this weekend and beyond

I went home this weekend. G came to church on Sunday and it was interesting. I was hit by a wave of nostalgia again. Part of me doesn't want to go there anymore. Not because it hurts, but because it doesn't hurt and I somehow feel like it should. Like I shouldn't have moved on. I got to see someone (several someone's) who may or may not be related to me. It was a strange feeling, because it has extended into another generation. I guess that's it... I'm just feeling old. I know I'm not... but I feel it. Perhaps this is enhanced by the fact that I have a huge pain in my back from some unknown injury that I can't remember getting.

And then also... things have been happening that make me think...

I played Hamlet today in my Basic Theater Texts class. It was interesting. It made me think. Hamlet's a thinker. The monologue I did was about action. How Hamlet sees other people doing things, achieving the goals they want, chasing after the dreams they have, and wonders why he can't do that also, when he does have the strength and will and power to do it.

So that's what I was thinking. I have the strength and power and will to do two things. And one... I think is just fear holding me back. The other, like Hamlet's quest for vengeance on his uncle, is a little less defined. I have to be sure I want it first. I have to be sure the ghost is telling the truth. And I have to be sure that I'm not hung up on... the past.

Well... that was obscure. I think I'm going to start writing in my private journal again. I'm closing off... not on purpose. Maybe that's just how my life goes through different stages.