An eventful day, in twos.

"If its one step forward and two steps back, perhaps I should turn around."

Today (which is now yesterday, because I waited to post this), a lot happened. I did two good right side stimes, and two good left side stimes. I was thrown by two different guys, and kazushied by two different women. I drove to two different places, was headbutted by two different goats, and worked in two different gardens. I even took two showers.

So, an explanation of all that, I went to work today and Betty noticed that Ebony's goat-bra was falling off. I am not kidding you, just like people, some goats get big enough to need a bra to hold it all on. So I had to climb the fence to hold her still, and thats when Glinda thought it would be a good idea to sniff, eat, and butt the back of my knee. Why the back of my knee, I have no idea, but perhaps she was in cahoots with Magenta, who thought it would be awesome to scratch her head on my butt.

When I finished with the gardens for the day, I went to jujitsu and for some odd reason, I was focused and awesome. I was happy with a lot of the techniques I was doing, and in Barb's words, my stimes were "damn good." Which is an incredible, but pleasant, surprise. Especially on the right side, because so often I find my head grazing the mat (for you non-jujitsu people, that means I'm an inch or two away from a concussion or a neck compression). But she said I had good height going over (don't know what changed). The bridge falls... well, I did one semi poorly... it was halfway between a stime and a bridgefall. But the second one, I managed to get half a hop in, which was just enough to qualify me for a genuine bridgefall, and my feet moved together, which was better than I was hoping for.

The rest of practice was good as well. We touched on every list except Goshin, and at the end, Barb said that at the level of blue belt, we should be capable of leaving our crap off the mat, but bringing our entire selves and our entire focus onto the mat. When we get that and are confident in the way that we move and do things, then we will be acting as the green belts do. So for tonight... I had that green belt mentality, even before she mentioned it. But I wonder, what put it there? And how do I keep it there? Lately its been as random as the weather. I go one day and class sucks, my techniques suck, my mood sucks, the whole entire world sucks because when one thing sucks it snowballs and drags everything else with it. And then the very next class will be awesome. Its like my jujitsu life is manic-depressive. Its either very very good, or its very very bad. And there's no way to predict how to keep it going.

My mom says that a person's outward life is a reflection of what's going on inside, and that is why the living room table looks like it does. But if you look at my room, its cluttered, there's stuff in boxes everywhere, and stuff in the closet, and I have more clothes than I thought I had, and I don't have the umph to clean or give away stuff. I don't want to touch it. And then look at my dream life, I have had so many dreams that started when I moved back home, and they are all cluttered with stuff and events too. My jujitsu life is scattered and slightly manic-depressive, and that all makes me wonder how I'm doing emotionally. I think I've closed off the window to that area so I don't have to see it. It makes me wonder, if I clean my room will that give me the drive to go into my emotional room and fix things up? Or is it that my room and my jujitsu will struggle until I've clean up inside? Which comes first? Or is it that I'm just a scattered person and it has nothing to do with my emotions? Maybe nothing is connected at all, its just a coincidence that everything is getting all scattered at once.

Now I'm just letting my thoughts wander. I'll stop now.

today...

I went to the goat farm today and they all wanted food because I was pulling weeds and they could smell the weeds on my hands... then I went with my mom to check on our friends' dogs, and they smelled the goats and went crazy. Then I went to see Sister, who is living in a palace that the vet calls the Taj Mahal. But she's used to being outdoors so she's bored out of her mind. But the woman who is taking care of her has 6 cats, and they smelled the dogs. So basically my day was a bunch of animals smelling me.

We saw a mother bear and two cubs on the way up to Shoprite today. The guy who lived there was standing on his deck banging pots, so my mom helped him out by honking the horn. The cubs ran to a tree to climb it but the tree was too big so about 4 feet off the ground the first cub realized he couldn't go any further, and started looking around for mommy. It was funny. Didn't look comfortable.

The last comment for the day is this: I hate undefined pronouns. Example: "Jenny was chasing Forrest across the field and it was all she could do to keep up with him." It what? WHAT was all she could do?? Why is "IT" such a big secret? Why won't anyone tell me so that I, too, can keep up with Forrest?

