France

So...

I'm sure you have all been reading and have seen that I'm not exactly going through the best of times lately. Actually kinda since the beginning of the year. Or before that. Things have definitely been harder than they are now. And as I told Sam today when he asked how I'm doing, "I have lived a better life." The answer he gave me was, "You are living a good life." Which I'm grateful for. I needed someone to point me towards the positive.

But I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have listened to me vent, or have allowed me to confide in you. You are amazing and wonderful friends. Not everyone is that blessed that they have people like all of you to be there for them, to let them know that they are loved and cared for and protected even.

I love you all back... and I will always be there to listen to you when you have things to vent about.

But... I've been pondering a lot of things lately. I skipped a few jujitsu classes, which is not like me. And I spent the time mostly trying to sort things out in my mind. And I realized that I need people. And there is definitely merit in being able to have friends who will let you vent or give you a shoulder to cry on. However, there is also some danger inherent in venting. And so far... some of my venting has had negative reactions... sort of in my mind only.

So, I'm quitting. I'm taking a break from venting. It won't even be up here. I'll still post stuff... but it will not be serious, third-level conversation. And even my closest friends will not hear me vent. I realize, whether or not I vent has nothing to do with the drama all around me. But by not venting I will be better able to ride this wave of drama. Its bigger than all the others, so I know of no other way to do it. I'm sorry if this disappoints any of you. But I need my secrets right now. This is me not being an emotional cuddlebug.

For right now, lets say I will keep this vow of secrecy for a month, so until June 17. We'll see how it goes. It will be my experiment.

ADDENDUM: Congratulations to Anissa for passing her Gokyu exam! YAAAAAYYYY. I am now the highest ranking Rokyu. When I'm there. When I'm not there, I'm sure there are a bunch of other Rokyus who outrank me. Heather and Stacey, for instance. But if I'm not there it doesn't much matter anyway haha.

And... Barb said something last night too. She said Steve, a guy from California, is paralyzed from the waist down, yet he is a brown belt in jujitsu, and all his paintings draw you in and really convey motion. And another of her friends is blind, but paints with the most beautiful and vivid colors. So she said... "Sometimes your greatest weakness is your greatest asset." And it made me wonder what my greatest weakness is.