Hormonal much?

I enjoyed my cousin's wedding immensely. It made me think about how much fun my own will be someday. But today I looked at pictures of another friend's wedding, and I felt this strange feeling of dread and annoyance creep over me. I have decided to go all Dr. Cox on tradition's a$$.

~ The cake cutting ceremony is dumb, just cut the cake already, don't smear it on each other's faces. In fact, serve ice cream. It tastes better and doesn't require a ceremony.
~ And the dancing... I'm not crazy about loud music, flashing lights, and crowds of people. If I have a reception, I'll be miserable. And ugh, white people. Learn to dance, ok?
~ And quit throwing flowers at the single women. Its quite obvious they no longer feel pressured to catch the bouquet because they no longer feel pressured to marry. In fact, at my OTHER cousin's wedding, I was the only one who didn't dodge the bouquet. Women in this century are capable of being self sufficient without a groom or a bouquet of flowers promising a groom.
~ "Considerate" confetti throwing. Confetti is hard to clean up. Some weddings have guests blowing bubbles at the bride and groom. Others throw birdseed because "rice makes birds explode." Well it doesn't, that's a myth, and anyway who cares? At my wedding, my guests better throw exploding birds at me, because that would be way cooler than millet and sunflower seeds. Or if I happen to get married in a state where its legal, I think giving each guest a sparkler would be cool. Mostly because its burning and releasing carbon into the atmosphere.
~ There's no need for a speech at a wedding, from anyone, except maybe the happy couple, to say thanks for coming, now get out of here because we only rented the VFW hall for 2 hours. Fathers of the bride or groom are too emotional and the best man usually tells stories the groom ends up hating him for. Just tell everyone to shut up, sit down, and enjoy the food.
~ Definitely keep the garter tradition. Having the groom slide his hand that far up the bride's dress was WAAAY ahead of the times when the tradition was begun. Now that the tradition has caught up to the sexiness portrayed in the movies, people suddenly feel modest and try to skip it. No way! Touch her there! Let us all see it! Thats what we go to the movies for anyway. And while you're at it, let the guy who catches the garter put it on the lady of his choice (since we've outlawed the whole throwing-bouquets-at-single-women tradition).
~Bachelor/Bachelorette parties/bridal showers. A dumb excuse to throw a party before the actual party (reception). Also a dumb excuse to ruin a good relationship with the inclusion of a stripper.
~ Superstitions regarding luck... Just to prove everyone wrong, I'm going to choose the unluckiest month, day, and hour. I'm going to have a black cat as my ring bearer, and instead of breaking the glass, I'm going to break a mirror.
~ Ringing the bells signalling the bride and groom to kiss. Ok, they are not dogs that have been trained to perform tricks. I'm not going to submit myself to PDA at the whim of a guest I haven't seen all year. I'll kiss my new husband whenever I darn well please.

Alright I think the rant is over now. I will now go back to enjoying weddings again, and dreaming up my own as I've done since I was 7.

Been a while

It's been quite some time since I last posted here. I've been busy, and also I have had less of an urge to write, to get things off my chest. Could be why I had a meltdown yesterday, but that's all over and done with. Now, I'm looking for Christmas stories for the Sunday school kids to perform in the Christmas service.

I found one that made me want to write WTF all over the page, and I really can't do that in a children's book. So I'm putting it here, paraphrased.

The Little Fir Tree dreams of becoming something exciting like a mast on a sailing ship or an important telephone pole. LTF didn't enjoy the birds and the breeze and the sunshine. Then one day he gets cut down and taken to a house where candles, colored glass balls, silver icicles, and a tinsel star are placed in the branches, and presents put at his feet. He's thrilled. The children sit around him and open their presents. Then the next morning he is taken out into the yard and thrown onto a brush heap. LTF wishes he was back in the forest enjoying his life. Then the man of the house comes out and sets fire to the tree and LTF disappears forever in a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke. The end.

