If I were a Goddess...

...my subjects would have to appease my wrath with this.

Conversations

The following are either overheard by me or said in my presence.


Crazy Sale People:
Woman: I came to get my money back.
C: I'm sorry, we are not able to give refunds.
Woman: Oh, I'm getting my money back, or there will be trouble here.
C: Let me get my boss on the phone for you.
Woman: You don't F&$%ING have to call him, just give me my money. THIS is the reason you are going out of business. This place is run by the DEVIL. I'm never shopping here again.
Another customer: You know, you profess to be a Christian but its people like you who make people like me think Christianity is stupid.
Woman: F$^% YOU, #^%$%(@#($*&#%*&^$#


Later, about the woman:
C: So then, she cursed me out, and I was like, "Oh no she didn't!" Let me tell you, I wanted to die and come back to life right then and there.


Later, about the other customer:
C: So she turned around and cursed HIM out, and I couldn't believe it. I'm telling you, she sent him to hell and back, she did.


Sigh, I love the C-isms. For the record, she got her money. Then she came in the next day and got the same item she had just returned. AND she did more shopping. Guess she likes giving money to the devil.


On Obama:
One: Can you believe the things the Obama staff listed as goals for the coming year? Its ridiculous!
Two: Yeah, and it just disgusts me that its now legal to kill a baby after waiting nine months for it to be born.
One: Oh I don't have a problem with that.
Two: You don't??!! Why not?
One: If you think about it, anyone who would do that is probably going to raise their kids in a liberal household. So abortion just mass genocide of future liberals. I don't have a problem with it.


... ?!

Obama's first offense.

For the full article, click here.

The Obama campaign first laughed at Matt Damon, then tried to charge him $50,000 to get a nosebleed seat at the inauguration. Way to say thanks for all the support over the past two years.

(IMO, Matt Damon is not the most eloquent person to endorse a political figure. But hey, he's PASSIONATE, and plays an invincible character in an awesome movie series. Isn't that all you need?)

State rivalry

Taken from a friend's blog, who was quoting the author of this article:

“So why all the antipathy toward a place that is also the first colony to ratify the Bill of Rights, that contains numerous beautiful towns and villages, that boasts an ocean, mountains and a vast forest among its natural wonders, and that has more horses per square mile than any other state?

The glee that New Yorkers take in belittling their neighbors to the west is especially energetic. There are two reasons for this. First, people living in New York City are convinced that without New Jersey blocking their view, they would be able to see the rest of the country. Second, New Jerseyan Aaron Burr killed New Yorker Alexander Hamilton in a duel, the tragic consequence of negative remarks that Hamilton made behind Burr’s back at a dinner party (probably something like: “Burr, that moron from New Jersey”). That Hamilton was gunned down on a Weehawken, N.J., cliff overlooking Manhattan’s spectacular streets — and not, say, on Fifth Avenue — only added insult to injury. New Yorkers have a long memory.”

hiding?

I noticed something. When I have nothing to do, I don't turn to my hobbies anymore, I just become depressed. I have more reason to be scared of losing my job than before because now its about more than just money. I wonder what I am trying to hide from myself by keeping myself distracted. How long has this been going on?

Dave Barry quote

Snowboarding is an activity that is popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.

burning question of the night

Why is it that medieval clothing is so much sexier than anything we have today?

A genuine rant.

I have not ranted here for a very long time. I have complained, I have mentioned briefly how tired I am, or how busy, or how I can't understand people's stupidity. But I haven't genuinely ranted, probably since I left Nordstrom. Today, I break my non-ranting streak. At the store, we also broke a few other things, some items, but mostly records.

A typical day in the store includes ringing up approximately X transactions. Around Christmas, our average jumped to perhaps 2X, if that. We can generate about $Y worth of transactions, $2.5Y during Christmas.

I have mentioned that we are going out of business, and I think I have mentioned that we have a mailing list so our customers can be informed of everything that is happening at the store. Tom sent out a mass mailing to let people know about the liquidation sale. I arrived at the store at 9:30 to open. From 10:30 until 3:00, we had no less than 5 people waiting in line to check out, sometimes 20 people. Today, we rang up 4X transactions, and generated about $6.6Y of transactions. We have never done that kind of traffic in the 3.5 years the NJ store has been around OR the 5 years the NY store has been in the Woodbury Commons Mall, even during Christmas time.

So the first record broken is in the number of people that came through our store today. The second record is the dollar amount of sales for the day. The third record was the number of times I wanted to shoot myself and possibly other customers today.

