Change your story

I read this today:

"On this day...To my sons I would like to say...all of our life comes to us in narrative form; it's the story we tell. Change the story and you change your life. Do not tell the story of how hurt you are that he is gone, but instead speak of how much you have learned from him. Do not speak of how you cringe when someone else speaks of their father, but cherish and proudly shout out about who he was to you in the short time you shared his life."

It was written from a mother to her sons concerning the death of their father. I find this important because today at class, A announced he was planning on proposing to his girlfriend. Being the only guy besides the teacher, the girls instantly pounced on him to give him advice. It ended up being a gabfest where four of the girls shared the details of how they got engaged (multiple times), married, divorced, re-engaged, etc. They even got the teacher to share how he proposed to his wife.

Another girl and I remained silent, as we commonly do, politely listening, and laughing when appropriate. I love stories and I love hearing people tell me their stories, so I was memorizing every detail. But as the teacher tried to rein us in ("Ok can we get back to massage for tension headaches now?"), the girls decided that next week, Andrea and I will be telling our "stories."

On the drive home I pondered what kind of a story could I tell? Most of the women in the class are on the other side, married (legally or in spirit), with kids, a career, basically settled. My story could be simple if I let it. On the other hand I can choose to focus on the romantic parts of it because I know that's what they will be looking for.

I started to tell myself my story, to see what I would say. I realized that my story is unlike the rest of theirs. I realized that my story contains no harsh words about my exes, no lingering hurt or pain, and is full of acceptance at the way my life has turned out. I do not wish to paint my exes in a negative light.

It is interesting the way that growth and maturity have allowed me to change the focus of my story. And the story that they will get next week, is the story of how I changed my life.