predestination

I'm reading a really good book about a guy who falls into another world or a parallel universe or something, and he has all sorts of adventures there. Its cool because the author can use the other world to explain things about it, and then because that world faces similar philosophical problems as this world, we can apply it to this world if we so choose. I liked this conversation the main character has with another character in the book, because it really made me think:

"Did I decide to do this, or was it preordained for me? If I was chosen before the beginning of the world, as you said..." The question trailed off. "Well, you know."

Ish smiled. "The Father, and I, and the Comforter alone exist outside of time, outside of the limitations of the framework we created for you to live in. We see the entire parade at once, as it were, from eternity to eternity, while you and those of the angelic and demonic realms are bound to a single, narrow vantage point. You must watch the parade as it passes. For us, there is no past or future. There is only 'now.'

"All choose the path they will take. Man chooses. The Dark chooses. The angels choose. All are responsible for the choices they make. Yet at the same time, the Father is utterly sovreign. All things were decreed by Him, in His good pleasure, before the beginning. Despite appearances to the contrary, free will in the creature and unlimited authority in the creator are not mutually exclusive. But your current frame of reference will not allow you to comprehend this.

"One day, you will better understand. But not now, not until you have been freed from your limitations. You see through a glass darkly. That which is possible for an infinitely dimensional God cannot be fully understood by one who is bound and limited by a four-dimensional existance."

"Four?"

"Time. Bound as such, you cannot grasp the necessary points of reference. It would be far simpler for a two-dimensional listener- constrained by two-dimensional concepts and hearing only two-dimensional terms- to grasp the concept of a sphere. What I can tell you is that all things and all events, even those of evil, are used by Us for good and for the carrying out of the Father's will.

"That is where trust comes in. And trust... simple trust... is faith."

email

Someone sent me this email. I'm wondering what everyone else thinks of it:

This is one of the best explanations of why God allows pain and suffering that I have seen. It's an explanation other people will understand.

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber: "You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did,there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."


I KNOW God exists. But I've never been articulate about giving other people evidence for His existence. And seeing as how right now, I feel like my bones are going to explode because I have some sort of wierd flu thing, I can understand and relate to pain and suffering coexisting with God. But I always just figured that... God rules Heaven, where there's no pain and suffering. Satan rules Hell, where there is all pain and suffering. And Earth is just where the two overlap. So here, there are intensely beautiful things, and there is also pain and ugly things. I guess that goes along with something someone told me once. That for some people, Earth is as close as they'll ever get to being in Hell. And for other people, Earth is as close as they'll ever get to being in Heaven.

Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this. And the joints in my fingers are hurting so I'm gonna stop typing.

lovely...

Dave tried to kill my brother.

Ok well the real story is this. The youth group usually has an all-night shindig at the church on New Year's Eve. But, they decided that this year, they would forego that in favor of driving out to PA to go to an indoor waterpark (leave Monday, come back Tuesday). So they did. And they made it back to West Milford without a problem. Adam, the youth pastor, had just finished patting himself on the back that nothing went wrong. And then he turns around to see blood all over my brother's hands and head.

Apparently, Dave has bad taste in music, and tries to share the wealth with others. My brother made a comment because the same racket had been playing for the past half hour. Dave flicks my brother in the ear. Big deal. My brother tosses the discarded wristband from the water park, and it hit Dave in the face. For some reason, that justified hitting my brother in the back of the head with a shot glass, opening up a gash in his head that got blood all over both his hands, a Snapple bottle and Stephanie.

Dan: the first thing i thought was daves life is gonna end in 30 seconds, and the second thing i thought was drop anything that might be a weapon so i dont go to jail and the third thing was my head is bleeding, maybe i should go inside

So anyway, it got me thinking about that sermon that keeps popping up a lot lately in my life: the one on meekness. Adam gave a sermon once where he defined meekness. People think that meekness means being weak... I guess just because of the similarity in the way it sounds. Merriam Webster says meekness is "enduring injury with patience and without resentment." In Adam's sermon, he took it a step farther to say that meekness is power under control. You could totally beat someone up for something, but you choose not to. Or even just, you have the power to resent someone, but choose not to. Anyway, that ties into the stuff with Barb about sutemi. Being meek means you have to sacrifice something. You have to let go of something inside you in order for meekness to happen, like in sutemi.

