the pain is worth the thunder

I go through phases, musically. I own every Jars of Clay album available so far... to my knowledge. I don't always listen to them, but then I'll go through a phase where I play every album consecutively for a week or two straight. I'm in one of those phases. This is one of the songs that caught my attention.

...
Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
...
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip, I wonder what to make of heaven
...
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes
...

!

I love computer error alerts.

"Test cannot be started because it already does not exist."

Already?? I can't believe it. It is far too soon for that test to cease existing.

just something i wrote

The storm clouds roll in the sky like a raging sea. In the center, there is a bright light, and from the light descends a stone staircase. Despite its magnificence and importance, its base is covered in bird excrement from the seagulls who take refuge when all around the staircase is ocean. In the ocean we see the first splash of true color, a deep sapphire blue. Standing on the lowest step, ankle deep in water, is a child all in white, her gown and wings blowing in the wind. She holds the second source of color: crimson gerbera daisies, whose petals drop straight down despite the obvious wind blowing to starboard.

the wonderful Heather Clark

I have seen a million miles of desert land and I have learned to be free.
And I have walked through shadow lands of Egypt and I have learned to be free.
And I have held the mane of untamed horses and I have learned to be free.
And I have walked on frozen lakes in my soul and I have learned to be free.

Chorus: And I have known the price of love and given all I have for a moment's time with you.
And I have died a thousand times and I have learned to be free.

And I have lost what only death could take from me and I have learned to be free.
And I have gained what only life could give to me and I have learned to be free.

Chorus

And I have craved and walked away in the silence and I have learned to be free.
And I have looked into the face of injustice and I have learned to be free.

Chorus (2xs)

In 2001 I performed to this song on a quaint stage in England (little known facts about me). I have just remembered how much I like it, and it is one of the few songs to which I have both danced and not forgotten the choreography.

I am sure you are all wondering about the colored letters above, well I am staring in the face of injustice tonight and fuming. I can forgive injustices against myself, but when it happens to someone I love, and it is not my place to forgive the person, but someone else's, I don't quite know what to do with myself. I can only hope that I will find myself dancing instead. Not tonight, but I believe I will soon.

EDIT: Hmm... upon further reflection, I have just realized that for someone who has a history of high tolerance for annoyances, and very few instances in recent years of even mild anger (I complain instead of getting angry), I have hit upon a record: I have felt serious anger burning in the pit of my stomach twice in four days.

news article...

There is a website called "The Daily WTF" which is basically like an online news site, except its for people to report on stupidity.

This one was posted by a user named "Snoofle."

This morning, I had to deal with one of our HR secretaries, and it was déjà vu.

When I first started to work for this place I was in HR. I had passed my interviews and was doing paperwork as part of the hiring process. The HR secretary and I had the following conversation:

Her: Can I have the phone number of the consulting company where you worked for the past 6 years?
Me: I was self employed. I am the owner and sole employee of the consulting company and I would be happy to answer any questions you have.
Her: No, I need to call to verify!
Me: ...But you'll just be calling me.
Her: I have to call — what's the number?
Me: The number of the office is [my cell number].
(note: I'm standing 2 feet directly in front of her. She dials the phone and I answer.)
Her: Hello — this is Paula from Initrode Global, calling in reference to Snoofle's employment.
Me (both into the cell phone and to her): I know, I'm standing right in front of you.
Her (into the phone): Could you please verify the dates of Snoofle's employment at VirtuDyne, Intelligenuity and Initech?
Me (reading from my résumé that is laying on her desk in front of her): VirtuDyne: a₁ to b₁, Intelligenuity: a₂ to b₂, and Initech: a₃ to b₃.
Her: Great, thank you! *click*
Me (directly to her): ...Did you not notice that you were talking to me right here in front of you?
Her: I know, but I have to call to check these things.

At this point I walked away, wondering if the rest of the company would be just as WTF-y.

Forgiveness

I am half-ashamed to admit this but I have recently discovered that I, the one whose faith revolves around God's forgiveness of sin, had no idea what forgiveness actually meant. Until yesterday.

I was asked to forgive someone for something that hurt me a lot. Other than knowing that somewhere in the Bible, I am told to forgive even a recurring offense, I felt at a loss as to what that actually meant. What did they want me to do?

Jesus, dying on the cross, said "Father, forgive them." People say "oh, I forgive you." However important words are, they are just words. There has to be an action or an attitude that goes along with it. Luckily, I work in a bookstore. I have a wealth of books in arm's reach, and luckily, some were all about forgiveness. Here is what I discovered:

One author used an analogy of scales. When one person commits a sin against another person, the scales of justice are tipped. The offender now owes something to that person in order for the scales to come back into balance. By forgiving the offender, the other person is basically canceling the debt that is owed, or saying "I forfeit my right to see retribution."

As I sat there, figuring all this out for myself, I was amazed at the depth of it, that I had never grasped before. In case you were wondering, I did forgive. But forgiveness doesn't mean no consequences. A little kid can disobey his mother and walk into a street, and she can forgive him for the disobedience but he's still going to have consequences if he gets hit by a car. Please pray for me and the other person. Consequences suck.

change

Hmm. I don't feel any different.

Is that bad?

song

I've probably posted this before, but I wanted to do it again.

http://bodowartke.de/liebesliedgenerator/llg_flash_2008.php?absename=ShadoWink&empename=Pigeon&select=29,55,23,53,50,45,2,48,32&language=english


Click there, then click your internet connection and it will start playing automatically.

bread

I have discovered the wonderfulness that is German Dark Wheat Bread. It is second only to pumpernickel. Third on my list is some weird wheat-less bread made with pecan and rice flour.

Jack's adventure

So, after getting back from the graduation, I came home and immediately packed to go to Stanhope and house-sit for some friends of mine. She's in Germany, he had a retreat in Los Angeles to go to, and their dogs needed caring for. It was fun, and I was even ok with the extra driving because in that part of NJ there's actually a country station that comes in and everyone knows if you are listening to a song about combine drivers chug-a-lug-a-luggin' five miles an hour, then your drive gets so much easier.

