powerteam

K... this morning I got up at the buttcrack of dawn because my mom signed me up with a driving school... I guess cause it lowers insurance or something. So sleep or the lack thereof was a big influencer in my mood. And the rain... weather always influences my mood too. And I'm pms-y. Sorry I know I have guys who read this too... but at the moment I don't care. And I spent the day "substitute" tutoring Krystal because my mom was exhausted and fell asleep, and Krystal needed to learn her division. So by 5:30, I was about ready to push everyone out of the house into the rain, starting with Krystal, lock the doors, and listen to Michael Buble sing Moondance on repeat for hours.

Instead, I got in the car with my mom and Krystal and my brother and we went to church to help set up for the Power Team. Or rather... my brother was helping, my mom was doing ushering, and I was trying to keep up with Krystal (what was that conversation we had the other day about quantum leaps? something about electrons that are so energized they go from point A to point B without ever being anywhere in between... yeah Krystal did that a couple of times today).

Finally, the Power Team started their thing. I sat in the second to last row to watch. The first thing they did involved pyrotechnics... and as I predicted, our stage is not made for that, probably not the foundation either, because I could feel the tremor when they dropped the tree trunk (2nd to last row). I was a little aggravated... I consider it my stage, since I'm the only one who remembers performing on it in a full-length show. Also as predicted, the curtains caught fire. Not big, just sort of smoldering... I didn't even see it, my brother told me because he was backstage. His job was removing cinderblocks and broken bricks. Anyway... the breaking, bending, folding, ripping, popping, and blowing up was pretty cool... and they said each show will have different stunts, using a car analogy, tonight was first gear. Tomorrow is second, etc... not that they will do the stunts faster... just, cooler. These guys did dangerous things that very few other people could do. And one of them holds five world records and used to wrestle with WWF. I think tonight I heard "don't try this at home" more times than I have ever heard in my life. And they're huge. I mean, we've got some fairly big guys in jujitsu. I'm 5'8" and the 4 jujitsu guys in this picture are all taller than I am, and are pretty well built:



Next to the Power Team, Scott (above, next to Erica) is a dwarf. Its a little freaky actually. Jujitsu is all about gentleness. You can be unconscious before you are even aware that your opponent is about to kill you. These guys are not gentle. If they wanted to kill you, be sure they can't get their bare hands on your skull to crush it.

So... I'm typing all this stuff to make it sound cool... but you've probably noticed its a little dry and I'm not gushing over them. This is because there is no feat of strength or power or might that will impress a pms-y woman. And that's that. There are still 4 more shows of the Power Team. You all still have a chance to see them. I guarantee that unless you are pms-y, you will have a great time.

...

BOO!

Did I scare ya?

church

So... I went to the once-a-month-night service at my church. They like to call it a school of prophecy, but that's not always what it is. Sometimes God makes other plans and we go along with them, 'cause... well, He's God.

Anyway, remember that guy a while back who I had seen at church a little, but never really knew who he was, and then one day he came up to me and said God told him he should come tell me something? Well, I've spoken with that guy a couple of times now, and its odd, but we never have just regular conversation. Its always him telling me what God has to say to me. And its always exactly what I need to hear from God.

So, today, I was sitting there feeling a little off, spiritually. I wasn't really getting into it. There were a bunch of activities going on, and I was just sitting there asking God why I came because there was just something blocking me. They were praying for people, and specifically they said they were praying for emotional healing, which I need. The other day I curled up on the couch to take a nap and instead I spent it crying to God about the past. So I sat there, wondering if I was going to cry again. I was telling God I want the memories to stop hurting. I want to keep the memories and cherish them, I just want them to stop hurting. "Do I really want to get over him? Doing that would mean giving up my hopes and dreams I once had. Getting over him would mean we weren't right for each other when once I thought we were. It would mean I'd have to sacrifice the hope I had for the future.

Then, I felt that tap on the shoulder. It was the messenger guy. "God wants me to tell you that He doesn't want you to be lonely. When you're feeling down, ask Him, He'll give you a hug whenever you need it." He stood up to leave. He's always short and to the point. "Oh, and one more thing. Don't you worry about who God has for you to marry. The perfect guy will come along just for you."

That one hit me like a train.

And I just tried a bunch of different ways to describe how I felt right then, and none of them fits. It was a good feeling to know God cares about me.

Anyway, after that I prayed for friends. And it was good. I didn't expect the kind of night I had, but it was not a bad night.

random entry

This is random... cause I have no homework telling me not to.