The fact that these things keep popping up over the past few weeks says something to me. It says that maybe I have things I need to let go of. Maybe there's something inside of me, that I'm holding onto with all the strength I can muster, because letting go means falling through the air into nothing, like in a stime. Maybe there's something inside me that doesn't know that falling in a stime is really flying in disguise.

Anyway... coming from a big sister, I don't care about meekness. If Dave tries a stunt like that while I'm around I want him to regret it.

Christmas

OMG I think I gained 500 lbs!

And unfortunately, my extended family has never heard of vegetables. We had smoked duck, honey-glazed duck, smoked ham, scalloped potatoes, and some sort of radioactive pepto bismol gelatin mould. No veggies. I think a waldorf salad would have been good. But someone must have had a temporary mental glitch. No surprise, it being Christmas and all.

And it wasn't as bad as I was expecting. Apparently two of the cats died since I was there last, so I didn't have a horrible allergic reaction, despite the fact that their two male cats are huge and don't clean themselves so they have a lot of dander. Raven is 25 pounds of black huggable blubber (although he is quite muscular too). And Charlie (who has a Charlie Chaplin moustache) is probably about 20 pounds. It was very cool not to see them through itchy watery eyes.

My grandfather was generally the same, minus his girlfriend who lives in Albany.

My uncle from Vietnam didn't get too drunk and we had an intelligent conversation about how he got a cat as a wedding gift and he was allergic to it and eventually he gave it away and it walked in front of a truck. Anyway it was cool to have a conversation with him. And my aunt was (to use Barb's term) a little bit softer than usual. See, my Aunt Janette has always had a sort of "hard mind" and my Aunt Diane a "soft mind." (They are sisters, really close in age, and for the longest time I couldn't tell them apart.) Ever since their mother died, the gap in "hard mind/ soft mind" got bigger. But tonight, Janette was a little softer. Coulda been the whiskey sours. Aunt Marilyn, Uncle Ed, Uncle Pete were the same. Fun, smiling, generally happy people. Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Ted weren't there, neither were Aunt Janet and Uncle Bob, or the uncle in California I've met once and whose name I forgot.

And my cousins. Well. Ok well they were the same as always. Pete was not there, he's driving to Alberta Canada via the Grand Canyon to find himself and eventually learn massage therapy in Canada. Taryn showed up and pretended to be interested before going off with her fiancee who has three kids from another marriage. Which she always does. And Christina and Allison also pretended to be interested. Example:

Allison: Hey Dan, what year are you now?
My Brother: Senior
A: Wow what are you doing next year?
D: I don't know, I'm thinking about Stevens or Lehigh, they're both engineering schools.
A: Wow well you should definitely go visit all three of those.
Dan to me: I love how our cousins ask a question and then don't listen to the answer.

Rob and Chris and Kim wouldn't do that... they are actually related to us by blood and kind of care about their relations. But Rob's got a family in Maryland and Chris has a closet apartment in DC and can't leave. And Kimmy's in England or Georgia or somewhere far away. So they weren't there tonight. And that's about it on the Christmas update. Notice how I talked about food first, then cats, then family. I love priorities.

Speaking of which... I'll throw you all for a loop and put gifts in here. You can all wonder whether I saved the best for last or just am really non-materialistic. I got three Lord of the Rings calendars hahaha. I wonder if that says anything about me. And I got a card to Build-a-Bear workshop. Hehehe. I looked online. They have martial arts clothing for the bears. That makes me happy. And Anissa's bread and coasters from Steve. Anyway... I got some other little nick-knacks but not much because I got my down-comforter Christmas gift a month early.

Overall... It was generally a better Christmas than most. That and people kept calling me while I was at my Aunt's house, which was a nice and pleasant interruption. I'm loved and I know it and that makes me happier than a 25 pound cat in a house full of duck and ham.

link

Ok so Merry Christmas everyone! I went to the Christmas Eve service, and Jordan and Rick sang/played Little Drummer Boy, and they did a better job than Jars of Clay, which is a huge compliment because Jars of Clay is one of my favorite bands, and I love their version of Little Drummer Boy. I'm so proud of my big brothers, I had this huge stupid grin on my face while they were singing, haha.

