A deathnote

Dear Friends:

It is with sadness that I reflect on your passing in this letter. Whether you were in the street mourning your dead mother, or eating your fallen comrade for a midnight snack as adolescent raccoons may be known to do, I am not sure. The fact is, you were too small to move the body to the side of the road, and so, you were forced to place yourselves in danger.

I successfully avoided hitting you on my northbound trip, however my southbound trip put you at the invisible-til-the-last-moment side of a blind curve. Your ability to space yourselves exactly the same distance apart as the length of my car's wheel axel is impressive. You should work for Toyota. The mailbox and my side-mirror are fine, thanks for asking.

I am also compelled to apologize profusely for treating your bodies so irreverently. I did not have a shovel or stick with which to remove your bodies from the road, so I was compelled to kick you. It was my belief that the dishonor of being kicked was less than the dishonor of having your insides strewn all over the road. Had I a shovel, I would have given your mother's body the same treatment, however late in coming that action may have been.

I would also like to thank you for surrendering your lives so quickly. Lacking a shovel, I would have been forced to let you suffer had you not died immediately, or wrung your necks with my bare hands, which would not have been pleasant or safe for me.

I regret to inform you that you have died in vain. As it was not a clean kill, I am unable to use your meat in Uncle Jeb's Coon Soup recipe, nor do I possess the knowledge to adequately clean a fresh kill for human consumption. However, you may console yourselves that your death is approved by Darwin. As you are not yet old enough to reproduce, with a single screech of the tires, I have done my part in the efforts to remove the road-crossing gene from your genetic code.

Best wishes in your journey to that great garbage bin in the sky,
~Arwen

Grammar Lesson of the Day

1. You cannot be sadden to hear of someone's passing. Sadden is a transitive verb infinitive meaning "to make sad." I sadden you, you sadden me, we sadden each other, it saddens us/me/you, they sadden us/me/you. If you insist on putting one of the forms of "to be" in front of it (am, is, are, was, were, etc) then you must change it to saddened. "I am saddened to hear of his passing." However, in the intransitive verb form of sadden, I can say "I sadden at the news of his passing." Note that I had to remove both the direct object and the "am" from the sentence.

2. "John, you really have picked my interest," OR, "John, you really have peaked my interest." In the first example, John has chosen your interest. That makes him quite a dictator. In the second example, the verb "peaked" is used in an unusual way because peaked is a verb that is commonly done by inanimate objects, like "the line on the charts peaked at 45." However, assuming that John really has peaked my interest, this means that he has caused my interest to reach its limit and now, it is waning. The correct word is piqued, from a French word meaning "to irritate, arouse, or stimulate."

3. I've said it before; I'll say it again. Your, you're, their, they're, there, to, too, and two all have specific times and places to be used. Your cat has wandered over to where you're sitting. Their cat has wandered over there, to where they're sitting. The two dogs have wandered to that place too.

4. Who and whom. Putting "whom" in a sentence does not automatically guarantee you will look smart. You have to put it in the right place or you just sound stupid and pretentious. "Who" is used as the subject of a sentence. A question is an interrogative sentence. So, "Who ate all the cake?" and "Whoever ate all the cake is in trouble" are both correct. "Whom" is used as an object of a verb or preposition. "I will award whomever finds the cake-eater," and "To whom shall I award this cake-eater-finder prize?" are correct. Just because you want to place who/whom in the latter part of a sentence does not mean it is correct to choose "whom." To say, "John discovered it was the dog whom ate the cake" is incorrect because "whom" is doing the action of the verb "ate." To make it simple, take "who" or "whom" out and replace it with "he" or "him." If "he" works, then use "who." If "him" works, then use "whom."

5. "Maybe" means "perhaps." "May be" means "might exist." "Apart" means "separated" and "a part" means "something incomplete that is joined to a whole." "A lot" means "much." "Alot" is a mythological creature that looks like a cross between a yak, a bear and a pug.

I think that's all for now.

Feeling brave

Normally, I write personal stuff here in my blog, because only my closest friends have access to it. But tonight I'm feeling a little braver and decided to open this up to my 300+ friends and acquaintances on Facebook, as well as blogger. I am interested to know what everyone thinks of this.

