Random Interesting Fact

The origins of the phrase, "to the bitter end"

Taken from this book.

"Despite appearances, the phrase has nothing to do with bitterness. 'Bitter end' is a mid-nineteenth-century nautical term for the end of a rope or chain secured in a vessel's chain locker, or 'abaft the bitts'. When there is no windlass the cables are fastened to bitts, that is, pairs of bollards fixed to the deck, and when the rope is let out until no more remains, the end is at the bitts - hence the bitter end."

This still doesn't mean much to me, until you look up the other terms.

abaft: the nautical way of saying "behind"

bitt: a frame of two strong timbers fixed perpendicularly in the fore part of a ship, on which to fasten the cables as the ship rides at anchor... other bitts are used for belaying, sustaining the windlass etc...

bollards: the nautical way of saying "a post." Those things that stick up out of a dock or ship's deck that you wrap rope around.

windlass: an alternative to a capstan, that has the same purpose (hoisting up a heavy object like sails or an anchor).

capstan: In Pirates of the Caribbean 1 the first time Elizabeth Swan sees the pirates' true forms, she runs out onto the deck and gets spun around as the skeleton pirates are doing their chores. That spinny thing.

Yep... still means nothing to me. Guess that's why its a random interesting fact.

Random thoughts

I need to think random thoughts to make myself forget that my body is perpetually trying to sneeze, but never actually following through with it. Allergies are awful. I have not seen the sun since Saturday, which means everything is starting to mold which means in addition to being depressed from lack of Vitamin D, I also have to deal with allergies. So to cheer myself up, here are my random thoughts:

I changed the 45 watt bulb in my room to a 100 watt bulb and that helped a little.

I want a fingerprint scanner on my computer. That would be cool.

My brother's friends all graduated from high school this year, so he has been attending lots of going away parties as people disappear off to various colleges. Today he helped a friend move into her dorm. They discovered that apparently, Lions, Tigers, and Bears oh my were all taken as mascots, and Rutgers took the last cool mascots (the Knights and the Raptors) so her school got the Ducks. Not the Mighty Ducks, just the Ducks. And its Stevens Institute of Technology, so they are the SITting Ducks. The debate is on about whether its Stevens Hoboken Institute of Technology, or just Stevens Institute of Technology.

I want a chinchilla.

We have a central vacuum cleaner which means that the cannister is in the basement and you plug the hose into the wall. The problem with that is you forget to clean out the cannister every once in a while, just like you have to change a bag on a regular vacuum. I couldn't figure out why the vacuum wasn't working as well as it should and went down to check it out. It turns out it hadn't been cleaned out in at least 400 years, and when I pulled the cannister out, it was (not kidding) at least 15 pounds. FIFTEEN POUNDS of vacuumed up dust! Can you imagine that?? That's like an eighth of my weight. Put it all together and let God breathe life into it and you have a large cat.

Thats all for the random thoughts of the day.

EDIT: One additional random thought. Hershey's kisses with broken tops are no fun. They have to have a perfect point to bring full, lasting enjoyment.

Wow

I spent the day doing nothing and having no energy because this third day of rain is really depressing and I haven't seen the sun since Saturday. Finally, I forced myself to finalize a time to meet Anissa, get rid of the stuff I had set aside to give her, change a lightbulb that has been needing changing for three weeks now, and organize my bookshelf so there are no longer piles of books all over my floor. I stirred up a lot of dust, so I was grateful to get out of the house and meet Anissa for dinner.

We went to a place called Temptations, and had one of the most amazing meals in a very wonderful, eclectic atmosphere. Our waitress, as well as the other two employees there, were very personable, and the only other customers around were three college/postcollege students, who chatted with her about college and grad school. They all started talking about their favorite music, and as time progressed, the atmosphere became more and more like a dinner party with friends. Then, because it was a slow night, the waiter there turned up the Disney music, grabbed our waitress and started dancing with her around the room, singing Part of Your World in a high pitched Ariel voice.

From there, they began taking requests for any Disney song imaginable, and the two girls at the other table began singing along word for word. Anissa and I talked about how great it was to have so much fun with complete strangers.

It was simply a wonderful night and was, I think, the best use of my money I've found in a long time.

Speaking of dying on the parkway...

I forgot to mention the idea for a bumper sticker that I want on my car.

It should be a contrasting color to the color of the car, and it should have red and yellow flashing LED lights around the border. And it should say, "Use your damn blinker!"

That's all.

Random

I went to Walmart today, the new one that opened up close to my house. It is much better than the North Brunswick Walmart, which you have to have a passport in order to enter, and is reminiscent of that time my grandparents took me to a dusty, dingy Mexico town. When I'm at that Walmart, I always half expect a little Mexican girl to shove a box of bubble gum in my face yelling, "Un Quarto!! Un Quarto!!"