Anyway, some stuff happened too. I'll brush it off. Those that need to know will know. And I came back, wrapped gifts, and now I have a headache/shoulder ache, so I should sleep and hope the sleep makes my muscles relax.

But before I do, I have to post this. I was looking for a different link but came across this one. My brother and I laughed sooo hard.

Merry Christmas everyone! (Sorry, no PC-ness from me tonight. Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, that's what day it is, and I hope yours is merry. Feel free to wish me a merry day on any other day of the year of your choosing.)

general update...

So, the general consensus from the two people who responded to my last entry (yes generalizations can be gathered from two people) is that I was too hard on myself about the jujitsu stuff. And umm... I guess so. It didn't feel too hard, because I've been harder on myself before.

Anyway, I'm home today. I'm glad to be home. I'm glad to be with the people I love. But... I feel different now. I love coming home so I can talk to my brother. I love coming home so my family can joke around together. But... I've said this before. I may be or have already outgrown my friends here. Not that I don't love them, or that I don't like seeing them again. But I went to hang out with some of them today... and I felt like... I don't feel that sense of belonging. I've changed, and when I'm with them, I go back to being the old me. Does it make sense to say that I don't like who I am when I'm with them, and still say it without saying anything bad about them?

I might feel differently later on. But, I'm kind of in a strange mood tonight. There was a string of stuff that happened that brought back old memories. I don't know if that's good or bad. The memories here, from tonight especially, are different from my memories of New Brunswick. In NB, there are memories I have that I treasure, and wish I could experience all over again, just for the sake of the experience (even the bad ones, I'd do it all over again). The memories I had tonight left me feeling like I've made a huge mistake in my life. Maybe the difference is that my memories of NB are still capable of happening again, while the things I thought about tonight are over with a finality that can't be undone. Honestly though... I like the person RU and NB have shaped me into. I feel so much more comfortable just being myself. When I'm here, I have to be who I used to be. Which makes me feel uncomfortable. Its also annoying not being able to express my true feelings about my memories 'cause of the people that read this.

Couple that with Jujitsu on Thursday... and explore the muscle knots in my body. I decided I should have asked for a massage for Christmas. Back, neck, lower back, hands, feet... that would be heavenly.

Anyway... I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go post a private xanga entry so I can vent without making people annoyed at me. Gnight

Yet another entry...

ahhh...

I've had a long day. Ackkkk.... I'm such a good actress... But I can't hide it from Molly. And she can't help me cause she isn't big enough. She can only sit in my lap.

I did something stupid today. I allowed myself to think while I was baking cookies for two hours. Two whole hours by myself to think. That's... more than I've had at once all semester. And I reacted to it. My spirit went haywire. So when I got to jujitsu, which we were doing in a large room, my spirit scattered to all the corners of the room and left me with no center. I was not balanced, not able to keep myself from hurting myself (not just physically), and unable to gather it all back in. I think... possibly, it wouldn't have been so bad if we had done jujitsu in the smaller rooms in the basement. The walls are farther in, there's less distance to travel, and easier for me to pull myself together. But we were in the big room. I couldn't pull myself together. I wasted Andrew's time teaching me and Jess's time working with me.

Last week, several people asked me when I was going to test for gokyu (the next rank). I jokingly said, when my body stops falling apart. But now I think I know the reason why I'm not ready to test yet. I haven't learned how to keep my emotions from affecting my technique. There's a certain way to do each technique, and I can't seem to get my body to do it the same way each time. I have to be in a certain emotional groove in order for my body memory to kick in. Yes, I know each technique. Yes, I have done each technique at one time or another that would probably be passable in a test. But to do it reliably, and to do it reliably no matter what state of mind I'm in, I can't do that. And even if people think I'm ready to test, I'm not sure I want to move on to more complicated moves if I can't reach with my spirit to the corners of a room and gather myself back into my center. And in a sense, that makes my original statement true. The reason my body keeps "falling apart" as I put it, is because I either can't or haven't been holding onto all of me at once. Because of this, I get death by a thousand bee stings when I go to jujitsu. No guillotine injuries except for that one in May, but a hundred little things happening at once, which is why I sometimes feel like I'm falling apart.

This whole thing about my spirit seems a little weird, and I don't know how to describe it other than the way that I have. But... does anyone else ever feel like that? Does anyone besides me know what I'm talking about?