Ok now I'm done.

3 accidents in 6 months...

On New Years, my mom's rear windshield was smashed by a Corona bottle. In February or March, my dad was rear-ended while driving my brother's car. This morning, my dad and brother hit a deer on the way to work. In my dad's precious Honda.

Let's hope its not contagious. There are no more cars in the family left to smash up, so hopefully, I don't have to be involved in any deer rear-ending.

In other news, somehow the town animal shelter heard Sister was pregnant and begged my mom not to abort them. Apparently they have a kitten waiting list. So, Sister is going to spend the next 9 weeks in a large animal shelter cage so she can give birth and nurse her kittens, and at the end of it all she will be spayed and when the stitches heal, she will be released back at our house where she can continue being a feral cat who is afraid of people. Hopefully the animal shelter people will make her a little more trusting of people. Mom doesn't think it will happen but oh well.

Anyway, here's hoping Sister eats enough to actually survive her inbred pregnancy. If the kittens even survive they will probably be of that three-eyed variety. Cool!

So...

My mom neglected to tell my dad that Sister is going to have kittens. Instead she called him at work and said "You're gonna be a grampa!" Now he looks at me funny.

Anyway, the latest update is that we have a sedated pregnant cat living in a birdcage on our porch. She's not healthy enough to survive a litter of kittens. Still it would be so much fun to have kittens again.

And in more animal news, my goats are doing well. If you didn't know or are a recent addition to my blog readers, I used to work at a goat farm, and have agreed to go back there one day a week. I used to help feed the goats and horses, muck stalls, and then keep the gardens weeded and planted. I also rebuilt a rock wall that had fallen down. The first few days I worked there, Dora escaped her pen as she was accustomed to doing and broke into her mother's pen to nurse. When she was full, she left mom's pen and came over to make sure I was planting the right plants. She was a runt, so the following year when I worked again, she was still only half grown. But now she's too big to break out of the pens and she's nursing her own. She looks beautiful, like a show goat. And amazingly, the horses, Danny and Sisco, are still alive. They are probably older than I am. Apparently, goat farms are the "Florida" of the retiring horse world. Boober is also doing well. Why do cats like to roll in gravel? I never did figure that out. It looks like it might be fun. Maybe I'll try it sometime to see what the big deal is.

I'm hungry. Bye.

Hicksville!!

I threw on an old pair of jeans today so I could go out and work in the garden. They are pants that I regularly wear to garden in, therefore, the knees are worn away. As in, completely gone. All the way to the seam. So... maybe I should just make shorts out of them. That way I won't have a sunburn on my knees only, my whole entire leg could be in agony. Great! I went inside and grabbed some scissors and just cut the excess material off my legs. Kinda uneven... oh well.

The rest of the day included making jokes about cut off jeans. The epitome of hick jokes went like this:

Me: Yeah sorry about this Mexican bean and rice thing, I don't normally put that much rice in it.
Mom: Do you normally put it on your hot dogs?
Me: Not really but I'm wearing cut off blue jeans, I figured I HAD to have a chili dog.


AAaannd since my dad has a new digital camera and I've finally figured out a system for putting pictures on blogger... Here's my dad trying to outdo my hick pictures.





Just kidding.

Simple math for stupid drivers

Since I am in my first year of unsupervised driving, I am one of the few New Jersey motorists who has actually read the most up-to-date driving manual, a handy little booklet that states the laws of the road, the breaking of which can lead to fines which are also stated in said booklet.

It is all very scientific and easy, yes, I did just use "scientific" and "easy" to describe the same subject.

Rule 1. Car A is stopped at a red light. Car B is stopped at a red light. Cars A and B lie on the same line, in the same plane, but are facing in exactly opposite directions. The lights change, and both cars proceed into the intersection. At this point the math looks like this: Car A = Car B. However, Car A intends to turn left while Car B intends to go straight. This means that according to the driving manual, Car B > Car A, and gets "right of way." Car A also intends to turn left without signaling said intentions. This means that Car A should drive off a cliff. (Car A = die, moron)

Rule 2. The posted speed limit is X mph. This does not mean you should drive at (X + 10) mph. This also means that I will be going at X mph. This also means that when you are driving behind me, your speed ≤ X mph. You can not drive through me due to the Pauli Exclusion Principle (thanks D.C.!), but that's more complicated math which most drivers I have shared the road with are too stupid to understand.