This Walmart, because of its proximity to a senior citizen's home, requires a wheelchair and/or a walker. I grabbed a shopping cart, hoping no one would notice it wasn't a walker, and took a look around. I discovered that this store is nestled on the side of a mountain, and is in fact looking over the entire Ramapo Mountain chain. Prime real estate. Like, for condos. I would pay extra to have a townhouse with a view like that. Why on earth would they waste it on a WALMART?? I'm tempted to become homeless and live in the parking lot at the Walmart.

So, I got inside, and there's another perk. Instead of the traditional McDonald's, or even worse, generic-brand McDonald's copy, there's a Subway!! Like where you can get vegetarian food with lots of real green vegetables. Wow. Walmart just went up a notch in my book.

Despite all the perks, I couldn't figure out why everyone I passed (guy or girl) was looking at my chest. I'm quite sure I haven't noticeably grown in that area, and I'm pretty sure that at breakfast I didn't spill on myself. What's everybody looking at? Do I have a preying mantis nursing on my chest? I glance down... Ohhhhhh. Right... I'm in the boondocks, and I'm wearing a jujitsu t-shirt with one guy getting thrown- what is that, Seoi Nage?- by another guy, both of them outlined in electric blue. Oops. I forgot.

Its a beige shirt, so I didn't think it was flashy. I forgot people up here don't know how to read so their eyes focus automatically on pictures. Hmm... I'll have to revise my wardrobe I think.

RANT #2

I'm on a roll tonight. Or maybe just easily pissed off. Don't get in my way for a while.

Why does Listerine find it necessary to put FD&C Blue #1 in their product? It has no effect whatsoever on elimination of bacteria. Jerks. Who told you that if its blue, I'm more likely to buy the product? What if I like brown? Or whatever color your product is before the Blue #1... Maybe I LIKE that color. Maybe its aesthetically pleasing. Maybe it reminds me of a brown teddy I had when I was little and I'll buy your product for sentimental reasons. In short, who SAID I WANTED A BLUE TONGUE???

thinking...

I hate change. My life is changing with or without me though, so its all a question of whether or not I want to mold myself to the changes or just get completely passed by.

By the end of the summer, I think I will be a completely different person from who I was when the summer began. I hope that I will recognize myself, that I won't miss myself too much, and that I will value myself more. I hope that in the changing, my friends will accept these changes so that I will not have to make new ones, but if I do, I hope that it will not be too hard.

I hope that you will be able to change with me and I hope that I will not cling to a fairy tale, but instead will find that some fiction is actually non-fiction.

I hope that I will believe in myself and trust myself enough to be able to let go of things. If I can let go, I can soar, or if not soar, then at least I will be able to enjoy a controlled fall.

awww...

Ok so I didn't have such a great week, which sets me on edge emotionally I guess. I also, after not seeing Steve for three weeks, had a reunion with him that somehow didn't go as I'd expected. Jujitsu on Thursday was quite mental and virtually no physical techniques which is also straining to an unpracticed mind like mine. So, add to that several hours of fairy tale romance, sobbing mothers, and guys who actually know how to dance... and its no wonder that right now I feel like crying, just to get it out.

Today, I went to Matt's wedding. Matt and I have known each other since I was in 4th grade. He's my little brother, so to think that now he's married... is just crazy. I remember tackling him in the yard playing soccer and riding to school playing "travel bingo." Its just nuts.

But, it was a beautiful wedding. The ceremony was perfect (although if it were my wedding I'd want the pastor to speak instead of read... but that's the theater major in me). The reception, here, was gorgeous. If I had the money, that's where I'd want my reception to be. In fact, they had my dream wedding. I'll probably end up with something different, just for budget's sake, but if I had no limit, it'd be their wedding, almost exactly.

The best man and the maid of honor were engaged as well, which made it extra special. They got up together to give the speech and Mike said something like, "Sharon, I've grown to know you and love you over the years, and if I could pick anybody to take care of you and love you for the rest of your life, it'd be my best friend Matt." Everyone kind of "aww-ed" and Mike said, "Wow, look at me, I'm a pansy." Everyone laughed and he dropped his voice an octave and said "I work out." It was great. Just like Michael.

The DJ and Emcee were excellent, and somehow, everyone was out dancing way before the food was brought out. Even more spectacular was that everyone managed to have a good time without "the big five" being played (Macarena, Electric Slide, YMCA, Cotton-eyed Joe, and Who Let the Dogs Out). To me, that is a sign of an excellent DJ, that he can have a great wedding where the dance floor is crowded the entire time until the very last song, without playing the popular "wedding/bar-bat mitzvah/baby-wedding shower/any and every other occasion involving a dance floor" songs.

