story

I might be posting a story here... I might delete it before I hit the "publish" button. We'll see.

The main character doesn't have a gender. Well... that's not true. But by choosing a gender, I feel like I'm alienating the half of my readers who aren't that gender. And the English language has no pronoun that includes both genders. "It" I feel excludes both genders. So, when I can't avoid the use of pronouns, I'm going to borrow one from the Italian language. "Loro" is a 3rd person plural pronoun today. But in the past, the Italians used Loro, capitalized, when addressing royalty... sort of a "royal we" in a sense. Because I think so much of you, as you read this, that I want to use a pronoun that doesn't denote gender, but royalty. Because this story is for you.

Well you know what... it was a nice idea, but Loro isn't working for me. I feel like it alienates the English speakers... and that's a bigger percentage than alienating one gender or another. So... its going to be a male pronoun... mostly because... I can think of more guys who read my blog than girls. Sorry, girls. Its still for you too.

He crawled into the corner of the room, head sagging, tears streaming down his cheeks. He didn't want to carry it anymore. He didn't want to hide Them anymore. He took a shuddering breath like one who has worked long and hard to hold back the tears. He swallowed painfully, like one who has kept the tears in the back of his throat for far too long. His body doesn't like that. Tears are meant for the eyes. He looked at his arms, studying the curve of his bicep. It was strong. In his attempts to hide Them, he had done many things. He had used those biceps. He had made life better for others, because he could not do so for himself. His gaze shifted to his hand, palm down on the floor, bracing his weight to keep him from dropping facedown on the floor. He wondered what would happen if he did. Would he get up eventually? He flexed his hand, watching the skin stretch across the veins underneath. How perfect that hand is. Opposable thumbs, fingernails. How useful. His hands had gotten a lot of use. He had injured, he had healed, he had helped, and he had allowed them to lie useless. He had explored with his hands. But never himself. He had never explored his own body. Because of Them. Well, what would happen if he stopped hiding Them?

Slowly, he dragged his hands across the tiles, and pushed himself upright. The water streamed into his eyes, and he closed them. No, keep hiding. Take a deep breath. Let the warm water cover your face, let it make you forget there are tears there too. Tears. What are those? There's nothing on your face now. Take a deep breath. Clear your mind. Stabilize. Take a deep breath. But what about Them?

He kept his eyes closed. He didn't want to open them. Slowly, without realizing it, his hand moved up to his chest. It hovered there for a split second. Then, with a shock going through his body, his fingertips brushed his chest.

Now he could open his eyes. He looked down to where those hands, those perfect hands touched Them. His imperfect chest with rough lines crowding around the sternum. His fingers moved slowly, as if horrified. He touched a lump of scar tissue, and followed the jagged line across his heart, and down to his stomach. He put both palms on his chest and slowly dragged them down it, to the base of his stomach.

He remembered the appendicitis scar. He knew where it had come from. He didn't mind that one so much. His gaze went to the one over his heart. He remembered its pain, but he didn't know where it had come from. He looked at a short one that fit neatly between two ribs. It was close to his back; he had to twist a little to see it. A friend with a knife isn't a friend. He turned to a patch of ripply, discolored skin. Burns are some of the worst ways to scar. It has ugly shapes and faces that stare back at you out of your own skin, smiling and laughing and taunting you. His breathing quickened, and his face began to burn as red as the scar. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes. Open them. He looked at a swirling, lumpy scar. That one was unique. His father had the same scar on his chest. And his grandfather had it too. He'd never met his great-grandfather, but he guessed that scar went way back. His fingers traced the shape of it. Unlike the other scars, this one still hurt. When he touched it gingerly, he felt an arrow deep in his chest. The scar had been there on the day of his birth, irritating him, reminding him whose family he was from. And it was still there. And it would be there until he died.

He turned off the water, reached out for a towel. Cover Them quickly before you see yourself in the mirror. But... not today. What would happen if he looked in the mirror? What would happen if he stopped hiding Them? He was in front of the mirror now. Should he do it?

Before he decided, there was a knock on the door. Probably someone waiting impatiently. How long had he been in there? He had lost track of time. The knock came again, but no one called for him. No one wanted to know how long he would be. He assumed he could take as long as he wanted. That was nice of them. He figured, he could be nice back.

