weird mood

I'm having a strange day... I feel simultaneously happy and melancholy.

I woke up and went to pick up my film, then wandered around because I didn't feel like going home on my day off and doing nothing there. I figure its better to do nothing in a new exciting location than at home. I walked down Easton Ave and picked up some bubble tea and met Steve at the hospital as he got off work. He thought I was extra cheerful, which is unusual on a Thursday, with all my confusion and frustration about jujitsu.

But today the kid's class was testing for their next belts levels, and Ben in the adult class would be testing after that. Maybe it was the anticipation of seeing these kids test after they've worked so hard. My group had three that got new stripes on their belts, which was exciting.

Ben tested too and passed, so congrats to him. Or I guess I should say Bengee, which is the name he has given himself to differentiate him from the other Ben. Jujitsu on my end, while he was testing was frustrating. I can't seem to take falls anymore without getting a pounding headache. At first I thought it was a fluke thing but now its every week... every time I fall, it gets worse. I'm not doing anything that I can think of that could be causing it. My head is staying off the mat, and I'm not getting that whiplash feeling... I thought it was dehydration one week but I'm not dehydrated EVERY week.

And then when Ben's test was over and we started working with a black belt on stuff, I got a little distracted and unfocused. I started thinking about Barb saying that everything you do on the mat should be done like your life depends on it, even walking and sitting. I wondered if she would say the same thing to someone who didn't really value their life that much. Then I kind of snapped back into focus, and wished for a second that I could be somewhere else. Matt started doing Tenada Jime on me, and when he was sitting on my stomach, I felt a bad twinge in my sacrum again. It was almost the last straw. When I stood up again my head was pounding and my sacrum twinging, and I got angry. I told my head, and my sacrum, "you know what, I no longer care if you are hurting. I'm doing jujitsu right now and for some odd reason, I want to do this better than so-and-so can do it, and there's no time to do that and simultaneously make you two stop hurting so you know what, I'm just not listening anymore so shut the heck up." They didn't, but I felt better about telling them off. And I think a couple of my techniques improved, or at least the body memory came back a bit.

My head is still sore from getting kicked Sunday so maybe that's a part of it. Or maybe that's the reason I have so many opposite emotions inside. When jujitsu was over, I kinda got melancholy again, but then when I was walking to the student center with everyone Steve commented that I was still so cheerful, even after jujitsu when I could have been really exhausted or something.

Anyway... I should go to bed soon. I got sheets for my college dorm beds- they told us to get twin longs instead of twin regular but they never fit. I'm still using the same sheets and they still don't fit because my matress is not a twin long. So I got tired of them coming off in the night so I went out and got some new ones (took me long enough). I opened the package and they were so soft and ripply. I took another look at the package, and lo and behold the sheets are not made out of cotton, or satin, or flannel, or any of the usual bedsheet material. They are made out of bamboo fibers woven together. Amazing! I didn't know they did that with bamboo. It makes me want to buy lots of bamboo clothes because it is so soft.

Anyway, I'm gonna go try out my new bamboo bedsheets. G'night!