What is a soul mate? Wikipedia says a soulmate is "a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility." The article goes on to discuss the ancient Greek myth that all humans were once constructed of two faces, four arms, and four legs. When they became too powerful, the gods split them in half, becoming one face, two arms, and two legs each. These new creatures ran around, perpetually looking for their other half.

I recently read about an ancient Native American belief about soul mates, which is the inspiration for this post. It was believed that every person has a soul mate. However, not every person is destined to meet that soul mate. Sometimes, a person will meet their soul mate, but it will be at the wrong time. For instance, if a person meets their soul mate when the two are still children, they will not comprehend the significance of what has happened. Or, if a person meets their soul mate after they are married to another person. According to this belief, only a small amount of very lucky people will actually marry their soul mate.

Some say there is no such thing as luck, that things are God-ordained or predestined or dictated by karma. I read a study once that suggested that those who feel "lucky" were actually more acutely aware of their surroundings than those who would describe themselves as "unlucky." I think that in some ways this ties into the Native American belief about soul mates. If you are "lucky" you are more aware of your relationships and are more capable of correctly identifying a soul mate.

But it also raises questions. If you believe you've met your soul mate, but are not capable of spending your life with that person, what then? Do you wait for the right time? What if the right time has already passed? If only a small percentage of people ever end up marrying their soul mate, what is the purpose of a soul mate? Why do they exist if so many of them never find completion? Does this mean that the Native Americans were wrong and that perhaps not everyone has a soul mate?

I have so many questions about things like this these days.

Not all here...

When I was 17, a boy called me up on the phone to chat. We chatted for four hours and as it turns out, he was trying the entire time to work up the nerve to ask me out. I asked him for some time to sort out my feelings because (I didn't tell him this part) I honestly had not expected that anyone could possibly develop feelings for me. It had not occurred to me that any number of the guys in my life could have shared his feelings, but not worked up the courage to ask me out.

The next day, I was supposed to get some schoolwork done, but could not. My focus was on one thing the entire day, and as I went through my day, my stomach did flip flops with the intensity, excitement, and nervousness of the whole thing, specifically, the unknown of: what was I going to tell him?

With the exception of a few adrenaline-filled seconds here and there over the years (roller coasters, NJ drivers, cats appearing out of the dark in a place they don't belong), I have not felt that feeling in the eight years since that first boy asked me out.

Tonight, I was overwhelmed for more than an hour by that very butterfly flip-flop feeling. This was followed by an internal monologue that translated everything my mother said to me into, "She's calling you (fill in blank: fat, plain, ugly, tacky, slutty) and cutting you down."

This was followed by an extreme allergic reaction to who knows what which resulted in an actual commercial medicine (no herbals), which so far has not cleared me up, its only made me loopy enough to contemplate mixing meds by taking something stronger.

I am having a draining day-evening-early morning, I suppose. In deep ethereal thought, I wonder exactly what Rod Stewart meant when he sang, "If I gave you time to change my mind I´d try to leave all the past behind Knowing that you lied straight-faced while I cried Still I look to find a reason to believe // Someone like you makes it easy to live without somebody else Someone like you makes it hard to give never think about myself..." It seems it is a good thing the person lied. Odd.

Video Games

My brother's latest thing is Guitar Hero World Tour, which is compatible with all the other Guitar Heroes as well as Rock Band.

Dad's response to this was: "And I thought we got through the teenage years without bringing a drum set into the house."

Mom came into the room, looked at the screen, and made a comment about the video game characters' clothing and hairstyle. Dan replied, "All bands have to dress funny, its how they stand out. Name one major band that really made it without absurd costuming."

I was on the drums at the time, and without missing a beat, I said, "Kiss!"

Typo

On Monday, my family went out to eat at the Valley View Pub, a local favorite. It seems the menu was also made by locals. In the "Entree" section, we discovered we could get a Chicken Franchise for $13.99. We could not decide whether Chik-fil-A or KFC would be the better choice.

