protecting those you love

In the fall of 1999, three things happened. My mom and I went on a retreat to the Poconos. The day we returned, Hurricane Floyd swept up the East Coast. I reveled in the magnificence of the wind before the storm, and mom spent her time unpacking, cleaning, and doing laundry, just in case the electricity went out. Then the third thing happened. My grandfather had a heart attack that resulted in a bypass surgery and ten years of complications. My mom wasn't home at the time, she was helping a neighbor fight the flooding effects of Floyd. My dad took the call, told us, and swore us to secrecy so he could tell Mom properly. The electricity went out, so we went to Pop's Grill for dinner, and that was how mom found out her dad might die.

Dad had to sit on the news and not say anything until the proper time.

In another instance, a friend of mine was out with her boyfriend. Her mother called asking to speak to the boyfriend, and he immediately took her home, but wouldn't share with her what was said on the phone. When she got home, she received the news of a death in the family.

In yet another instance, another friend of mine knew something was going on because the phones had been ringing. She asked her father what was wrong, he looked at her and silently headed out to his car in the middle of the night. She did not learn the news of a friend's death until the proper time.

These and countless other stories make me wonder. What is it about the human nature that makes us hold bad news inside to protect the ones we love? Instead of telling them so they will help lighten our load, we instead hold it in (even if they ASK) so that they do not experience the pain we are going through by our knowledge.

Is this a noble human trait? Or is it a flaw that causes us unneeded pain? Is our pain somehow made lighter by knowing that our loved one is not hurting too?