Rule 3. If I am driving X mph, you must stay a safe distance away from me. "Safe distance" can be properly defined as (X ÷ 10) car-lengths away (average car-length is about 13.12 feet). Because a car > 12 inches in length, 12 inches ≠ safe distance unless X = .76 mph. To quote a bumper sticker I once saw, "get off my rear unless you are a hemorrhoid." Although if you are marking up a $15,000 vehicle with a $3 tasteless bumper sticker that allows hemorrhoids to remain on your rear, you are probably also a stupid NJ driver.

Rule 4. Driving is not a thrill ride for me. In fact, its not even close. Therefore, I will not allow it to be a thrill ride for anyone driving behind me either. If you tailgate for 15 minutes straight and do not even think about passing even when you have several opportunities, I will feel no remorse at choosing to remain within the limits of the law and NOT driving at X + 10 mph.

I think thats enough math for the day. Perhaps I will add more rules as I feel led, but in case there are any "stupid NJ drivers" who happen to come across this on the internet, I will refrain from overwhelming them with rules explained by simple math.

Disclaimer: 3/4 of this blog post was about speed. I do not intend to suggest that people should drive like a geezer and hold up a lot of traffic, nor do I regularly do this, or drive slowly to incite road rage. Its been said that the "safest speed is the speed of traffic," and I try to keep (X ± my speed) balanced between the speed of traffic and the frequency of police cars in the town in which I am driving, so that my wallet ≠ 0,-0 (or wallet > 0, for those who are picky about mathematical correctness) and so that the number of points on my license = 0.

Alice in Wonderland meets the Matrix

I have just seen the coolest movie ever. The plot, without spoilers you will understand:

(see if you can identify a little of every movie genre)

"Even the five court ladies danced in sync to the frog's flutes and drums. The whirlwind of the recycled paper was a sight to see. It was like computer graphics! That I don't support Technicolor parfaits and snobby petit bourgeois is common knowledge in Oceania! Now is the time to return home to the blue sky! The confetti will dance around the shrine gates. The mailbox and the refrigerator will lead the way! Anyone who cares about expiration dates will not get in the way of the glory train! They need to fully realize the liver of the triangle rulers. Now, this festival was decided by the 3rd grade class with the telephoto camera."

A machine allows scientists to experience the dreams of their patients. But a psychopath gains access to the machine and forces people to dream even when they are awake. (sci-fi)


"You're a feisty country girl I saved some time ago. How are you? If he was not home when I passed by around 7:30 then he probably disappeared into the instant noodle soup."

A scientist and the dream image of herself work together to find out who is behind the crimes, and stop them. (mystery)


"The ecstasy that blooms in synapse is paprika-brand milk fat! Five percent is the norm. The safety net of the ocean is nonlinear, even with what crabs dream of."

She finds herself trapped in a dream, and rescued when one of her patients unlocks the secrets in his own dream. (Romance)


"The number you called for assisting young children is not available because of crowded tires in the Pacific Ocean starting at 7:63 AM."

Suddenly the dream world begins to break through into reality! (fantasy)


"Today's weather is dreamy, and will clear up after a sunny sunny sunny sunny sunny day. The dream I had yesterday and today. The happy and mundane world will vent their anger. The dreams will grow and grow. Let's grow the tree that blooms money. Its most valuable while its still a bud. That's right, so we shall preserve the memory forever. If there is no flower there will be no fruit. If there is nothing then I won't do anything. If you're unhappy, please put a vote in this eyeball. Who would give up this throne? I am the emperor..."

The dream characters are going to take over the world! (apocalyptic/ horror)


"The one I've been waiting for since historic times! Your flute's melody is a sound for sore neurons! A fragrant fat is a first class lunch! Well-rounded achievement is missing a spice."