Locked out

A friend of mine posted a story on his blog about locking the keys in the car. It was well timed, because last Friday, I locked myself out of the car. I clipped my keys to my purse, got out, locked the door and swung it shut. As I turned and the door was moving I had this funny sensation that my keys were not actually clipped to my purse. It was a "Nooooooooo-slam!" moment and the keys were on the seat inside the car. So, I got a screwdriver from my uncle's workbench and took off the front license plate, but the spare key was not there. So I went to the back plate, thinking maybe someone had moved it to there but the screws were rusted on. After a phone call for some muscular assistance and a lot of WD-40, we finally pried the plate up enough to see that there was no key under it. Apparently, there is a spare key to my car on everybody else's keyring (Mom, Dad, and brother) but not under my license plate. Woohoo.

Pork, commencement, and fortune cookies

I was at a barbecue the other day and asked what type of meat was on my kebab. On learning that it was not pork, I ate it. My Jewish friend was impressed that I don't eat pork, and I had to tell him that I don't do it religiously, it is just that I don't care much for pork. Occasionally, a smoked ham is excellent, or sometimes when I need protein I will throw some bacon bits on my salad. But I am usually enjoying the flavor of something other than pork, like the smoking process for example.

But yesterday after my brother's graduation, we went to Harvest Moon in New Brunswick, and I really could not resist the barbecue pulled pork sandwich. Even today as I eat the leftovers, I am marveling at the taste of it. Wow.

And now I feel bad that I have a blog entry about a pulled pork sandwich and not about the 2010 commencement of the School of Engineering. But my brother puts it succinctly: "...the student speaker quoted Miley Cyrus's twitter page, and in that moment I wanted to not be graduating with her. I then looked up to the ceiling in hopes that the stadium would collapse in an ironic engineering disaster, smiting all of us for allowing such an atrocity to occur." Well, at least that speaker will be remembered in some way.

Also interesting is the perplexing omission of the Pomp and Circumstance processional. Instead, the students walked in to the inspiring sounds of the Olympic theme song. There was no explanation however, I am wondering if perhaps one of the numerous overachievers in the student body might have been an Olympian.

It is hard to believe that I graduated four years ago. My commencement speaker was Randall Pinkett, a winner of Donald Trump's show The Apprentice. It may or may not be a cliched address, but he pointed out that commencement in most people's eyes means school is done for the summer, unless you are graduating and then it means it is done, period. But that is not what the term actually means. To commence means to begin, and commencement is about the beginning of something new in your life. In a sense, it echoed the themes I'd been learning about in jujitsu. People not learning jujitsu see a black belt and think that he must have mastered the art of jujitsu. But in jujitsu, the first degree black belts are not masters. They reach black belt and suddenly none of their techniques are good enough. They have reached the end, in the sense that they have learned the techniques, yet they are students again, because they need to begin to practice and apply them in ways appropriate to their maturity.

I think in the end it all boils down to perspective. The end and the beginning can look the same based on where you are standing. And that is something I still need to remember. That even though I have completed one form of schooling, I can never stop learning. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel that my commencement speaker was so life changing that I wake up every morning thanking my lucky stars that I heard Randall Pinkett speak. But I think that the words he spoke to my class was something my generation needs to hear- to keep on moving forward even when you think you've arrived.

And that all boils down into a single sentence that came to me by way of a fortune cookie. "No one is standing in your way anymore, it is time to move forward." It all just goes to show that graduation ceremonies would be much shorter if the planners would just eat more Chinese food.

Cooking advice

1 can of vegetable broth + 1 can of beef broth = 2 cans of chicken broth

Dining on Mars?

I found this amusing description of a restaurant in NYC:

"An intergalactic shuttle transports guests to the Red Planet for an extraterrestrial, culinary experience they will never forget. [...] Just before your dining experience begins, you must carefully navigate the Rock Fissure Corridor by stepping across a translucent bridge of pontoons floating over molten lava. Once you are safely across, a Cyberguide escorts you to your designated seat on Mars. The Crystal Crater boasts a three-story crystal tree, covered by a glass canopy that affords a spectacular view of the Martian heavens and the Earth beyond. To dine at the Crater's Edge, you must cautiously make your way downstairs, past a steaming Blue Lava Fountain. A 300-square-foot "Window to Mars" displays a colorful combination of elements, offering majestic views of the Martian landscape. A gracious and engaging Cratermaster, our Ambassador of Good Cheer and Levity, choreographs your Epicurean adventure from this point on. Guests are also delighted by occasional interaction with prominent members of local Martian society. By nature, Martians are friendly and gregarious, and their superb hospitality is a hallmark of the Modern Martian Society..."

