my journey

I'm going to Walmart to see if there is anything left in their garden section. Maybe I will find some Coleus.

I was just thinking today about phobias. I have concluded that my secret fear is going to Walmart, needing something REALLY badly, not being able to find it, and not being able to find a SINGLE employee who speaks English. Not even the management. Not even Mr. Walmart himself, or the little happy face that knocks down prices. In pesos and rupees.

Ok, I'm off on my little adventure. Wish me luck, and where did I put that passport?

>:-o

I was going to write something about jujitsu yesterday. I went, mostly because Prof Carr was there (Barb's sensei) and I didn't work out, I just watched. I was kind of glad. I was feeling particularly achy last night. Barb tried to tell me what's wrong with me. But she isn't a physician, nor is she a psychologist.

But I have something more pressing to write about now. Someone stole my garden! I woke up this morning and glanced out the window and noticed one of the white lawn chairs was not there. So I took a further look and saw that it was in the middle of my impatiens. What's going on here. I went outside to check on everything, and my impatiens have all been stepped on, and my coleus is missing. Who the heck vandalises a garden?? Don't you people have better things to do? Go rob a bank and leave me my little piece of home. It actually makes me a little homesick. I really liked that coleus. My mom bought it for me.

My first thought was someone was standing on the white chair trying to get into my window, but the chair was in the wrong place for that. It was also in the wrong place for one of the house caretakers to have tried to fix something. It was just randomly there in my garden.

Then I thought maybe the caretakers were trying to weed or something and got the wrong plants. But Taylor's half dead tomato plant is still back there happily chugging out tomatoes despite the fact it has no leaves. They would have gone for that first if they were trying to weed.

So I'm really mad.

Why on earth would someone kill a garden?

At least my hostas are still there looking like they need water.

random daydream

"Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen, and welcome aboard the Becky Thatcher. As the crew takes a few minutes to prepare for launch, I’d like to take the time to familiarize you with the history of this boat as well as some safety precautions.

“The Becky Thatcher was built about 5 ½ years ago and it was assumed a launch date would be set for spring of that year. Due to an engineering error, the launch date was postponed, followed by a period of insufficient funds for her completion. She was finally launched on her maiden voyage a year after the intended launch date. Her maiden and subsequent voyages, however, were a success, carrying her passengers through (mostly) smooth waters for 2 ½ years. In the summer of her fourth year, the Becky Thatcher developed a slow leak in her hull, due to the acidity in the waters of the Mississippi. In order to preserve her engine from damage, her Captain deliberately ran her aground on a sandbar. Extensive restoration was begun, along with a new protective coating on her exterior in order to prevent future hull damage. The engineer overseeing the restoration became the new First Mate, and she was given a new course through less polluted waters. Several changes occurred over the next few months, including the resignation of the First Mate, a drastic change in weather patterns, and another change in travel routes, but the Becky Thatcher is still going strong.

“This in no way indicates that we should ignore safety procedures. In the event of poor weather or an unexpected emergency, announcements will be given over this intercom system. If the Captain decides to evacuate the ship, please be sure to gather at the bow, where the floatation devices are located in the overhead racks. There are lifeboats to either side of the bow. Do not evacuate via the stern. It will place you too close to the engines and the paddlewheels. In the event of an emergency in which it is impossible to evacuate via the bow, please exit as far from the stern as possible. As gorgeous a ship as the Becky Thatcher is, her paddlewheels will tear you apart if you get too close during an emergency.

“This concludes our introduction to your travels with the Becky Thatcher. It is the pleasure of the crew and captain that we welcome you aboard. Our departure time is now 3 minutes, and we hope you have a wonderful voyage.”

a;lskjf

Fellow blogger, a person I have to call Michigan Dan in order to differentiate him from the other Dans in my life such as Brother Dan, Uncle Dan, Blue-Belt Dan, and Emperor Dan, posted something recently: Confessions of Mean Thoughts.

Which is essentially what my last blog was, "I work for a sped."

Now I'm going to say, my customers are a little off too. "I'd like a coffee please. Can you make it real coffee?"

No I'm sorry we're only serving imaginary coffee tonight.

However, there were two people who were very interesting tonight. They came up mumbling in another language to each other. I wasn't really paying attention and didn't try to figure out the language. Surge rang up their order and then asked if they were Polish or Russian. They said "Nooooo... we're Italian." I asked what part of Italy, and they said Verona, and I said "Oh, that's a nice place, I've been there," and then the one guy asked in Italian if I spoke Italian and why did I go to Italy and did I like it and what city. He then translated to the other guy and we talked a bit more... although I spoke quite poorly...

