Spam Poetry #3

During the temple of gold. Show his mother and justice yet this. When things from whom were forced them. Though we shall be thought. Especially those in words of everything that

Then the assembly of syracuse. Besides this matter of glory. Rather than the most sacred things Hannibal to take care and third time. Pericles himself down their own security that. While they marched out among these matters. Said in like the river side. Others think fit for either the philosopher.


In case you didn't know, I get a lot of junk mail. I generally browse the titles to see if there is anything from a friend that went into the wrong email box. I open the most recent junk email just to remind myself that I've checked everything up to that point. So when I open the emails, there is usually something like this: "Click here to enlarge your..." or "I made $400 in one hour from my home! Click now!" followed by a large space and a paragraph like those above. It reminds me of poetry, poorly written in another language and translated with an online translator. But I like to think its actually a secret spy message related to government security. How brilliant to hide the code in a place you KNOW nobody ever looks.

Each time I make a spam poetry post, I think, ok don't bore your 2 (count'em, two!) readers to death with these posts. But then I get another one in the junk box, and it just intrigues me... for no apparent reason. Kinda like when you're flipping through the channels and you stop on the Weather Channel. I once watched TWC for hours on end. I don't know why, it just happened to be a channel that needed watching on that particular day.

Anyway, here's a desperate plea for interaction: Feel free to leave me a comment with YOUR version of spam poetry! Seasoned poets can welcome the challenge of dropping their poetry IQ levels, while people who have no practice in poetry can feel comfortable that nothing they've written is as poorly written as what lands in my junk mailbox!

Post #1000

Yes, this is my 1000th post. I can hardly believe that 6 years (almost exactly) have gone by since I started writing this thing. In honor of my blog, and in light of my family's recent loss of its patriarch (my grandfather), I have decided to compile a list of one thousand things that make it good to be alive (a.k.a. "reasons to be happy").

I have also decided that no one wants to read a list one thousand items long, so I have shortened it to 100. But each item on the list will be ten times better than it would have been if I hadn't shortened the list, and so you will still get the full effect of one thousand things. How does that work out for you?

1. The calm before a storm.
2. The undersides of leaves.
3. Spots of fog on a hillside.
4. Low hanging clouds.
5. The first 400 leaves that fall in Autumn.
6. Hummingbirds.
7. Wind chimes.
8. Lanterns.
9. The Silver Maple.
10. A barefoot horse on pavement.
11. A good sailing wind.
12. Stacked firewood.
13. Spring peepers on a foggy night.
14. Tire swings.
15. Laughing at dinner.
16. The smells of breakfast.
17. Hush puppies in a frying pan.
18. Powdered donuts.
19. A ripe peach that leaves juice somewhere on you other than your mouth.
20. Watermelon, for the same reason.
21. Pine trees in the house.
22. Floors made of salvaged wood.
23. Accomplishment.
24. Colorful socks.
25. Men's hats.
26. Brotherhood.
27. Night-time photographs.
28. Sunrise on New Year's Day.
29. Salt-water wind.
30. Olive groves.
31. A field of working bees.
32. The sound of a snowfall.
33. Rahsaan S. Fenn's status updates. (Inspirational guy. Friend him on Facebook.)
34. Seeing firsthand the bond of a family.
35. When cats do yoga.
36. Physically intense exercise.
37. Sea shanties.
38. Knowing if you died today, you'd leave behind a legacy.
39. Soup in the fall.
40. Cooking with friends.
41. Warmth in the winter.
42. Balancing.
43. Campfires.
44. Making memories.
45. Touring old buildings.
46. Touring rebuilt buildings.
47. Challenging expectations.
48. Meg's Tandoori Harvest Sandwich.
49. Creativity.
50. Cooperation.
51. Crisp air.
52. Spring cleaning when it is not spring.
53. A pie fresh from the oven.
54. Heritage.
55. Discovery.
56. Finding a robin's eggs.
57. The white tail of a running deer.
58. Black walnuts (but beware of stained hands!).
59. Solving a mystery.
60. Saying "I love you."
61. Sprinting.
62. Pigeons and salamanders.
63. Dreaming.
64. Cats on hay bales.
65. Days gone by.
66. Sketch books.
67. Many names for the same thing.
68. Children discovering something.
69. Old books.
70. Peaceful breathing.
71. Black and white photographs.
72. Greenhouses.
73. Running water.
74. Thunder.
75. A signature drink, so your waitress will remember you.
76. Regrets that no longer matter.
77. Forgiveness.
78. Campfire smoke.
79. Beach honeysuckle in bloom.
80. Flocks of crows in flight.
81. Getting lost on purpose.
82. Old coins.
83. Supportive friends.
84. Inventing something.
85. A blue sky.
86. Blooming after a rain.
87. Dates.
88. Scripture.
89. Rhythmic anything.
90. Organization.
91. Marveling at progress.
92. Birth.
93. The coconut palm.
94. Voicemail.
95. History.
96. Someone to love.
97. Pomegranates, mangoes, passionfruit.
98. Guacamole.
99. Long-lost friends.
100. Friends you've never lost.