On Wednesday, however, 287 was closed and I got to work late because a tanker turned over and spilled all over the highway. I guess it is the week for big rig accidents (see the blog post "Traffic").

Also on Wednesday night, mom called me to say that Jack hadn't come home and she was going to bed, he would have to spend the night in the garage. Sister was also missing so I thought maybe the two of them had gone off somewhere. I didn't think much of it, because our other cat Fluffy used to take extended vacations when we would let her out, but she always came back when she was hungry or bored with whatever camping trip she went off on. On Thursday night, I stopped in at home and Jack still wasn't back. I started whistling for him and thought I heard something. Sister also reappeared, but without Jack. So I listened again, and sure enough, I can hear him crying somewhere. At that point mom came home so we started walking towards the noise, until we found ourselves at the base of the neighbor's tree. Jack was about 40 feet up, and crying miserably.

Wondering where we could get a ladder that big (no firetruck would fit into this area where we were, without cutting down some trees) I called the non-emergency number for the police/fire department and was told by Sergeant Bitch that "I've never seen a dead cat in a tree." (Really, is that helpful? Thanks for reminding me my baby could DIE. I could tell you I've never seen a dead human in a tree but if I went up after him and got stuck, you'd consider it more of an emergency wouldn't you?)

Knowing that I had to get up insanely early in the morning, I told Jack that if he didn't come down on his own, he was going to have to wait till morning because I could not stay awake any longer at that hour of the night. As we walked away, he started wailing again ("Don't leave meeeeeeeee!!").

The next morning it was raining and I had to go to Stanhope to let the dogs pee and then back to this area to go to work. 18 hours of rain apparently was not enough torture for Jack to drive him to figure out what to do. My neighbor tied some broom handles together to knock him out of the tree so we could catch him in a tarp and even that didn't work.

Saturday afternoon, I finally had some time to go over to the tree and just sit there helplessly staring at him. It had been 63 hours since he got stuck up there, and since the animal hospital, animal shelter, animal control, and tree-cutting service were all useless, I was on the verge of calling someone with a paintball gun to shoot him out of the tree. I climbed a nearby tree and scooted down it to show him what to do. After talking to him for an hour, he stopped crying a bit and watched me climb trees. Mom was there too and had a can of tuna open so he could smell it. I don't know if the aroma reached 40 feet up, but it certainly was strong where we were standing. Finally he decided to swing his butt around instead of going head first like he'd been trying to do for the past few days. Finally some progress! We started cheering him on.

At about 10 feet up he found another branch, and stopped for a breather. This time he continued to try to go head-first, and ended up falling the last few feet. Now, he won't leave our sides. He is the most needy cat, and if he were human, I'd take him to a psychologist. While he was stuck in the tree, the girls got adopted finally, so he came home to an empty house. I think that adds to his neediness, because now he doesn't have anyone to tease or pounce on.

So that ends the saga. 63 hours in the tree, 18 hours of rainy, 50-degree weather, and 23 people involved in rescue attempts/ideas, the little nutball is out of the tree.

emails

This is the email I wish I had written...

"I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan .

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a big hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Have a wonderful day.

Oh, and by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late."

traffic.

http://www.mcall.com/news/local/all-i80-may05-cn,0,6137281.column

I thought I was never going to escape from Pennsylvania last night. But I managed.

jaci velasquez

Funny how you're still my sweet fairytale, funny how you're still my dream...

Don't waste time cause we don't have forever.

~Jaci Velasquez

sigh

Rent is closing on Broadway on June 1st. I don't know if I will have the time to go see it. This adds more rain to my rainy day.

Enchanted

Steve borrowed the movie Enchanted from his brother. It was hilarious. I think it was the best Disney movie yet, mostly because it incorporated scenes from other Disney movies. Let's see...

1. Alice in Wonderland falling through the portal to another world
2. Snow White calling the animals to help clean the messy house
3. The poisoned apples from Snow White
4. The Little Mermaid's Caribbean-influenced song and the two of them in a rowboat
5. An entire musical production through the streets like Ali Babua's parade to meet Jasmine
6. The "Magic Mirror" (a tv)
7. A date in a pizza parlor with the full moon overhead, though I'm not sure who was the lady and who was the tramp because they were both pretty good looking
8. The ball, references to midnight and a fairy godmother (a credit card), leaving a shoe behind...
9. The costuming of Beauty and the Beast (also the Mad Hatter- it was a ball in New York City so obviously every extra in the cast probably had some Disney character's clothing on, of course.)
10. Sleeping Beauty's dragon
11. And my favorite... King Kong on the Empire State Building with a damsel in distress... wait... what? Was that made by Disney??

Anyway... it was a very clever movie in my opinion, despite the fact that a little over halfway through, I told Steve how it would end. Maybe I have watched too many Disney movies. Either that or my Rutgers prof David Letwin taught me how to recognize plots by studying those that have gone before. That was an amazing class. And THAT was a bunny trail. Anyway, Enchanted is my new favorite Disney movie. Everyone should go see it.

Online article: "What are you doing for Earth Day?"

Well. I'm gonna go with "The same thing I do everyday, Pinkie." Why can't we care about the earth all year round?

i love to drink!

I am in love with chocolate soy milk after dinner and orange juice all the time. Usually my cravings fade but the orange juice has been a phase that has lasted about 2 weeks now.

True Freedom

Constitutionally, legally, we have the freedom and right to speak freely, to gather freely, to print whatever we want, to follow whatever religion we want, and to petition our government about anything we don't want.

But socially, if I come out and say a certain race drives me crazy or that women are better nurturers than men, or that I believe the 1611 King James Version of the Bible is the only way to hear God's word, or if I declare my support for evolution or creation, or something in between, someone somewhere is going to have a problem with it and ridicule me, or at the very least respond with blind emotion rather than reason.

America isn't really free. I don't know that there is any place that is truly free, because humans are social creatures. We want other people to like us and being alone is torture.