So after almost a year, I had a conversation in Italian and I realize... I do sorta miss it. But mostly, I am mad at myself for having forgotten a lot of it. I can read it decently, and I can usually understand most of the dialects except Sicillian. But writing it, or speaking it myself... I was never good to begin with, and now I'm worse because a year has passed. I'm tempted to find a way to keep it in practice... maybe some conversational Italian tapes or something.

But anyway. That was cool. Then Andrew and James came to visit and then gave me a ride home, which was also cool.

mm eh uh

I work for a sped. That's all I'm going to say about work yesterday.

In other news, I fell asleep after work and skipped jujitsu, but then I woke up hungry so I went to Noodle Gourmet while the jujitsu people were there. Barb asked if my work schedule was keeping me from jujitsu. I told her I've been having a lot of joint pain and also some emotional stuff to deal with. I didn't mention though, that it seems like the joint pain only happens when the emotional stuff starts in. It felt weird talking about it to her. As if telling her somehow made it more real. I don't want it to be real. I want it to be all in my head so I can just realize that and forget about it and come back to jujitsu. I miss it. But at the same time, I have no desire to go.

I guess that's all.

Talladega Nights

Here it is... the post that was just waiting to happen. I had no plans to go see the movie because I'm not a fan of Will Ferrell, nor am I a fan of movies containing fast cars (cough the fast and the furious cough cough).

But Cara invited me, and James, Andrew, and Steve came along as well. Sitting in the previews was interesting enough. There's something about seeing a movie with friends that makes it a better experience than seeing a movie by yourself or with only one friend. I think its that everyone kinda builds on each other's emotion, or whatever it is they happen to invest in the movie. In this case, just pure laughter.

The main character, Ricky Bobby, is born in the back of a speeding car on the way to the hospital. The reason it was in the backseat and not in the hospital is because the driver passed the hospital, being fascinated by the speedometer. Hicksville.

I felt very at home watching the movie. I will admit, my family isn't *quite* like that, but it was the kind of movie that would appeal to someone with blood/kinfolk like mine. I think I laughed during the movie about as much as I did the whole time I was in Michigan, only it was compressed into 2 hours. The laughter in Michigan, however, was directed at jokes of the same nature as the ones made in the movie tonight.

Also, I reflected that it must be very easy to raise money for a show about racecars, given all the corporate sponsorships that could be attained from pasting logos to the cars. Not to mention the Applebee's commercial. If you have seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about, if not, go see the movie and be thankful there's only one more spoiler coming up.

***Spoiler***
It was great fun watching the end of the race, with Will and the French guy, and seeing the road ahead that the movie plot is about to take, and then turning my head and watching Steve, James, Cara, and Andrew groan, say "Oh no oh no... don't- not the arrrrrghghhhhh" as Will Ferrell kisses his arch enemy on the lips. I didn't really see the scene because I was watching my friends shield their eyes. Something about Will Ferrell in this movie screams "not sexy" and "least likely to do exactly what he just did on screen... aggggh." It was fascinating to watch people's reactions to the unexpected.

***end spoiler***

Ok thats about all I have to say. The movie exceeded my expectations. And the cougar was cool. And Reese Bobby... reminds me of someone. I'm not gonna say who. But yeah. This movie runs in my blood...

Surrounded

My away message today read "why the hell is everybody dying."

T was killed in a car accident on Monday.

This is stupid. Everyone I know has been to a funeral in the past couple of months. I guess by everyone I mean several. But it feels like everyone. I'm tired of the death in my life.

I'm even more tired of the dying going on inside me. Slowly, little pieces of me are crumbling away into nothing. Jujitsu used to be such a big part of my life. Its falling apart and it hurts me that I can't bring myself to go much anymore. I used to be creative and write poetry and draw pictures and dance. What would it take to get me to dance again? I'm not sure. I wish I knew what it was that was eating me up.

Maybe I do know and just don't want to tell myself that. Well, I wish others knew and would tell me.

Do you hear that? I want you to grab me by the shoulders and look me in the eyes and shout in my face the words that will either kill me or bring me back to life. Wait I forgot. Someone already said those words and they killed me.

Not because of what was said but because I knew it was a lie. And because I'm a silly sappy hopeless dreamer, I chose to try to convince myself that lie was true.

Wow. I didn't intend for this blog post to travel down this road. Its amazing what happens when you let out one tiny part of your emotions. Its like a dam bursting.

Sam, when are you coming back to jujitsu? If you come back I will go one day, just 'cause I need to grapple with you.

Sweat, tears, and the ocean will heal all wounds. If I get injured grappling with Sam in Beach Haven, I could have all three.