hell

i am having a nightmare. its called insomnia.

disclaimer: complaining and b*&^%ing ahead. stop reading if you don't want to hear it.

the scary part of it is that there are four other people in the house who are fast asleep, and i am lying here wondering why in the past seven months, i have never seen the neighbors' kitchen dark at night. are they nocturnal? are they blind and don't know its on? are they rich and looking for ways to spend money? how big is their monthly electric bill?

the other scary part is i'm so tired that my head is buzzing. its wierd, i don't know how to describe it. its not audible enough to be a sound, but its not tangible enough to be a vibration. its somewhere on the scale between the two. its kind of a dizzying feeling. i've never been high or drunk but its sorta how i would imagine it might feel. and no, despite being sick, i haven't taken any medicine either to keep me up or cause the buzzing. i have some allergy medication designed to make you drowsy, but i hate taking medicine for reasons other than its marketed use. especially when it comes to allergy problems. i don't want to take any chances that i will become immune to a medication. especially with allergy medicine. i once took benadryl so much that it stopped helping my allergies. that year was horrible, i thought i was going to die. luckily after months of not taking benadryl i was able to try it again and find that my body responds to it again. so yeah. bottom line, i can't take my allergy medicine when i'm not having allergy problems just because i can't sleep. its not like i'm allergic to sleep.

anyway, it sounds like i might be developing an ear infection. hopefully it will go away before becoming complete because i have been recovering fairly quickly. and some knots in my neck. those are interesting. even with massage they won't go away. and the reason is probably that i've been sleeping sitting up because when i'm sick i can't lie down flat.

so now that i've officially complained, i'll come up with a lame excuse like maybe its pms and then i'll go find something else to do. thanks for listening past the disclaimer. *apologies*