AHHHHHHHHHH

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!
I KNOW IT ALREADY.
STOP TELLING ME THAT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUB SALT IN THE BLEEDING MESS.
God, just leave me alone. No don't, I need you here. But... I don't know what I want anymore.

Things used to be so simple. Just... 5 years ago. 5 years ago, I was directing a dance for Easter. Now I'm directing a whole play. 5 years ago I had not yet entered the world of Male. Now I'm lost in a whole new universe, wondering what loyalty my heart holds. 5 years ago, I was preparing to be rebaptized. To declare to the world that I'd strayed after my first baptism and that I wanted to return to a life where nothing matters but You. And now... I can't always seem to find You. I know You're there. But... I'm not in the right place.

I'm tired of the what if game. Where are You?