The complete topper on the wedding, as I told someone a little while ago, is that my reaction to seeing them (now but also even before this) was "wow... I don't know if I could ever find someone I could be that in love with in a whole lifetime." I just don't know if I could have that much passion in my life. I wish I could, but I don't know how to generate that in myself. Perhaps it is their youth and energy. In the 7 weddings I've been to, this couple has been the youngest. I just don't know how they do it. It was probably the most romantic wedding I've ever been to.

Anyway... its late, so I'd better finish up the AWW feelings, have my cry, and go to sleep. Congratulations to Matt and Sharon!

Life

A few days ago, I watched a butterfly open its wings for the first time. It is amazing how sometimes the simple little things in nature can induce an adrenaline rush.

It is also amazing how the tiny things like butterflies can induce the same amount of adrenaline as the big things, like whales jumping out of the water ten feet in front of you.

More out of curiosity than anything else...

Someone I know sent this to a bunch of people on Myspace. I wonder what kind of responses she received. Would anyone like to try it out?

01. What are 5 things you would want me to know before I died?

02. What would 5 questions be that you have been wanting to ask me?

03. If I died, would you come to my funeral?

04. If I died, would you cry?

05. If I died, would you forget me eventually?

06. If I died, what would be going through your head?

07. Would you tell me you loved me before I died?

08. Would you mean it?

09. If I died, would you regret anything you said to me?

10. If I died, would you be wishing you told me something that you haven't already told me?

11. If I died, what would be your last memory of me?

12. If I died, what would you remember me by?

13. If I died tonight, I would want to know your true feelings about me. What are your complete
feelings about me, up to this day?

Hmm I'm not sure I want to know the answer to 13, so if anyone has second thoughts about telling me, then feel free to omit it.

cape cod photos

For those of you who are interested, you can view my pictures from Cape Cod here. Its the album titled "Brand New Photos" all the way on the right.

EDIT: I just found out you can't view them without having a myspace account. I'm working on finding a way around it because I realize not everyone has myspace... Sorry.

The Trip...

Here it is, the one you've all been waiting for. I spent two weeks in Cape Cod, "blogging" in a little notebook. More like "jotting" because I only put down a few key points I wanted to flesh out later. To save time, I'm going to abbreviate wherever I can. Try to follow along. You're all smart I'm sure you can do it.

Fri. 7-20-07
Well, I suppose all my entries will be short while I'm in CC. 1) because I'll be copying them down when I get back, and 2) because there's not much paper here. Its so gorgeous and peaceful here, and I'd forgotten how it is. The birds and chipmunks here are so used to having throngs of other creatures around that they just assume we're part of the wildlife. The goldfinches and chickadees come in swarms in the morning, and the hummingbirds fight all the time over the sugar water. We have accumulated more boats over the years, so now our fleet consists of 2 canoes, a kayak, 2 sailboats, and a rowboat (no combustion motors allowed on the lake). I am excited about the sailboats because its been so long since I've been able to practice. There's even a great view- the house is up on a hill and the deck overlooks the lake. I feel like I'm in an eagle's nest- paradise- a place where I can survey the world without having to be a part of all the problems. I think its going to be good getting away. On the way up I let my mind wander, and it wasn't to good places. Perhaps here, my mind can rest and be at peace for a while. Perhaps here, I'll find the distance to be able to heal for real from the things that have been plaguing me for a long time now, instead of this mock healing I've been doing. Perhaps...

7-20-07 Quotes:
"The copper pig on the deck is actually a watering can but you can't fill it up all the way or its nose will run."

Sat 7-21-07
My aunt and uncle and cousin came out from Michigan to visit. Shane got to see Boston for the first time, and experienced the fanaticism that is a Red Sox game. I'm sure he's actually a Tigers fan (that's the same sport right?) but he's an 8-year-old kid. Sports are sports. Before they got there, Dad gave me a sailing lesson just to be sure I remembered everything. I've never been sailing without him anyway so he just wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing. After that my aunt Michele asked me to take Shane out sailing on the Sunfish and we did and the wind promptly died. Fun for him, I'm sure.

7-21-07 Quotes:
"The good ole state of Massatuchets!" (Say it kinda fast, just switch the phonetic sounds instead of the actual letters. You'll get it eventually.)

Sun 7-22-07
My uncle Scott took Shane out on the Sunfish cause there was some real wind this time, and I took the kayak. We went across into the sluiceway, into the next pond which was smaller. The wind changed, Scott said "duck" and Shane did, but for some reason Scott didn't. All the other canoers on the lake heard the "thump" the "d'oh!" and Shane's "This guy doesn't know how to sail!!" It was cute. That was the pond where Henry David Thoreau spent some time. Not Walden, where he wrote his book, but Williams Pond. It got me thinking about how great it is up there for photographers. When we got back, I gave Shane a quick kayak lesson and we went in the canoe catching frogs. I had always known I lacked the stereotypical Jersey accent, and I took a test once that told me I had a "midwestern" accent. But I felt like as soon as my Michigan relatives arrived, I started picking up the Michigan speech. I would say something and then think, "Why did I say it like that? I don't talk that way..." Anyway, after that we went to a drive-in theater to see Ratatouille, which was a really great movie.