He opened the door and looked into the hallway. He didn't see anyone. But he felt better. He felt a slight breeze as the hot steamy vapors rolled into the hallway. It was refreshing, that cool breeze. He smiled. That person loved him. That person wanted him to feel the breeze. Thank you. He loved that feeling of being loved. It made him stand straighter. It made his chest tingle. It made his pain disappear. He closed the door again, and turned back to the mirror. His eyes were red, but his face was dry.

He lowered his eyes to the large towel wrapped around his body. What if? His hands moved to where the towel was tucked into itself, and slowly undid it. He braced himself for the horrible sight. What he saw in the mirror shocked him. The towel fell to the floor, forgotten.

His hands went to his chest. He repeated the motions he had made before. Palms down, at the top of the sternum, slowly (but not quite as slowly this time) bring them down that smooth, clean skin. What on earth had happened? Where- what. Wait. His mind failed to comprehend the idea that was slowly trying to form in his mind. Where had the scars gone?

Scars are scars forever. They can't just up and leave. And yet, they had. He remembered the tingle he'd felt when he opened the door. But... no. Well... maybe. Nah. He smiled. Ok. Sure. He would give the person the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they took Them. Why not? They loved him enough to knock. He looked at his chest again. The smooth skin stretched over his pectoral muscles. He hadn't noticed them before. They looked good. He flexed. It felt good, and he knew he had used his muscles well. Hiding Them had also hidden the beauty of those muscles that had gotten so much use over the years.

Sorry guys... I wish I could go on, but... I stayed up way past my bedtime to do this. I'm getting up in 4 hours to catch a train to NYC. But this has been stirring inside me for a while and I just now figured out how to get it out. So this had to be done before I lost it. Goodnight.

forgot to mention....

hmm... who would walk 1.3 miles barefoot to cheer me up... that's interesting.

yeah... my blog entries have been shorter lately. Or at least less about what's going on inside. Not because nothing's going on but because I'm expressing it differently. Its ok. I'm sure no one misses the novels.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

I am SOOOO ITCHY everywhere below the knee!!!

following Anissa's lead

I slept really late today because I had a rare nightmare that exhausted me.

There was stuff before the scary part but I don't really remember much because this sci-fi-ish part sort of overshadows it. But I was calling a meeting of I guess it was Star Trek crew and Star Wars crew. (Not the fans but the characters from Star Wars/Trek.) I knew they didn't get along but we couldn't do the job we had to do or be safe until everyone was united.

There was a pool with a grate covering it, as if to keep some fish or dangerous water creature from jumping out. That was where we gathered, and the tension was high because the two groups were isolating themselves. They weren't human though... some of them were humanlike enough but they all had special powers and abilities. I could tell they were uneasy being near each other and sort of intimidated by each other's powers. I told them that they had to kill the enemy in the youngest stages of its life. This stage was when the young were little plant-like babies (not little cabbage patch kids, but cute like that, and definitely plant-mammals that grew).

They each had sunflowers that looked like little colorful brussel sprouts and we had to take them away because this would prevent the growth of the young. It was hard because they were cute little guys but we knew they'd grow up to be monsters. The sunflower things had flies inside acting as guardians, so we also had to kill the flies so the mature monsters wouldn't know we were attacking the young ones. My brother killed some, but missed a couple of flies, who bit me and got in my socks and clothes, along any part of me that had clothing close to the skin, and it pricked and itched. I killed some of the flies but I knew that meant that the parents knew we'd killed some of their children so they were coming for us. I ran into my bathroom where my dad helped me get my clothes off and find all the flies' bodies. I was going to shower later but my mom was still in the shower so I had to wait for her. My dad left, and I felt something brush past me and I knew it was an adult monster coming into the bathroom.

That was when I realized I'd forgotten to warn my crew that the adults are invisible. My mom opened the shower curtain to grab her towel and saw me reaching out to find this monster and saw me wrestling an invisible enemy. She was puzzled because she didn't know what kind of danger it was. I knew exactly what to do. As soon as I realized I had the monster by the throat, I held it up to the mirror in the bathroom because then I could see it. He was blue, and had an octopus-like head, beady sort of eyes, and weird lips. No skeleton, just sort of octopus-like cartilage/muscle. If you're a Star Wars geek and know who Admiral Akbar is, it sort of looked like it might be a blue relative of his.