Which one is your favorite?

October Blog

Today was the Autumn Lights Festival in my town which, as cool as the name sounds, is actually a small-town festival honoring the installation of the only set of traffic lights in the town. I wanted to do something to keep with the fall traditions around me, but I really didn't feel like changing my blog's colors to orange and black. So instead, I am reprinting something somewhat seasonal from the official blog for Rutgers Alumni.

Campus Spirits,
By Lizethe Martinez, Rutgers sophomore

Rutgers University is known for its school spirit — from football stadiums bursting with red to alumni proudly displaying RU memorabilia on clothes, cars, and in homes across the world. But Rutgers is less known for its school spirits, though many claim that it’s full of those, too, haunted by the ghosts of forlorn lovers, dedicated workers, and every oddity in between.

On the College Avenue Campus, if you’re lucky (or in this case maybe unlucky), you might catch a glimpse of the Grey Lady of Old Queens. This apparition is rumored to pace the building’s bell tower, glance longingly towards the Raritan, and fade into thin air. The identity of the Grey Lady is unknown, but some suggest that she is an 18th century woman who, for more than 200 years now, has been waiting for her former boyfriend, none other than Alexander Hamilton.

For a creepier encounter with the supernatural, walk a block from Old Queens, to Miller Hall. Throughout the hall’s existence, more than one university employee has mentioned hearing eerie groans, spooky whistling, and unearthly footsteps. A university administrator reportedly fled Miller because she was frightened by the noises and atmosphere of the building. Perhaps she would have dashed out even faster if she’d known that Miller Hall used to be a mortuary. Indeed, the building’s former name, McDede Burial Company, is still legible on its stone.

Perhaps these ghosts are doomed to walk our world forever, their souls searching for a rest just beyond their reach. But considering how awesome Rutgers is, maybe the ghosts aren’t trying to leave — maybe they have found the perfect place to rest. We think this is most likely the case for Jane Inge’s ghost. Legend has it that Jane Inge was a director who loved her job so much that she decided to continue working even after death. From time to time, she flickers the lights of the Little Theater on Douglass as she used to do when she needed the attention of her actors and crew. Electricians have checked the wiring but cannot explain the strange incidents. Even more puzzling is that the lights never malfunction during a performance, only during rehearsal. Peculiar phenomenon or paranormal activity? You decide…

Special thanks to Campus Information Services and Rutgers Magazine for providing the archived stories that led to this edition of “Rutgers Lore.”


In addition to the stories found in the above essay, I can fondly remember a few stories from my days at Rutgers. I lived in a wonderful old building which seemed to have a mind of its own, called the Jameson dorms. I had wonderful hallmates but I distinctly remember that one of them worked for Rutgers, giving tours to high school students thinking of attending Rutgers. In the fall, the tours switched over to "haunted tours" in which the guides would lead visitors at dusk through every area rumored to be haunted. Because we lived with her, she would often just sit in our room and tell us the stories she had to learn as a tour guide. One of the most interesting is the story of the Dean of Douglass College (the women's college) who disappeared mysteriously, and was found in upstate New York almost 20 years later at the bottom of a lake, an apparent suicide. Her former residence was said to be haunted by her, as well as by a relative of hers who committed suicide there by hanging herself out the window.

