hiding

This is stupid.

I just tried to write a poem, but I'm out of practice now. I deleted it. Prose doesn't express me anymore. I tried to go back to poetry but that didn't work either. I need to find a new medium. Perhaps sitting under my tree at Passion Puddle is a good medium.

Anyway... Stuff's happening. And {certain group goes here} jump to conclusions about things, or otherwise act in ways that I figure they have good reason to act that way, but I had always hoped they wouldn't. And its not nice when people simply don't understand my reasoning and I feel incapable of explaining myself and my actions.

But other people understand. That's good. That's a really good comfort to me.

I went home this weekend. It was strange at first. I felt like a stranger in my room, and like any minute, the person who really lived there would come in and ask what I was doing in her bed. I realized as homesick as I can be for West Milford, my home right now is New Brunswick. And I was kind of sad and happy with that. Added sadness when I graduate and move back to West Milford. If that actually happens. I mean... I'm pretty sure I'll graduate. But maybe I'll move somewhere else. I don't know where I'm going. Or if I want to go. I'm glad I'm getting a degree in theater, but I don't think I really want to use it. I think I want to do something that comes naturally to me, like cooking or cleaning, or babysitting. Yeah, I don't particularly like babysitting because I'm not fond of kids, but they like me, and I won't show them I'm only tolerating it. Maybe I'll do that. Its what comes naturally. I don't have to work at it like I do with acting. Notice that's a lazy way of thinking. Maybe I'm just having a lazy day. Tomorrow I think I'll change my mind again.

I will say this... I'm pretty proud of myself that I started at Rutgers intending to do theater and have made it to my senior year at Rutgers, and will graduate as a theater major. Not to have changed my mind after almost four years is a big thing. Maybe I should find a way not to be such a butterfly.

Ok that's all. I'm gonna go shower off my jujitsu sweat and go to sleep.