I twisted the head around several times using the mirror to guide me, until his neck which was like silly putty got too tight to support his circulatory system. He withered and became visible and I was sort of holding an empty shell of his body. I looked at my crew, who were there suddenly, wide-eyed, and I said "I forgot to mention that the adults are invisible" and told them they had to hold their enemy to the mirror in order to fight them. Then the bathroom door burst open and I knew that at least two more adults had entered. I tried to get them in front of the mirror but it was hard. I woke up reaching for them and my heart was pounding and I almost felt as if they were still there (I've had this sensation before, of the dream feeling like it had materialized in my room as I woke up). I started praying because I'd never had a dream that was so far-fetched and still believable at the same time (usually in the far-fetched dreams, I am aware that I am dreaming but can't do anything about it.)

I need to chill

So, my mom came to see the play on Sunday and commented that it looked like I'd lost weight. I guess it was just the stress of the show combined with lack of sleep and homework and not having a meal card to get a quick easy dining hall meal and substituting healthy food with four chocolate chip cookies.

But I decided to sort of check up on myself, and looked up some symptoms of really stressed out people. Here's what I discovered that I can remember experiencing during the rehearsal weeks.

Sleep disturbances. A couple of times, the most notable being when I spent the night on Busch with Andrew and got really irritated and woke up to have one of the worst rehearsal days ever.

Back, shoulder or neck pain. Ask Cyrus, Steve, and Anissa about this. I had more knots than a fisherman.

Upset stomach or cramps. And here I was thinking Cyrus' tofu stomach was just contagious.

Weight loss. I lost 5 pounds, but then I came home for Thanksgiving.

Fatigue. A couple times I thought I was going to die in my modern dance class, and I had to avoid jujitsu to some extent because it wore me out.

Shortness of breath. That's what I consider fatigue, so see above. Well, fatigue I guess is low energy too.

Cold feet or hands. Well yeah but thats a given. I have that from October to April every year.

Skin problems. The creases of my knees broke out in a rash. Really wierd.

Relational problems/conflicts/overreactions. Uhh...

Emotional. Nerves, moodiness, depression, memory problems, lack of concentration. I had to have a little planner and if I didn't write something in the planner then 3 minutes later it was gone to the same place deleted files go once they leave the recycle bin.

So, this is a warning to everyone reading this. Do lots of activities, but don't kill yourself to get things perfect. I think the reason this was so stressful is cause it was my first time stage managing and I wanted things to be just right. So yeah thats what I learned from all this.

But... its theater. It was worth it. :-D

sigh

There are things I still don't understand, still things I think might have happened differently. But nothing's a fairy tale. I'm not going to push it. I'd rather stay happy and celebrate the fact that no one got hurt. Mourn for what's gone, but celebrate the memories.

No regrets?
None. I would do it again in a heartbeat, even if I knew it would end the same, with the same amount of tears. How can anyone regret living? How can you regret catching a shooting star? How can you regret learning how to fly? How can you regret being free? The ending tears are the price of freedom. Freedom always has a price. Shooting stars are fiery and hot. But its always worth the burn. And if the star comes by again, ok. I'll go for it again. And if it doesn't, ok. I'll still be happy.

thoughts

So, I've noticed a pattern. At every highly influential or emotional point in my life, I've been inspired to write. And quite often, even if I pour it out in poetry, or paintings, or dance, I still feel compelled to put it into a piece of long fiction (medieval fantasy type thing) I've been working on for 4 years now. I had reached a point where I couldn't go any further in my novel, but now, I seem to have found some inspiration. I just have to find a time to write. Maybe over winter break, I'll find some time. We'll see.

In other news, I have officially found out my worth in monetary value (see humanforsale.com): $2,099,000. And I lost $10,000 for having a size 10 shoe :-( such is life in my gene pool I guess. My mom's whole family has big feet.