Thats about as awful as the story of the girl in Struwwelpeter who plays with matches and her cats cry rivers of tears around her as she burns to death. Or how about every single one of the stories by the brothers Grimm? On the upside, I suppose with stories like these, who needs to give their kids rules?

sigh... this feels normal...

The wake is Tuesday afternoon and evening.

Mom: If you aren't comfortable doing that kind of thing maybe you could stay at the house since its a common thing for people to break in when they know everyone is away mourning.
Me: And do what, jujitsu them?
Mom: Yeah, you've done it before- you and I stayed at the house when A_____ died.
Me: You took a three-year-old to a house thats a prime target for a break-in? What kind of mother are you?

Random Neural Firings.

I have nothing to blog about anymore.
I am prone to sabotage.
I have way too many interests.
I sometimes think I'm being shallow.
I sometimes think that's fun.
I found a direction and lost my passion.
I found my passion burning inside me, and it left me with no direction.
I wonder what else is out there.

I'm a freaking geek.

Its 3 am. I have a test in the morning. I can't sleep because Hollywood annoys me. Why?

I decided I needed to unwind a little, since I've been running since Monday. So I watched a little TV. The guy was poisoned, the antidote bottle shattered on the pavement. Analysis revealed the chemical makeup of the antidote, which could be replicated except that it was missing A antigens. The guy had AB blood which means that he has both A and B antigens. Since he was poisoned by a neurotransmitter affecting the nerves and brain, I would think his blood would be safe, but lets just assume they can't use his own blood to get the A antigens to make the antidote to pump back into him. They made a fuss over the girl also having AB blood and "sacrificially" drawing blood from her arm to make the antidote. But AB simply means she can be any blood type and give her blood to him. Since her blood was not going directly into him, but was going to extract the correct antigen she could have been type A and he would have lived. Instead, the characters must be fated to love each other because they have the same blood type and her blood saved his life.

Come on Hollywood, cut the sap and do your research. For once, choose the LESS sappy plot line, just to throw us off.

Ok now I can sleep. If I know chapters 7 and 12 the way I apparently know chapter 8 (the circulatory system), I'll be fine tomorrow.

Neil Patrick Harris

Typically, actors playing themselves on film are listed "as Himself" in the film's credits. Due to the over-the-top, outlandish nature of his role in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle and Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, he requested that his credit read "Neil Patrick Harris" instead of "as Himself". This was to make clear that he was playing a fictional character that was in no way a true representation of himself.

I'm glad he's not a total sellout. I respect him a little more now... but I don't think I'll forgive him for having anything to do with those awful movies.

EDIT: The first paragraph is a quote from IMDB. The second is my own writing. In response to the person who commented on this, I "left NPH alone." In fact, I painted him in a positive light. I had thought that he was a washed up actor with nothing better to do than make fun of himself in a God-awful movie but now I find that he does have dignity. It is the movies I am bashing, neither of which were his own conceptions and he had nothing to do with the writing, directing, or production of them (if he had, they might be good movies). In bashing the movies, I am not bashing Neil Patrick Harris.

Doe a deer!

The world needs more spontaneous musical numbers. I find it hard to believe that ALL of these people were in on it in the beginning- if people just started dancing on the street, I'd be VERY tempted to join them if I could figure out the moves easily enough.

junk mail

I frequently check my junk mail file, because hotmail tends to err on the side of caution in distinguishing friend from foe. Here is the latest intriguing possible phishing attempt.

to:
from: gonzalezparanoidym@someemailprovider.com
subject: ssm
text:

she will present the new year program in the meeting next week so be sure to exist there.

A mystery...

There's something weird going on. This is a picture of our long-term mulch pile. Its where we throw tree clippings, weeds we've pulled, and various other things that won't decay fast enough to use as mulch right away.


Here is a close up of the same mulch pile. There is a greenish-yellow goo underneath everything, it extends throughout the entire mulch pile. I know. I poked it with a stick. It is a little scary because it jiggles like its alive and must be the inspiration for a bad alien movie.


