ten years old...

So... this is going to be a rant... and I'm not even sure if I can share all of it. I was feeling a little annoyed today. Two people I know were treating each other like they were each ten years old. And I know they are FAR older than that. It was frustrating, knowing that in other areas, they are extremely mature and developed. I guess it kinda frustrates me because sometimes my mom treats me like I'm years younger than I am, and it bothers me, not so much because she's implying that I'm not mature, but more because I can't be trusted. I guess if these two people could trust each other to be mature, maybe they would be mature.

And then after jujitsu, we were standing around saying goodnight and a car drove up and someone pegged me with a water balloon. It bounced off my shoulder and broke on Amish. I didn't respond outwardly like Doug did. But I think I could have killed the guy with a glance if he'd been standing in front of me right then. Something in the atmosphere made me really... not angry... it was beyond angry. It was like... "Dude you freaking need to grow up stupid college drunk frat jerk." But that was inside. Outside, it bounced off me. The water balloon bounced, and so did the atmosphere... It was weird. Thinking about it made it a bit clearer just now. I took it as an attack against me... so I got... not defensive, not indignant... but... I guess protective of justice... if that makes any sense. When Doug took off chasing the car to throw his water bottle at them, the first thing that came to mind was that he was chasing them to get the license plate number. If I had it, I would have complained to the police. Not cause I was really hurt. But cause jerks should be punished for being. Especially if they live on frat row. Hmm I think I'm a bit more porcupiney tonight. Something in the air I guess.

And then during jujitsu Barb kept telling us to make a line to our hearts. Draw all of your force from your heart. And she was talking physical heart but I think she wanted us to draw the connection to our emotions and mental state as well. That all of our actions should come from the heart. It was a little frustrating, because I was getting so many good pointers from Barb that I don't normally get from her because there's one of her and so many of us. But at the same time, my heart wasn't in it, so I wasn't getting as much out of it as I think I should have gotten. I couldn't do jujitsu tonight because my heart wasn't there. If its not there, there's nothing to draw from in terms of doing the techniques the way she wants it.

And I'm not entirely sure why my heart isn't in it. I think that it hasn't been in a lot of things lately. Maybe its got a reason. Maybe not. Maybe its just one of those phases I go through. I went through a phase like that back in January too.