But the "closest" encounter I've had there involves an entire building that hated me. It was late at night, I was upset about something or another, so I walked around to Passion Puddle. After calming down and heading back towards my apartment, I was met by Steve and Anissa, who wanted to be sure I was not out getting mugged or worse.

And then, something scary and ghost-related happened, but I have to run out somewhere with my mom so you will just have to wait! Dun-duh-dunnnnn... cliffhanger!!! SORRY!

Edit: I'm back! Ok so, where was I? Out late at night on the green. There's the pond, with Red Oak Lane on one side (just like it sounds, a line of hundred year old oak trees, and uphill from the pond is a large grassy field. The whole green is surrounded by classrooms, similar to how Central Park is surrounded by buildings but much nicer than New York City. The area was pretty well lit, because Rutgers gets funding for their electricity. If they don't use a certain amount, then they lose a portion of that funding in the following year. So they leave lights on all over the place in order to keep to their quota. Its kind of like how some towns over-salt a road so that they won't lose funding for it the following winter. Generally, there are many outdoor lights and inside, the hall lights stay on, while the classroom lights get shut off after the nightly cleaning.

We were standing at the top of the grassy knoll near the stately old buildings that look out over the whole sloping landscape, and I got that prickly feeling like I was being watched. I looked around, because in New Brunswick when your I'm-being-watched alarms go off, your instinct must always be to look behind trees and down alleyways for rapists and muggers. On campus its a bit safer, but its still a good idea to look. Being at the top of an open hill, the visibility was great, and it was clear there was no one around except the three of us.

Anissa and Steve had noticed me looking around and were cautiously looking too. I asked if they felt like they were being watched and Anissa said she did have a creepy sensation like that. As we stood there longer and longer, I had the irrepressible feeling that I was in danger- the kind of danger I only ever feel during bad dreams. As I turned away from the green and towards the buildings, the sensation got stronger, and I noticed that all the lights in one building were on, even the classroom lights. The danger I felt was emanating from the building, and that was when I proposed that we all just walk back to the apartment I was sharing with Anissa and Taylor. From then on I always avoided "the building that didn't like me" which was fairly easy since it usually housed the food science classrooms and I never took any classes in that subject.

However, when I was contemplating going back to Rutgers for a Masters in Nutrition, I had to go into that building to the third floor admissions offices for more information. I made Steve go with me because I couldn't go alone. I ended up deciding against the Masters idea. And here I am.

The end, hope it was fun and fits a little with the October themes going around. Now I don't have to find a black and orange dragon to replace Fred on my background.

Stewing and some thoughts

I am sitting here stewing over something, maybe trivial, maybe not. My mom was prevented from calling my great uncle to give him the bad news because she is not a blood relative (and I quote, "someone within the family should tell him"). Just a quick poll for whoever is reading this, if you had to receive bad news, would you rather hear it from someone you go out to lunch with once a week, or a blood relative you haven't seen in 30 years? I should have saved them all the trouble and stopped at his house to tell him myself before even getting to the hospital.

...

He looked good. I hope I look that good when I am dead.

...

When everyone was going to the hospital but no one knew what was wrong, I thought "At his age, you don't get rushed to the hospital unless its a heart attack or a stroke." I hoped it was a heart attack because a stroke is worse for morale. At least with a heart attack you can have cute puns like "Our hospital is number one in mending broken hearts." It was a heart attack, and if I could choose a way to die, it would be the way he did: unexpectedly, but with enough time to be surrounded by loved ones, listening to Big Band music. The only thing missing was his Gibson martini, which the hospital did not allow to be added to his morphine drip.

...

Alternatively, flying a biplane upside down through a barn would also be a good way to go out.

...

