Waiting

I graduated in '06 with a degree I had decided not to use. Its been two years, and I finally know what I want. But I have to wait for it. I don't know how long I will have to wait.

Patience is not something I am good at.

Things I'm tired of.

1. Christianese. South Park, sadly, has done a great job of satirizing Christian music, by having several of the characters singing about how "Jesus touched me." Its creepy and sacrilegious in the context of South Park, but if you really think about the songs you sing every Sunday, many of them make no sense whatsoever to someone outside the clique.

2. Theater. It has ruined my enjoyment of life. The video and lighting is all off at church. The speakers are too loud, and I cringe every time someone at church gets the microphone, because I know they are going to pronounce "s" wrong. The s is really what bothers me. The lights, ok it would be nice to have nice ones that aren't clipped onto the basketball hoop. But that's not too big a deal, because the basketball hoop works, and our youth group doesn't use it. But if your s is not pronounced behind your teeth, if it ends up being pronounced more toward the top curve of your palate, its going to make a noise the microphone is not equipped to handle. And that last sentence, is why I hate theater. I should not be thinking about crap like that.

3. Sermons disguised as prayers. "Dear God, we thank you for this day and the opportunity to come before you in prayer. We thank you that *commence story from the speaker's life, then an explanation of the story's relevance, then a parallel connection that allows all listeners to relate* Amen." If you are going to talk to me, talk to me, in sermon form. If you are going to talk to God, does it make sense to preach at him? If you are that uncertain about your abilities to give an edifying, encouraging message to someone, simply because you are not the pastor, then perhaps you should not be speaking. If you have doubts about yourself and what you are saying, don't speak until you are sure, don't just disguise it as a prayer and hope someone gets the message.

4. People who confuse their syllables. Mr. President, "nuclear" is not pronounced "nuke-you-lar." And Mr. F, there is no possible way I can be an "intrigal" part of that effort.

5. Pet names for significant others that involve the word "poo." I don't think that one needs any explanation.

Ticks

Ticks are freaky sadist creeps in the bedroom.

Did you know that ticks reproduce by way of oral sex and harpoons?

That would explain why the bacteria causing Lyme disease is related to syphilis.

Its a strange feeling...

...waking up one morning and discovering your priorities have shifted. Discovering which people could walk out of your life tomorrow without hurting you a bit.

Yes, I'm having one of those down-for-no-reason days. The chocolate isn't helping. It tastes like honey and it shouldn't.

New Medical Breakthrough!

Things they have discovered about kissing, taken from a friend's blog:

Disclaimer: I have not checked this out on snopes.com or anywhere else for accuracy, but in the interest of science, I would be willing to conduct a test of my own.

1. Those who kiss their partner goodbye each morning live five years longer than those who don’t.

2. Kissing is great for self-esteem. It makes you feel appreciated and helps your state of mind.

3. Kissing burns calories, 2-3 calories a minute and can double your metabolic rate. Research claims that three passionate kisses a day (at least lasting 20 seconds each) will cause you to loose an entire extra pound! It’s time to start that kissing diet!

4. Kissing is a known stress-reliever. Passionate kissing relieves tension, reduces negative energy and produces a sense of well being, lowering your cortisol ‘stress’ hormone.

5. Kissing uses 30 facial muscles and it helps keep the facial muscles tight, preventing baggy cheeks! The tension in the muscles caused by a passionate kiss helps smooth the skin and increases the circulation.

6. Kissing is good for the heart, as it creates an adrenaline which causes your heart to pump more blood around your body. Frequent kissing has scientifically been proven to stabilize cardiovascular activity, decrease blood pressure and cholesterol.

7. Those who kiss quite frequently are less likely to suffer from stomach, bladder and blood infections.

8. During a kiss, natural antibiotics are secreted in the saliva. Also, the saliva contains a type of anesthetic that helps relieve pain.

9. Kissing reduces anxiety and stops the ‘noise’ in your mind. It increases the levels of oxytocin, an extremely calming hormone that produces a feeling of peace.

10. The endorphins produced by kissing are 200 times more powerful than morphine.

Why I don't go to the doctor.

Ok so everything started on Wednesday night or Thursday morning. I still went to work. Thursday night I went to jujitsu but it was too painful to work out. I taught newbies. My fever would come and go, meaning more than just fever, I am having trouble maintaining one of my favorite high school biology terms: homeostasis. On Saturday at work, I could barely turn my head or stand up, but I was working with the owner's wife, a mom, who did a quick review and said, "You're leaving early, and you should go to the doctor." Steve gave me a back and neck massage which loosened things up a little, but I was still miserable enough to take a half-dose of aspirin (so like me, I hate meds haha). Here's the conversation I had with mom:

Mom: How are you feeling?
Me: A little better now that I took an aspirin.
Mom: Wow, thats not like you.
Me: Yeah, I was wondering if you could make a doctor's appointment for me on Monday.
Mom: Who are you and where's my daughter?