Except for when you are 87 and senile. Then you can say whatever you want. Like the person who came into the bookstore today and gave me a tip (honestly... this is the third tip I've gotten since I worked there... who tips retail salespeople??). He told me about how God healed his hemorrhoids and that was somehow relevant to his story about Sid Roth. He gave me $8.33 and told me to either donate it to Sid Roth or split it with my coworker Kristen, depending on what God told me to do. God told me to split it with Kristen first and then decide how to use it. Then God told her to use it on ice cream.

I hope that someday BEFORE I'm senile I will be able to be free enough to give money away and talk to people about hemorrhoids and the 1611 King James Bible without causing anyone to react vehemently.

Freedom like that is true freedom.

new blogsite!

I have a new blog.

Never fear, this one is not going anywhere.

But check it out.

http://megcanread.blogspot.com/

two blurbs

1. I have always hated yogurt. I discovered that its not actually yogurt that I hate. I have discovered that I LOVE yogurt made with whole milk.

2. After explaining that there is a Bible verse stating that a divorced person who remarries is living in adultery and that the concept of annulment exists to allow divorced people to remarry, the reply was, "well who needs annulment when you can just kill your ex?"

growl

Gossip is the single-most annoying cause of idiocy in the United States. Best-case scenario, it will just hurt an individual. At worst, the media will publish gossip as truth when they could easily find the truth of the matter if they would get off their lazy bums and search for it. Truth really is out there, but no one is going to hand it to you on a silver platter. If you are too lazy to get up and search for the truth then you deserve to be lied to.

Americans are idiots. They will believe it if it is printed, or if a person with an authoritative voice says it is true. If Brad Pitt says in a movie that oxygen masks are useless on a plane that is no reason not to wear one when it drops from the compartment over your head. Barack Obama is not a Muslim, he DOES recite the Pledge of Allegiance, and he is NOT endorsed by the KKK (Do you even know what the KKK is? Why the HELL would you think that a white supremacist group would endorse him? Have you even seen a picture of Barack Obama?). Do not boycott one dollar coins; they DO contain the words "In God We Trust." Glade Plug-ins will not burn down your house unless you are using one from 1994. The list goes on. Why do I even have to have this rant?

Its stupid, we're all stupid, and if we stay stupid and uninformed, we will cease to live in a country that leads other nations in economy, power, and technology. Someone is going to invade, and we will be ok with it (as long as that country sends out a mass email saying that the founding fathers of our constitution wrote a clause allowing for a foreign take-over after a certain number of years). Personally, I'd suspect Canada. They're nearby, and its always the quiet ones that give you the most trouble.

EDIT: The United Kingdom's public schools STILL TEACH THAT THE HOLOCAUST HAPPENED!!!!!! Stop believing everything that hits your inbox!!!

Friends from years ago...

S just posted baby pictures on facebook, announcing she was giving him his first bath. Last week I found photos of MI with her TWO kids. S and MS are engaged. C is married with kids and a successful landscaping business. E and J and R and A have all found the One, and R is pregnant. Tonight I found MW's pictures of her ultrasound. I did not know she was pregnant. I feel like a slacker for wanting to go back to school.

Angels

Years ago, I became fascinated with angels. I wanted to see one, I wanted to know everything I could about them.

It was amazing to me that every incidence in the Bible of an angel appearing to a human started off with the words "Do not be afraid," and yet despite their seemingly fearsome nature, there is a verse in the Psalms that says "He will command his angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways," perpetuating the belief in guardian angels.

I used to be fascinated by stories of people meeting angels and of different types of angels, some that seemed more passive and some that seemed like great warriors. For anyone who is interested, This Present Darkness is a great book about warrior angels.

Anyway... my fascination died down a little but it has just been renewed. You see, I have spent the past 8 years looking for some sort of angel figurine that depicted an angel holding a sword. In all the gift shops I went into, the angels held musical instruments, babies, or were empty-handed. I have finally found an angel with a sword. So, I'm alerting you all. My birthday is in 5 months and 12 days. You have plenty of time.

Here is the image:


The company that makes it is Roman, Inc.

One Two Three Go.

Facilitate is such a weird word.

...

I just took Jesus to the airport. It was fun, and he smelled good.

showers

Every once in a while, when I shower, it seems to clean me deeper than just my skin. Its like the water is cleaning me, heart and soul. It is exhilarating and makes me dizzy. I thought about writing a haiku about it, but I decided a few sentences would suffice.

Going Green

I found an article about things to do to "be green" and things that don't matter so much. Personally, I agree with George Carlin- we are here for a reason and when the earth is finished with us, we will go extinct like the other hundreds of thousands of species that the earth no longer had a need for. The earth is stronger than we are.

Still, its good to be at least somewhat useful to the earth, and conserving energy and emissions is a good way to start. Here's a clip from the article I found:

"...Staying together is better for the earth. Converting one household into two means bigger utility bills and, therefore, more greenhouse gases. Researchers at Michigan State University last year computed that the extra electricity consumed by divorced families amounts to 73 billion kilowatt-hours, which works out to about 6,000 pounds of carbon dioxide per household."

So, moral of the story? Everyone should get married and stay married. Divorce is not just bad for the kids. Its bad for the environment.

:-P

Holi Week...

...Pun intended. You'll get it if you keep reading. I'm going to write about Protestant traditions, Episcopal traditions, traditions that are "Christian" but not any particular denomination, Indian traditions, and Atheist traditions.

So, the day before Palm Sunday I had a meeting with my pastor and a few other people. I'm going to be getting involved in set and lighting design at my church, for lack of a better person. Palm Sunday was eventful in that we had a guest speaker come from a church in Paterson, and his face pretty much blended in with the black curtains behind him, which highlighted our need for stage lighting. Although, a lot of our speakers tend to be white... so stage lighting also means white people get washed out in the lights. Oh well.

