sigh

The pain is back. I wonder if it will ever go away completely. I wonder how long I'll hold onto it. I wonder if I'll ever trust God enough to let Him heal me. I have trust issues. I've discovered that recently.

Its been affecting my stomach too. And Barb said something to Anissa about a point on the neck that releases emotions when you massage it. It makes me wonder how much emotion is actually tied into the physical aspect of the body.

It doesn't help that I no longer know the source of the pain anymore either. It seems like things have compounded (funny I used that word in describing my recent back pain to Barb and Rob) so that all sorts of past events all result in the same throbbing pain in my chest and knuckles.

Its weird. I'm one of the most trusting people I know. Sometimes that's a downfall. And yet, I can't trust God, I can't trust myself, and I can't trust the people I'm close to right now.

Guess I should sleep. I'm going to church in the morning. Anissa's playing the violin.