that the plot is overdone and worn out so that I can move on to the point?

Twilight fans, poor creatures, have been tricked into believing that Robert Pattinson is hot.

Even with stage make-up, Robert Pattinson does not hold a candle to anyone in the hotness department. His character is not even hot. His character is a whiny vampire (who sparkles in the sunlight!) who can't decide whether to eat his prey or have sex with her, so he resorts to the next-best option of stalking. Vampires throughout literature have been faced with this tough decision, but none have harped on it so annoyingly.

Feel free to compare and contrast:

Sulky vampire with greasy hair. He didn't even bother to comb, wash his hair, or shave. His eyebrows need plucking, and he doesn't look mean or menacing, he just looks like a teenager whose mother is about to wash behind his ears.


Even when he is not his vampire character, he doesn't bother to shave or take care of his hair.


Compare that with these:

Granted, this actor let himself go and now he has more hair above the shoulders than Robert Pattinson has on his body. But when he was actually in character as the romantic lead, he proved that a character can be flawed and still hot, and no one wondered what on earth was wrong with the girl for liking him, despite being strung-out-on-drugs, losing a career, and being arrested in Mexico.


Ok the actor is good looking, and throughout this series, his character cleans up well, protects others, and puts faith in the female lead as an equal in the fighting arena. But I really just put this picture in here because his talking car is beautiful and has Val Kilmer's voice.


Wears a suit, is clean-shaven, has short hair and no eyebrows, although that could be because this character is always blowing things up. Also a good leader and like Mike above, trusts the female lead to fight at his side rather than screaming and fainting.


And of course, this blog isn't complete without a photo of a real vampire, who was so bad and scary they had to lock him up, yet still had tremendous appeal as a romantic lead. Notice he is clean-shaven, and is not as gaunt as Twilight's whiny sparkly vampires.


Alright, I'll admit, dissing Twilight is really just an excuse for me to Google ridiculously good-looking actors, none of whom appear in the Twilight movies.

But in reality there has been something bothering me. I have begun to feel lately that Hollywood is lying to humanity about relationships. People in the movies have love at first sight, humorous but slightly embarrassing relatives, a snag in the relationship that is conquered by true love, and a happy ending to every story. If I asked 100 people to name the first movie that popped into their heads that fits all those elements, I would have 100 different answers. But if I asked those same people to tell me a true story that actually happened that fits those plot elements, I may get one story in response.

However, if I were to ask those 100 people if they would like to date someone who, when faced with any tough decision, choose to pout and whine about the decision, sit in a corner for a while, and take emotional cues from James Dean, the answer would be no, no, a hundred thousand times no. Unless he also sings like James Dean, which to my knowledge, Robert Pattinson's character does not.

This type of reaction to conflict is not mature. Why on earth Hollywood is trying to teach us that we should try and date immature men is beyond me. Additionally, the Twilight series teaches young girls a number of misconceptions: 1) True love can be found in high school in a matter of days. 2) If you believe it is true love, then even if he dumps you, he's destined to get back together with you regardless of any other potential suitors in your life. 3) You will never have to choose between your true love who dumped you and the far better options in your life; you can have your cake and eat it too, and they will both be ok with that.

For a somewhat more hilarious take on the Twilight story, please see this article, which exposes some of the male-chauvinist concepts presented by the story's elements:
http://www.cracked.com/funny-36-twilight/ <- LANGUAGE AND GORE WARNING

For a look at what happens when you put a sparkly vampire into a tough neighborhood where women actually have backbones and know what to do with a stalker vampire, please check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM

Not only does the video expose just how wrong it is to stalk someone, but it shows that no one can surpass Joss Whedon's vampire world. Bram Stoker invented vampires, Anne Rice made them relevant, Joss Whedon made them awesome, and all later vampire stories are an attempt to destroy a great genre.

Romance

I have been thinking a bit about my life, and my goals, and my plans for the future. I've discovered I have very few plans for the future (keep in mind, plans are different from wants). In actuality, I have always lived my life expecting that at any moment, God could say, "My plan for you is that you be in XYZ location, doing UVW." And that at any moment, God could move me somewhere else. Not because I believe that God is fickle and prone to the random uprooting of his subjects, but because I believe that God's plan is greater than anything I could dream up, and the intricacies of being in the right place at the right time are beyond my capabilities.