I saw a commercial the other day. It started with a girl on horseback, riding along a tropical beach that was obviously the West coast because it was sunset. Not sunrise, because its a scientific fact that sunset is always more vivid than sunrise. Anyway, following the image of the horsegirl was a girl jumping off a cliff into tropical paradise waters. Following that was a bunch of girls happily running along the beach, splashing in the water wearing sexy bathing suits. Then comes the voiceover that tells you what product is being advertised. Can you guess? Not a travel ad, or an ad telling you to come to Hawaii, but this: "Venus razors. The only razor that can make a woman feel alive. Venus. Be a goddess today."

Ok... I don't use Venus razors, so I'm not an expert. But it is my firm belief that there is no possible way a razor can make a person "feel alive." That's a stupid phrase. How do you actually feel alive anyway? Breathing, eating, sleeping, feeling your heart beating, that's not enough to make you feel alive? You have to have a razor to do that? Riding a horse on the beach at sunset. That's a nice image. I'd like to try it some day. But how does a razor make me feel like I am riding a horse? That makes no sense.

I can just imagine what they will come up with next.

"Sweetie, we're going to be late, lets go."
"I know honey, but I just got this new Gillette and I want to finish driving the Chevy down the mountain."

There's no correlation between the two, unless they've invented a razor that can sense when it is being used, and has a computer chip to send electrical impulses that can manipulate brain waves and evoke happy images of beaches, horses, and sunsets.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day. Its completely random. It has no substance. It was fun to write.

Episode III

So... whoever reads this, your lives would not be complete if you did not hear a full theatric perspective on the new Star Wars movie from yours truly. And if you already feel your life is complete without my comments, well... I'm the new emperor. I've decreed that your life is no longer complete without my comments. If you don't like it, there's a little X in the top right corner of your screen that will help you out.

So... as the movie began and the summary was scrolling down the screen to the tune of John Williams' fabulous music, I had a sudden flash. "Oh no! I can't remember the first two movies!" Then I thought of the comment in Anissa's profile where her friend says, "your not missing all that much honestly. some badly written stuff happens, anikin is a whiny SOB and thats about it." When I thought of that, somehow the plot slowly started piecing together in my mind, so I wasn't too concerned.

I will admit, I was impressed with it. I was a pretty big fan of the original trilogy, and a while ago, I did buy the published script of Episode I. And the soundtrack. But the novelty wore off a few years ago, and I'm just an average viewer of Star Wars now. But I was definitely on the edge of my seat a lot, through the whole movie. So that was a good thing.

My first reaction as the end credits started scrolling was,

***Spoiler below here***

"Well done, Mr. Lucas. You've successfully borrowed imagery from Lord of the Rings. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, so I and the other LOTR freaks out there salute you." If you don't believe me, go watch the last desperate struggle between good and evil both fighting for power in the depths of an angry volcano, so deep its clearly impossible for either character to get sufficient oxygen, and yet they do, because the volcano is somehow vital to the story. Notice I didn't state which movie I was talking about, because they are the same. Still, that doesn't make it a bad movie.

***End of spoiler***

My next reaction was "Why do all the awesome roles go to the guys?" Think about it. Hayden Christiansen got an amazing, fun, challenging role. Think of other movies you've seen. Boromir... an actor's dream role. At least, my dream role if I were a guy. Che from Evita. Christian from Moulin Rouge. And all the girls get to do is appear to the guys in blinding flashes of light and say, "I'm Arwen, I'm here to look sexy and heal you." Or in Natalie Portman's case, "Ani, I'm pregnant." Speaking of which... that was an awkward scene. George Lucas had the right idea in the original trilogy... no love scenes. Cause geeks aren't good at writing love scenes. Not neccessarily because they have no experience. I just think its something genetic. Anyway, theater major's comments... I tend to rip a movie to shreds even when I loved it. Hayden Christiansen did very well. He was awful as a good guy, but as soon as Vader started showing up in his eyes, that was when I gained a whole new respect for him as an actor.

And lastly, I felt a bit rushed. All the missing links between the two trilogies were filled in at the last second, when they had two whole hours when they could've done that. Not to mention two whole movies before this one. They didn't have to save it all for the end. But I guess its more theatric that way. Ooh theatrics I just remembered that one scene where I thought my heart was going to rip to shreds. I'm not going to put another spoiler in, but there's a scene with Jedi, and some kids, and Anikin/Vader and its really intense, very well done, and probably the best scene in the whole of the new trilogy. From my point of view. I like heart wrencher stuff.