7-22-07 Quotes:
"What are you talking about?? Three pair beats everything!!" (Gotta love poker.)

Ratatouille: ~If you focus on what you left behind you will never be able to see what lies ahead.
~Don't just hork it down!
~Change is nature, the part we can influence.
~Where are you going? ~Forward!!
~Why do I need to pretend? ~You never did (always, his whole life, pretending to be a rat, pretending to be a human, just depending on the crowd... i can feel that...)

Mon 7-23-07
We went to see the CC lighthouse, also called the Highland Light. It was pretty foggy, so it looked cool. My brother snapped some pictures of a sheepdog named Mala. No, not the Italian word meaning "bad." This dog was named after the wife of Chewbacca. What? Someone actually married that walking carpet? Yes. And what's even more sad is that I knew that already. Geeks, geeks everywhere. Then we went to Provincetown and did the touristy thing. Provincetown is known for its "Pilgrim's Tower" a tribute to the Mayflower Pilgrims who actually landed at Provincetown first and found it unsuitable for habitation and moved on to Plymouth. Then we went to Newcomb Hollow, a beach on the Atlantic side of CC. Shane had a blast, running along the waves, which are bigger than the ones on the shores of Lake Michigan, and wonder of wonders, they are salty to boot! We also saw a grey seal poke his head out of the water and watch the fishermen on the beach which was pretty cool.

Tues 7-24-07
Went sailing a little, and mom and I took the canoe out, with all three cameras! We don't really trust any of the other boats besides the two canoes with our cameras in them. Sailboats and kayaks... not too sturdy. We got some really great pictures, of flowers, a giant turtle, and dad on the sailfish before he ripped the white sail and had to switch to the smaller red and white sail. It still sails great though. I like that one the best I think. Too bad they don't make them anymore. Well, mom and I got pretty sunburned because 1) our sunscreen is probably 10 years old and 2) canoes are slow especially if mom's got a paddle in her hand. For the next two days I had to cover up my bathing suits with blouses. I don't want skin cancer! I have also developed the notorious "sealegs" which make if difficult to walk on land. I lie in bed at night and my inner ear is telling me my bed is gently rocking from side to side. I can't decide if I like the feeling.

Wed 7-25-07
I went to the library to get my internet fix. Its amazing how much I can do in just a half hour. I think I like the whole speed-reading concept. Another concept I discovered at the library is "Dune Doubloons." Basically its a local barter currency. You shovel a neighbor's sidewalk, he pays you in a gold or silver doubloon (depending on how much time it took you). You then take your doubloon and pay the girl across the street to watch your kids... and so on. The pamphlet I read gave some suggestions on things you could do to earn doubloons. They had the usual things like baking dinners, organizing paperwork for someone, whatever. Then one thing caught my eye. "Costuming someone for a drag show." Um. Ok. Guess that's in high demand here, and oh yeah I just remembered this is Massachusetts. One final amazing concept I have always loved is the out-door shower. A lot of homes up in CC have this feature, because of the proximity to the ocean and the abundance of sand that somehow finds its way all over your body. Instead of trekking through a clean house to the bathroom, you just shower outside. Another plus is that from our shower you have a great view of the lake, and the walls of the shower are just low enough that you can see out, but just high enough that nobody has to see your pasty white flabby butt. Well, that depends on who you are, you might have a great butt, I don't know. But lets just say you usually have some parts no one wants to see. Its a great experience showering and watching the sun go down, or the fog rolling in onto the lake, or whatever.

Fri 7-27-07
My dad and I went whale watching. It was pretty neat. We saw Finbacks, Humpbacks, and Atlantic White-Sided Dolphins. Two of the whales did that jumping out of the water thing, which is supposed to be pretty rare and also very difficult to catch on camera. My brother went home, my relatives went back to Michigan, and my mom went to a party. So my dad and I had some good nature-stuff that we like that no one else really cares for. We also went into a pirate museum. The CC shores are the home of the Whydah, the only known pirate wreck so far. That's kinda cool I guess.

7-27-07 Quotes:
"Thank you for ruining my favorite songs by enjoying them with me"
"Time flies when you're having rum."

Mon 7-30-07
I spent a lot of time just hanging out with my dad. My mom's friend Karen is here. I'm sitting here wondering what it would be like to pick up and go to the Caribbean in the fall with only 2 days' notice. As in, even I don't know that I'm leaving day-after-tomorrow. I hear that's the cheapest way to get a cruise. I am also thinking I ought to get a job. And I'm thinking maybe its time to find more friends. Like West Milford friends. I have some here, but we aren't that close. Maybe there are more somewhere around here. I have also been pondering stuff. I have noticed every once in a while that I get angry with a certain person in my life, not for anything in particular, but I am angry that they are in my life. I have been blaming this person in my heart for things when in my head I know I have a 50% share of the responsibility. Its the classic passion vs. reason conflict, but turned around. I'm not sure if I should work on that, or just ignore it. Being angry isn't always a bad thing, and I don't let my anger control me or even affect other people. Most of the time no one knows its there.

