i'm back

Well hello. Its been a while because I went to Michigan to visit family and there's no internet... not to mention cell coverage either. There's nothing up there but a dirt road and a lake where I had lots of fun in the sun... err rain. Now that I'm well rested, school starts today haha.

I was supposed to have good dreams last night. I had a disturbing one. It involved violent animal experimentation, using a product to see how well they would heal from serious injury. I was disgusted. There was a dog with his belly slit, a man with his head chopped off, and a cat attacking a rabbit. The dog and rabbit healed just fine. But the man grew another head and the head grew another man. It was strange. Then I dreamed I finished writing my book, but there was one person I didn't want to read it, for spiteful reasons. And then someone who will remain unnamed came over to see me. And I treated them poorly, and they treated me poorly. And it was kind of like being awake because we normally don't treat each other very well. And the whole time, I felt really badly because it was worse treatment than I've ever given them in real life. We don't have a good relationship. And I went back and they were crying because they couldn't have what they wanted out of me. And I said, I don't regret our relationship, but... X... and they said, then I have to go. And I started running after them, saying, That's it? You're just going to walk away and I'll never see you again? And they said I have to. I said There's so much to talk about, and they said I can't. So I stopped running, and watched the person leave. And I didn't feel like crying because I'm done with tears for them. But my heart was tearing into shreds inside. And then I said one last thing, whispered, knowing they wouldn't hear me. And then I woke up.

This is all cryptic. I can't say who the person is, or what was said... Only what happened. So its not as strong emotionally as it was in my dream journal. But I had to share it because if you see me today and there is heart shrapnel coming from my chest, you will know why.

On a separate note, someone didn't do something for me, and then later they did, saying they felt badly about not doing it. Now I'm in their shoes, only things are slightly different and I want to do for them what they didn't do for me, but I don't think I have the guts to do it. And its going to bug me all day.

So if classes today are boring, I'll have a lot to think about.