Jujitsu, my first day back in a long time, was today. I knew if I went I would either have my mind totally not there at all, or I would go to completely forget everything off the mat and have one of the hardest workouts I've had in a long time. Fortunately, for safety's sake, it was the latter. Jess and I worked together, and we got through all of the Yawara list (wrist escapes), and all but one of the Nage (throws). By the end, my eyes were sort of glossing over, and I thought I might fall asleep midthrow. It was more a sort of mental and emotional exhaustion than physical, but when those two are exhausted, they sort of drag the body along too. It was good. Sorta reminded me of when I worked at Betty's farm last summer though. Extreme physical workout to get my mind off other things. But it was good, and productive. I'm glad I went to jujitsu today.

I'm glad that a lot of things happened today.

emmylou harris

As I travel on life's pathway, knowing not what the years may hold, as I ponder, hope grows fonder, precious memories flood my soul, precious memories, how they linger, how they ever flood my soul, in the stillness of the midnight precious sacred scenes unfold...

I've quoted that song before. But I love it, especially now, cause... just cause. I'm having lots of memories for lots of reasons. I've been meaning to post this in some form for a long time. I finally know how to phrase it though. Simply.

Italian festival fireworks
Midnight strolls
Dancing or substitute dancing
Petting zoos
Getting lost, studying maps
Campgrounds
The White House
Camden
Batman
Cowprint
Philadelphia twice
Lee Greenwood
Vanilla peanut butter ice cream
Aida
Gummy bears
Turtles
Strawberry Wafers
Omega
Trying to hide a blush
Ferris wheels
French
Mancala

These things make me so incredibly happy.

apologies

The show is over. I was good until last night. I skipped out on the cast party, dropped in bed, got 9 hours of sleep and woke up exhausted. Then I got to the theater late, and spaced out for the last bit of the show. I identified with the part of the show where the characters feel like the machines they run at the luggage factories. I ran through the show, called all the cues, etc, like a machine. And why not? Its the 5th show. I have everything practically memorized.

So, I'm really spaced out and loopy. So this is my public apology to everyone I talked to today, either on IM or in person. I know I wasn't all there. I don't even have an excuse. Everyone else can blame the cast party. Steve came over to kill time before work and to give me a massage, and I am not completely sure I remember everything about what I said... I do remember the massage though because I was tense and didn't realize it... but I'm sure whatever came out of my mouth must have been really odd.

Anyway... here it is: my apologies. Now I'm off to bed. 'Night!

addendum

When I walked up to the table, your eyes lit up. I haven't seen that in a while, but it makes me happy to know that your eyes light up when I walk up. I don't know if I acknowledged it. I'm sorry.

just a little something

So this was my away message today:

"I got an email saying that at 6:33 today someone will tell me something I've been waiting to hear. well... at 6:33 tonight I'll be in a theater on opening night, surrounded by lighting designers who are doing last minute things, actors who can't find their costumes, and directors who've poured sweat and blood into this thing for the past two months. Which means at 6:33 someone might say something to me, but it will not be something I've been waiting my whole life to hear spoken aloud."

So, at 6:33 tonight... I was backstage making notes from the script and talking to myself haha. I just get a kick out of that.

BTW the show went well tonight. No last minute crises. But there's room for improvement.

something else I stole from Cyrus...

I'm a little theif now. Cyrus has this google game in his xanga where you type your name followed by the word needs and hit enter. Here's what I need:

Meghan needs no introduction
Meghan needs a cup of vodka (do I ever!!)
Meghan needs a savage beating
Meghan needs to gain weight
Meghan needs to call me
Meghan needs to understand all the facts about her situation
Meghan needs an ear
Meghan needs some cheer in her life
Meghan needs help um... sledding
Meghan needs something I can't give her
Meghan needs you the most
Meghan needs a favorable break (totally!! its called thanksgiving!!)
Meghan needs to be tied
Meghan needs a boy. the end.
Meghan needs to get nekkid too
Meghan needs to let go
this was in caps: MEGHAN NEEDS TO SHUT HER MOUTH
Meghan needs to learn how to wrench
Meghan needs to shut the &%$@ up
Meghan needs to be banned from here for her dirty mouth
Meghan needs to leave now

Well then. Ok. I will shut up, if that's how the world feels about it.

note

there's a reason this is in my blog not my xanga.