Tues 7-31-07
Dad and I went bike riding in the bike trails above Provincetown (ie, sand dunes). It was cool to see nature in that way, and I found myself meditating much like I do when I go running. Its quite therapeutic. I thought about jujitsu and how if you can't stime in life (let go of things) then you can't do it on the mat. I was also thinking that guys who don't wear shirts make me jealous. If I can't do that, you can't either. And the last thing was my dad and I kinda have a cool relationship. I think I'm more guyish when I'm around him. When a guy asks a question and another guy says "I don't care" it means "I don't care." When a guy asks a question and a girl says "I don't care" it means "you should know me well enough not to have to ask" or "I care but you have to read my mind to know what I want." When I'm with my dad, "I don't care" means "I don't care." Its kinda interesting how all this comes from riding a bike.

Wed 8-1-07
Today two hummingbirds had a dogfight and one nearly stabbed me in the face. I'd been sitting there reading for over an hour so I don't know how he could have not noticed me. I have been rereading all my childhood books. The series is about a girl in 1902 North Carolina who likes to get into adventures and solve mysteries and stuff. I mentioned to my mom that I couldn't figure out why every time Mandie and her friends sat down in the parlor, they ended up drinking coffee. When I was 15 I thought coffee was the most tantalizing smell with the most disappointing taste. I didn't know why she would want to drink that. My mom responded with, "Well, they DO grow tobacco down there." Right mom... and that has to do with coffee how? Guess that was a senior moment... I went down to the lake with my dad and took the kayak around the lake. We had seen a blue Sailfish and wanted to know who else had one on the lake, cause they are kind of a rare boat these days. I glanced at all the boats tied up on my trip around, but didn't see it. I did, however, see a little shih tzu jump off a boogie board into water that was over his head. I guess he thought he was a bigger dog or maybe didn't realize the water was so deep. But he sank right down and then popped right up and did a frantic doggie paddle for the shore. He sat down by "mom" and started coughing and wheezing. Since he was ok, it was kinda funny to watch. When I got back from my kayaking trip, I sat on the dock with my dad on the beach. It was kind of a windy day and we were watching a guy trying to un-capsize his sailboat. He would get it to flip right-way-up, the wind would catch it, and it would go back over on the other side. He did this about 4 or 5 times before dad got on the boogie board and paddled out to help him (guess he's a sadist when it comes to beginner sailors). I followed as well and basically the two of them got it to stand upright together and when it started to go over the other side, I added ballast on that side. It turns out the guy had the sail cleated so when the wind took it, it wouldn't turn to release the pressure, it would just flip. We got back to shore and dad just shook his head... "Rookies." But the guy was grateful because I bet he was paying by the half hour just to rent the boat.

Thurs 8-2-07
The sailing was good today as well- windy but not too windy. I also took some sunflower seeds and got the chipmunks to eat out of my hand. It was pretty cool.

Fri 8-3-07
We took one last swim before we left, and I managed to find the patience to sit there long enough for the chipmunks to actually sit on my hand and eat sunflower seeds. It was a pretty cool experience... I've always wanted a pet chipmunk so this was probably as close as I'm gonna get. He even let me run my finger down his side cause he was so into the sunflower seeds. And I touched that little cheek pouch full of seeds, just to see how it felt- that thing is really thin! Anyway... that was a great way to end the trip.

And then I got back and had that awful rant about my cactus... but the reason I had such a bad headache is my wisdom teeth have decided to finish their ascent to the surface instead of stopping the job halfway through like I thought they were going to do. So thats cool I guess that maybe they will be the same height as my other teeth now haha.

Honey, I'm hoooommmme...

While I was on vacation, I jotted notes on my adventures and thoughts for each day. I just have not put them up here yet.

I'm feeling kinda crappy right now, and I just wish I could stay on vacation forever. I had a headache the entire 7.5-hour drive, got back almost nauseous. There was a thunderstorm coming so we had to unpack at lightspeed which made my headache worse. I did a lot of the lifting because my dad hurt his back yesterday.

I went in the sunroom and sat in the dark with the fan on for a while, while the pounding in my head slowed to a crawl. Then I went upstairs and discovered that while I was gone, my cactus melted.

Not REALLY melted, but apparently the roots rotted and it spread to the base of the plant, which made it look like the top part of the cactus was sitting in a puddle of melted cactus.