Just a thought as I peruse my life at the moment. If you don't know what your loved ones believe about the afterlife, have that discussion with them now. It is totally insensitive to bring it up on their deathbeds or try to sway them to your own beliefs.

...

To live long enough to see your grandchildren born, that is a great goal. To live long enough to enjoy your retirement, that is a great blessing. To live long enough to enjoy 27 years of retirement with a full set of teeth and hair that is not as gray as your sons' and die looking just as good as you did at 25, that is a great miracle.

Date Night, or My Corny Commercial

You meet him on the street of a foreign country, which is exciting in and of itself just to be so far from home. He has a.) been staring at you all morning as if you are the first woman he's ever seen or b.) just rescued you from a potentially dangerous situation.

He looks into your eyes and says, a.) "Vous êtes si belle, je dois faire l'amour avec vous immédiatement." (You are so beautiful, I must make love to you immediately.) OR, b.) "Sei così bella, le stelle del cielo deve cessare di splendere in vostra presenza." (You are so beautiful, the stars in the heavens must cease to shine in your presence.)

He then asks you to dinner that night and you accept. He takes you to:

a.)


or b.)


As the night is coming to an end he leans in for a good-night kiss and you realize something you've been suspecting all along. He is wearing:

a.)


or b.)


So, which one will you buy?

Thoughts

If I get these thoughts out then maybe I'll be able to go to sleep afterwards. Its going to be sort of rambling.

I haven't been going to my home church recently, in fact I haven't been there since March 14th. Or maybe April 4, since that was Easter, but I can't even remember if I went there for Easter or not. However, I've been going to a small group that meets at the church in the middle of the week. This group has a large number of people from the community who do not show up on Sunday mornings, however there are some who attend both the Sunday service and the group I attend. Which means I get a lot of people asking me "How have you been?" when they really mean "Why don't we see you at church anymore?" Frankly, if more people just came out and said what's on their mind, I might feel a little more like I fit in there.

There are several reasons I don't attend my home church anymore. Here is a blog entry I wrote on Easter Sunday of this year: "Church. Why go to church...? The quite simple answer is that you can have friends who agree with at least a portion of your beliefs. It is, in a sense, a support group. Church is fellowship, it is not the building, but the people..." And yes, I have all those people who want to find out what I'm doing and why I'm not there anymore, but I came to a realization some time last year that all these people, who I have known for years, have really only reached an "acquaintance" level of trust with me. There is no connection between them and me, no camaraderie. In some ways, based on my blog entry, it had become something other than a church to me.

Additionally, I have had some issues with the worship music and the sermon topics, but have not shared it with anyone (my fault, I probably should say something if I see room for improvement).

Although I have not spoken about my non-attendance at my home church to very many people, based on experience, I think I can project a reasonable conversation that may result. "Do you feel that God is moving you to another church?" To which I would be very tempted to reply, "No. God is not responsible for the sound quality being at the lowest level of the church's priorities." Or for any other issues I might have come across. To say God is moving me elsewhere is to remove responsibility from the church for creating an environment that fosters spiritual growth.

But lets say for a second that it has nothing to do with the church. Lets say I was fired from a job, or a relationship ended. We still hear, "Do you think God is moving you to another career?" "Do you think maybe God has someone better for you?" No. I am not in the habit of blaming God for the misfortunes in my life. Yes, sometimes God provides situations that help us learn to lean on him. But overall, the misfortunes that befall us are a product of living in this world. There is a saying that Earth is the closest a Christian will ever get to being in Hell, and the closest thing to Heaven for everyone else. I am inclined to believe that things here happen completely at random to anyone indiscriminately, and the bad cards that we are dealt are just opportunities for God to make things beautiful. In other words, I don't think God deals bad cards on purpose, but I think he makes the bad cards into good ones on purpose.

So how does this fit with what I'm trying to work out in my head? I don't feel at home in my own home, I don't think that I will be staying in my hometown much longer, and I don't feel connected to my home church. I think that God is not moving me to another church. I think my lack of roots here will lead to a pursuit of God that will turn into a wonderfully good card. A different church may or may not be a side effect, but it is not the main event.