Finally, something which I will not tell you happens, and there's a happily ever after ending with awesome techno music. (melodrama/ fairytale)

Kudos to the Japanese for reaching for the moon instead of the sandbox shovels.

aghhhh...

So I felt fine last night, but I woke up this morning with a pain and stiffness in my neck. I touched the offending spot to see what was the matter and *gasp* there was a tumor! After hearing Steve's voice in my head (and half a dozen other guys I know) saying in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, "Ees not a tumah," I convinced myself it was a swollen lymph node.

What?? After 23 years of allergies, ear infections, and sinus problems, my body has finally decided to swell a lymph node? Why now, body? You stupid.

Now it feels like an ear infection that somehow slipped down my eustachian tubes into my neck. Either that or someone moved my ear. One or the other. I keep doing the reflexology points for lymphatic cleansing, and the gland feels tingly when I do. But I can't spend my entire day rubbing my hands and feet. Time for the echinacea/goldenseal/vitamin c/ ginger/ garlic bombardment!

Uhh... hearing and swallowing hurts.

I just need to grumble... I'm ok I think. Back to planning dinner. Bye.

Thoughts...

I remember watching a movie once where the characters describe the taste of a pear, in depth (not just "it tastes fruity") and then commenting on it and other tastes in my blog.

I realized it has been a while since I have described the smell or taste of something, and have found the perfect item to describe.

Dhaval introduced us to an Indian treat called pan. Its basically a lot of sugar, spices, and peppermint, wrapped up in a semi-bitter leaf called a beetlenut leaf. How to describe the taste? Hmm... It has the same effect on the tongue that a Monet painting has on the eyes. Mixed with incense. Yeah, it is kind of like eating incense.

Anyway, Steve and I were invited to an Indian dinner and were told not to bring anything. Not to arrive empty-handed, we brought pan, and it was a great success, thanks to Dhaval's introduction to it.

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. The water pump in the house broke Thursday night while I was in New Brunswick for jujitsu, so I'm staying down here until I know I have access to a hot shower up north. So that's what I've been up to.

Goodnight

Had to quote it...

Send this pestilent traitorous cow-hearted yeasty codpiece to the brig!
~Cap'n Jack Sparrow

I love it.

Fun or Funny...

Making fun of Paris Hilton. I have recently discovered that she is the same height as me (5'8") and yet she weighs 15-20 pounds less. People tell me I'm too thin, so she must be on the brink of death or something.

And the other thing is this: A farmhand is hired for 60 days and is provided with a cottage to live in for the duration of his work period. For each day that he works, he will be paid 6 units (of whatever our currency happens to be). For each day that he does not work, he will have to pay two units to cover the cost of accommodations while in the cottage. At the end of the 60 days, he has 144 units of currency. How many days did he work?

I have the answer, I just don't know how one would arrive at the answer, so if anyone out there is smarter than me, please help. Thanks :-)

tears

I came across some interesting stuff... I'm not in the best mood right now but the things I am finding are helping me.

This guy is writing about his travels and some of the things he is finding in the museums:

Psalm 56:8 "Put my tears into your bottle; are they not in your book?" As we toured the National museum in Tehran looking at history dating back 6,000 years. I was amazed to see some odd shaped bottles and read the information and heard the guide's explanation. When a husband went off to war the wife or loved one would weep their tears in a bottle, upon their return they would show how many tears they had cried, they were kept in a bottle. David cried to God "put my tears into your bottle". God knows your every pain, your grief. He knows every injustice, hurt, and feeling in you. He keeps your tears as your treasure of love. The hurting lover would hand to her beloved the bottle of tears - they spoke louder than the words ‘I love you'. Everything you've gone through in life for God is a treasure for Him whom you love - and He knows it.

This other woman (I think from India) is writing about pain (I added ellipses in places where I have shortened the passage to save time):

What is pain? Is it inevitable? Is it a corrective process? Or just something that happens with no special meaning, which one learns to sometimes live with? ...it seems to me that pain and sickness among other things, are part of a process that helps your mind and your psyche to expand. When you say "Yes" to life, you are basically saying yes to all that it wants to show you, to teach you. And then life shows you what it has to, in its own way. Sometimes the learning process involves joy and ecstasy, sometimes it involves pain and when you get down to a deep enough level you see that there is actually not much difference between the two. The only difference is in our reaction: we accept the one state and reject the other and the rejection more than anything else is what brings suffering.

