Clumsy Betty

My parents are away on their second honeymoon (looking at property down south to buy for retirement), and I am discovering the joys of being a full-time housekeeper without actually having the benefit of owning what I'm caring for.

In the past week I have tripped, dropped, spilled, ruined, or destroyed more things than I care to remember. The cats are constantly underfoot because apparently playing with your siblings is not enough. It is cat code that you MUST play with your human, and if you are in a household with more than one cat, you MUST NOT share your human with the other cats. If it is wet or slimy it has ended up on the floor, the steps, or the carpet. If a cat can puke it up, it has been puked up. If it can die from not being watered then it did. If it runs on electricity then dad needs to look at it when he gets home. I can't even keep my nail polish nice long enough for it to dry.

As if that's not enough of a rant, here's the real thing:

My computer sounds like a meat grinder, my parents' computer has a trojan that keeps getting detected by the virus scanner, but for some reason refuses to be deleted, and the dishwasher smells like burning plastic and sizzles when water drips off the dishes. Somebody puked on the rug in the living room, and two rugs in the basement, and it wasn't me. More than once, I dropped the cat food and had to start over, including the premium cat food on the front steps so now our porch smells like tuna. One of our plants is sitting in a vase of water rooting, so we can eventually pot it. One day I looked at it and discovered it was bubbling like carbonated water and getting all frothy on top. I don't know what the heck that was all about but now the water is molding. The weather has not been right for our maple tree so every time I go out there to check the sap buckets, they are empty, which means I don't have any maple syrup yet. What little sap I did get yesterday, I accidentally dumped down the sink today. I think that actually was the last straw, and oh crap I forgot to scrub the ring off the bathtub, because the bath ball James got me from France left its purple mark. Apparently the French have sexy maids to clean their tubs, otherwise they would never invent bath balls. I have about 6 apples that are rotting on the counter because I didn't get the chance to throw them in the blender for my lunch. Why am I eating lunch from a blender? Because I gave up solid foods for lent (during the day, at night I can eat vegetarian solids). I have too much produce that is rotting in the fridge and the fruit basket because I've been too busy feeding 5 cats and a guinea pig and cleaning up after myself to actually eat/drink anything. And when I wasn't busy? I went out and bought 4 shirts, a shawl, and um undergarments... which were on sale but which I will probably return next week when I decide I actually would prefer having money. On the other hand, in the off-chance that some of my job applications might ACTUALLY lead to an interview, the shirts would be helpful... or if I were that type of girl, maybe the undergarments would come in handy... but I digress... it frustrates me that I don't have a job, but if I did have a job, I think the house would burn down while my parents are down south.

Ok thats all.