As an unperfect actor on the stage,
Who with his fear is put beside his part,
Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
Whose strength's abundance weakens his own heart;
So I, for fear of trust, forget to say
The perfect ceremony of love's rite,
And in mine own love's strength seem to decay,
O'ercharged with burthen of mine own love's might.
O! let my looks be then the eloquence
And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,
Who plead for love, and look for recompense,
More than that tongue that more hath more express'd.
O! learn to read what silent love hath writ:
To hear with eyes belongs to love's fine wit.

~William Shakespeare

Wooooo Hoooooooo!

New flash:

The musical I am working on has moved into the theater space in College Hall. This means that we will have no more rehearsals in wierd places like Yorba Lounge and the lobby of the Dean's office. Because we will be in the student center, and the student center has offices that need to be locked up at certain ungodly hours of the night, that also means that when the student center is locked up, we have to leave. Which means, absolutely under no circumstances not pertaining to acts of God will we have rehearsal past midnight. Which makes me extremely happy.

Also...

This show is one that allows the working man to speak to the audience. Which means 24 characters tell their life stories to me in rehearsal every day, sometimes twice a day. Often its things like, "I've had a hard life, but I'm making things better for my daughter." I'm worn out, but the houses I've built will stand years after I'm gone. I've given my body and soul to this factory so I can't go anywhere else. I'll just keep doing it, but don't ever let me meet the guy who owns me now. I had so much going for me but circumstances changed all that and now I'm here, but at least I have something to point to. I get this over and over, and even though the show has a theme of hope running along those sad lines, its an emotional rollercoaster for me, and today I was about ready to have a breakdown. I sat down and I started writing a letter to someone I needed to write to but who will probably never see the letter. Then I called Anissa. And we set up a dinner date to have girl time and then Steve came over with a movie and even though I may go short on sleep, I really really needed that time to undo my emotional pent-up-ness so I was very glad it happened.

Now that its over, I need to go to bed. There's no rehearsal tomorrow, just set building, so I don't have to sit through more emotions either. Its a needed break I think.

10 Rules For Living Together

1. Don't lock the door at night. If someone tries to get in while we are sleeping, locking the door would mean he'd make a lot of noise and wake us up. We all need our beauty sleep.

2. If garbage pickup is Tuesday mornings and Friday mornings, make sure to get the garbage out of the kitchen by Wednesday and Saturday. But only do it if the garbage has been there for at least 10 days. No sense making the garbage man work for a couple of measly cans. That's our tax money he's spending.

3. If Molly's litterbox smells, spray the entire bathroom with ammonia.

4. Don't do dishes. Its a waste of water.

5. Plan parties. Invite me a couple of days before.

6. Instead of turning the heat down, open every window in the house.

7. Bring plants into the house, but don't water them. See number 4.

8. Don't clean unless there are people coming over. Its a waste of water and cleaning solution.

9. Don't feed Molly. If she's hungry enough, she will catch mice and bugs and protect us from bad creepy crawlies.

10. Don't put the phone back on the charger. When the batteries die, we'll have peace and quiet from all those wrong number calls we've been getting.

**disclaimer**
this blog entry is meant to be funny or at least somewhat satirical. i love living here. don't take this the wrong way.

thursdays

Thursdays are officially the day skeevy guys have chosen to point their radar at me, find me, hit on me, and creep me out. No one ever hits on me on any other day. Only Thursdays. At first I thought it was the fact that I walk through New Brunswick on Thursdays, but I didn't today, and still got hit on.

So the story is this. I went to my make-up class, which by the way was amazing. I did my fantasy project, an autumn woodland fairy. Afterwards, my friend wanted to go to the library but didn't want to be the only one still wearing makeup. So I went with her, and the guy next to me at the computers did a double-take. That was interesting. We walked to the library with Mickey, who was a My Little Pony -style unicorn, complete with silver hair dye.

When I got back to my apartment, with several double-takes from passers-by, I really didn't want to take the makeup off, but I knew it would just get smeared in jujitsu, and anyway it would distract the kids in the kid's class. So Cyrus and Anissa came over to get pictures (Cyrus is moving soon, BOOOOOO) and from there, Cyrus gave me a ride, so I didn't have to walk through skeevyguyville.