After reading that, I feel I should either go there, or watch Alice in Wonderland. Not sure which.

Spring Photos

Spring screws around with circadian rhythm. This was a 7 AM photo, after a night of trying to sleep. Jack was also acting weird. He's never decided to sit on top of my monitor before.


I think these are called Phlox.


The bulbs I planted last fall have become some unique variation on a daffodil.


I believe this is called a composite daffodil.


Hyacinth. As pretty as it is, its probably directly responsible for allergy season. Its scent is extremely heavy.


A pink centered daffodil-narcissus thing.


More daffodil variations.


There's a reason the family name for these is Narcissus. They are absolutely perfect.

I've Been

As the mute screams of the broken hearted
Muffle the words of the faithful lover
And the emotional arthritis warns
Of a coming storm,
She sits and stares, seeing nothing
And comes prepared for an empty cornfield
But finds only ancient scrolls
Reminding her she is not the first to feel.

An empty life, a dream remains a dream,
A scattered scrapbook in a box under the bed,
An uprooted tree for the third time,
Digging dirt to find the liquid in the deep
Is an ulterior motive to spiritual gain.

The tears are shadows deep behind the eyes;
Somewhere near the pineal gland
They gather their forces
And march a rhythm with the heart
Blowing in with the east wind
Over the parched ground and the broken stalks of corn
And silently, silently, they come.

response to recent news

I had a chat with a friend the other day about a group of people who recently have been promoting false ideas about God. God does not hate people based on their race, religion, or lifestyle preferences. However, there IS such a thing as sin, and sin creates separation from God.

Think of it like this. Your 5 year-old daughter has been cranky all day. She wouldn't get into the car seat when you needed to get your errands done, she refused to get dressed in the clothes you picked out for her, and now, you are telling her to pick up her toys and put them away, but she is screaming that she won't do it. So you take her to the corner and put her in her time-out chair, partly because she's being disobedient, and partly because you need a break yourself. At no time did you stop loving her, but her disobedience created a necessary distance between you.

This is like a relationship with God. He will never hate a whole country, or a religious system, or any kind of sinner. But there ARE consequences to sin, even though the love is still there. This also answers the classic question, "how can a loving God send people to hell?" My answer is that he doesn't. Separation from God happens because people make that choice.

And thats what I think about that.

love stories

This may be a long story, but here goes. Several years ago, I created a Myspace account. A musician, S, was seeking followers and requested a "friend" status; I accepted. I discovered his music was awesome and we had about 3 conversations regarding it. That was it, I never really talked to him after that. But through post updates, I learned a lot about him and his family and their spirituality.

His sister, R, "met" God on a rock in Ireland and God taught her that she should rely on him for support and be happy in singleness until the day he provided her with a husband. Years later, she wanted a sign that the young man in her life was the one God was providing. God showed the man how to give her the sign, and also told him to propose to her on that rock.

Another young woman, J, "met" God on a beach in Israel, and God taught her roughly the same thing that he'd said to R. Some time later, a woman felt God was telling her to paint a picture for J. The picture featured J on that beach with her hands flung up in the air in pure joy, as if she had just experienced the happiest day of her life. Later, she met S and he spoke with her parents, telling them about where he'd like to propose and would that be ok. Her parents said they'd been praying he would propose in that spot and he had about 3 months to plan it (because that was when she'd be there again). It turns out, he proposed on that beach in Israel.

When I learned of R's story, I thought, "Wow, that is a great story and a wonderfully romantic one. People will delight to hear the story of their romance." When I learned that R's brother had a nearly identical experience, I thought, "R's story isn't unique?? Does this kind of thing happen all the time and I've somehow missed it?"

S posted his wedding video, which I think revealed a huge part of the story. S and R are a part of a close-knit group of people who have an extreme and radical love for God. They are passionate worshipers who do not care if others find their worship styles "weird." So in a sense, it is a nature vs nurture scenario- S and R were raised to expect God to be an integral part of their lives, including their love stories.

After learning of the stories, I had a sort of longing for a story of my own. I don't know how my life will pan out, but when I'm old, I would love to have a love story that makes people say, "Aww" when they hear it. Don't jump to conclusions about my current relationship though- we never know what kind of story we are in while it is happening. It is only afterward that we can look back and see the big picture. Even the disciples of Jesus experienced this.