...In some mysterious way, pain, when approached in the right way, opens up the mind and heart and you realise that there could not have been any other way to get to where it takes you.

Some questions regarding the learning process:

...When you reject pain what are you really rejecting?
Do physical and emotional pain mirror each other?
Isn't pain (at the emotional level) often a by product of having to face a new situation in life?
Isn't suffering a result of not being able to let go?
If I were able to let go of the past, of how it used to be, and of future images of how it ought to be, would I still suffer?
...

I cried when I read it because it struck a chord in me, but as I read it again, I realized she didn't answer any of those questions. But in the end it doesn't matter, as long as I know that there is someone out in the world who is asking those questions too.

Overall... I'm not sure why I hurt sometimes, or where the pain comes from. I just know that it comes on me suddenly, and then I don't know what to do with it.

This one is for NAVIN!!!

Watch for this scam. I don't know how many of you shop at Wal-marts, but this is how I became a victim of this scam.

Two seriously good looking well-built cowboy type guys come over to your car as you are loading your purchases. They are both shirtless and start wiping your windshield with a rag and windex with their highly defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs. Its impossible not to look. When you offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another store. You agree and they get in the back seat.

On the way, they start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and begins kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you! While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!!!

I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, and also yesterday and most likely tomorrow.

(This came to me in an email so if anyone wants it in email form let me know and I'll send it to you.)

random question

Why is it that on the box of... feminine products... the "y" and the "r" are italicised? Are we supposed to say pant-Y lin-ERs?

Don't have much time...

Very quickly, I just have to tell this story.

I was listening to the radio, and hit the button for the Christian station to see what was there. A preacher was just starting his sermon. Here's how he started it:

"There were three newlywed men. They all decided that they were going to rule their new households. The first guy told his new wife, a pretty girl from Georgia, that she would be expected to have the dishes cleaned and put away by the time he got home from work. The first and second days, he did not see much improvement because she was still getting the hang of things, but by the third day, she had it down and the dishes were finished just like he'd asked.

The second guy had a wife from Oklahoma. He told her he wanted the dishes cleaned and put away, but also that he wanted dinner to be on the table by the time he got home from work. Like the first guy, he didn't see anything the first and second days, but by the third day, his wife had the dishes cleaned and dinner ready on the table.

The third guy took everything a step further. He married a Jersey girl, and told her he wanted the dishes cleaned and put away, every meal he ate at home would be hot and on the table when he walked in, and any time the lawn needed mowing, it would be done by the time he got home from work. Things went just like you might expect: the first day, he didn't see anything, the second day, he didn't see anything, but by the third day, the swelling had gone down a little and he was finally able to find the dirty dishes himself.

The preacher went on and somehow tied it into his sermon but I have no idea what the connection was because Stave and I were laughing so hard.

Ok that's all. I have to run, we move out officially tomorrow. Bye.

I should be sleeping...

I've been packing all day and can't breathe because of my allergies to the dust in my bedroom, so I am at Steve's for the night. I should not be up late, because I have another day of packing and cleaning, plus jujitsu tomorrow. However, I am. I can't help but think long into the night.

The other day I overheard something I have not heard in a long time. It was something Janis Joplin once sang, "Freedom's just another word for 'nothing left to lose.'" For some reason, the phrase keeps turning over in my head. I have nothing left to lose in New Brunswick. I have my degree, and the further education I will eventually want is not offered at Rutgers. Jujitsu is here, but I'm not tied to it anymore in my heart. I've quit my job, and have lost my connections to the theaters here. My roommates are moving, and some of the friends I still have here in New Brunswick cause too much trouble for me to stick around. There are some good people here, I will admit, but good friends don't count because you will never lose them, so I really do have nothing left here to lose.

Somehow though, this move doesn't feel like freedom to me. But the phrase is "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." So maybe freedom feels just like any other feeling. Maybe its not as special as people try to make it.