Oh... yeah... about that part in the beginning. Well... I'm a little better now. Emma's got someone to cuddle with tonight, and Mel has someone to cuddle with tonight. Sarah's not here, and I have Molly. And she's small, yes. But she has a big heart. And it will have to suffice. My other option is Micheal, my blind teddy bear. But he can't see my face, and Molly can. She understands it.

Goodnight.

breakfast

I cut myself a slice of Anissa's bread for breakfast... Being lazy, I used the same really big bread knife to cut myself a slice of butter. On the way down, the knife accidentally cut off the bottom 2 inches of my banana. So, I had the unique experience of eating my banana upside down today. And then right side up. It made me happy.

sigh...

I'm posting so many new entries lately. I'm kinda struggling. I want to pour stuff out here. But there's something holding me back and I can't... I don't know how to say what I want to say. So I log in to blogger, and then I distract myself with other things so that I don't have to say what's inside.

"Take me to that place where we're children again, and we crawl on the lap of the Peace Child. Take me the land where love is discovered with the Prince undercover as the Peace Child. And the poor can now see how a king can believe in a kindgom that cradles the broken. O come O come Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel from lonely exile here until the Son of God appears. We look to be upright as we grasp for a chance but we're too dirty to dance with the Peace Child. But the sense... and its ... like the blood of the babe of the Peace Child. And the dead can now sing at the throne of the King 'cause heaven is full of us peasants."

That's a little bit somber though. I need a cheer up.

Twas the night before Christmas, and up at the North Pole, everybody's going crazy; everything's out of control. The toy shop is on fire, the toys melting on the shelves, and you can hear Mrs. Claus scream, "One can never trust those elves!"

Chorus: Unless something drastic happens fast, say hello to the ghost of Christmas past because, mistletoe and boughs of holly! Old Saint Nick ain’t all that jolly. And the sleigh’s in the shop ‘cause it’s broken down, but Christmas won’t stop ‘Cause Santa Claus is thumbing to town (uh-oh!) Santa Claus is thumbing to town (uh-oh!) Santa Claus is thumbing to town (uh-oh!) Santa Claus is thumbing to town (uh-oh!) Very much to his disliking, Santa spends all night hitch-hiking. With a sign that reads, "Ho ho slow down," Santa Claus is thumbing to town.

Every car just drove right past him and sped right out of sight. Santa never got to ask them to drive around the world in just one night. So Kris Kringle started walkin’ through the snow without his sleigh, shed a tear for every stocking that would be empty Christmas day.

Chorus...

Ok, I feel better. I was nicely distracted.

OMG

The NJ Department of Transportation's (NJDOT) construction activities for phase two of the New Brunswick-area Route 18 reconstruction project are scheduled to begin the week of January 23. As a result, the Rutgers community will experience an impact on daily travel through the area.

This phase includes the closing of the New Street ramp and the Commercial Avenue jug handle off Route 18 northbound for at least 10 months. When this work begins, you should anticipate delays resulting from traffic pattern changes and possible lane closures. You should plan extra traveling time.

WHAT? You may as well close the school. And while you're at it, why not Johnson & Johnson too? Or better yet, broadcast the classes on the radio so that while we're sitting, parked, on the highway, 40 minutes late for class, we still have a fighting chance? Oh wait... I don't have to worry about this. I ONLY HAVE ONE MORE SEMESTER... EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

I applied for my diploma yesterday. Good luck to all of you who aren't leaving.

quick observation

From 10-ish, Monday morning, until midnight on Thursday, I will probably have been more productive in those four days than I was all semester. Why is it that deadlines like Christmas and finals are such good motivators?

yummy

Brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things...

My breakfast this morning was delicious!!

jujitsu thoughts....

First things first:

Dear Meghan,

I am writing to inform you that the Rutgers College Scholarship Committee has chosen you to receive a Rutgers College Academic Excellence Award in the amount of $750.00 for the 2005-2006 academic year. We are pleased to award you this Academic Excellence Award in recognition of your distinguished academic record and your service to the Rutgers College community. Congratulations.

!!!!!! eeee! Wow. I didn't think I'd get it. Awesome.