But when I examine my life, I find several things.

1. I do not have a place where I "met" with God. Yes, I know God personally, I have a relationship with him as my caring and protecting Father. But the supernatural events that those girls experienced in their meeting places have not happened for me, nor do I expect them to. I have a B.A. in theater; I am quite jaded by flashy theatrics. I would be incredibly honored and blessed if God just "showed up" one day in a heavy cloud and a flash of lightning, or even if he told a painter to paint a picture of me that only I had knowledge of. But because of my background, I don't think that is what would capture my heart the most, and I think he knows that and would choose to meet with me in some other way. My secret place when I spend the most time talking to God happens in the shower and I am quite certain I don't want anyone proposing to me there.

2. I do not have the same passionate excitement about worship. I worship God, I pray to God, I sing to God. But I do not do it like a child with ADHD on Halloween. I am subtle, I am peaceful and serene. In some ways I feel that this may somehow cheat God, that I am not as excited about being with him as other people are.

3. I was raised to understand that not everyone loves or worships God. There are people out there who have chosen different beliefs and want to practice different things. They want a life without God in it. In living my life and interacting with those people, the spirit of God in me brings God into their life, but in the same instance, their life-without-God is brought into my life. That sounds like an Asian or Hawaiian philosophy but I guess what I mean is we don't live in bubbles. Things drag us away from our goals whether we know it or not. God is very important to me, but he is not as integral a part of my life as the group S and R (and spouses) are a part of.

It is interesting to note that in my observations, I do not mention "finding a romantic boyfriend." While I think it is important for a guy to be able to hear from God from time to time, and have moments of inspiration that put him on a higher romantic level than a caveman, I think that the most important part to finding the perfect mate for me is being who I am supposed to be in the first place.

I will conclude with another love story. A was lonely and wanted a boyfriend. She was not content to wait for God to bring one into her life, so she did some things that may have indicated her impatience. After struggling and being hurt by the complexities of it all, she began to focus on her own relationship with God instead of a relationship with a guy. She let God fix some areas of her life, and quite suddenly, in Anne of Green Gables style, the Gilbert in her life stopped fighting with her, they both realized mutual feelings of attraction, and are now following the path that they believe leads to marriage. (If Anne of Green Gables is too modern for your tastes, try Pride & Prejudice and read that as "the Mr. Darcy in her life stopped...")

The biggest thing that could be impressed on me is that an "aww" love story comes from ME being who I am meant to be, not from someone else being imaginative and romantic. Now how do I become ME?

Religion, Philosophy, Spirituality

Having a conversation with a friend, I realized I have my own philosophy on life that, although it does not contradict the teachings of my chosen denomination, is really uniquely ME. I'm not claiming I have some big spiritual revelation that will one day be taught as supplemental commentary or anything. Just that I like to think for myself.

1. I see no need to capitalize names of deities. Or names of my friends, or cities, or any proper noun. in current culture when people write without punctuation and capitalization it is viewed as being less stuffy and proper and more like the average person out there. you are more informal, more on the same level with someone. it is like you are sitting in their living room with a cup of tea and no one cares if you don't have the right punctuation. it is not like you are writing a dissertation, its just a cup of tea in a living room. when talking about god or jesus people know who you are talking about without capitalization. one could argue that capitalization indicates honor and your level of respect, but i would argue that it really isn't much of an honor to capitalize a name. ooh i just hit the shift key so your name would be capitalized, wow aren't you honored by that? or in writing, ooh i just made the same exact stroke, only bigger so it would be capitalized. really, its not such a sacrifice to write in caps. a better way to show your level of respect for god is to love him, and show your love. wear it on your face and wear it in your actions. even if you are writing it online, it will come out in what you say, even if you do not specifically state it, and even if you do not use capital letters.

2. People are jerks. In the words of one friend, "Most people are bastard covered bastards with bastard filling." In the words of Jesus, "You will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me." In the words of Paul the Apostle, "In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." But how most people think to deal with those jerks is different based on where you live (China vs America vs Israel), when it is occurring (present day or in the past under different social or legal standards), and just what it is they are doing to you (holding a gun to your head or cursing you out on the elevator).