Anyway, that's my opinion. If you haven't seen it, it was worth the $8 movie ticket. If I want to see it again though, I'll probably wait for it to come out at Blockbuster. There. Now everyone's life is complete.

dream

This is for Cyrus... dreams interest him. Like me. I love dreams.

I didn't have any significant, memorable dreams for about a month and a half, which is highly unusual for me. This morning, I dreamed that I was with a bunch of people from my past (though some were current friends as well). Somehow, we were sent to another world. At first glance, this other world was just like our current world, but there were subtle differences that we had to look for. There was no one who was native to this other world, only one girl. All the rest had somehow been transported there. Some of the inhabitants were only images, like mirages. So they didn't count as natives either. The major difference is that when someone from our world was brought to this new world, they would appear as they really are on the inside. For instance, some people are full grown, but act childish. So in the new world, they would actually be children. So I could be meeting someone in the new world who is my friend, but have no idea it was them because they would look different. This also means border-line horror film, because some people in our world are dead on the inside, or have horrible scars, that in the new world would translate to walking dead people, and other grotesque features.

I was brought to the world alone, but I knew that at the same time, there were other people that I knew who were being brought to the world. I knew there were some people from my elementary school, like B.C., and some people from my church, and some that I'm currently friends with, such as S.N. Also, K.G. was there, but I'm not sure if this person is a current friend or part of my past. Probably somewhere in between. I remember looking for M.C. from my elementary school, but I couldn't find her. Perhaps this was because she looked very different from the way she looks in our normal world.

After milling around a bit, and finding each other, everyone in this new world gathered in the woods for a campfire, except the one native inhabitant. I don't think the meeting applied to her. There was a religious leader (I don't know if I should call him priest, pastor, or what because I don't know what religion it was) who got up to do some sort of religious service. It sort of resembled a Catholic Mass, but slightly different, enough to make me feel uncomfortable that I didn't know what was happening. It was in another language too I think, which is unusual, because usually when there are foreign languages in my dreams, there's no language barrier; I can understand what is being said even when its in another language. In this dream, I was lost. I had no clue what they were saying.

At a certain spot, the leader stopped, and I felt like the people gathered were supposed to say "amen" or something. I was in a balcony area with some people I knew, and I sensed they also felt the same thing. I think it was on the tips of all our tongues, when the other people around the campfire began chanting and bowing. Since we didn't know the words, the people around me just said "amen" anyway.

I was standing next to S.N. and we were on the lowest rung of the balcony railing. It was wobbly, so I took her hand and we hung on to each other for balance. K.G. came up between us, and took my hand away from S.N. I had a flash of nostalgia, and the memory of my past hurt a little. I pulled away and went to the edge of the balcony where the stairs were (my left if I'm facing the campfire). I sat down on the stairs and put my head in my lap, with every intention to cry, but no tears came.

I heard a voice near the campfire, and I looked up. It turns out that this other world was a virtual reality computer program, and the guy who wrote it was at the campfire talking about it. As he talked, we were brought back into our world again. Then I woke up.

I just wanted to put this dream here, because its been on my mind all day. Well, not all day. But its on my mind now. Its the first dream after 40 dreamless days, and I want to know what it means. I'm getting the sense that its about people I need to forgive. And other stuff. I don't know. This dream has me stumped. All I can say is, I hope the part about having no more tears left happens for real. I'm tired of the pangs of nostalgia, I'm tired of crying about it. As tired as I am though, I don't know if I want to let go.

So... that's my dream, and some comments on it. Anyone want to add anything?

confession

I'm a soft American.

A rare occurence for me, this post is slightly political in nature. Usually I avoid politics in general. But Anissa sent me this article and its made me think.

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20050516/ap_on_re_us/newsweek_quran

Sorry to let some of my more political friends down, but I'm not going to debate it. I'm going to state my reaction, which, because of who I am, will naturally take a religious twist.

I'm a soft, complacent American. I don't have a clue, because even America's homeless are better fed than some people in the world. I don't know what its like to live in constant fear for my life, in constant fear that someone will discover my religious beliefs. As hard as it is to be daily surrounded by people at school who don't understand or give a darn why religion is so embedded in my life, this is cookies with sprinkles compared to people who are persecuted for it elsewhere. It raises questions in me.