I had to be at rehearsal at 9:30 though, so I had to leave jujitsu early, and stop in the student center to get dinner. On the way out, there was this guy. Ok. So, go back to the November 2 entry, the part where it says: "avoid the creepy guy from class last year who invades personal space and smells like BO only when he opens his mouth which is all the time." After he dropped out of that class halfway through the fall semester last year, I saw him once on the bus, and once in the summer when he came into Subway and talked to Allan, and then that incident on the bus to Livingston where he sat down almost on my lap and wouldn't stop talking because he couldn't handle the fact that I was reading the Chronicles of Narnia instead of giving him attention (BTW why do I attract needy people? they should get a psychological study going here...). The one time I didn't mind his presence so much was the time in the summer when I was surrounded by over 10 people who outrank me in jujitsu, 95% of which were guys.

So I'm rushing out of the atrium area, dinner in hand, and I hear, "HEYYYYY how are you?" as if we're best friends even though neither of us knows the other's name. I slowed and smiled and waved. "Hey, are you going off to eat by yourself?" In the theater world, we talk a lot about subtext which is... what the person REALLY means when they say a line. His subtext was, "Hot girl, no guy around to stake a claim, I can't even make a decent sentence because all I'm thinking about is that she's female." I said, "No, I'm actually headed out to catch a bus." He said, "You have to go, RIGHT this minute?" (Subtext: "Hot girl just rejected me, I have to try harder to affirm myself." I said, "Yeah I have to go over to Livingston for rehearsal, so I'm gonna eat there. I don't want to be late." And I hope my subtext was, "I don't give myself extra time because I try to have excuses to avoid people like you." But I don't know if it was. He knew I was involved in theater stuff because he interrogated me while he was sitting on me on the bus over to Livingston last time he saw me, and totally snubbed the theater world, another reason I'm being a bit more hostile in this blog than I was towards the other skeevy guys. So he said, "Oh yeah for that show I'm not going to see." Which made me grit my teeth. When I finally separated them, I managed a polite, "Ok I'll see you around."

So anyway... that's my Thursday now. Somehow similar to several other Thursdays. I wonder why its only Thursdays.

Anyway, I haven't written about jujitsu lately because I've been in a bit of a slump. The stuff I've learned is becoming very practiced, and the more I practice, the worse I get. I lose heart because I'm tired of seeing my techniques go to pot. But in jujitsu today, Barb gave a bit of a lecture. She said, often, jujitsu corresponds to your life. There are mountains and valleys and plateaus and sometimes dead-end walls. And it really hit home, the correlation between jujitsu and personal life. Several of our jujitsuka have had serious problems in their lives and it has influenced them in terms of jujitsu, in some cases, delaying their testing for another rank. Others have gone through a period of personal growth, and this is also reflected in jujitsu. In Sam's words, "things are moving" in the dojo right now. Steve, Andrew, and Cyrus just tested. Doug, Sam, and Dhaval are almost there. It makes me think about what that reflects for us, as a group. But it also makes me think about my life. My jujitsu has been headed for the valley... but if I analyze my life at the time my jujitsu was going up the mountain, things were really good. I was close with God, and learning so much about myself, God, friendships, and my past. Now, well its hard to analyze a time period while you're still in that time period, but if my jujitsu now is where it is, it makes me think about where my life is. I'd say its in a valley, but I don't know why. I think its one of those things I have to move beyond before I can get a clear idea of what it is and what it looks like. But anyway... that one little thing that Barb said really made me think.

And thats it. I'm done thinking for tonight. 'Cause its really morning.

PS... as if this weren't long enough. For some reason I just wanted to add this:

Oberonious: the leaves are beautiful, are they not?
Me: they are so beautiful that i'm glueing some to my face in makeup class today.

Me: k... i'm off to turn myself into an autumn fairy. i'll talk to you later
y oyo81: !

Me: i have theater major plastered all over my face. literally.

Signs you're an LTC stage manager

First, check this out. http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Stage/2203/theatrejokes.html

1. You go to log into a Rutgers computer and instead of typing your Rutgers id, you type the LTC username.

2. Your phone rings two hours before rehearsal and you answer it because you automatically assume its a cast member with a crisis.