My philosophy incorporates Jesus' words to love your neighbor like you love yourself, bless those who curse you, do good to those who mistreat you, and treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. I do not believe Jesus said this because he was a pansy. I believe he recognized that we cannot be responsible for others' actions, only our own. I attempt to follow Jesus' advice. I try to be nice to people, because I would want them to be nice to me back. But I have no expectation that they will be nice back. I am nice to them for my own sake, not for theirs. So whatever they do back is not my problem. The only thing I can do is cultivate in myself a sense of compassion for all things. I can not be responsible if they choose not to accept my offer of harmony. I often wonder, when reading my Bible, if Jesus ever used parts of the Buddhist philosophy in some of his teachings.

(Disclaimer: Buddhism has been around since between 600-400 BCE and its philosophy on a whole is not in agreement with the teachings of Christianity, however there are good points that can be used to make Christian beliefs more understandable.)

3. The creation vs. evolution argument. Frankly, we're here now. It doesn't matter how we got here. You cannot change the past, as anyone with an ex can tell you. Given how flawed human nature is, both options are probably wrong anyway. If I had to choose, my brother's ideas that both options are not mutually exclusive of one another makes a lot of sense, but only in his words. I can not put it into my own words, nor do I care to. I do not care how we got here, and I cringe when I hear the violence in my friends' voices when they discuss it.

4. The end times. Yes, the world is probably going to end soon. But people have been saying that since just after Jesus rose from the dead and went back to Heaven. My theory is that Jesus came, and gave people a glimpse of what Heaven would be like. We now have an acute sense that Heaven is not here on Earth, and its outlook seems bleak. Specifically how the world is going to end is highly debated among differing churches. I take the same position as before: I don't care. There is no sense worrying about the future when it hasn't happened yet. Since no one knows the exact moment when the "beginning of the end" will come, the only thing that we can do is live our lives in order to make every moment count. This does not mean go out and get drunk every night or have wild sex parties or ride every rollercoaster in the world. All it means is my philosophy #2. Live in harmony. Live in peace. Love God. Let that love be evident to everyone else. When you love people, do it in a way that says, "God loves you more than I do."

5. Abortion. Human life begins at conception. Killing a fetus is taking a life. Taking a life is not always wrong (commandment #6 forbids murder, not killing- Exodus 20:13). Any further discussion of abortion is not a religious discussion, it is purely a legal and social debate about the implications of establishing laws for or against it, therefore it should not be discussed in a blog entry about religion and spirituality. I personally would not be able to cope with the emotional and psychological consequences of having an abortion, but then again I also don't kill spiders in the house; I put them outside.

6. Church. Why go to church when you can sing music and read your Bible in the comfort of your own home? The quite simple answer is that you can have friends who agree with at least a portion of your beliefs. It is, in a sense, a support group. Church is fellowship, it is not the building, but the people. Having someone, even if it is just one person, to stand by your side while you are struggling with something God is telling you, can make all the difference in the world.

7. Prayer. This is not a Dear Santa letter. God is a being. Prayer is open communication. It goes two ways. No, I don't hear him audibly, although some people do. For me, prayer is like dialing in to the power holding the universe together. God is in the thunder and the wind and the ocean for me, and when I feel his presence, my mind simply puts all the pieces together of the things that I struggle with. And no, God is not just in the wild parts of nature. God is in the songs of the spring peepers, the cicadas, the bullfrogs at night. God is in the fog and the mist on May evenings, and in the warmth of good soil, and in the sun shining through the window while I'm doing dishes. The Chinese have a name for this power that runs in and through everything, sustaining living things; it is Qi.

8. To be continued...

Thats all for now. Is there a topic you would like me to cover here? Is there anything you would like to hear my thoughts on? Do you disagree with anything I've said? I'd like to hear from you.