The goo was there before NJ was bombarded by the rain monster. But in the recent steady-month-of-rain, I have discovered that it has spread to my outdoor potted plants, which are located no where near the mulch pile.


The shiny parts, where it looks like the soil is wet, is actually that jelly-like goo. The weird thing is that it is a peach-yellow-red color in the mulch pile. In the pots, it is clear.


I used a stick to scrape it off the top of the soil, so some of the clear bits got dirty, but I managed to keep one piece dirt-free. Interesting to note is that it has that sunlight-through-a-glass effect like a magnifying glass.


It gives off no odor, does not appear to have any root system or a base like a mushroom would, has no visible spores, does not appear to have a nucleus like a fertilized egg sac of some sort, and it bounces.


A google search did not reveal anything useful. A few other people have had similar questions but no one has provided answers. "Slime mold" is an actual mold, but none of its variations seem to look anything like this. Of several species of jelly fungi none look like this. The closest wikipedia article I could find was on a bacterial colony eaten in Asia called Nostoc or Fat Choy. It looks like this on the inside, but the outside forms small circles, rather than just a big shapeless blob. (Note: Nostoc is considered toxic by some scientists but apparently the Asians don't care. It seems they will eat anything, but thats a mystery for another day.) The last possible explanation (for some- but its not suitable for me) is that it is star jelly, which is a compound of organic matter of extraterrestrial origin that falls to earth during meteor showers.

If anyone reading this is better at web research than I am, feel free to try and find an answer. For now I have to assume that I somehow have Flubber living in my yard.

(Note: I wish this website had pictures: http://gardenline.usask.ca/yards/slime2.html This describes it pretty well except that its not in the lawn, and has been around for quite a long time without having developed "fruiting bodies" or spores. Apparently, its not confined to NJ either, as this link from the UK shows: http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/1000481)

Rainy days

I'm a little irritated right now. It probably has something to do with hormone levels, but it also goes back a few days.

April showers happened in June this year. I don't listen to the news because news stations suck, but if I did I bet I would be able to find a station oohing and ahhing about this month being the wettest on record since some date.

The other day I noticed the horizon was bright, but all the rest of the sky was covered by a dark cloud so it felt like 9 pm at 4 pm. There was very little light coming through, and what did come through was the color of pea soup. It was gross looking. I went around cracking the windows open a little and went upstairs for a few minutes to check the forecast for storm warnings. I went back downstairs to find Jack whining to be let out. I opened the door and he bolted for the garage. Within seconds, the sky opened up and there was sudden torrential rain.

The gutters couldn't drain it fast enough...


The driveway couldn't drain it fast enough... (that little flood going down the drive is about 2 inches deep all the way across)


There's my garden, washing away...


A little hail for good measure...


And a puddle over the septic field (nice...).


After getting about 5 inches in 15 minutes, the rain let up. I went out to survey the damage and discovered a groundhog in my garden, eating what the rain didn't kill. I hit him with a stick a few times, so I could see where the hole in the fence was. I should have killed him, but maybe thats just my hormones talking.

That was Monday, Tuesday we will skip right over so it won't get me started on a long tirade. This morning also did not start on the right foot. I now have a running list of beings/entities on my lista di merda.

~The rain for flattening my plants
~The groundhog for eating my plants
~The garden itself for simply not growing
~My school for bouncing my class around to a new teacher every week
~Mom for shouting and throwing shoes out the window while I tried to sleep
~The bear for ignoring Mom
~The bear cubs for walking in the road and slowing down traffic while I'm trying to get to the farm
~Bailey for blowing his nose on my shirt and (more importantly, on my diaphragm which I need to breathe)
~Shiloh for headbutting me in the ribcage and then spooking
~Al Gore for not realizing how damn cold it is in JUNE
~My wrists, knees, and ankles for not realizing that I never actually broke anything so there is no need to tell me when its about to rain
~The weather, for being "about to rain"
~Estrogen for making me think I need a list like this

Thats all for now...

