sunday night church service

Well... I'm not sure where to begin. I guess I should say I've been on spring break this past week. I did nothing but sleep, watch movies, and knit (which are all practically the same activity), and the knots in my shoulders were gone by Sunday, before the official spring break period began. It was completely relaxing, but there was still a cloud looming ahead, knowing that it would end and my crazy school life would start again. I really did not want to come back to school, and wished I had the guts to drop out. Yesterday was Sunday, and I didn't really enjoy the morning service. Well, maybe I did. I honestly don't remember being there, but I know I was. So obviously, it was nothing spectacular.

After that, I was supposed to return to Rutgers, but managed to work things out so I could have an extra night at home, and go back to RU on Monday. This allowed the time to go to the once-a-month evening service, which was focused on using creativity in worship. This is something I used to do a lot, but admit that I've given up a lot of things I used to do, just because I'm not really as close to God as I used to be. I miss the creativity, and I know that not doing it has had a negative effect in other areas of my life.

So the service started with an intsrumental song, just to clear our minds of extraneous stuff... to focus our attention. The song was beautiful, but as soon as it started, I started talking to God. "I wish I didn't have to go back to school. I'm really going to need Your help to do this. New Brunswick is full of 'spiritual mud' and I'm sick of swimming in it, just so I can come back to church every week and wash off.' Then the music began to make a sound I can only describe as "shimmering blue." I'm not really sure how music can possibly have a color, but that's the only way I know how to describe it. So after the song was over, they started the creative part, which is pretty much paper, pencils, paints, chalks, cray-pas, crayons, you name it, and just kind of do whatever comes to mind while you talk to God. My picture was of a person standing under a waterfall falling from heaven. The more I drew, the cleaner I felt, and more ready to face the rest of my semester.

The next part of the service was regular worship for, well everyone, but also for those people who may not have felt comfortable with the less traditional painting part. This is where I felt more comfortable just telling God, here's how I feel, sorry I always forget to trust You, and etc... If you read this blog regularly, I probably don't need to repeat myself, even though it seems I repeat myself a lot when I'm talking to God. Anyway, while I was kind of absorbed in God and my tears and everything else, this guy I don't know tapped me on the shoulder and said God told him to show me a Bible verse. It said:

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven. Luke 10:19-20

Then the guy said, "You can walk among the snakes and you don't have to fear them, because God is walking with you." It was extremely encouraging, but I have to insert a disclaimer here: None of the people at Rutgers is a snake or scorpion, but I do at times feel in danger of a sting or bite, and I'm not talking about getting mugged at night. Stuff goes on here that scares me.

Anyway, after that, I felt like I had hashed through all the junk in my soul, and I could move on to more pleasant things. I used to be a liturgical dancer, but something happened, and I stopped dancing. I knew it was getting really bad when I could stand in a room and not feel my feet tapping. For about two years now, I've been longing to start dancing again, but things always came up, there was always an excuse not to. But last night, I danced again and I somehow felt like a much stronger dancer than I used to be. I don't know if it was the music, the night, the whole giving-God-my-crap-and-tears stuff, the creativity, or something else, but I know it was something I've missed tremendously, and it allowed me to pray for some friends of mine and really feel like my prayer was not in vain. It was an overall special night.

It gave me the strength for today, because this Monday was worse than all my other ones. It might possibly rank in the top ten worst of my life, and I don't know if I would have had the strength to make it through if I hadn't gone to church last night.

Anyway, that's my saga about what God is doing in my life. Its kind of long, and some might find it boring, but without God, my life isn't really worth writing about. So, thanks for caring about me, and reading this far down. : )