3. Your family forgets what you look like.

4. Your friends are shocked when you tell them you have two whole hours to hang out.

5. You can't remember the last time you were asleep before midnight.

6. You spend the weekends in the nearest location you can find to the rehearsal space so you can get there on time.

7. You can't remember what number 7 was because you forgot to write it down in the prompt book and cue yourself to type it.

long overdue congrats

Cyrus tested for Ikkyu in Jujitsu on Thursday (and passed!). So, this is a little late in coming, but here's public recognition and congratulations!

As for me, I've been stressed out about stuff lately, and after jujitsu today, Cyrus, Steve, and I went to Anissa's for massage. It was sooo amazing and relaxing, and after that, Anissa had me take a hot bath, which was also amazing. Topping it off with ice cream and warm fuzzy socks, I now feel like I can make it through the next couple of days without jumping into the hole they are digging to China over on Livingston.

Speaking of which... that hole is kinda creepy. On Halloween night, the first night of the hole, the walkway was dark because they had taken out some of the lights during the construction process. For some reason, maybe a busted pipe or something, there was steam rising from the hole, with some distant lights sort of backlighting it. It looked like a hole to hell or something. But it was in the wrong place... the hole to hell is somewhere else on Livingston that I can think of. LOL but I'll be polite and not say anything else haha.

Ok, I'm relaxed and energized, so even though I have class early tomorrow, I'm not ready to go sleep yet.

:`(

I'm sitting here, and Molly seems to have decided that her present mission in life is to make me smile. Somehow, she always knows I need cheering up, when no other human does. Makes me think if cats were human they'd make a really tough audience for an actor, because they'd see right through you to who you really are.

I'm stage managing for LTC, and its stealing my soul. LTC isn't the same company it was last time I worked on a show with them.

I was thinking today, about the first drama teacher I ever had. Well, not technically the first, but the real first was more like musical theater, not straight acting. Beth... she was so outgoing and quirky. But she poured her life into producing theater. In August she would write the script, September begin gathering actors and costumes, October begin props and lighting, and November build the set. She designed everything, she directed everything, she organized groups of people to help her build and paint. In December, the show would open. After strike the actors had a week or two off, but she would spend it writing the next script. Our theatrical season ended in April, but she wouldn't finish putting costumes away until June. Then it was time to think about the next season. It was crazy.

And in all that I wondered why she was single. Now I'm working for LTC, and I know. Your friends can't possibly maintain the patience unless they too are crazy about theater. I say crazy and mean it. If I hadn't put 3 1/2 years into a theater major, I might change it just to keep my sanity.

Don't get me wrong. The show is awesome. The music is good, our choreographer is incredible. But everything else makes me want to throw bananas at people.

ps

Next week in makeup class is fantasy or an animal.

I'm torn between Molly, or the Autumn Fairy from Fantasia.

Any ideas anyone?

run run run

Today, I went to my makeup class. The topic was injuries. So, I made myself up to look like Dorothy. Upon arriving in Oz via Air Kansas, my pilot landed on the Wicked Witch of the East. The Lollipop Guild, Local #417, was secretly in league with Ms. East's sister, West. Fearing a political assassination, the Guild boycotted, but quickly escalated to a riot. I was stabbed in the leg by a lollipop stick. Upon bending over in pain, I was struck in the head by a lollipop, causing bruises and lacerations to the face and temple. The force of the blow broke the lollipop, pieces of which were then forced into my mouth, and could not be removed except surgically. Sitting next to me was a girl who was attacked by a werewolf. Next to her was a guy who had a sizzling fajita plate dumped on him. His makup came complete with slices of cheese and meat stuck to his face with liquid latex. It was cool.

Anyway, I rushed back to my apartment and actually had time to eat sitting down today. The downside of that is it would only have filled Anissa's stomach. I rushed out with my jujitsu bag, and decided to play a game. It was called the "Lets-see-how-many-old-guys-can-hit-on-
Meghan-before-she-loses-her-cool-and-stabs-one-with-a-lollipop?" Game.

Remember last Thursday? The crazy guys? Yeah I think the police missed one. Either that or every guy over 40 in New Brunswick is, as the Germans say, "heiss." Sorry to disappoint you all, but I can't write a script like I did last week because there was no dialogue. I was carrying Anissa's lollipop and gripped a little tighter, but I don't think he even knew I heard him.