World News

My email provider puts headlines with links to the latest news on my home page. Here is my response to them:

Topic, Oprah: She had someone on her show who said something and some doctors said she was an idiot for endorsing a quack, and it got picked up by Newsweek so now she's upset.

My response: Oprah, get over it. We all know you can say whatever the heck you want on your show and your rating might go down for a week but it will be back up again in no time. Much like your weight.

Topic, TV's Digital Switch: a 3-page article on how to know if you will be affected by the switchover and why its happening.

My response: Its happening because they want your money. Will you be affected? No. TV is already digital, its called a computer. Search Wikipedia for Hulu, then search BitTorrentz. Be careful, one is legal, one is sketchy.

Topic, Myths about Sex: Can you get an STD on the toilet? Can you get pregnant on your first time or during your period? Find out here!

My response: You CAN get pregnant by being an idiot, so... read away. Cause if you clicked the link just because it had "Sex" in the title, you probably need the answers to those questions.

Topic, My Parents are Jealous of my Happy Life: A "Dear Dr. Counselor" type of letter.

My response: You're whiny. Grow up.

Topic, Shia LaBeouf's Dad Sold Weed to the Hawaiian Mafia: I really can't elaborate, the title says it all.

My response: Wow. Just wow. Since that headline was so utterly useless I thought certainly I could find something more important to living life as an intelligent being on a world news website. So I headed over to BBC to see what was there. Apparently, all they are concerned about is an Iranian election that isn't really an election, and what was on Michele Obama's dinner table last week.

I am forced to repeat myself. The media is useless. All of it.

EDIT: My apologies. I apparently am not in a good mood.

two things unrelated

I officially have 500+ hours of massage school under my belt. Thats what I need to be certified in NJ, and yet, my schooling is not yet complete, because we exceed the minimum requirements. I am in the last stretch of the race when I am completely exhausted yet the end is in sight.

Not to change the subject at all, but I was reading a blog asking the question, "Where exactly is Judas Iscariot?" He demonstrated remorse, was it also repentance with a belief that Jesus has the power to forgive him? In that case he would be in Heaven. But if it was only remorse that he'd lost his standing in society, or if he gave in to despair that nothing could be done about his sins, or simply the act of killing himself, one would think that perhaps he's not in Heaven.

Someone made this comment: "I fail to see how sending to Hell the man who brought about what was needed for salvation is considered justice."

Which makes the topic even more complicated, because then we get into the debate about fate vs free will. Anyway. I'm sort of just thinking out loud here. Anyone want to weigh in on the topic?

Gardening

I spent some time today working around the house. I planted a few things, pruned some stuff, dug up some roots. The usual. But it gave me lots of quiet time, to think.

I was thinking about the economy and politics, and how no one is quite sure whether the No Child Left Behind is working or not. I thought also about the debate about taxes- equal taxes or tax based on income?- and all of a sudden, it came to me. The answer to at least two of our problems.

The government should set taxes based on the average IQ and GPA of the high school from which a person graduated. This would eliminate the debate about whether or not to tax based on income. It would also cause schools to strive for better teaching standards, and would cause towns to put more towards the school budget in an effort to attract more people to move into that school district (better school = lower taxes for the kids when they grow up = parents securing their kids' future). The down side is dumb kids won't be allowed into the school because it would bring the averages down.

So instead of the rich get richer while the poor get poorer, we'll have the dumb getting dumber and the smart getting smarter. Which is actually a better deal because you can get infinitely richer or poorer, but we are already pretty much at the limits of dumbness in this society and the human brain is only capable of so much intelligence.

If you couldn't tell, this was more about the presence of dumb people than a brilliant political solution to anything.

In other news, I was wondering if a couple could, as a prenuptial agreement, sign their wedding vows as a binding document in a court of law. Meaning, they couldn't get a divorce if they wanted to. I'll have to ask a lawyer about that.