Maybe I'm just saying that to convince myself that moving back into the home nest is not going to be a reverse in my independence.

Last night I longed to be away from X and Y in my life. Leaving X and Y in New Brunswick will probably be some of the best things for me... and for some of my other relationships.

Maybe then I'll be free.

meh

I was dumb and broke my computer so you'll be seeing less of me around until I find someone who has a boot disk for Windows XP. It shouldn't be too hard... I'm just busy with packing and everything.

Jujitsu sucked today. I only went cause I had nothing better to do and because I don't work, I'm not tired so I couldn't even sleep through it. I don't really even want to elaborate cause it was stupid.

Thats all. I'm still more or less in a good mood, its just that I find myself getting really testy inside with certain people, moreso than usual. Still the same actor's face outside though. I think.

Thats it.

rant...

Ok I just happened across an article about transgender people struggling to find jobs with fair bosses who won't discriminate... I'm not even going to state my opinion on whether changing your gender is right or not. All I have to say here is, if you are going to pay the money to have a bunch of operations to change your gender, you had better make sure your surgeons do a good job. Some of the pictures the article contained were not ugly they were just plain hideous. Those bosses are not discriminating based on your gender or change thereof... they are not hiring you because they don't want to imagine 40 hours a week of having to look at the horrible job your facial reconstruction surgeon did.

I suppose this sounds a bit harsh, but I'm not in a good mood, and it has to come out somewhere. Somehow, when you mess with nature, the end result is not as beautiful. Even in a surgery that keeps to the born gender of the person, as in face lifts and nose jobs, the end result looks like you are made of plastic. Keep your ugly face people, your beautiful one is not as cool.

Ok thats all.

No its not. Why the heck do you have to talk so darn loud AT us? Why can't you talk TO us?? How do you keep your friends around when you are that annoying??

Ok now thats all.

I FORGOT!

I forgot to post this... I thought it was hilarious. I got it in an email of crazy things on church welcome signs.

Here's to puberty...

First, if you don't know what Medieval Times is, click the link below.

So, Steve and I went to Medieval Times with my brother. Its Dan's birth-month so he gets in free with two paying adults. We upgraded to Royalty which was cool. We ended up in the front row.

I just have to write two funny incidents. The first was when the King and Princess were giving the toast. "Here's to Love! Here's to Honor! Here's to Chivalry!" On chivalry his voice rose about four octaves and 20 decibels. We didn't hear the rest of the toast because we were laughing too hard and toasting Puberty instead.

The other funny incident, ok I lied about how many funny incidents there were. One of the other funny incidents was the falcon. At every show the falconer demonstrates how his bird can fly. On this one, I guess the bird was really concentrating on killing that dead piece of meat the guy was swinging around because it forgot not to poop.

At a certain point in the show, they also have the King's Chancellor (or MC) announce all the birthdays, anniversaries, first communions and elevations to knighthood. Here's what he said: "Congratulations to Sammy Caldwell, who is celebrating his 11th birthday, also Jenna Ruiz is here for her 21st birthday, and John Campbell who is here with the guys celebrating their bachelor party. Good lord, man, what are you doing HERE??"

So anyway, this is the third time I've been there. The first time I rooted for the Green Knight, the second for the Red-and-Yellow Knight, and this time for the Red Knight. My knight never wins. In fact, this time, my knight was kin to the evil traitor dude who killed the prince. Granted, I don't actually pick them, the sections are more or less assigned. But still... I'm starting to think its me. If it weren't prechoreographed I'd think I was bad luck to the knights.

Speaking of prechoreographed, the Red Knight was the best fighter. He made it look real. The other ones just looked like they were taking a dive when they were supposed to. The Red Knight actually attacked. I guess, in jujitsu terms, it would be "intent." The Red Knight had intent.

Anyway... it was fun. I think it would be fun to work there, if only so I could respond to the "what are you doing now that you have graduated?" question with, "I'm a serving wench in a castle." Take that, bachelor's degree.

Ok I am working in the morning, so I have to go to bed. 'Night all!