In addition to all this, I had pain in my right side that has since left so its not appendicitis. Probably just anxiety from everything else going on. There was also The Rash. The Rash was located along my underwear line, and due to its proximity to certain body parts, it was sort of D-shaped, but if it was on plain, uninterrupted skin, it would probably be a nice round circle.

So, when I went to the doctor today, I mentioned all this. First to the nurse, then to the med student trailing the doctor, then to the doctor herself. I have to say, I am not cutting the doctor down. I really liked her, and for some reason I feel better about having Indian doctors. My pediatricians were Indian too, and mom always said I loved them. My doctor herself was great. Its western medicine I don't like, coupled with a fear of getting sued that causes doctors not to actually diagnose you with anything.

She did a completely pointless test of my strength in which she applied no pressure to my arms and legs and told me to resist. Then she wanted to see how much my joints hurt but because I had taken an aspirin just to get myself out of bed, I was slightly more mobile, although I did tell her it was late at night when the pain reaches a ten on the scale.

After that she looked at The Rash and then in my ears and throat. She concluded that the one thing I didn't mention to her as a symptom (pain due to slight swelling behind my eardrum) was what was causing my fever and joint pain. (Sorry honey, I've had ear infections at least 3 times a year for the first 15 years of my life, no fever causes this much pain in your joints, especially not a "slight" infection.) And The Rash? I've been jogging at night, so perhaps being sweaty caused a fungal rash, since its right on my underwear line. (I've had a fungal rash as well; it itches and burns and feels nothing like This Rash, which happens to feel like nothing.)

So, when she found out I live in Hicksville, spend time in a garden a lot, jog at night on a street with no sidewalks and frequent exposure to bushes, and sleep with a cat who can't sleep alone ever since he was stuck in a tree for 72 hours, she didn't think "gee I wonder if this girl had a tick bite somewhere near that rash" she thought, "There must be an infection AND a fungus that both occurred in a timeframe that would cause symptoms to appear on the same night."

As an afterthought, she ordered a blood test to check for Lyme and "other stuff" not telling me what "other stuff" but since I am mostly worried its Lyme disease I don't really care what the "other stuff" is since the very very basic insurance company my family uses covers blood tests and doctor's visits.

Anyway, I'm now on antibiotics for my ear infection which I don't have, but since Lyme is also treated with antibiotics, I decided to actually get that prescription filled. She also prescribed a glorified aspirin so that instead of taking an aspirin every 4-6 hours, I only have to take this twice a day, although like the aspirin, it doesn't completely numb the pain. Oh yeah, and cream for my "fungal rash" hahaha...

Seriously, I thought about putting tea tree oil on my "rash," getting willow bark extract for the pain, and boosting my immune system with ginger, garlic, sage, and echinacea. But I have to go back to her in a week, so I can't just say "I didn't do what you said" because then if AM still sick, she'd say, "That's why you're still sick." So I'll give her a chance.

Hopefully by the time I'm ready to have kids the insurance companies will start accepting alternative medicine practitioners. I can't deal with western doctors all the time and I would not be able to handle the looks from other parents when I don't take them to the doctor for every sniffle.

Ways to know you're sick...

...without medical symptoms like headache, fever, sore throat, runny nose.

1. You feel sick, even if you have nothing physically wrong with you.
2. You sleep 8 hours a night and take a two hour nap at 6 pm.
3. You take no pride in ambition or a productive day.
4. You cry at all the songs on the radio, even the ones you hate.
5. You can't seem to talk about anything passionately without your eyes watering.
6. Your pain receptors are going off somewhere in your body but your brain can't seem to figure out where the pain is.
7. You crave chicken noodle soup.
8. You sleep under a heavy down comforter in June.
9. You can't seem to catch your breath except that you are not breathing heavily and your heart is not pounding.
10. You walk around with a funny floating sensation.

Finally! The pre-symptoms started on Sunday, but today I took a nap and now I have real symptoms: joint pain, headache, stuffy nose, and a fever of 97.9 F. Yes I know that's below the average human temperature but MY average temperature is 96.8 which puts me .11 degrees higher than normal- FEVER.

Unfortunately, due to a wedding in Pennsylvania, we are going to be understaffed, so I have to at least go open the store tomorrow. I hope my head doesn't explode.

WOW

Its a video containing ALL of the Spanish vocabulary words I still can remember.

Lessons from a psychic detective.

I've been watching the TV show Psych lately. Its hilarious. I love the funny lines and banter, as well as the speed of the conversations. I think that Gilmore Girls set the pace a few years back, and subsequent TV shows like Scrubs and Psych followed suit. It seems like shows are so much better when you are start laughing at a joke made two sentences ago and then you keep laughing for another two more sentences. I guess maybe it keeps the mind a little more engaged that way.

Anyway, this is a new quote I liked:

"Want some dating advice? Treat a woman like a person. Then you treat her like a princess, then a Greek goddess, THEN- you treat her like a person again."