I quickly turned on my computer, checked Google to find out what to do with sick cactus, and discovered surgery was in order.

I have a feeling its going to die anyway. And while it shouldn't mean much to me... its only a cactus... it does. I've had it for about 2 years now and when I first got it, it was nice and straight. As time passed, I noticed a bulge, perhaps some kind of tumor. But no, I later realized, it was not a tumor, but simply changing shape. At the top of the cactus, there was now a small heart shape, as if that cactus loved me.

And now, there's a huge chance the thing is dead, unless I can make it grow from a cutting.

It just seems like... in the past few months, so many things have been taken away from me. My phone died, and I lost a lot of numbers. I had them backed up on my computer, which died before I could transfer them. I lost many photographs, songs, poetry, papers I'd written, short stories I hoped one day to flesh out into novels, and encouraging IM conversations that I read when I'm going through rough times. The few remnants of that old hard drive were on a flash drive- some of the most important things I wanted to be sure to have copies of. Somehow, during my move, the flash drive has disappeared as well.

I'm probably going to jinx myself but sometimes I feel that if I'm going to slowly lose some of my most treasured pieces of my past, I'd rather they all go up in flames at once than have everything slowly crap out on me. As Scott once said to me, "Its death by a thousand bee stings."

Not only that... I really enjoy living with my family and once again being a part of their lives, but I also really miss living with Anissa and Taylor. I don't think I appreciated it enough while I was there but it was an awesome experience. So there's another thing I've lost.

All this was triggered by a silly little cactus that I felt was my duty to take care of, but when your head is pounding for no reason you can't help but cry over a puddle of cactus.

I don't know why all this stuff is happening to me and a little part of me is whispering about Job, in the Bible, who lost his family and property and health and still "remained righteous and did not curse God." The other part of me is saying I have no connection to Job, because given enough provocation, I am pretty sure I won't remain righteous.

Now, I'm thinking of an email I received once about a guy stranded on a desert island whose only shelter caught on fire. He was upset, but the next day discovered that a ship had seen his smoke signal and he was rescued.

My hut is burning now... but maybe that means help is on the way. Maybe that means that God won't seem so far away as he has been for a few years now.

All this from a stupid little cactus given to me by a stupid stupid... I'll go now I guess.

PS. I went through two weeks of mail and found the card Cara made me for my birthday. Its so... awesome. Its somehow both stormy and serene and I almost wish I could be inside the picture.

ackkkk...

For those of you who don't know, we are leaving in the morning for two weeks in Cape Cod, Massachussets, so I will not be blogging for a while or if I do it won't be much.

Mom has to get all of her bulbs planted before we leave and also since the grocery stores are so expensive up there, mom bought all our food here and we are going to make food and freeze it and bring it up there in the coolers.

But since she's planting, that leaves me to cook the food, since my brother and my dad are mostly useless in the kitchen.

I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as veggie lasagna because it just isn't lasagna without the meat. This is coming from the mouth/fingertips of a self proclaimed beef-hater. Take the meat out and its just a funny tasting casserole.

The other thing I have decided is that if God ever decided for whatever reason that I can't go to heaven, instead of sending me to hell he could just smother me with mozzarella cheese. It would have the same effect on my soul.

I can't get the smell off my hands. I have tried soap. I have tried lemon juice. I have tried vinegar. I am about ready to throw up.

Birthday weekend...

Ohhkay... I know you're all probably wondering what happened this weekend, and whether or not it was totally fabulously awesome.

So, Thursday I drove down to New Brunswick, with a car full of random stuff that Steve told me to bring. I already told the story of what happened Thursday night so I'll start with Friday morning. Steve had to get his insurance paperwork to the DMV, so he got up really early and let me sleep in. What I didn't know was that he was also running errands. He took my bikes which I had been storing in the basement to the bike shop and had them fixed up. I had been meaning to do that, I just hadn't gotten around to it. So, now I have two working bikes. When Steve got back, I still didn't know what was happening so he had to tell me what kind of clothes to wear. Good thing I brought a lot of options.

We went to the mall first because I've been meaning to get a new bathing suit... not that there's anything wrong with the ones I have... just... yeah... its a girly thing. Anyway the one I fell in love with was two pieces, and each piece was $80 marked down to $60. So I said forget that, I'll swim naked before I'll pay $120 for practically no fabric. This is why I hate bathing suit manufacturers. I could get a prom dress for $120. I could get a two hour massage. I could have food for twelve days.

So anyway when I was done non-shopping, we went to the park next to the mall and rode the bikes around. That was so much fun and its been so long since my bikes were functional.

When we were done biking, we sat near the car with a cooler of cheese, crackers, fruit, and sparkling cider. The ducks in the area decided they needed to be invited to this little picnic.

