Jack-ass

Hey everyone, its your friendly neighborhood cat, Jack. I think I've posted on Meg's blog once before. I just wanted to tell you about all the scary things that happened yesterday.

The electricity went out, so all the fans and noises in the house shut off, and it got so quiet that it made me nervous. Then, the carbon monoxide alarm started beeping because it had no power, and it was so loud that I ran upstairs to hide under Meg's bed. But, she was headed downstairs with a box of matches so I came out from under the bed to see what she was doing. She also turned off the alarm so it didn't hurt my ears.

Then, she lit some candles, and OOOH I don't like fire, at all, and matches make such a strong smell that it hurts my nose. I went back up to hide, but then I heard the kitty kibbles shaking downstairs which means dinner time so I came back out. After dinner, Meg started mumbling something about it being "57 degrees in here." I don't know what degrees are, but she didn't sound happy. She grabbed a shovel and started making all this noise outside and it scared me, and Slinky and Sister, so we ran- or sort of hopped- to the garage but it was so windy and snowy outside that we almost didn't make it.

Then the noise stopped and there was a nice clear path to the door, so we started to come back but then around the corner of the house, we saw a big furry monster coming towards us with a great big bundle of wood, and we got scared again. Sister was pretty sure it was just Meg, but we weren't taking any chances.

The monster went back out and brought in more wood, and this time we saw that it was Meg so we followed her inside but then she dropped the whole bundle on the kitchen floor with such a bang that I ran down to the basement and hid inside the walls. I was just coming back out because Meg was in the basement looking for batteries and I wanted to help her. But then all of a sudden the lights blazed on and the vacuum started up and tried to eat Meg!! I was so scared I was going to run two flights up to hide under her bed again. But I got to the living room and saw that the big black fire monster was hot and crackling again. I don't like that creature. It burned my paw when I was little and I have never forgiven it.

So Meg sighed and picked me up and carried me past it, and when she put me down, she sneezed and I ran to hide under her bed again. She came upstairs and told me she didn't want me under the bed, but I am not sure why. I don't really understand English very well. She said something about dust and allergies but I don't know what an allergy is. But then pretty soon, she reached under and grabbed me and dragged me out from under the bed. OOOH that made me MAD!

Meg here, I'm taking over for Jack, since its time for him to go eat. So yeah, I grabbed him and dragged him out and started blocking up the spaces so he couldn't continue to go in and out, in and out. I look over and he's peeing on my couch, where I had tossed some of my clothes.

In cat-ese, this gesture means, "F#@$ you." So after a quick smack which probably didn't hurt since he sat there and continued peeing, I yelled at him. I shut my bedroom door, and released a rant he had to listen to for ten minutes.

"What do you think you are doing? Why would that possibly cross your mind as an okay place to pee? You want to be vindictive, is that it? No you can't go out, you have to sit here and listen to me yell. Listen, bud, if you want to be vindictive, well, two can play at that game. I can be vindictive too. You just opened up a can of worms, Mister. You woke the sleeping giant. If you want vindictive, I'll give it to you. I'll fill all your hiding spots with BALLOONS, and THEN what will you do?"

I didn't talk to him the rest of the night. He should be glad I didn't throw him out on the porch with the other two cats.