post #2

Not your typical Harlequin romance.
Please note that this is a work of fiction.

Mom answered the phone and handed it to Mara. Odd, since Mara doesn't normally get calls.

"Hello?" It was Yosef. She smiled. He's such a great friend. They chatted for almost 4 hours, also odd, since Mara doesn't normally talk too much, especially on the phone. Bottom line...

"Mara, you're a really nice girl... and the more I think about it, the more... I don't know... I was wondering... I really like you. Can we go on a date sometime?"

Awkward for both of them. Yosef, because he genuinely had lost his tongue in nervousness. Mara, because no one had ever said anything like that before. Mara had to think about it.

And she thought a long time. She was struggling because she REALLY wanted to date someone. But she felt that Yosef was more a friend and brother to her. She didn't want to ruin a relationship just because she couldn't wait for the right guy to come along. And... she could feel God warning her.

Yosef taught her how to speak. How to express herself, and how to communicate with guys. She'd never known how to do that before. And even though some painful things happened afterwards, they didn't date, and she regretted it for a time. But then she realized exactly why God had warned her, and she was grateful that she had listened.

And on the 1-year anniversary of that life-changing phone call, Kyle asked Mara if he could talk with her. And this time, Mara was prepared. She was nervous. She was afraid her family might have a problem with Kyle. She hoped they would not make a race issue out of it. She hoped they would be understanding and... modern, if one can use that word. They sat down in the warm spring air and Mara listened as Kyle said the words she had known he would say.

She took a deep breath. And jumped into the unknown. "I'd like that very much."

They dated for a long time. And her family didn't have a problem with Kyle. Mara knew that everything had happened in God's perfect timing. What's more, Yosef and Mara were able to remain friends. In time, they would drift away, for external circumstances beyond their control. But Kyle and Mara were happy. Mara thought there was serious potential in Kyle. She thought he was the one. She expected that when they were done with school, he would propose.

But then, long before school was out, she noticed the flame in them was dying. Kyle had noticed it too, and eventually, they both gathered up the courage to talk about it. They discovered that their relationship for a time had been a security blanket, dating in order to feel secure. Somehow they had allowed it to change, or it had changed with out their noticing. But they had to face the fact that, although they still had feelings for each other, although they had been able to love with 100% of their hearts, something was not right with their relationship. "Something was rotten in the state of Denmark" as Shakespeare so eloquently put it.

So they broke up. Mara was devastated. She felt lost, and alone. She felt extremely vulnerable being "back on the market" as the horrible saying goes. Mara and Kyle tried to remain friends. But eventually, they decided it was hurting them just to hang out and talk, even with other people around. Mara knew it was for the best. But secretly, she discovered that loving someone with 100% of your heart can destroy a friendship when its over. She vowed she would never love anyone with 100% of her heart again. As the months went on, she toyed with ideas of being stubborn and not having a relationship again, but couldn't deny her heart. She knew one day she would find someone and marry. But she liked to pretend she would have that one pure love in her heart for the rest of life, and none other.

More months passed, and she met Zack. He was fun to be around. He was a good friend. She was learning how to be friends with guys, without having a dating relationship with them. She felt he was her best friend, and that she could confide in him with anything she wanted to talk about. Even girl talk. Even stuff about the awful cramps she got every month. And he loved it. Zack listened to her. Zack had crazy ideas.

As time went on, Mara noticed that she thought about Zack a lot. She still thought about Kyle. But the time away from him allowed her to notice things she'd never noticed before. Things that bothered her that her rose-colored love glasses had filtered out. She looked at Zack and couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be in his arms. And at the same time, he was having the same thoughts about her. It was one of those things that sneaks up on you, when you least expect it.

Mara was thrown into a turmoil. Zack was, to use the vulgar phrase, a wasp. White, Anglo Saxon Protestant. What's more, he was one of those pentecostals. Mara thought her Eastern Orthodox family would be turned off by such a vast difference in culture and religion. But she thought of Kyle, and her family's acceptance of him. She closed her eyes, crossed her fingers, trusted in the love of her family, and kissed him.

And that was when she realized she'd broken her promise. She had allowed herself to love again. But somewhere in the mix, she'd lost touch with her heart. She knew she was in love. But she couldn't tell if it was with 100% of her heart. She suspected not, because a part of her heart had gone away when Kyle left. But all she could think about was that she was in love and couldn't help herself.

Slowly, Mara realized that all good things must come to an end. She fought it though. With Kyle, she had quietly gone along with the flame she felt dying in her heart. With Zack, the flame still burned brightly in her heart, but she could see his was turning cold. She didn't know what to do about it. She didn't know why it was happening. But she saw it and trusted God to help her through it.

And, as she feared, Zack asked Mara to go for a walk with him. She spent the rest of the day crying that something so bright and lovely had burned out so quickly. She smiled through her tears when she thought of the memories she had. They were precious, beautiful memories. Long nights in each other's arms, and the passionate, stolen kisses they had shared while cleaning the shed out back. She had never shared that with Kyle, she kicked herself for comparing them, smiled through her tears at her memories of both, and then kicked herself for allowing a friend to become a lover. She felt guilty for ruining her friendship with Zack; now... she couldn't talk to him as much. She realized fate had somehow caught up with her, and the friendship she'd saved with Yosef had led to losing her close friendship with Zack. History had somehow repeated itself, and she'd lost Kyle, and was losing Zack. She was afraid the same thing might happen. She was afraid she and Zack would not be able to see each other without hurting.

But, as things tend to go, each stage in her life leads to something to be learned. And this was the beginning of a stage in which Mara enjoyed close physical contact with her circle of friends in a non-sexual way. Being single again allowed her to be free. It allowed her to do things without thinking of "the boyfriend." But this plan backfired, as several things happened at once.

Zack, in his distancing, grew close to Lucy (whose name has been changed here to protect the innocent. or guilty. or whatever she is. bottom line is the name's different.) Mara was bothered by this but said nothing, as she also was getting close to someone. But, when Suman seemed to be enjoying their time together more than she was comfortable with, Mara was disturbed. She was not ready for another relationship just yet.

She looked in the mirror and wondered what she was doing with her life. She thought about the lion cubs she'd once seen at the zoo. They didn't have to worry about love. They were fat and happy, eating food provided for them and wrestling in the sunshine of a suburban metropolis.

"They have some life," she thought. "Yosef taught me to communicate with words. Kyle taught me to love completely and purely. Zack taught me to communicate with touch. And now I've learned to take that touch and share a special closeness with my friends. Just as I'm sure those cubs once did as newborns, to keep warm and snuggly near their mother."

A thought struck Mara. "But now, they are a little older. Now, they play fight. Now they pretend they are killing each other." Mara wondered what it would be like to be a lion cub at that age. She wondered if she was entering a new stage of her life.

Still hurting, she hoped she wouldn't mess anything else up. And she turned from her mirror to her window, to look out on the world.