The second week of work commenced, and I am slowly learning everything there is to know about every piece of merchandise in the place. Maundy Thursday I usually go to the Canterbury house before jujitsu for their foot-washing service, but because of work and spring break (no jujitsu) I had to pass on that tradition.

Then I had the first stress-free Good Friday I have had in years, and by stress-free I mean I was not practicing a dance or rehearsing lines for the Tenebrae service, because we weren't doing that this year. It was awesome.

On Saturday, Steve and I were in New Brunswick to celebrate Holi with Navin and Taylor.

Mmm yummy...


Holi is an Indian festival of colors.




Charlie Chaplin, or Navin?


People take bags of coloring, and chase each other around throwing the powder at each other.


The perfect use for my Espresso Bar shoes.


The result kind of resembles an Easter-egg-dye explosion.


On Sunday was Easter, which was good, and I saw my relatives, and ate lots of food. I discovered that as far as beverages were concerned I had to choose between soda with aspartame in it, or alcohol. I didn't know which one tasted worse but finally settled on a drink my cousin mixed for me. My brother chose the aspartame over the alcohol. It was about as exciting as hiding in the church bathroom and pointing the panic button out the window toward my mom's car.

And so, that concludes my week of multi-religion festivities. If I knew any Jewish people, I am sure I would be mentioning the coming Passover celebration, but I don't.

Long time no post

Well what has been going on in my life lately? On Thursday, the 6th, Dhaval and I left New Brunswick at 4 am for Philly, to catch a plane to Reno. At our layover in Dallas, we discovered the world's largest vending machine.


When we got to Reno, we basically did cool exploratory stuff until the convention got underway. I decided not to compete this year, mostly because I did not feel obligated to compete like in the past, and because I believe the competition is mostly political and only partly based on skill. The pool and hot tub were fantastic,


as was the view off the pool terrace.


Other than the mountains, Reno has nothing much for a non-gambler to look at or do. Basically, when Johnny Cash sings he shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, it is exactly right. That’s what happens when people with guns get bored out of their minds. Doing jujitsu in a high-elevation desert is interesting. You drink constantly, and pee even more constantly, and then wonder why your body still feels dehydrated.


All in all though, it was a good convention. I picked up by observation a few things that are going to take me years to fully understand, and found a mildly renewed interest in not only the martial arts, but also in massage. I got up early to use the hot tub, went to meditation, massage, chi gong, lua, and Philippine martial arts, in addition to regular jujitsu classes. I even survived getting up early the first day of daylight saving time for a sunrise class.


I also attempted to make a video, my first ever, we'll see how it turns out... hope this embed code works...

Embed code

Landing in Dallas for our connecting flight, the attendant announced what gate to go to for all connecting flights. Ours was not mentioned. Since Jake and Ben were subjected to 24 hours of travel/waiting in airports due to a cancelled flight, Dhaval and I feared the worst. We taxied to terminal C, and found a screen telling us our flight was delayed but leaving from A15. So we took the skyrail train to terminal A. Upon arriving, we discovered that in transit, our plane schedule had changed. We were now leaving from C4. So we got back on the skyrail thing. When we got there, we ate and then discovered that our plane was now leaving from A26. So we went to A26, and Dhaval suggested we go back to the T.G.I.Friday’s in C and get a beer. We got there but changed our minds and went back to A. The flight by this time was two hours after it was scheduled to leave, but still at A26. I was still hungry and searched all the convenience stores for cheese spread that I could put on the bread I had in my carry-on. Alas, no convenience store in the Dallas Airport carries cheese dip. And for all the massive vending machines, none of them had cheesey anything. Still, it was an adventure getting home, so that was the fun part.

On Wednesday I started my first day working at the bookstore near my house. It has an excellent atmosphere, pays well, and I seem to be picking up the computer system fairly easily. Hopefully this is a good thing.

It is striking to me that almost two weeks ago, I bumped into a friend I have not seen in a long time, who has spent the greater part of two years looking for a job in his field. We talked about our situations and he said “Ok, I’ll pray for you, you pray for me, and then we’ll both be covered.” Not two weeks later, we are both employed in what I would like to call not a dream job, but a “God-job.”

So, that is what I have been doing lately. If I kind of fall out of the loop in the next few days, it is because I am still adjusting to this new schedule, and don't have much time to blog. Don't be worried or offended, I will be back.

Forgot to mention...

Jack-in-the-box...


is now a licensed cat...


I don't know...


does this mean that before...


he just had a learner's permit?

lovey dovey zura

Velvet is in heat, and Jack is clueless as to what he should do about it. (Typical guy...)

She started her rattly cry this morning and he responded by licking her face. A few hours later, she started crying again and he came over and began to clean her butt (they all clean each other's butts repeatedly, often in a place we don't want them to, like on my bed). She was thrilled to finally get some attention from him and cried louder.

He responded with "I'm bored of this" and went over to Puca who was sleeping on the couch and woke her up (Typical guy...) and started humping her (Typical guy...), even though he can't get anything productive done in that department.

Velvet sat there staring at them like her heart was ripping to pieces inside of her. (In a typical, unrequited-love-sort-of-way).

So no more house of blues, today its the house of sexual frustration... what's new on your end?

EDIT: Jack has just discovered the perils of messing with a woman with the munchies. Cleaning up from dinner, I put a bowl with scraps of cheese down on the floor, knowing he's always hungry. Velvet rushed over and pushed him out of the way to get to the food. So he followed me around hoping I would notice that he didn't get to eat the treat I gave him, so I put a spoon down that still had some grated cheese stuck to it, and Velvet (who had finished the bowl off in seconds) also managed to push him out of the way and take the spoon. Poor guy is going to go to bed with a full stomach tonight; rather than a full-to-bursting stomach...

Thoughts on life...

1. In North Jersey, I think people have to give a lap dance just to get an employer to interview you.

2. Winter is cruel and simply a waste of my time. Yes I agree plants need to rest, but you simply can't get the stuff done that you need to get done when the groundwater is frozen.

