An eventful day, in twos.

"If its one step forward and two steps back, perhaps I should turn around."

Today (which is now yesterday, because I waited to post this), a lot happened. I did two good right side stimes, and two good left side stimes. I was thrown by two different guys, and kazushied by two different women. I drove to two different places, was headbutted by two different goats, and worked in two different gardens. I even took two showers.

So, an explanation of all that, I went to work today and Betty noticed that Ebony's goat-bra was falling off. I am not kidding you, just like people, some goats get big enough to need a bra to hold it all on. So I had to climb the fence to hold her still, and thats when Glinda thought it would be a good idea to sniff, eat, and butt the back of my knee. Why the back of my knee, I have no idea, but perhaps she was in cahoots with Magenta, who thought it would be awesome to scratch her head on my butt.

When I finished with the gardens for the day, I went to jujitsu and for some odd reason, I was focused and awesome. I was happy with a lot of the techniques I was doing, and in Barb's words, my stimes were "damn good." Which is an incredible, but pleasant, surprise. Especially on the right side, because so often I find my head grazing the mat (for you non-jujitsu people, that means I'm an inch or two away from a concussion or a neck compression). But she said I had good height going over (don't know what changed). The bridge falls... well, I did one semi poorly... it was halfway between a stime and a bridgefall. But the second one, I managed to get half a hop in, which was just enough to qualify me for a genuine bridgefall, and my feet moved together, which was better than I was hoping for.

The rest of practice was good as well. We touched on every list except Goshin, and at the end, Barb said that at the level of blue belt, we should be capable of leaving our crap off the mat, but bringing our entire selves and our entire focus onto the mat. When we get that and are confident in the way that we move and do things, then we will be acting as the green belts do. So for tonight... I had that green belt mentality, even before she mentioned it. But I wonder, what put it there? And how do I keep it there? Lately its been as random as the weather. I go one day and class sucks, my techniques suck, my mood sucks, the whole entire world sucks because when one thing sucks it snowballs and drags everything else with it. And then the very next class will be awesome. Its like my jujitsu life is manic-depressive. Its either very very good, or its very very bad. And there's no way to predict how to keep it going.

My mom says that a person's outward life is a reflection of what's going on inside, and that is why the living room table looks like it does. But if you look at my room, its cluttered, there's stuff in boxes everywhere, and stuff in the closet, and I have more clothes than I thought I had, and I don't have the umph to clean or give away stuff. I don't want to touch it. And then look at my dream life, I have had so many dreams that started when I moved back home, and they are all cluttered with stuff and events too. My jujitsu life is scattered and slightly manic-depressive, and that all makes me wonder how I'm doing emotionally. I think I've closed off the window to that area so I don't have to see it. It makes me wonder, if I clean my room will that give me the drive to go into my emotional room and fix things up? Or is it that my room and my jujitsu will struggle until I've clean up inside? Which comes first? Or is it that I'm just a scattered person and it has nothing to do with my emotions? Maybe nothing is connected at all, its just a coincidence that everything is getting all scattered at once.

Now I'm just letting my thoughts wander. I'll stop now.