What is it about Islam that makes its followers so zealous? Why is it that they hold holy things as holy, the way they should be, sacred? Why don't I see American Christians give more respect to their HOLY Scripture? Why have I seen the Bible tossed on the floor, kicked, buried under piles of other things in a person's bedroom? I know that same fervor is in there, somewhere. But what is it about the Middle Eastern countries that their people can dig into their hearts and find that fire, that holy fervor for sacred things that I think some people in America (I at least) have been too lazy to dig for? I know its there, somewhere, in my heart. But I've lost that flame somewhere along the line. And its bothering me tonight.

amazing...

Before I mention anything about today, let me just say that last night, my parents decided we were going to have a family dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant in Ringwood, to celebrate my completion of my junior year, and thus, my being a senior. Which of course makes me feel old. It was incredibly fun; I don't think I've laughed that hard with my family in a long time. We talked/debated about everything from polar ice caps to jujitsu to human intelliegence (or lack thereof) to just making fun of me in general. I don't think I've gotten picked on like that in a while (in jest of course). One of the things we debated was jujitsu. My brother is convinced that a black belt in karate could kill a black belt in jujitsu because (according to one of his best friends) karate focuses on how to kill, whereas jujitsu teaches how to kill, how to be gentle, how to heal, how to have morals, and how to apply it to everyday life. He sees these things as one of jujitsu's flaws, however, I'm of the opinion that these things are precisely what makes jujitsu the superior art. Karate may be called a martial art, but if all you learn is how to be a killing machine, its not an art at all, because there's no finesse. If karate is what my brother says it is, then its essentially the opposite end of the spectrum from something like capoeira, which seems to be more art and less martial. Jujitsu seems to be a perfect balance of the two. But since I've never practiced a martial art besides jujitsu, I don't really have much to compare with, so I don't know. At any rate, it was an extremely fun night, especially because I have just completed all of my requirements for my Italian minor, and it was fun to translate the items on the menu.

On to today... I've been cleaning my room, big time. I had no idea I was such a pack-rat. I have this ability to make things appear neat and orderly, when really its a whole lot of crap that needs to be thrown out. I had to stop because my allergies were starting to react to the dust. My room for some reason attracts bugs every year, different species, depending on the year. This year, its those huge crunchy ants, and I've been smashing them with a soccerball. Ant poison would probably be more effective, but the soccer ball is more fun. Anyway, I've been watching this one ant for over an hour now. He discovered a fellow ant that had fallen prey to my soccer ball, and he decided to pick his buddy up and take him back to the nest. The only thing is, I think he lost his way, because he's been circling my room for quite a long time now, and he's been pretty much everywhere at least twice. At one point, he even put his buddy down and walked around to try and get his bearings, then came back for his dead friend. I now know why Jesus gave that parable in the Bible about being diligent like an ant. Think of the stuff that could get done if everyone just kept trying their hardest at things instead of giving up halfway.

Anyway, my sudafed has begun to take effect, so perhaps now would be a good time to keep cleaning. I'm trying to get my desk empty so I can bring it to New Brunswick when I move into the apartment. Which I am beginning to be more excited about now that school is out.

lots of stuff

Soooo... my roommate moved out yesterday, so when I came in from my last exam her side was all empty. Which left me kind of lost... because she's graduating, and it drove home the fact that with classes over, I'm technically a senior now and it makes me feel weird. Then Andrew came to take my stuff, since I had to be out of the dorm at 10 today and my mom wasn't coming until tonight. So pretty much, I was left in my room with a blanket, pajamas, and my backpack and jujitsu bag. No computer, no books, no homework taking up my time. And no roommate to talk to. Which, at first was a very startling experience, because it has been a long time since I willingly put myself in that position. At least this time, I was not 3000 miles from home in a country whose language was not my native one. New Brunswick hasn't felt like 3000 miles from home in a while either... though there are days... especially when NB feels like a country whose language is not my native one...

Anyway, I didn't know what to do. It made me realize that despite my feeble attempts at getting closer to God, I've really been distracting myself from Him. It explains my choice to take 18 credits... why else would I do that to myself? So, for a while, I filled the aching silence with music, but it made me notice the pain even more, so I sat on my bed and said... "Ok... I'm going to see what happens when I don't try to distract myself." I sat there in silence, and then the words just started coming. I told God all the things I've wanted to tell Him for so long, but they were things I've been avoiding, because if I don't think about them, somehow, I can deny they exist. I yelled, I vented, I complained. I didn't realize I had that hurt there, and I noticed bitterness too. I didn't know that was there. It felt good to give it to God.