I was scheduled to leave at 5 but there was no way that was happening. I stayed till closing because there were so many people in the store. At 6:00, Crazy Lady came in. She always spends hours looking at stuff in the store, talks like an idiot but spends money like Bill Gates, which is why we tolerate her rude and inconsiderate ways. She indicated that she was finished shopping so we began ringing her up. After processing about $200 worth of stuff (after discounts), she walked away to continue browsing. Since we only have one working register, we had to delete the transaction to help another customer. Ten minutes later she came back saying, "Did you figure out how much I owe you?" We politely explained that we have one working register, and are going to have to start fresh. She does this every time she comes in, which is several times a week. And she never spends less than $300. But she never came in except after our sale signs went up, otherwise we'd still be in business.

So we began ringing her up again. And she walked away again. And another customer came up. This customer happened to be someone from my church, so I was more comfortable asking her to wait until we finish the now $350 transaction ($500 before the discounts). Finally after $10 minutes I decided, this is getting absurd so I just said, "Ma'am, there's a line behind you and we only have one working register." (FOR THE THREE HUNDREDTH TIME!!! OMG HOW DENSE CAN YOU BE?) I have a lot of patience but even I was starting to let it show that we can't handle much more of her coming into the store. Tom couldn't even come near the counter because he can't handle people like her without developing more grey hairs instantly.

And another thing. When you go into a store and you take something off the shelf and then decide you don't want it, either put it back, or hand it to me. Don't wrap it up in a tshirt and put it in the music section. I will not give you your full discount, and you will never know because you are an American and you can't do math to save your life. Every night, the store looks like it was hit by Hurricane Liquidate and I have to go around moving stuff back to where it came from, straightening all the books on the shelves and filling in spaces that keep getting bigger and bigger until pretty soon there's just an empty shelf. Make my life easy and hand me what you have decided not to buy.

One more thing, I really really wish I could give myself a massage every night. I think maybe I am in the wrong professional school. I should be doing something else, and the one I'm fated to marry needs to be in massage school. Either that or I just need a jacuzzi.

**End Rant**

ART

This belongs to Todd Detwiler.

inauguration

We change presidents every 4-8 years.  I don't see why this year is any different.  It would be a big deal if one could go, say 50 years, without seeing a new leader.  But in America we have a privilege to choose our leaders, and choose them often.  This is a plus, but the downside is that it makes a change in leadership mundane and commonplace.  I don't understand the reason for all the parties where you can drink and sit around the TV and watch people in Washington drink and listen to celebrities singing.  Sure the inauguration ceremony is as important as the "Dearly Beloved" wedding ceremony.  But its just another inauguration.  Just another president.

COLD

I was listening to the radio yesterday and the morning show announcer made a call to a family diner in Minnesota.

JS: Hi, who is this?
Dk: Derek.
JS: Hi Derek, this is Johnny Stone in the Morning, we are serving the New York/ New Jersey area, you're on the air. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
Dk: No go ahead.
JS: Well, I hear that the weather there is -28 is that true?
Dk: Yes that's true.
JS: And that the windchill factor makes it -58?
Dk: Yep.
JS: Well, Derek, how do you cope with the weather out there?
Dk: Well I work indoors in the diner so its no big deal.
(Outdoor diners must be awful up there.)

JS: But what about when you have to leave the diner?
Dk: Well, we just dress in layers here.
(Cause Minnesota law allows for that kind of breach of fashion.)

JS: Well what about your car, do you have to plug it in at night?
Dk: No, I have an automatic starter, every two hours it starts the car to warm the engine for a while and then shuts off.
JS: And what about pets? Your animals must hate the cold.
Dk: Well, my dog, she's an indoor dog, she doesn't go outside.
(That must get messy after a while...)

Speaking of the cold, I've been working on the goat farm in the mornings before heading out to the store to open by 10. There's a water heater under the sink, and a heat lamp on the faucet. Sometimes in the morning I will come in and the cat will be sleeping in the sink under the heat lamp. But this morning I came in and even though the heat lamp was on, the faucet was still frozen. I couldn't give the goats fresh water so I had to go around the barn with a hammer, breaking the ice on the tops of their water buckets. Its miserable out, no wonder they refuse to leave the safety of the barn.

I am waiting for the temperature to get to about 28. I want to go ice skating again but I can't when the high for the day is 19 degrees.

Sex with Lake Vostok

I am amused.

"To date, the best candidate seems to be the cryobot, a fittingly phallic penetrating probe designed to gingerly work its way into the virgin lake. Its heated tip would melt a channel straight into the ice as it unspools a power and communications line behind it. The melted water would quickly re-freeze behind the cryobot in temperatures which linger around minus 100 degrees Fahrenheit, and once it finally reached the water it would eject a small submersible hydrobot to capture images and take measurements."