Is this an indication of complete trust in God? Maybe. Its also possible that I simply dislike decisions and it is easier to want something than to try and figure out how to get to it. In relationships, I have been trying to figure out my plans and wants. I'm not even sure what I want anymore.

When I was 16, I began an intimate romance with the Lord. I suppose all teenagers have the same perceptions of love; this one was just like any teenage romance: love notes and flowers and pink happy clouds and living in a bubble. After a while, I actually got sick of it, like a kid with too much Halloween candy. I asked God to stop romancing me, I couldn't take the saccharine-sweet feeling of all those happy clouds.

If this all sounds weird, I suppose you could say it was like the story of the Israelites who wanted a king. God said, "No, I am your King" but all their neighbors had kings and the Israelites wanted one too, so God gave them one. God gave me what I wanted.

Lots of stuff happened between me and God after that, ups and downs that have no bearing on the story I'm telling at present. What I'm getting at is that back then, when I was 16, God taught me what to look for in a guy by being my first love himself. What I got was a guy who wrote me poems, brought me flowers and gifts, and could not find an end to his expressions of love for me. Which was a great thing to have for a first romance (earthly romance). But I am not a teenager anymore, and I have changed a LOT these past ten years.

I need God to romance me again, to teach me what to look for now in a man, because what I need now will be different from what I needed at 16. To tie this into my previous post, I believe this will make me a whole, complete individual that I can someday, if the circumstances are right, attach myself to another whole, complete individual (or not, it doesn't matter as long as I find wholeness in God).

Yes, this is all stemming from a sermon I heard, but these are my own thoughts, not the pastor's. And God has already begun his work. : )

Out with it

I haven't been specific about the details of my life on here lately. To be honest, the details don't matter too much anymore. Well, I guess they do but they are sort of in the past, so I don't feel the need to share them. What I guess is more important to share here is that after more than 4 years, I am single again, but it was a "lose a boyfriend, gain a friend" kind of a situation. Will this affect my ability to date in the future? I don't know. Do I care? Not much. I have discovered I really like being single. Is that statement a coping mechanism? Maybe.

Someone recently pointed out to me that it is in my nature to rebel against the way things are. When people expect a certain thing from me, I head in the opposite direction. Mom is anxious for grandkids, so I have a mental block against children, and when we are out in public together, I don't even see them. In the grocery store, mom started cooing over a baby, which I didn't even notice until I heard her baby-talk, despite the kid being strapped face-out and eye-level on his mother's front. Does this mean I would want kids if my mom didn't obsess over them? I don't think so. But I do think that some part of me revels in antagonizing the situation.

While in Michigan, I rediscovered what it is like to be surrounded by a strict Baptist community. I went to a Baptist school when I was younger, and a Baptist church, so I was no stranger to it, but it has been years since I have been so immersed in that culture. Yes, it is a completely different culture.

I like wearing skirts, and I brought 6 with me when I was packing for my trip. But on the day I knew I would be surrounded by skirt-wearing, God-filled, Bible-believing Christians who have very much the same beliefs as I do, I felt compelled to provide an unspoken reminder to myself of the things on which I differ from them. I do not feel it is ungodly for women to wear pants, and on that day, no abyss-dwelling monster could have convinced me to put on a skirt. It sounds like a silly little thing, but I find I sometimes rebel against the way things are. I support things I wouldn’t normally support, only because I want to present a different opinion to the world.

So when a handful of people began suggesting eligible men I could date, and when a handful of others suggested that maybe I'll get back together with him, am I being a rebel, or trying to antagonize them by enjoying my singlehood? I have had the thought that so many people expect to find their other half, that perfect match, and many do. But why go through life incomplete until that person arrives? Why is an unmarried person seen as incomplete and needing "remedy"? Its possible to go through life unmatched and alone and happy, and in some ways, I think I want to prove that to the world.

Honestly, I am a bit tired of it all. I am excited to be able to live for me, and make choices without having to think about how it might affect "our" relationship or "our" future. Above all, I don't believe in finding your other half. I think people should be whole, complete individuals who don't have to be attached to someone else to be complete, but are free to choose that if the situation arises. But could this be my way of telling myself the situation is better this way? Like the person who doesn't get into the school they applied for and finds consolation by saying the school was too expensive anyway, or too far away anyway.

My brain is a tricky thing to figure out; good luck to the next guy who tries. I haven't figured it out yet, myself.