Anyway. If someone doesn't do something about the traffic in New Brunswick, I'm going to have to keep walking to jujitsu on Thursdays. And if that happens, and New Brunswick still has men in it, eventually I'm going to lose it and (most likely not physically but verbally) lambast someone. Ha! I did it. I've always wanted to use the word lambast in a sentance. I don't know if I used it correctly though. Or contrapuntal. This pizza is contrapuntal.

Ok right. So now that you are shaking your head at my pitiful attempt at humor, I might go to sleep. Or stay up taking OkCupid tests.

ironic

So, several days ago, I took two Okcupid tests. The Sesame Street personality test. And the What kind of weapon are you test. So I found out that I am both Big Bird, and an HK-91 rifle.

You are very organized, more abstract, and more extroverted.

Here is why are you Big Bird. You are both very organized. You almost always know where your belongings are and you prefer things neat. You may even enjoy cleaning and find it therapeutic. Big Bird is never sloppy and always under control... pretty good for a 6 year old bird living without a family.

You both are abstract thinkers. Big Bird is a dreamer who always wonders what the world is like. You definitely are not afraid to take chances in life. You only live once. You may notice others around you playing it safe, but you are more concerned with not compromising your desires, and getting everything you can out of life. This is a very romantic approach to life, but hopefully you are also grounded enough to get by.

You are both extroverts. Big Bird gets along with everyone. He makes friends easily and always has a positive attitude. You definitely enjoy the company of others, and you don't have problems meeting new people... in fact you probably look forward to it. You are willing to take charge when necessary or work as part of a team.

AND

Of German Design, Heckler and Koch puts out some of the worlds best weapons ever made. You have been battle tested and proven many times over by several european nations. Your also very complicated to fully disassemble and are very finicky about what type of ammo you will use. using the wrong ammo can make you a very dangerous person, so make sure you get your facts right before launching an attack.


So, two complete opposites all inside my personality. Thought that was kind of interesting.

update on my day

CyViR: heyas, howdid your day go?
arwenundomiel9: it was: get up, run to the post office, pick up a class schedule for next semester run to the lab, print homework, run to work, run to class, run to the bank, run to the other post office, meet with mike from chi alpha, run back to my apartment, act like a vegetable for a little bit, eat dinner, run over to livingston for rehearsal, avoid the creepy guy from class last year who invades personal space and smells like BO only when he opens his mouth which is all the time, run back from rehearsal and do a paper that is now due in 7 hours.

I also have a project due Thursday for theater makeup- the topic this week is injuries. This is evidence of hicksville.

arwenundomiel9: i have to have pictures of similar injuries too... so i'm thinking of using a picture of my brother's back after he and a friend played blow-for-blow
arwenundomiel9: but thats only one injury
CyViR: hrm.....
CyViR: what is blow for blow?
CyViR: dare i ask?
arwenundomiel9: i hit you, you hit me. common courtesy is equal strength blows.
arwenundomiel9: but its not a fight its... i will let you hit me, you will let me hit you.
CyViR: ......
arwenundomiel9: its a totally stupid game
arwenundomiel9: idiotic
CyViR: sounds captivating
CyViR: i real time waster
arwenundomiel9: but its west milford and there's nothing better to do
CyViR: sigh, your brother needs to take up board games or something
arwenundomiel9: haha... his latest project is exploding arrowheads

another shameless ad

Ok... everyone does this. But you are cordially invited to come see LTC's next show, Working, at which I am the stage manager. Working is a musical whose basic theme is to give a voice to the working man. Its about people with careers, hardships, and accomplishments. Opening night is Nov. 17 (Thursday) at 8 pm. There will be a show Nov 18 at 8 pm, Nov 19 at 2 pm and 8 pm, and Nov 20 at 4 pm. LTC is constructing the set a little bit differently this time around, so there will be slightly less seats than normal, and the cast is slightly larger than normal, which means that seating is limited and tickets are already being reserved, so I'd suggest you plan and get your tickets while you can. Let me know what day you'll be there, and I'll come out and say hi after the show.