c'era una volta

That's Italian for "once upon a time." I'm going to tell a story now.

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had a dream. In her dream, her birthday was coming up, and her mother made her a white, fluffy cake, with lots of creamy frosting. It was like biting into a little piece of heaven. Mommy, what kind of cake is this? she asked. Her mother told her it was called a French Blessing Cake. The little girl was almost sorry to wake up, because the dream was so beatiful. Everyday, she would wake up, and think about that dream, and she never forgot how beautiful it was. Finally, after many days passed, her real birthday came, and her mother came and asked her what she would like for her birthday. And the little girl said, "Could you make me a French Blessing Cake?" Her mother didn't know what that was, and had to look it up in the cookbook. "Ohhh" she said. "A French Blessing Cake. Yes, I've heard of this. But honey, the French Blessing Cake can't be made without eggs, and you know that we don't have any." Because in that part of the land, there had been a blight that killed off all of the chickens for miles around, much like the death of the American Chestnuts a few years ago. When the mother saw the little girl's sad face, she said, "Don't worry honey, there are plenty of cakes that can be made without eggs. You can look through the entire cookbook and pick any other cake you want and I will bake it for you. The little girl's heart had fallen a little, but she thought of her dream, and decided that her memories were good enough. She looked at the cookbook. "No thank you, Mommy. If I can't have the French Blessing Cake, then I'll just go without one." Her mother put the cookbook away. "Don't you want anything for your birthday?" The little girl smiled. "I have you and all the rest of our family, and all of my memories of the French Blessing Cake. I don't need anything else, but thank you." So the little girl never ate cake again, because she was quite satisfied with her memories.

Ok at this point you are saying, "Meg's lost her marbles..." Well, maybe I have. I had a conversation with a friend of mine about some stuff I've been going through... all this pretty heavy thinking I've been doing. And I couldn't seem to articulate how I feel, until after I hung up with her, I got this idea. So instead of writing my 5-page paper due tomorrow, I'm doing this. Goodbye sleep.

So yeah, I've also been doing a lot of other thinking. At first I wondered if my memories could possibly be enough, but I'm discovering that they are almost more than I can handle. There's no need for any other cake. I also discovered that I'm trying to heal from a breakup that never wounded me. Anyone halfway involved in my life will say, yeah, right. But let me explain. I went through all the emotions involved with a break-up, loneliness and vulnerability being the biggest. But they were not wounds. No where do I feel as if I am bleeding. Instead, I feel as if I'm lifting a heavy burden on my back. It may have potential for wounding me, but right now its only a burden. I think that now that I understand that, I will be able to stop treating the wound that isn't there, and start focusing my energies on other, more important things. Granted, I'll still complain a bit in this blog, but everyone has their ups and downs.

And, having said that, I'm going to have to leave you hanging. Because I have a 5-page paper to write about the Ako Vendetta, which was carried out by 47 samurai in 1702 to avenge the death of their late master. Joy.