History

A little bit of a history lesson:

A long time ago, the followers of Jesus founded a new religion. This new religion had leaders and attempted to follow all of Jesus' teachings as much as possible. But its hard to know exactly what he wants when he's not there in flesh and blood to tell you. Time passed, the Roman Empire split, Christianity was legalized, all other religions were outlawed, great philosophical schools were closed. The people were no longer taught to think for themselves, but believed what they were told to believe. In 754, the pope was given political control of central Italy. This union of religion and state is evidenced by the term "Holy Roman Empire" which encompassed more than just Rome. The pope's decrees became law to the monarchs of Europe. There was one religion, and doubt in that religion led to questioning and torture. Just as in the Salem witch trials, if you didn't like someone, you could accuse them of being a heretic, and they were taken away to bother you no more. Your piety was no longer about a personal belief, but about how popular you were. The more popular, the less your chance of being accused. The church demanded tithes, the kings demanded taxes, and together, the poor became poorer. Church services, which were mandatory, were done in Latin, and those who couldn't understand Latin just had to take it on faith that the Bible actually said what they thought it said.

In the late 1300s, John Wycliff, a scholar at Oxford University, read the Bible in Latin and came to the conclusion that it should be read by all people in their own language. Because he believed that the government (and not the church) should have control over affairs of the state, he received the protection of John of Gaunt, who was seeking to gain power over the young King Richard II. (There was a power struggle in the English court, in addition to the power struggle occurring between the two popes each claiming the other was a fraud.) He translated the Bible into English, and came to the conclusion that the traditional laws of the church are not as important as the laws laid out in the Bible, and that salvation comes through faith and not through any action or price we can give to the church.

In 1517, Martin Luther said pretty much the same thing, except in more detail. These two men started movements that would lead to the nearly global idea now, that people are free to choose their own religions. People are now equipped with the knowledge of the tenets of many varying beliefs, and possess an understanding of the (spiritual, and/or physical) repercussions of choosing one belief over another. The battles that were fought, and the people that were killed in order to establish and preserve this freedom for the people of today are just as important as the people who died in battle to establish the freedoms of democracy.

So when I tell you my beliefs, it is because I have exercised this wonderful freedom, and have chosen my religion. Your attempt to convince me I am wrong is just as threatening to me as Wycliff was to the foundations of the Catholic church.

EDIT: The title of this post is called "History" for 2 reasons. In the first, it is because the post is about historical events. Secondly, the idea for this post occurred so long ago in my own history that I am only able to recall the rumbling threat to my beliefs, and not the details of the incident. So, in answer to your question, no, I cannot explain.

Dear Careerbuilder.com

Dear Careerbuilder.com,

The job you recommended I apply for requires a knowledge of pharmaceutical sales, health care, and the Korean language.

What part of my resume made you think I would be good for that?

Sincerely,
Meghan

Beautiful

Eight months ago, I met up with an older friend who is kind of a mother figure, to catch up on old news and make plans for new news. At one point in the conversation, she said, "Wow, I cannot get over how different you look! You walk as if you know you are walking in fulfillment of your destiny and your dreams. You walk as if you know you are beautiful."

Now, I am doing exactly the same things, but my walk is slouched. I can't turn my neck to the right for the pain, and while I am taking steps toward my destiny, I second-guess everything and don't take a single step without advice from at least one person. I don't have the confidence I had eight months ago, and I wonder... "It was my destiny then, but is it still my destiny? Can a destiny change like that? Or is a destiny more like a compass, always pointing you in the right direction?"

Its not beauty, its confidence.

Someday...

Someday, I will not feel the need to cling so tightly to the cross. Someday, I will be able to walk hand-in-hand with God instead of hanging and white-knuckling it.

I am able to hope.

PUSH

I went back to my home church today. I haven't been there since Christmastime, but I had been told, "You can't miss this service." The service in question started with the music as usual, but Pastor did not give the sermon. Instead, a group called Push Physical Theater took the stage. Push is an interesting concept. Imagine a street mime in a large city coming together with other mimes, and forming a group that is one part Pilobolus, one part Shoestring Players. They are incredibly expressive, evoking the mental image precisely as the real thing appears, have incredible trust for each other, and are incredibly physically fit.

While it was a struggle for me to get there (it took all of Jack's efforts plus a small miracle to get me out of bed this morning), and a struggle for me to be there, I really felt that even though I was not able to experience it without a struggle, it was still important that I be there and see/hear the actors' message.

I'd love to share my impression of the message, as it struck me, but I can't. It is too personal. But it revealed a lot of thing about myself, and in a sense, showed me a little bit of who I am.

I cried on the way home. I'm not who I want to be.