Thoughts

If I get these thoughts out then maybe I'll be able to go to sleep afterwards. Its going to be sort of rambling.

I haven't been going to my home church recently, in fact I haven't been there since March 14th. Or maybe April 4, since that was Easter, but I can't even remember if I went there for Easter or not. However, I've been going to a small group that meets at the church in the middle of the week. This group has a large number of people from the community who do not show up on Sunday mornings, however there are some who attend both the Sunday service and the group I attend. Which means I get a lot of people asking me "How have you been?" when they really mean "Why don't we see you at church anymore?" Frankly, if more people just came out and said what's on their mind, I might feel a little more like I fit in there.

There are several reasons I don't attend my home church anymore. Here is a blog entry I wrote on Easter Sunday of this year: "Church. Why go to church...? The quite simple answer is that you can have friends who agree with at least a portion of your beliefs. It is, in a sense, a support group. Church is fellowship, it is not the building, but the people..." And yes, I have all those people who want to find out what I'm doing and why I'm not there anymore, but I came to a realization some time last year that all these people, who I have known for years, have really only reached an "acquaintance" level of trust with me. There is no connection between them and me, no camaraderie. In some ways, based on my blog entry, it had become something other than a church to me.

Additionally, I have had some issues with the worship music and the sermon topics, but have not shared it with anyone (my fault, I probably should say something if I see room for improvement).

Although I have not spoken about my non-attendance at my home church to very many people, based on experience, I think I can project a reasonable conversation that may result. "Do you feel that God is moving you to another church?" To which I would be very tempted to reply, "No. God is not responsible for the sound quality being at the lowest level of the church's priorities." Or for any other issues I might have come across. To say God is moving me elsewhere is to remove responsibility from the church for creating an environment that fosters spiritual growth.

But lets say for a second that it has nothing to do with the church. Lets say I was fired from a job, or a relationship ended. We still hear, "Do you think God is moving you to another career?" "Do you think maybe God has someone better for you?" No. I am not in the habit of blaming God for the misfortunes in my life. Yes, sometimes God provides situations that help us learn to lean on him. But overall, the misfortunes that befall us are a product of living in this world. There is a saying that Earth is the closest a Christian will ever get to being in Hell, and the closest thing to Heaven for everyone else. I am inclined to believe that things here happen completely at random to anyone indiscriminately, and the bad cards that we are dealt are just opportunities for God to make things beautiful. In other words, I don't think God deals bad cards on purpose, but I think he makes the bad cards into good ones on purpose.

So how does this fit with what I'm trying to work out in my head? I don't feel at home in my own home, I don't think that I will be staying in my hometown much longer, and I don't feel connected to my home church. I think that God is not moving me to another church. I think my lack of roots here will lead to a pursuit of God that will turn into a wonderfully good card. A different church may or may not be a side effect, but it is not the main event.