3. Am I unable to find a job up here because I am in the wrong place? Or am I unable to find a job up here because God has a reason for keeping me unemployed? Or am I unemployed because I don't give lap dances?

4. I can smell spring coming. Or at least, I could last week. Sometimes I feel like I am the groundhog. I think its spring so I poke my head out and then I run away for six more weeks. But still, I can smell spring coming and feel it in my bones. Its a good thing.

5. God is changing... this may sound weird, but I feel like He has changed His cologne.

house of blues...

I took that phrase from a friend who used it Monday night when I called to offer cheerful thoughts. Tuesday night it was my turn, and while it generally sucks to have things like this happen, I can't think of a better time. After our bouts of illnesses in the past few months, we are all now healthy again and capable of handling it. Spiritually, things have been improving, including my ability to trust God again, and if this had happened a week or two earlier, the outlook might look a little bleaker. If you read this and are a praying person, I'd appreciate your prayers. If not, good thoughts and energy sent in my direction will suffice. Despite the tears, I feel that this is not the end of the world for us. A clear direction in which to go would be nice though...

evidence...

I guess now we know what kinds of friends we have.

Oy ve!

I got up at 8 am and took Jack to the vet. It was not a planned visit. My conversation went something like this:

Me: Jack spent most of yesterday throwing up.
Vet: Ohh poor guy, mmbbhheee baby talk...
Me: The last time he threw up, there was a live worm in it.
Vet: Oh, well that narrows it down. He has worms.
Really??
Vet: Was it long and thin, or kind of spaghetti-like?
Me: Think "anorexic tequila worm," but not perfectly preserved in alcohol.
Vet: I'm going to give him this shot to soothe his stomach-
Jack: Hisssssss
Vet: -and then I'm going to shove these pills down his throat. The pills will kill the worms.

After that I had a few errands to run and then I had to go to church to help organize the bookstore. Jack slept on my coat for 9 hours straight. I was amazed he was being so good for once. He might need that pill more often haha.

Yeah so seeing a roundworm writhe in a pool of vomit... NOT one of those things to put on your list of things to do before you die. In fact, put it on your don't do EVER list.

Apparently, kittens can be born with roundworm if the mother has it, so there's a good chance that Puca and Velvet will begin to develop Jack's symptoms. Seeing a roundworm writhe in a pool of vomit THREE TIMES would not be cool. And if that's not cool enough... apparently its transferable to humans. I am trying to decide if I need to go to the doctor. I am pretty sure I didn't eat any feces though.

Bedtime Ponderings...

Jesus was with his buddies celebrating Passover, when Judas came, betrayed him, and handed him over to the Pharisees. The Pharisees knew they had a limited amount of time to condemn him, because it was a holy day and they were not supposed to be "working."

Knowing this, one would think that the early Christian church, in searching for a date on which to remember Jesus' death and celebrate Jesus' resurrection would base it around Passover, the dates of which are determined by the Hebrew calendar.

Instead, 4th century Christians decided that the Bishop of the Church of Alexandria should be responsible for announcing the date of Easter to the rest of the Roman church. The criteria, they determined, should be to find the date of the first full moon on or after the vernal equinox, and then find the date of the first Sunday after that. That Sunday should be the date of Easter.

From that, one might suppose that it was in some way influenced by the Catholic practice of absorbing other religious holy days and assigning Christian significance to them, particularly Druidic (ex: All Saint's Day, All Hallow's Eve, Samhain). But no, the Chuch of Alexandria is in Egypt, which to my knowledge, had been "civilized" long before that by the Persians, Greeks, and Romans.

Knowing this, I simply have to ask... WHY? Why would you make it so complicated? Is Judaism so evil that you cannot base your own holiday on the dates of one of theirs, even if the person your holiday celebrates happened to DIE observing said Jewish holiday?

In a side note, unless major religious authorities read my blog and do something about this, this year's Easter will fall one day later than the earliest possible date it can fall on. It will not come this early in the year for another 152 years. Enjoy your nearly-springtime-flower-less Easter this year, and look forward to 2011, when we will enjoy an Easter that is one day short of its latest possible date, and chock full of spring flowers.

I like spring. I like not having dead plants all around my house. I like growing things.

mmm

Stale, pre-shelled pistachios are my new favorite nut.

cravings...

So, I mentioned briefly in my rant that I am fasting for lent. I am not going to talk much about it because its mostly God stuff... what He's doing in my life right now. But I think you might be interested in the effect it has had on me. It has triggered the strangest cravings in me, and not all of them are food cravings.

First it was sushi. Then I found my mouth watering at something I would never ordinarily want: onions, peppers, and beef from Schezuan Express. Then, I had a craving to take a road trip to Baltimore. Then it was an irrational anti-craving: "If anyone makes me get on an airplane today, I am going to come down with the flu!" Yesterday I was craving a trip to see the Nutcracker Ballet (live, not on video). Today, it was fond memories of dining hall food (specifically the chicken cheese steaks, and more specifically, the bread it comes on), oh wait, I have a new one coming in: rolled oats. Not oatmeal, just oats...

You might think that I am having these cravings because of something deficient in my diet, but I am pretty sure it is not. Most of the things on that list contain proteins, but I have been making sure to consume the recommended daily 48 grams of proteins for my body weight. Besides, Baltimore, ballet, and airplanes don't have proteins.

Anyway, just an interesting note about what's happening to me. I find it fascinating... I hope you aren't too bored by it.

!@#$#@

Alright, seriously, what the hell? I banished them to the basement, tried to clean up the plant mess, went to the basement and in the 40 minutes they were down there, they managed to KNOCK OVER AN ENTIRE BOOKSHELF.

yep...

Couldn't get through the day without yet another mishap. I have a large potted hibiscus that is about three feet tall (my pride and joy because it loves to flower for me), which a cat body flying through the air knocked over, creating a domino effect, breaking its base and knocking over my purple galaxy hibiscus and potentially killing it, which then knocked over my streptocarpus. I was waiting patiently for the purple galaxy to bloom since the blossoms are so gorgeous, but it was finicky and didn't bloom, and now I don't think it will survive this shock. I am not quite sure I know why a cat body was flying through the air, but I saw it out of the corner of my eye and was too far on the other side of the room to do anything. I can't handle another day of this. If my parents don't come home tomorrow, I am going to lose it. Then we'll SEE the cat bodies flying through the air.