Ok, the other thing i was going to write about was jujitsu. Barb opened by saying that one of the black belts (a former student, one I'd never met) passed away. But the way she described it was really interesting. It kind of hit me in the stomach. In jujitsu, we have something called sutemi. It involves letting go of everything that makes sense so that you can accomplish what you want to accomplish. For example, X is attacking Y. Y allows X to throw him because being thrown that way puts Y in a better position to come out on top. Its making a small sacrifice for a greater goal. Anyway, Barb described the death of this black belt as the ultimate sutemi, because she didn't just slip into a coma and hang on to her life with just the kidney functioning and nothing else, like a lot of people do. She wasn't afraid to just let go. Not that she chose when to die, but when the time came, she didn't fight it.

And that really just sort of hit me. Because I knew that you could apply jujitsu to other areas of life, but when I heard that, it was sort of like, "Is my life a sutemi?" What am I doing in my life that might apply to jujitsu? Is there anything I'm holding onto, that maybe I shouldn't be? And then, right after that, I had to lead the warm ups, and I've always been kind of nervous about doing the stimes (aerial flips, landing in a sidefall position), but today I just sort of let go and went with it, and even though I still landed crooked like always, I think there was less emotional struggle in doing it. And it was really cool to just kind of... let go. Its like flying. I've always thought the stimes and throws were like flying, but today when I did the stime, it was more mentally flying. It was still scary, but it was a stretch, to just say, "scary isn't bad."

The other thing I thought was interesting in jujitsu was Barb doing more of the psychological aspect of jujitsu. It was stuff they said she taught in black belt class. About how, "yes the technique is important, but if you think about doing it and set your mind to it, you can do the technique by barely moving at all." She said there's a difference between hard thought and soft thought If you try to have a "hard mind" when you do a technique, your attacker wants to fight it. If you have a "soft mind," uke doesn't know what's coming. It took a couple of tries, but really, there is such a tiny difference between hard and soft thought. No big movements or anything, just think about a smile, which will soften everything, and then suddenly, your attacker is on the ground and you're on his carotid. Its surprising.

I'm thinking that when I get back to work on my prompt book that's due tomorrow, I will have a soft thought, and maybe that way I'll get so lost in thinking about smiles that all of a sudden I will find myself choking it out. That would please me greatly. Or burning it. With lightning bolts out of my eyes. I wonder if Barb can teach that.

hmm

So... today is the 17th. I came home yesterday to discover that my family does not yet have a Christmas tree or any Christmas decorations. We picked a tree up yesterday, but we never kill the tree, so we buy them with the roots on and in the spring we plant them in the yard. Which means we need to give it special treatment. Which is, a day in our yard to acclimate it to the air around our house. Then generally a week on our porch, to wean it into the house, where it will think its spring. Then after Christmas we have to wean it back outside so it won't go into shock and die. Do the math... if we keep the tree on the porch for a week, we'll be decorating it on Christmas Eve.

So I'm kind of starved for Christmas cheer. When I chose to do the White Witch of Narnia for my makeup class, I didn't actually intend for it to be always winter and never Christmas. And in New Brunswick, we don't have a tree or decorations because Christmas there is actually "ChristmaChanuKwanzakkah" and last time I was home I forgot my Christmas music. So I have been feeling like I'm gonna shrivel up and die soon. 'Cause I thrive on Christmas music all through October, Novermber, and December, and so its REALLY late in the year for me to start listening to Christmas music.

So yeah... I got the decorations out and put some of them up. Instead of doing my final project. And then I cooked an appetizer for the party tonight since Mom wasn't home and no one else would do it. I'm sure my dad would have if I asked, but when he does things in the kitchen he always looks like a fish on dry land. He's never quite sure what to do with himself. And of course my brother wouldn't. "If you make me do it, you'll get bread in a pan." I wanted the appetizer to be somewhat edible tonight, so I did it.

I'm kinda annoyed right now with my brother, but of course he's only a senior in high school. He can't be expected to know how to put anything in a pan and bake it at 350 for 8 minutes. He can't be expected to know how to chop carrots and broccoli in a blender. He can't be expected to know how to STIR a dip mix. That's FARRRR too complicated for his high school brain. And he won't help decorate the house because that's my job every year, and because he doesn't want Christmas decorations up. (Translation: I want to sit in my room on my computer gloating because its the only one in the house that works, and I want to play computer games all day.)