So, I finally went to sleep, and woke up, and put all my stuff on my back like a hobo and left Jameson D-1, room 213, forever. My last night in a dorm... my last night with shower shoes. Perhaps a little melancholy. But living in an apartment next year is going to be awesome. Anyway, I woke up refreshed after the offloading I did the night before. I was quiet, subdued, as if I had resigned myself to exploring my inner emotions again. I then spent 8 hours reading my Bible in the student center, also something I haven't done in a while... yes, I have done that before, also in complete solitude like today. It was surprising. Have you ever read a story that was started by one person but finished by another? Or several others, like those campfire games where someone starts a line and then each person adds an element to it? The story usually ends up extremely funny, or extremely disturbing, because several creative imaginations all put together will come up with differing ideas, because the minds are all going in different directions. My surprise came today when I realized that the Bible is not like that. Yes it is written by many different people, but the loose ends are still tied up neatly, and the same themes run through it. I felt, as I read, that I was admiring a masterpiece, almost like seeing it for the first time. I didn't expect to get that out of it.

Then I went to jujitsu, where Andrew Slave Driver had me doing Nage the whole night... for those of you who don't know, Nage is the list of throws we do. Yeah, same thing as Tuesday night, the night I got thrown on my head. I'm becoming a great advertisement for jujitsu... "Join jujitsu, its safe as long as you have an injury. Once you heal, they beat you up." Anyway, I was extremely happy to be doing throws again, and my leg feels wonderful. Andrew has a different teaching style from the others... I mean, its definitely a good thing to learn from more than one person, but when Andrew is the teacher, I feel I use more of my body and get all the little tips and pointers at once, instead of gradual... perhaps I just learn better when I'm bombarded with information, I don't know. Though Cyrus has a way with words, too. And Scott has a sense of humor... see, everyone's a good teacher. But the masochist in me seems to fit well with "slave driver."

After that I went out and had pizza hot enough to burn a hole through my palette and into my olfactory cavity. Hehe, a big word and I didn't even have to Google it! If you've ever eaten pizza with a huge burn in your mouth... well I tried not to think about what was happening in my mouth. I'm not gonna talk about it here. But it was kind of gross. Now I'm home and my whole body aches because it got used today. And I'm happy because I had a bit of an emotional spring cleaning. I'm gonna sleep well tonight I think. Goodnight.

totally not what should be doing

So... I had my last meeting with the fourth graders today teaching creative dramatics. I'm kind of sad and kind of glad to be done. They were rowdy last week, and the teacher yelled at them in Spanish. Today they acted like whipped puppies, and my partner, who is fluent in Spanish, explained that the teacher had given them the classic hispanic guilt trip, "You are the worst class ever, you can't do anything right, you better not cry when I call your parents." I almost wish I could have them permanently, as my students so that I could tell them they're using their imaginations perfectly, and they are great actors, and they are doing fine.

Tomorrow I have a meteorology exam, which I should be studying for right now. But my concentration is a little off, and I'm really tired. So I'm doing this instead hahaha. I went to jujitsu tonight, and ever since the picnic, my leg has felt nice and I was really looking forward to doing some throws and falls tonight. Then, my leg started getting tired and someone did a throw wrong and threw me on my head. So, neither my head nor my neck nor my leg was very happy with that turn of events, so I sat out again. Still, I'm incredibly happy I at least got to do a couple of the throws. Now my neck is a little stiff (but there's a possiblity that is due to the amount of time I have spent hunched over my comp sci notes) and its making me tired (but there's a possibility that is due to the amount of sleep I have not been getting in the past... week or so). So that explains why my concentration is a bit off.

On a side note, I thought I was healing. But it turns out, I was just burying it under a lot of schoolwork and social activity. Now that everything related to college life is winding down for the summer, the layers of distracting bandaids are starting to come off, and its not pretty underneath. I really gotta work on that. I think I am making progress though. Pretty soon, a good portion of the reminders will be gone... hopefully it will be out of sight, out of mind, out of heart. I'll be on my own again. No more ghosts and phantom pain. The question is, do I really want that? And is it really good for me? What exactly is God's plan in all of this? Why did it happen? I don't know.