Clumsy Betty

My parents are away on their second honeymoon (looking at property down south to buy for retirement), and I am discovering the joys of being a full-time housekeeper without actually having the benefit of owning what I'm caring for.

In the past week I have tripped, dropped, spilled, ruined, or destroyed more things than I care to remember. The cats are constantly underfoot because apparently playing with your siblings is not enough. It is cat code that you MUST play with your human, and if you are in a household with more than one cat, you MUST NOT share your human with the other cats. If it is wet or slimy it has ended up on the floor, the steps, or the carpet. If a cat can puke it up, it has been puked up. If it can die from not being watered then it did. If it runs on electricity then dad needs to look at it when he gets home. I can't even keep my nail polish nice long enough for it to dry.

As if that's not enough of a rant, here's the real thing:

My computer sounds like a meat grinder, my parents' computer has a trojan that keeps getting detected by the virus scanner, but for some reason refuses to be deleted, and the dishwasher smells like burning plastic and sizzles when water drips off the dishes. Somebody puked on the rug in the living room, and two rugs in the basement, and it wasn't me. More than once, I dropped the cat food and had to start over, including the premium cat food on the front steps so now our porch smells like tuna. One of our plants is sitting in a vase of water rooting, so we can eventually pot it. One day I looked at it and discovered it was bubbling like carbonated water and getting all frothy on top. I don't know what the heck that was all about but now the water is molding. The weather has not been right for our maple tree so every time I go out there to check the sap buckets, they are empty, which means I don't have any maple syrup yet. What little sap I did get yesterday, I accidentally dumped down the sink today. I think that actually was the last straw, and oh crap I forgot to scrub the ring off the bathtub, because the bath ball James got me from France left its purple mark. Apparently the French have sexy maids to clean their tubs, otherwise they would never invent bath balls. I have about 6 apples that are rotting on the counter because I didn't get the chance to throw them in the blender for my lunch. Why am I eating lunch from a blender? Because I gave up solid foods for lent (during the day, at night I can eat vegetarian solids). I have too much produce that is rotting in the fridge and the fruit basket because I've been too busy feeding 5 cats and a guinea pig and cleaning up after myself to actually eat/drink anything. And when I wasn't busy? I went out and bought 4 shirts, a shawl, and um undergarments... which were on sale but which I will probably return next week when I decide I actually would prefer having money. On the other hand, in the off-chance that some of my job applications might ACTUALLY lead to an interview, the shirts would be helpful... or if I were that type of girl, maybe the undergarments would come in handy... but I digress... it frustrates me that I don't have a job, but if I did have a job, I think the house would burn down while my parents are down south.

Ok thats all.

mmmm

You do not know true bliss until you eat pumpernickel bread with deli mustard.

booo hoooo

I am so disappointed that the avocados went bad.

post

I have just typed up a short little thing but can't post it for a few days cause someone might read it. but it makes me go arghhh.

arghhhh

EDIT: Ok, now I can publish this post.

I can't go two seconds without screwing up at least one nail-polished nail. Why is that??

Why I love The Onion

For those of you who don't know, The Onion is the most reputable news network available. Check out this video.

Also from The Onion, a list of Election-related words you may need to know before voting:

Corruption: The most effective and efficient way to produce results in government.

Debate: A contest to see which candidate can answer the fewest questions.

Electoral college: A process by which the number of states in the Union is narrowed down to the most important seven or eight.

Voter apathy: The reason most American politicians are able to achieve and maintain office.

Random Thought

I would have voted for Steven Colbert. He has more charisma than all the other candidates combined, and he doesn't have one foot in the casket.

Casket. That reminds me.

I drove past the cemetery on the way home from church today. There was a truck LEAVING with a casket in the back. Not a hearse, but a flatbed-style tow truck. Now why would a casket be LEAVING the cemetery? All the people in there have the same problem, which is death... Did someone get cured from that?

Rant of the day

So... I saw a Valentines Day commercial involving rings... and I started thinking about every engagement ring ad that I have ever seen. I started realizing that every engagement ring ad contains rings with protruding jewels (usually diamonds) on them. Basically what happens next, is that the diamond spins to the other side of the hand, scratches the neighboring fingers, and snags clothing, usually only the expensive clothing. Are engagement rings supposed to be that annoying? Do they HAVE to have a diamond? When someone gives an engagement ring with a protruding diamond, aren't they really saying "With this instrument of torture, I promise to be a thorn in your side for the rest of your life?" Is it actually proper etiquette to give a ring with a protruding jewel? What kind of sadist came up with that tradition? What would be the social consequences to breaking with that tradition? Then the ad was over and I forgot about it for a while but the questions remain unanswered.

news

I was reading the news today... check this out:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23017881/?GT1=10865

To sum it all up for those of you who don't want to read it, this kid got stuck in his washing machine, the firefighters used the jaws of life to cut him out, and the hospital looked him over and sent him home with a stuffed bear. His family named it Agitator.

I am not joking.

Where's that little pill?

Electile Dysfunction

The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for President put forth by either party during an election year.

"Is anyone appealing to you in this years presidential race?"
"Naa... No one excites me. I think I'm suffering from Electile Dysfunction."

(courtesy of UrbanDictionary)

I know that it will go away, and that I will eventually become successful and happy.

But right now I feel like I have failed.

I want to sleeeeeeeeeep....

If you are too impatient to wait for the results of the Indian home remedy, the European home remedy, the Hippy home remedy, the Christian home remedy, and the Eastern Philosophies home remedy, because you are tired and you can't sleep, try a modern take on the Eastern Philosophy of Good Energy And Positive Thoughts, by making yourself a chocolate cake.

vampire insurance

I just ate half a bulb of garlic. You all might want to steer clear of West Milford for a while.