When we got back in the car, Steve made me put on a blindfold so I didn't know where we were going next. He stopped somewhere and said, "Just sit here, I'll be right back." In a few minutes he came back and said, "Ok they're being bums and think its silly that I blindfolded you. We're back at my house and there are people inside. You can take the blindfold off." I went into the house and I could hear that everyone was in the kitchen, except for Rod. I said hi, and we kinda talked a little and then a few minutes later Navin came out of the kitchen and said, "Oh! Waait! SURPRISE!!" So the whole night Navin kept "surprising" me at non-climactic moments. Anyway, the surprise was an Indian dinner masterminded by Anissa but cooked by everyone.

Left to right, you will see, in no particular spelling-correctness, papadum (Indian tortilla chips), egg curry, some sort of pea-tomato-paneer thing, tuna cutlets, a saffron-rice-raisin-cashew dish, chicken tikka masala, palapum (a crepe-like pancake thing made out of fermented rice flour), spinach with coconut, and chipati (kind of like pita bread).


Left to right, you will see: Taylor and Anissa; Taylor, Anissa, Navin; and Nick, Mike, James, Rod, and Steve.


After that, there was Mango, Chocolate, and Party Cake ice cream, and different toppings that matched the different flavors. And Mango Lassi, a yogurt Indian drink... kinda like a smoothie. While we were all crammed around the table Navin mentioned a movie later, and everyone told him not to give away anymore secrets, at which point he SURPRISED me again.

Later, Cara showed up to join us for the mysterious movie, which turned out to be Harry Potter. While we were there, we sat with Joyce, a former jujitsuka, and her boyfriend Lenny. I haven't seen her in a long time. That night I completely passed out, exhausted and happy that I got to see all my friends.

In the morning, Steve asked if I was interested in visiting some of his friends who were all planning on hanging out and playing frisbee. I said sure, so we went over but they weren't playing frisbee by the time we got there because I was so exhausted from Friday that I slept in really late. So we sat around and played Hoopla, which is a sort of extension game of Cranium. It was fun.

Then we left and went back to Steve's place, where he told me I should change into different clothes, and get my cowgirl boots. I ended up with his Indiana Jones hat because its cooler than my hat, despite how cool my hat is haha. But I neglected to get any awesome hat pictures.

Anyway, once dressed up, we went to the Colorado Cafe, which is part restaurant, part bar, part dance floor, and part hicksville. We made it in time for some country line dancing lessons, and learned "Sundance" which is a 4-wall line dance, and "Blue Rose" which is a partner dance. We shared some buffalo chili and Steve had ribs; I had a chicken sandwich. Then we went back and danced a little more but mostly watched white people dancing (haha), and then Steve went on the mechanical bull and lasted 24 seconds. Note the bull's Jesus fish bumper sticker.



Then we danced some more, and watched people dance, making the total number of hours there about 6 1/2. It was kind of funny, there was one black girl, and one Asian (Steve) and one guy that looked like he was part Asian, part something European. Everyone else was white and usually had a beer belly. Yay for Hicksville! And for Day Two, Steve succeeded in completely wearing me out. Maybe he was trying to get me tired enough not to wake up so he could draw a moustache on me while I slept or something.

So, that was supposed to be the end of the weekend, but because we saw Joyce and Lenny on Friday, Joyce invited us to go to the shooting range with them. Steve is learning a lot of gun and knife defense techniques in jujitsu so he was really interested. I wasn't as interested, but still thought it would be neat to go.

Steve got a lot of bull's eyes, when he took three minutes to aim.


Steve with a .22, and a .45 (the same type used by James Bond in Casino Royale).



And me, taking my time trying to figure out how to hold and shoot a .22


So, that's not all the pictures from this weekend, but only the important ones haha. Anyway, I had a great weekend, and it was even better that some of it was spontaneous and a surprise even to Steve. Now he knows how it feels hahaha.

And thanks to everyone who came and made dinner. It was SOOOO yummy!

HENNA again...

This time, I remembered to do before and after pictures. These first ones are the "before." Note that my hair is brownish on my head but the very tips have been sun-bleached by my job into a bright orange color.




Once done with that, I went inside and glopped some green-chocolate-mud onto my head. Actually last night I did some research on henna and discovered the reason that henna is green but leaves a red mark on anything it touches when its wet. Henna is a plant, so its green. But inside the plant cells there is a chemical called lawsone (it has a red color) that is released when the cell wall breaks down, usually by hot water but sometimes with acidic liquids like vinegar or lemon juice which is why a lot of henna artists use lemon juice when mixing the henna.

I mixed mine with two teaspoons of powdered cloves because cloves contain the chemical eugenol, which is a brown color. There, now I feel smart. Back to normal me:

Thus, I now have auburn hair that smells like ham spice (the hay smell of the henna is completely overpowered by the cloves). No, I did not take a "during" picture. The henna was everywhere, and the camera's not mine.



