church

So... I went to the once-a-month-night service at my church. They like to call it a school of prophecy, but that's not always what it is. Sometimes God makes other plans and we go along with them, 'cause... well, He's God.

Anyway, remember that guy a while back who I had seen at church a little, but never really knew who he was, and then one day he came up to me and said God told him he should come tell me something? Well, I've spoken with that guy a couple of times now, and its odd, but we never have just regular conversation. Its always him telling me what God has to say to me. And its always exactly what I need to hear from God.

So, today, I was sitting there feeling a little off, spiritually. I wasn't really getting into it. There were a bunch of activities going on, and I was just sitting there asking God why I came because there was just something blocking me. They were praying for people, and specifically they said they were praying for emotional healing, which I need. The other day I curled up on the couch to take a nap and instead I spent it crying to God about the past. So I sat there, wondering if I was going to cry again. I was telling God I want the memories to stop hurting. I want to keep the memories and cherish them, I just want them to stop hurting. "Do I really want to get over him? Doing that would mean giving up my hopes and dreams I once had. Getting over him would mean we weren't right for each other when once I thought we were. It would mean I'd have to sacrifice the hope I had for the future.

Then, I felt that tap on the shoulder. It was the messenger guy. "God wants me to tell you that He doesn't want you to be lonely. When you're feeling down, ask Him, He'll give you a hug whenever you need it." He stood up to leave. He's always short and to the point. "Oh, and one more thing. Don't you worry about who God has for you to marry. The perfect guy will come along just for you."

That one hit me like a train.

And I just tried a bunch of different ways to describe how I felt right then, and none of them fits. It was a good feeling to know God cares about me.

Anyway, after that I prayed for friends. And it was good. I didn't expect the kind of night I had, but it was not a bad night.