sigh

its almost 5. i just finished my theater makeup project preparations for tomorrow. honestly, i could have gone to bed hours ago. but i sort of relish the time i get to think. to be real with myself and not push my feelings aside in favor of schoolwork. at the same time, its killing me. i want to go to bed to escape it. and at the same time i want to stay up and distracted so i won't think. even though i want to. that sounds strange. it is. its because i'm an oxymoron. oh well... here's to fancy distractions that i can't figure out.