I have to admit it has an intriguing ring to it. But even though I am female... I'm still not quite sure I know what was meant, or whether or not I agree. Well, if I don't know what is meant, I CAN'T agree yet right?

ouch

I just flayed my thumb and rubbed dirt into it. Oops.

Hillsong United music

A thousand times I’ve failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I’m caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself <--- sutemi!
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Yesterday I read that when you start to worry it means God is no longer top priority in your life. Reading that passage made me think about other things besides worry that take the number one place in a person's life. The important stuff happens inside but you can't really tell what's happening by looking inside, you can only tell by what shows up outside. I started thinking about myself... you can tell what kind of tree I am by what kind of fruit I am bearing right?

What kind of fruit am I bearing?

Things that suck.

Math tests.
Vacuum cleaners.
Losing five pounds through your sweat glands. (Yes, I HAVE been hydrating!!)
Realizing you're sunburned AFTER you scrub with a loofa.

HAHAHA

Taylor Swift cracks me up:

State the obvious,
I didn't get my perfect fantasy
I realize you love yourself more
than you could ever love me
So go and tell your friends that
I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine;
I'll tell mine you're gay

Oh yeah and another food that makes you breathless:
Really juicy watermelon.

Unless you have no qualms about a sticky chin.

things you wish you could say out loud...

This happened today.

Customer: Can you tell me if you have gifts for a ten-year-old boy?
Me: Do you want fiction or non fiction?
Customer: Non-Fiction.
Me: Well, this is the teen section, we do have a section for kids 8 - 12 over there but it has a lot of fiction because kids that age have a hard time with non-fiction books. [pointing.]
[Customer doesn't move.]
Me: Were you looking for something other than a book?
Customer: I don't know...
[Continues looking at the Teen Fiction section.]

Geez, I can't do your shopping FOR you...

Same Customer: This song that is playing on the speakers, do you know who sings it?
Me: Don Moen.
Customer: But who is the group that sings it?

Uh, Don Moen's back-up band? I don't know, its not sung by a group, can't you hear it? Its one guy.

Same Customer AGAIN: And who is this artist that is singing now?
Me: Michael W. Smith
Customer: Do you have that album?
Me: No, but we have an album of various artists with that song on it, or we can order the Michael W. Smith album that contains that song for you.
[Looking at the album of various artists]
Customer: I don't know... it might not be right... what if its got the...
[Loooooong pause.]
Customer: Do you know what I mean?

NO, I don't know what you mean, because you didn't finish your sentence. Were you talking to me in your head? I'm not telepathic...

[Finally a different customer]
Customer: Hooo boy is it hot. This weather! Its just getting hotter and hotter, I just know its a sign. Jesus is coming back real soon! Days like these, when you know the New Jerusalem is coming, I call them "birthing pains."

I call them "summer."

Why Bad Things Happen

This totally makes me angry:

"Why do bad things happen to people?"
"They happen to people so that those people can gain the experience and help other people who are going through the same thing."

Thats a load of crap not because of any moral or religious or theological reason, but because of Philosophy 101. Cause and Effect. A bad thing happens to person A. Why? So they can help B get through the same thing. Why did that stuff happen to B? So they could help C get through the same thing. The loop is infinite. It explains an appropriate reaction to bad things (helping others cope) but not the initial cause.

And this statement was made by an internationally known author, teacher, and pastor with no common sense whatsoever trying to sell turkey broth as a full meal. Thanks Dan for the analogy, yes you do know to whom I am referring.

Growl....

Foods that leave you breathless.

Donuts that have some sort of powder on them that would be painful to inhale.

Peaches that have so much juice, you have to suck it all in quickly so it won't dribble on your shirt.

Cherry tomatoes that are a tad too big for your mouth.

A spoonful of powdered sugar.

So much fun. :-)

heard on the radio...

What would you be willing to do for $10 million?

56% of Americans polled said they would desert their families.
23% would sell themselves into prostitution for two weeks.
3% would sell their children.

:-(

the pain is worth the thunder

I go through phases, musically. I own every Jars of Clay album available so far... to my knowledge. I don't always listen to them, but then I'll go through a phase where I play every album consecutively for a week or two straight. I'm in one of those phases. This is one of the songs that caught my attention.

...
Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
...
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
...
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes
...

!

I love computer error alerts.

"Test cannot be started because it already does not exist."

Already?? I can't believe it. It is far too soon for that test to cease existing.

just something i wrote

The storm clouds roll in the sky like a raging sea. In the center, there is a bright light, and from the light descends a stone staircase. Despite its magnificence and importance, its base is covered in bird excrement from the seagulls who take refuge when all around the staircase is ocean. In the ocean we see the first splash of true color, a deep sapphire blue. Standing on the lowest step, ankle deep in water, is a child all in white, her gown and wings blowing in the wind. She holds the second source of color: crimson gerbera daisies, whose petals drop straight down despite the obvious wind blowing to starboard.