Taken from this article about a sub-glacial lake in Antarctica.

the total opposite...

So the other day I couldn't figure out how a person could come into the store and ask us if we were closing. Can you not read the signs on the window? They are pretty straightforward. But today, a woman came in and made her purchases. While ringing her out, another customer came up and asked if we had a closing date yet. The woman said, "Wait, what? You're closing??" So apparently, you CAN miss the fifteen signs, the empty shelves, the whole everything-being-on-sale part, AND the hand made signs all over the counter saying "Please note that all sales after Jan 1 are final." I would hate to be on the road with her...

A sad sight

The store looks so sad, all dressed up like this...




And, get this: I still have at least two customers a day who will come in and ask me, "Are you guys closing?"

Um, what could have given you that idea? Oh those FIFTEEN signs that say we are going out of business? No, we just put them up for kicks.

New Years

I had a great time but I really don't feel driven to give you all a play-by-play. All I have to say is that in the past years, I have looked back on the year and analyzed it. Was the year a good one or a bad one or somewhere in between? I know that there are some years that totally sucked, and others were pretty good and memorable. This year, as the ball dropped, I was totally caught up in an adventure, and didn't think to look back on the year until today. I think I am finally living in the present.

addition to the last post

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukkah’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukkah!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!’

~Dave Barry, “Christmas Shopping: A Survivor’s Guide”

Merry Christmas

"I am a Merry Christmas person. It's Christmas. I am going to say it. Why it might offend anyone is not on my mind. I laugh inside when people exercise God-less political correctness and try to neutralize Christmas by saying 'happy holidays.' The word 'holiday' is derived from the phrase 'holy day' so in actuality, by trying to drop God from the season actually re-affirm it. Merry Christmas, and happy holiday!" ~BGDC

Throughout the year, I celebrate holidays with my friends. I take no offense when I get a text message that says Happy Diwali, I throw colors like the best of them on Holi, I have eaten many Seder meals, I eat moon cakes at the Chinese New Year, and I put up with the absurdity that is Thanksgiving. I have enjoyed myself at your holidays, please enjoy yourself during mine. Merry Christmas.

(I screwed up, moon cakes go with the Autumn Festival, some other thing which I can't pronounce goes with the New Year Festival. Both are yummy and I enjoy them. So eat some Christmas cookies.)

Postal services.

Me: surprisingly, we received shipments from the Post Office, FedEx, and UPS today, despite the snowstorm.
Me: no DHL though.
Him: yeah, they are going out of business anyway.
Me: that's cause they don't deliver during snowstorms.
Him: sissies.

So, I dropped off four packages at the post office on Wednesday (the 17th). They were all 3-4 day mail. Not counting Wednesday and not counting Sunday which is not a business day, I calculated that they will arrive somewhere around Monday (the 22nd). Contrast that with this:

I ordered a gift for someone and received email confirmation that it left the warehouse on December 14th. Estimated arrival time is December 22nd. Keep in mind that the warehouse is not on the moon, it is in Jersey City! So it takes 3-4 business days to go from West Milford to California and Michigan, but it takes 7 business days to go from Jersey City to West Milford. I could drive there in an hour.

Then, I go to the website to track the package, and I see this:

December 14, 2008 11:17:00 AM JERSEY CITY NJ Shipment has left seller facility and is in transit.
December 20, 2008 06:55:00 AM JERSEY CITY NJ Arrival Scan

So, it took them 6 days to go from one end of Jersey City to the other? I think "they" are right, NJ is like the Twilight Zone.

Sigh, shake head, roll eyes...

How do you know he's an engineer?

His Christmas list includes 40 feet of carbon composite pipes.

wtf

The following is excerpted from an email sent to me.

"Tyson Foods, the world's largest meat processor and the second largest chicken producer in the U.S., has admitted that it injects its chickens with antibiotics before they hatch and then labels them as raised without antibiotics. The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) has told Tyson to stop using the antibiotic-free label, but the company has sued for the right to keep using it.
...
...
...
The agency told Tyson that ... it would no longer consider the antibiotic-free label "truthful and accurate." Tyson objected again, claiming that because the antibiotics are injected before the chickens hatched, the birds can truthfully be said to be "raised without antibiotics." Tyson has filed a lawsuit against the USDA, claiming that the agency had improperly changed the definition of "raised without antibiotics" to include the treatment of eggs."

Sources: http://www.naturalnews.com/024756.html Natural News November 9, 2008

So, I need opinions people. In our society, it is generally accepted that before birth, a fetus is not a baby, therefore abortion is ok. So, should Tyson be allowed to keep their label? Are they really going to say that an unhatched chicken is still a chicken but an unborn baby isn't a baby?