There it is folks, the new soft-haired me. Really. Its very soft. Mmmm velvety.

Trip to the shore...

My mom and brother and some friends went down to my uncle's house at the shore on Friday. I followed, Saturday morning. Thought you all might enjoy some pictures.

Me on the lagoon:


Mr. and Mrs. Swan show up at the Cracker Cafe with baby Elizabeth. "Is it ok if she has crackers for breakfast dear? I think it should be ok..."


Elizabeth spit out the crackers so we gave her some grits. She liked that better.



Everyone is satisfied and poses nicely for a picture.


And Peter the most tame wild rabbit in the world munches on the new grass mom planted two weeks ago.

A trip to the Home and Garden Center

What kind of a vase would you use to display them?
I wonder if they come in different colors.
I wonder about the fragrance.
Who would help to put those preservative packets in the water?
Would they would look better on the kitchen table or in the entryway?
I wonder if they are cheaper by the dozen.
I wonder if they come with long-stems.

Captured at 115th and Allisonville Road in Fishers ( Indianapolis ). The sign is real and was up for about two hours before someone stopped and told them how to spell peonies.

Thoughts...

When the fire department throws a party to christen a new truck, or the EMT squad has a party for give-blood-day, or any emergency department has a non-emergency event that requires the use of their volunteers and vehicles, usually the neighboring towns are called on to cover shifts for a few hours.

What happens when every neighboring town is also involved in the same parade? I saw firetrucks today from towns I have never heard of. Some town called Murray's Island or something like that... I don't know of any islands around here except Manhattan. And Rochelle Park. I see their firetrucks every year, but I don't think I have ever driven through there.

In other news, my great uncle had a tree in his back yard cut down because it dropped a rotten branch in the yard. I counted the rings and it was 117 years old. Which means 1890. Thats pretty cool.

Anyway, I was gonna put a picture up of me standing on the tree trunk. But the scanner's not installed, the disk is missing, the film scanner's not installed but I don't have film anyway, and the digital copy is at my uncle's house in Maywood. So, short of taping the picture to my computer screen, I don't think I have any way to put it on my blog.

And that's all I have to say for now.

Because sometimes English isn't good enough

Many of you know (but some do not) that I minored in Italian in college. Through a random series of events I discovered a blog written in Italian and bookmarked it to glance at later to see if I understood any of it. What I found shocked me. I had forgotten how beautiful the Italian language is. I think the best way to describe it is that its an ancient language that has changed very little from its original Latin, and therefore, it is best used to describe old things, old memories, old friendships... its a language for memories. In fact, it has four different verb tenses for the past tense. Anyway, I hope the blog author, "Hanomalia," will not mind if I do a very poor translation so that (I hope) my English readers can travel with me as I reminisce. This is not going to be a word for word translation, because I can't say in English what it means as I understand it.

E' stato un ricordo che mi ha invaso come i raggi caldi di sole che c'erano stamani. L'ombra, il caldo, l'ora non lo so precisamente ma eccolo lì intatto.

She speaks of a memory that has penetrated her like the hot rays of the sun. The shadow, the heat, the hour, something is triggering it, but she doesn't know exactly what.

Le estati dell'infanzia quando alla fine della scuola ci si ritrovava con un appuntamento muto tutti insieme dopo un inverno da soli in appartamenti con la luce artificiale e i compiti da fare

She remembers her childhood, and the end of school, after spending all spring alone with the artificial light and the homework.

Ma a giugno cominciava l'estate, l'estate in strada perchè non avevamo parchi al massimo avevamo i campi in cui correre ed io cominciavo a starnutire e mi infangavo e cadevo e rompevo sempre i pantaloni

But June is when summer starts. There were places to run and play and fall down and always rip her pants.

E quell'ombra degli alberi e guarda che passa il primo amore il giallo dei campi il verde della cicoria gli occhi del diavolo e gli occhi della madonna Son stata felice e stamani in quel ricordo son stata felice ancora.

Under the shadow of a tree, look to see her first love pass by, the yellow of the fields and the green of the "cicoria," (I think that's chicory?) the dandelions and the violets. "I was happy and in that memory I am still happy."

Sigh. It makes me so happy to read it in Italian. Its only ok in English. You all will just have to learn to speak Italian. I miss those carefree summer days too. Summer rainstorms, and sitting them out under the trees by the water, waiting for the first love to come calling, playing games, ripping my clothes and not noticing till later because we were having so much fun, shaking sand out of my hair and getting tan instead of burned. Did you ever notice that when you hit puberty, your skin changes along with all the rest of you? In the summers, I was extremely dark... you'd think I had some Italian or Greek blood in me, in the summer, but nope... none of my ancestors had Mediterranean blood. Somewhere, somehow, my young childhood skin managed to be that skin I envy now.

Anyway... basta... enough. I'm going to bed with these summer dreams. Buonanotte.