Anyway. I've now counteracted the White Witch syndrome hanging over the house. Now to do something about Scrooge in his bedroom. *roll up newspaper* *smack*

titanic

I was just thinking about the movie Titanic. I have issues with Leonardo DiCaprio... but the movie itself is pretty good. I was thinking about how, even though it took place in 1912 (I think), people today can still relate. Young people are still embarking on hot summer romances (sometimes forbidden) that can be life-changing. It doesn't even have to be in the summer. Anyway it wasn't for Jack and Rose. It was April. But the end of the movie is still a puzzle to me. Maybe, 60 years from now, I can revisit that movie and examine the ending. I realize people on their deathbeds re-live some of their cherished moments. But, Rose had a family, children, life experiences. Of all the things she could have gone back to, her hot summer romance was the most cherished and life changing for her. I wonder... What will be my most cherished memory? What will I think about on my deathbed?

Sorry for being morbid, guys. It didn't come out right at all. The thoughts I was having were beautiful, but for some reason it just didn't come through my fingers as I typed.

dhaval

Dhaval sent me an email thing. If he sent it to you, don't read this until you try it. Actually, here. I'll post it.

Follow these instructions. Get a piece of paper and a pen. Answer everything with the FIRST thing that pops into your mind. Do these in order without looking ahead. When you choose names, make sure its people you actually know.

1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column.










2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want.









3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex.










*NO LOOKING AHEAD...OR IT WON"T TURN OUT RIGHT! *










4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family....) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots.










5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11.
*GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT PEOPLE!!!! *










AND NOW...

1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game.
2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love.
3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out.
4. You care most about the person you put in 4.
5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well.
6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star.
7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3.
8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7.
9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind.
10. and 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life

It was about 70% right for me, 40% right for Anissa. So, it won't always work. But I think its interesting. Probably invented by a psychology major or something.

Anyway, here are some interesting things I discovered:
The person I love: Sam. He just so happened to be the last person whose away message I read before doing this. Not that I don't love him. But I don't lovelove him.

The song that describes him: All I want for Christmas. ROFL... that's about on par with Anissa's answer: she picked Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy

The person I care most about: My brother
The person who knows me very well: Mom
The song that tells me the most about my mind: Dream Big
The song that tells me how I feel about life: ANOTHER IRISH DRINKING SONG!!

Wooo Hoooo!

"We’ll drink and drink and drink and drink, and then we’ll drink some more We’ll dance and sing and fight until the early morning light Then we’ll throw up, pass out, wake up, and then go drinking once again"

ok

So my away message said:

"Oh, ho, the mistletoe
hung where you can see;
Somebody waits for you;
Kiss him once for me.

more on this in my blog tomorrow. but that's not a promise. that's conditional."

Soo... I told you all I'd write about it, so I will. I'm not exactly sure what to write now.

Anyway... I was thinking about that song last week. 'Cause... I sorta miss physical contact. I mean yeah, I can be close to all sorts of people (savory and unsavory) while doing weird things like Juji Gatame on each other. But...

I've seen mistletoe hung in a doorway once in my 21 years. I guess that means the chances are 1/20 that I will see mistletoe hung in a doorway this year (my 21st christmas). And I guess if I add to that the chances that a guy would stand still in a doorway instead of sitting down somewhere comfortable, and the chances that it would be the same doorway that has the mistletoe, and the chances that I would be in proximity to the doorway at the same time...

I guess it means that song is pretty special if you really think about it. The odds are very much against it happening without intelligent thought coming in to change the odds. Keep in mind that not all guys posess intelligent thought either. OOHhh... that was wrong. Certainly no one I know is unintelligent. Umm yeah. Exactly.

Ok enough of that. I'm not really getting anywhere productive with this blog so... ok. Bye.

director's scenes

First, I just have to say... the itch started 4 weeks ago today. And I'm still scratching. And still... I will still swear by Zheng Gu Shui. When I'm in pain, I will still use it.

Anyway... director's scenes were tonight. I met with my actors, we rehearsed in the hall, they were flawless. I was so happy. Then they went on stage. Here's a little clip from the script:

Andrew: Man, I'm freezing.
Leah: Button your coat.
A: See? Without you, I'm helpless.
L: Helpless as a shark.
A: That's not very nice.

Here's what happened on stage:

A: Man, I'm freezing.
L: Sure wish I had my gloves.
(Pause)
A: Let's go somewhere warm and talk it over.