Well, yeah... time for me to get back to reading about the El Niño effect. The only reading assigned for the class and I'm doing it the night before the final. I'm such a good student...

sooo tired

Hip hip hooray for 5 am runs to the Omega Diner with dear friends who also did not sleep last night (great idea, Anissa! and thanks chauffeur Cyrus! ;-P). That's what college is all about. I have an exam in approximately an hour and 40 minutes. I was up all night trying to comprehend it, as well as also running virus scans on my computer, which for some reason has slowed tremendously since last week. At the diner, Andrew saved my life because he explained True Basic arrays to me, which made my respect for him go up three notches because not only was he up all night at the volunteer first aid squad, he also appeared fully functional and capable of logical thinking at 6 am, and was capable of inspiring another person (me) to think logically as well and to understand what the heck he was talking about. I got back to my dorm and discovered my computer was still running a virus scan... so I showered and took a 4-hour nap. Finally my computer was done and reported 136 bad files on my computer. Where they came from I have no idea, unless the little gremlins under my bed use my computer for porn when I'm not watching. Though I think if I had little gremlins putting porn on my computer, it would be a lot more than 136 bad files. One of those files apparently had been accessed over 3000 times, which means its probably a good thing I haven't bought anything online recently with my credit card number. Anyway, this is useless rambling because I haven't had enough sleep. But I had a great time in the early morning hours, even though it may not have appeared like it (I was pretty much incapable of both blinking and coherent dialogue.). We should do that again sometime after exams are done, because blinking and coherent dialogue are no fun... but I think next time it should also involve Sam and beach jujitsu. Ok, I really should go finish studying. Bye.

*EDIT:* I took my test, and discovered that both of the long programs I had to write involved arrays, so the more time that passed in the test, the more I appreciated this morning's events. I left a couple of things blank, so my highest possible grade is a 190 out of 200, and there's a good chance that my actual grade will be very close to that, since I felt very confident in most of the rest of the stuff. I feel like I should get a copy of that program I wrote and frame it and sell it to the museum of modern art. Or if not that, I should at least shower Andrew with misshapen flowers. Ok, see that last sentence? That is evidence that its time to take a nap. And then start studying for the next exam.

i'm tired

So... the jujitsu club had a picnic today and invited the capoeira club, so it was cool to see them do their stuff. And to see our people do our stuff. I've never seen Scott and Rod and Andrew do freestyle before.

My mom came late, which is to be expected, but she brought Brittany which is great because I haven't seen Brit in forever. But... she tried to untie my obi (jujitsu belt), so of course that led to some physical stuff, which was cool because we haven't done any wrestling in a while. I felt okay doing it... but as I was flying through the air I heard Cyrus and Andrew say in unison "Oh! Oh! The leg!" Which was when it dawned on me that landing might hurt. Surprisingly, it didn't at all, but now I can feel the muscles getting shorter and clenchier as I type. But there's no pain... I think, in part, my muscles are happy being used again. I was doing a little stretching last night and realized I'm not as limber as I was a few weeks ago, because I haven't been exercising my legs as much. So, yeah... I have some happy, tired muscles to go with my happy tired body... tired because I for some reason woke up without an alarm today after only 4 hours of sleep. I think my body somehow knew the electricity was out and my alarm wasn't going to go off.

Anyway... I'm just happy. I got to see my best friend... and I got to spend the day with my jujitsu friends... and I got to see my mom and brother... and the weatherman was wrong when he said rain. So I'm happy all around. And my leg is happy.

But my happy self needs a nap. And a shower. But that's not as pressing a need. Bye.

guess what?

For a change of pace, I thought I'd write about jujitsu.

The gym is closed for exams, so we met at the 2nd reformed church down the street. Its the one that always chimes the hour, which I love. So, special news today: I'm officially not the lowest ranking colored belt anymore. So that's cool. Congratulations to Allan and Chris, who I'm sure don't read this anyway. It was interesting watching their promotions, since now I'm sort of on the other side of it. And it was really cool because, for me anyway, there was something special about learning a martial art in the shadow of a church steeple. My church doesn't have a steeple, so I've always had a sort of awe for them... something about the way they always strive to be closer to the sky, as if one day they will poke through and reach the heavens beyond. Anyway, when the promotion began, I felt... well, it felt like my senses suddenly became extremely sensitive to the presence of God. That means that either I had something at that moment that God wanted me to learn (that I'm not really catching on to) or that someone in the group is really good at inviting Him to come and join us. I won't say too much more about that, but it did make me think about my promotion to blue belt, and how I said something very similar during that entry in my blog. I think perhaps when I have my quiet time tonight, I will learn something about all this.