I can't sleep and only got 2 hours last night, so I need something to keep myself from remembering I'm tired. So I'm going to explain why you want to steer clear of Milly.

Garlic contains strong smelling sulfur compounds. When you eat them, your body metabolizes them into allyl methyl sulfide. This cannot be digested and it enters the bloodstream. It is carried to the lungs and skin where it is excreted. That is why, when you eat garlic, you smell like West Virginia.

Now, why did I try to make myself smell like West Virginia? Because a double inner ear infection indicates infection. Last time my ears hinted that there was an infection (almost a year ago) I conquered it with the Indian home remedy Ginger Honey Concoction, the European home remedy Garlic In Oil In Tin Foil With A Little Botulism Sprinkled In, the Hippy home remedy Lots And Lots Of Green Stuff, the Christian home remedy Prayer God And Anointing Oil, and the Eastern Philosophies home remedy Good Energy And Positive Thoughts.

This time around I did all that but left out the garlic, because botulism is no longer in style. But now my ear infections are full-fledged and I can't really take the pain. So, I decided "West Virginia here I come, and bring on the ajoene and allicin." What's that? you ask, and Why did you put scientific words in the same sentence as West Virginia? Aren't they antithetical?

Sure but I'm sick, in pain, and have 2 hours of sleep under my belt and am going to say whatever I darn well please in my blog. Allicin is a compound with antibacterial properties that is created in garlic when you crush it, as a chemical reaction between aliinase and aliin. However, there's not much of it and its not stable, but darn it all, I'm going to ingest whatever IS there. Ajoene is also antimicrobial and is more stable, because it is formed when three allicin molecules bond.

Ahhh I just want to go to sleeeeeeeeeepppppp....

Its back...

I couldn't sleep last night, my throat is killing me, and my ears hurt. Instead of going to church, I was going to sleep. But now I can't sleep cause I'm in pain. I may as well go to church, but everyone already left me at home.

I'm going to OD on herbs that are known to be antiseptic, antibacterial, and antibiotic. If I don't kill myself with them, or bring back my over-active immune system allergies, I'm going to get rid of whatever this is.

I am feeling better

They were right, it was roughly a 24 hour thing. I took a long hot bath last night to fix my sore neck and shoulders and then put a hot pack on it. Its mostly better, but still a little sore.

That doesn't stop me from doing my favorite thing ever: researching facts about plants and herbs. Today's topic from my favorite website: chocolate!

Interesting fact #1: "A study reported by the BBC indicated that melting chocolate in one's mouth produced an increase in brain activity and heart rate that was more intense than that associated with passionate kissing, and also lasted four times as long after the activity had ended."

So guys, when you get her a box of chocolates on that special day, and she kisses you... she's not really excited about you. She's excited about the high she's going to get from the chocolate you gave her.

Interesting fact #2: (Explanation- carob is a commonly used chocolate substitute.) "The term 'carat', the unit by which diamond weight is measured, is also derived from the Greek word kerátiōn (κεράτιων), alluding to an ancient practice of people in the Middle East weighing gold and gemstones against the seeds of the carob tree. The system was eventually standardized and one carat was fixed at 0.2 grams. In late Roman and early Byzantine times the pure gold coin known as the solidus weighed 24 carat seeds (about 4.5 grams). As a result, the carat also became a measure of purity for gold. Thus 24 carat gold means 100% pure, 12 carat gold means the alloy contains 50% gold, etc."

So guys, when you get her jewelry, just remember you can't do it without the carob tree!

(Incidentally, the seeds of the carob tree are also called locust beans. It is sometimes thought that the references in the Bible to John the Baptist eating locusts and honey are actually referring to locust beans and honey, which seems more palatable to me.)

And speaking of the Bible, I found an awesome article at cracked.com Just beware of language, for all you sensitive people. I would rate this PG-13.

Why pandas are going extinct...

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=24330952

Imagine I am a male panda. I look at a female panda. Instead of thinking, "yes, this is something I want to mate with," I think, "Oh how cute, I want to cuddle." Pandas are going extinct because they are busy being cuddly instead of sexy.

Cooties

Technically, I have a fever even though my temperature at the moment is 98.5. My normal healthy temperature is actually below average for most people, at 96.8. So I'm 2.7 degrees high. Actually, 1.7 degrees. Apparently having a fever doesn't change how bad your math skills are. I'm pretty sure I hit a hundred last night though. It was crazy. The walls in my room were pulsing.

Supposedly this thing is only a 24-hour bug so I should be feeling better an hour ago, but I still have a pounding headache, and for some reason, my shoulders also have a headache. I don't really know how to explain that but its not just achy shoulders, its like there's a headache IN my shoulders. Whatever.

My former roommate, Kat, put this video in her blog, and it really cheered me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6ylxWcwkUM

It happened...

My body has finally succumbed to the illnesses surrounding me. I feel like I am going to die. I'm going to bed.

burning spirit

Jeremiah 5:14
Therefore this is what the Lord God Almighty says: "Because the people have spoken these words, I will make my words in your mouth a fire and these people the wood it consumes."

God goes on to tell Jeremiah what words to say to them. I am having the same sensation, my only problem is I don't know what the words are. I feel like my spirit or soul is on fire, with some great revelation burning to get out of me, but I don't know what it is. Its slowly sinking lower into the pit of my stomach, and its not heartburn, even though it is so strong spiritually or emotionally that its nearly physical.

something different

I needed a break from sick people and cats so I went to Steve's only to discover him coughing and wheezing. I'm tired of writing about it though so here's something different, in light of the number of female babies being born or in the works.

Rodney Atkins:

The Declaration of Independence, Think I could tell you that first sentence But then I’m lost.
I can't begin to count the theories I've had pounded in my head That I forgot.
I don't remember all that Spanish Or the Gettysburg address, But there is one speech from high school I'll never forget:

(Chorus)
Come on in boy sit on down And tell me about yourself. So you like my daughter do you now?
Yeah we think she's something else, She's her daddy's girl, Her momma's world. She deserves respect; That’s what she'll get, Ain’t it son? Hey y'all run along and have some fun, I'll see you when you get back. Bet I’ll be up all night Still cleanin' this gun.