I'm backstage going:

M: Gloves? That's not in the script. What's happening?

I run out into the hallway to grab my script. I get back just in time to watch them completely cut out a page, and then jump all over what's left of the script. The playwright totally would have had an aneurism if he'd been there. But they finished the scene. It made sense. The audience applauded, and people told me they liked it. Aside from the mild heart attack, I'm happy. And I'm proud of them. And they came off the stage apologizing profusely and by that time I just stopped them and said, "No." They were fine. Improvisational. But fine. And now, we've all got a good laugh for our grandkids.

None of my friends came to see it (outside of the friends in my class) but I'm okay with that. They didn't have to see me tightly wound up like I was, they didn't have to see my almost heart attack, and they didn't have to see the play that... that... what about the play? Emmm... Well, I don't know. The play had some personal things in it. Half of me is glad that an anonymous audience got to see it. If my friends had been there, I think they would have read too much into it. Anyway, now I have a paper to finish up and then- ONLY ONE MORE PROJECT LEFT!! YIIHEEE!!!

Well... that and Christmas gifts. I made Steve a Christmas gift. But I don't like how it turned out. I'm gonna scrap it and come up with something better. So that means I have 6 more personal gifts to get. And then something general for the jujitsu club, I don't know, cookies or something. Oh and my dad. Does anyone have gift ideas for dads? Anyway, I'm off to go be productive. Bye.

PS

My new favorite candybar is Hershey's Take 5. I've never heard of it before yesterday, but its amazing. Peanuts, Peanutbutter, Caramel, Pretzels, Chocolate. Perfect for the girl who can't make up her mind.

ramble....

So... yesterday I missed the strike for the Jameson show and had a minor heart attack when I realized that. Just... totally forgot about it. So if anyone noticed, my grade goes down a letter. But I don't care anymore. And anyway, no one noticed. I could have been stuck in a snowbank freezing to death and no one thought to call.

So the evaluations for that class were today. And I RIPPED that class apart. I gave credit where it was due... I had some really good people that I worked with on the first show. But the second show... I spoke my mind. And I ended it with the names of 3 BFA students that have the distinction of being the only 3 non-snotty BFA's that I have had the privelege to work with. I said, "Attitude is everything. In my activities outside my theater major (I was thinking of jujitsu), if one does not have a proper and mature attitude, they will fail to advance, and I feel that a theater program should better prepare students for life outside the theater." But what I wanted to say was... "NORMAL, WELL-BALANCED PEOPLE DON'T ACT LIKE THESE BFAS!!" However, I did say elsewhere that my stage managers were diva princesses. And other things. I still ripped into it, even though that part was somewhat sugar-coated.

And I was back at jujitsu today, for the first time since forever. Sam and Dhaval were promoted last week, so they got to throw me. Dhaval had a huge grin on his face. Its awesome, I'm so proud of them. And Andrew. He owes me a throw now. My workout was really good. I thought, anyway. I feel like September and October, my skills kind of went downhill, and the more I practiced the worse I got. But then I came less, and had more on my plate such as 3 different shows, and my technique started getting better, when I even went to jujitsu. I almost feel like, the more baggage I have to leave at the door when I get on the mat, the better the workout will be because I will be more focused on not letting that crap come in with me. One of the best workouts I've had was on a day where I spent several hours crying. Just that exhausted me, then I went and worked out the knots in my heart on the mat, and I was so focused that my technique had no choice but to be better. I guess I'm like that a lot. When I'm upset, or stressed, or whatever emotionally, I have to do something physical. Run 2 miles. Or build a rock wall. Or climb a rock wall. Or throw people around and put them in dangerous positions of joint manipulation while choking their carotid arteries. I'm not saying I'm exactly upset right now. But I do have a lot of baggage to leave at the door... and as strange as this sounds, the less "right" my life is sometimes leads to the most "right" my technique is. Its interesting.

On another note. Congratulations to Emily, Elijah, and Ashni who won't read this blog at all but they're kids from the jujitsu kids club who tested tonight for their junior rank of orange belt. And to Other Kid Who I Never Met who tested for another stripe. Anyway... kid's class is a lot of fun, its awesome and I love it.

Final note: I'm tired. G'night.

EDIT: "Oberonious: OTHER KID's name is Martin."
Thanks Steve!