Last thing, my great aunt sent my dad some 91-year old letters from my great grandfather on my dad's side to my great-grandmother. He had good handwriting for a guy, and he always started his letters with "My dear girl" which I thought was cute. However, apparently he was a womanizer, though I am not sure to what incident my (m)patriarchal relatives are referring when they say that. Still, it was fascinating when a piece of my history arrived in a large manila envelope in the mail today.

So there's an update, the first in a while. Hope its enough to last you for a while.

Quote

"You should read Lamb by Christopher Moore, where Jesus's best friend learns Kung Fu. Since Jesus was opposed to hitting, they invented a martial art for him where he used the other person's force against him. They named it Jew Do, or 'the way of the Jew.'"

I love it...

The only problem
with Haiku is that you just
get started and then
~Roger McGough

Joke

Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school in The Hague and, as a young man, aspired to become a priest, but was drafted into the Army during WWII and spent two years co-piloting B17s until his aircraft was shot down in 1943 and he lost his left arm. Captain Grapje spent the rest of the war as a chaplain, giving spiritual aid to soldiers, both Allied and enemy.

After the war, he became a priest, serving as a missionary in Africa, piloting his own plane (in spite of his handicap) to villages across the continent. In 1997, Father Grapje was serving in Zimbabwe when an explosion in a silver mine caused a cave-in. Archbishop Grapje went down into the mine to administer last rights to those too severely injured to move. Another shaft collapsed, and he was buried for three days, suffering multiple injuries, including the loss of his right eye. The high silver content in the mine's air gave him purpura, a life-long condition characterized by purplish skin blotches.

Although Cardinal Grapje devoted his life to the service of God as a scholar, mentor, and holy man, church leaders agree: he will never ascend to the Papacy. No one wants a one-eyed, one-armed, flying purple Papal leader.

Illness

So, a while back, F spent two weeks in the hospital. The week he was released ($400,000 debt later), N went into the hospital for an organ removal. The week HE was released, J went in for an angiogram and is scheduled for triple bypass surgery tomorrow. He should be released Friday or Saturday. NOBODY is allowed to get sick next week.

Growl...

Its done and gone, its been over a month, and I don't even remember the person's name. But his pretentious comments are still bothering me. After realizing that he wasn't going to listen to my voice of reason, I shut my mouth, but I still sometimes daydream about correcting his ignorance with verbal abuse. He made my view of his professional field drop about 12 notches.

Studying for my test

I have a test on chapters 8 & 9 (Cardiovascular and Lymphatic systems). I'm reading over the section talking about the heart.

"The two atria are separated by the interatrial septum. In the fetus, the two atria communicate with each other through an oval opening, the foramen ovale, shunting the blood from the right to left because the lungs do not function and the placenta takes the place of lungs. This opening closes at birth when the baby takes its first breath and remains as an oval depression (fossa ovalis)." (Emphasis mine.)

Ok, so it makes perfect sense to do it that way. If the lungs aren't working yet, it is useless to send blood there to be oxygenated. But it makes sense to me, a thinking, intelligent being. Considering that this whole entire course has been focused on the chemical reactions that cause cells and parts of cells (that are non-intelligent) to do things that cause muscle contraction, blood clotting, hormone release, and phagocytosis (immune system cells "eating" foreign bodies), I don't think the developing human body does anything "because the lungs do not function." Using those terms implies that the developing heart has some sort of plan or thought process or intelligence behind its actions, rather than a response to a chemical that the pituitary or hypothalamus has released. I'm willing to accept that there's an intelligence behind the wonders of the human body. But I highly doubt the authors of my textbook are willing to accept it.

Oh well.

Education

At church yesterday, they asked all veterans or current servicemen to stand so that we could recognize their service to the country.  That's great, I'm thankful they served (every day, not just holidays).  But that's not what this particular holiday is about.  The living veterans can have Veteran's Day and Armed Forces Day (although, it can be argued they don't even get Veteran's Day since that day was originally called Remembrance Day to remember those who died in wartime).  But Memorial Day, once called Decoration Day is: "designated for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country".  I wish more people would understand the meaning behind the days they celebrate.  (Cinco de Mayo is another perfect example).