Leg update, so no one has to ask. On Tuesday at jujitsu, I could take falls on the other side (the non-injured side), and do some rolls, but I paid for my activity on Wednesday. Now its Thursday, and I took it easy and didn't do any falls except the easy, gentle "magic throw." At the moment, there is a lot of heat coming from the muscle that Google calls gracilis and it sort of feels like a thick bungee cord... not at all like a muscle. But I'm not in pain, so I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

Lastly, I learned two things today. Or rather, re-learned. 1. Foot-in-mouth doesn't taste so good, in fact it has the potential to send a sharp pain into my heart. 2. My friends are incredible, and its been a while since I've felt comraderie like I have in the past couple of months. In fact its been a long while. It has made this semester which I thought I was going to hate (and in fact did hate for a long time) completely worth the trouble and one of the more enjoyable ones. When I started my junior year, it appeared that it was going to be very dreary... and lonely. And it was for a while. I focused on all of my class requirements for graduation, tried to drown my aching heart in a busy schedule, and slowly watched myself lose contact with a good friend, knowing there's nothing I can do about it. Then, something happened. I think it was spring in my heart (closely corresponding with the coming of spring to New Brunswick) and somehow, the bittersweet memories I usually associate with spring took the background, and I stopped stressing over my schedule, and I got to know my friends better, and most important, God taught me some vital lessons. And over all, I'm ending my junior year with a very peaceful, contented attitude.

And I had no idea I was going to think that deeply tonight. Now that I'm coming up for air... I'm realizing how late it is and I think I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight.

tossed salad

Hmm... Happy birthday to my brother. It was right about this time of night, 17 years ago, that Dad pulled me out of my warm snuggly bed, and said, "Come on, we're going for a ride." I don't remember much else except waiting with a friend of Mom's, playing a game with little plastic apples, and then being lifted up to see you, a squirming bundle of baby and afterbirth on on the table between Mom's legs. What my parents were possibly thinking when they did that to their not-quite-four-year-old daughter, I'm not really sure. But I'm glad your looks have improved since then. Hmmm... also a congratulations is in order: this is your first birthday where you are taller than I am.

Okay that's about it for the sentimental stuff. As usual, I'm going to write about jujitsu. I think to the outsider's perspective, this means I am completely obsessed with jujitsu. But not really. I just think about it 80% of the time. Haha, just kidding. I wouldn't know percentages, I'm horrible at them. Anyway, today was the first time as a blue belt that I really got to help teach the white belts and give input and feedback. It was really interesting because I learned so much from it. I understood the concept before that: the senior students teach the junior students, black belts included, so the teachers are students themselves, and learn from it as well. But I didn't really grasp how much I would actually learn doing that until it happened tonight. It was pretty cool.

The other thing that happened was what happens every week: jujitsu continues at the student center over dinner, where we talk about pretty much everything. Almost everyone is in CA it seems, so for quite a while, it was just Sam and myself. We were both avoiding studying/papers, so naturally, we took every possible opportunity to keep talking hahaha. It was nice getting to know Sam better, especially 'cause it was in person instead of on IM. It made me realize how close-knit the jujitsu group is: I've had deep, third-level conversations with almost all of the members that show up predictably. I don't think I've made these kinds of friends at Rutgers in my three years here, with the exception of my roommate, and the 8 AM Warriors (they know who they are). These are the type of people that make you really cherish your time in college, rather than just survive it.

Anyway... one more thing before I go. My church had a guest speaker today, who was passing through on his way from New Hampshire to Orlando. After he spoke, he went through and prayed for people individually if they wanted it. So when he got to me, he said something before he started praying. He said (he was born in Harlem, raised in Brooklyn), "You, girl, you're a pony, but you're gonna grow up to be a stallion. You jus' a warrior in trainin' right now, but, HEE HEE HEE, when you become a warrior, HOO, you're gonna be a warrior!" And then he started his prayer. I thought it was cool how God could use a simple message of encouragement to really touch my heart the way that did. It just did something in me, and sort of lit a little spark, made me excited about the future, I guess because it kind of made me curious to see what's going to happen.

Anyway, that's the tossed salad of my thoughts right now. I suppose I ought to go study for my test tomorrow, now that I've got my thoughts out here. Doubt I will though hahaha. Goodnight!