this didn't fit in that last post.

I don't know what's happening here. I don't know why you're closed off. I don't know why you'll open up to other people and not to me. I don't know why I'm crying right now or why it bothers me so much.

I don't know why I can write a post about how great Nordstrom is and then in two minutes my mood will swing to the teary side and I will be mad at you but at the same time endlessly forgiving because for some reason I forgive you instantly, but resent others. Why should I forgive you? I have no reason to. You lied. The lie led to certain actions being taken, which hurt me. But for some reason I forgave you and took the hurt inside and resented people not connected to it at all. Why would I do such a thing? I don't know. I tried to stop resenting but I couldn't. I tried to stop forgiving but I couldn't.

I tried to be a good Christian girl and then I tried to figure out what that meant. I tried to give the entire situation to God but He must not lock his cages well enough because it keeps escaping and coming back to me with its tail wagging and its tongue hanging out, where it then proceeds to dig up my flower garden.

I miss being friends with you.