Well now that I’m a father, I’m scared to death one day my daughter Is gonna find That teenage boy I used to be, That seems to have just one thing on his mind.
She’s growin' up so fast It won't be long before I’ll have to put the fear of god into Some kid at the door.

(Chorus)

Now it's all for show, Ain’t nobody gonna get hurt; It’s just a daddy thing- And hey, believe me, man it works

(Chorus)

Son, now y'all buckle up and have her back by te- let's say about nine...thirty. Drive safe.

Its all my brother's fault.

Normally, the cats sleep about 30 hours in any given 24-hour period. But Jack has been sleeping a little more lately and when the girls were playing, he didn't seem too interested.

I watched him for a while, as he sat purring, and realized his nose seems rattly, like its congested. He has goobers in his eyes and every once in a while stops purring long enough to swallow... sound like post-nasal drip to anyone? The clincher was when he started a wheezing cough, which was only a one time thing, and I haven't heard it since. I put some echinacea drops on his paw so he would lick it. I don't think he liked that.

The bottom line is, I know people can catch viruses from animals... can cats catch viruses from people?

Ooo eee ooo ahhahh

...Ching chang wada bada bing bang...

So my brother took his antibiotics and his sinus infection left. About a week ago, he finished the pills.

This morning, the phone rang... all I really wanted to do was sleep. I turned the ringer off, and it rang again. It was my brother, calling from his bedroom. He wanted a massage because he was sick.

Me: What's wrong?
Him: I'm sick.
Me: Yeah but what's wrong with you?
Him: I feel like I'm dying.
Me: Well there's no cure for death, so I don't know what to tell you.
Him: I have to go lie down or I'm going to collapse.

So I wrung it out of him that he's not dizzy, he's feeling faint, has a fever, a sore throat, a headache, and a runny nose. On top of that, mom's not home and the cats are crying to be fed. So I groaned (here we go again), gave up on the thought of 10 more minutes in bed, took some Red Date tea for stress, and doped him up with all the herbal junk we've got in the house, hoping one would stick.

Luckily he has a doctor's appointment at the allergist/asthma therapist today, and the Dr. is a very nice one who will also help him out, not necessarily in the medication sense. Our family doctor would just prescribe something, regardless, but Dr. Weiss listens to his patients and doesn't always tell them they need medicine.

So that's my day so far. Here's the witch doctor, signing out.

Predicament

My violets have mites which seem to be spreading to the other plants in the house. I have a little ladybug friend who has been doing a good deal of cleaning of the plants, however, she is only one and the mites are quite numerous. I bought an organic pesticide that smells like it could kill me if I so much as spill it on the carpet. My problem is that if it does its job, my ladybug will starve, but if I let her live, all my plants will die. I wish there were a bug Lady could eat that didn't kill plants.

prayer

Everybody I see at church these days is offering to pray for me. Even though I have wanted prayer, I have not asked. They just come up and offer it. I wonder how they know. Can they see it in my face?

Finished

I have just finished the project I have been working on since late October, and approximately 66% of the babies for which I was knitting have been born.

I feel like, aside from Christmas, there was nothing else getting me out of bed in the morning. Now that it is done, I am not sure what to do with myself. I have a strange sense of emptiness, like I no longer know who I am. I've been pretending to fix up my life but I really don't know what needs fixing. It sounds stupid, that sounds like I'm a drug addict or something, but the real truth is that I am not happy with who I am, the boring college graduate who didn't do anything with her life, who purposely doesn't live any adventures, and can't seem to get up the energy to make a few phone calls, and send out a few job applications, who doesn't have the energy to call the damn nutrition office about a graduate degree because she's been telling everyone she doesn't really know what she wants in life but in actuality there's really nothing at all that she wants.

No, I don't really feel like that all the time...
Sometimes I feel like this:


And other times I feel like this:


Since I have been working on this post on and off for about 4 1/2 hours, I am currently not any of the above, but am feeling like this:

How to sing country

Back in November, I posted an article I had found titled "How to Sing the Blues" and lamented the fact that there wasn't one for singing country.

So, in case any of you wanted to try to sing country, I've decided to give you a few guidelines.

1. Locations. Country songs take place in the country. The only reason to mention a city is a Hobby or a Woman (see #2 and #3).
1a. Reno, Dallas, Houston, Tallahassee, and Nashville are acceptable cities.
1b. Las Vegas is not acceptable unless you're going there with a woman (see #3.)
1c. Its better to mention a state than a town no one has heard of.
~Tennessee, Oklahoma, Alabama, Texas, Carolina, and Mississippi are acceptable.
~Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire, no.
~By no means should you mention New York or New Jersey, unless your woman left you and moved there.
~Florida is ok if it rhymes with something
~Don't use North and South designations (Carolina and Dakota), but you are allowed to say West Virginia.
1d. If a town name is unavoidable, it should contain a reference to the land (Smokey Hollow), to nature (Lonesome Dove), or end in -ham (Birmingham). Spanish names are ok, if they are in Arizona, New Mexico, or Texas.
1e. Place-preposition pairings such as in the woods, out in the back pasture, on a lonely highway, down by the creek, and in an empty diner, are all useful as well. If you must name a river, you can only use the Mississippi or the Rio Grande. Work your story around to make it make sense. If this is impossible, you should GRUDGINGLY call it Snake River or Green River.
1f. Dixie is a magical place name. No one knows exactly where this place is, but when you're there, you know it.

2. Hobbies. Its good to have something to do while you are waiting for the crops to grow, or for the cows to come home.
2a. Musical instruments are good, if they are string or percussion. Fiddles and banjos are excellent, by no means should you ever mention a saxophone. A jaw harp or harmonica will help you achieve a lonesome feel, but those don't rhyme well.
2b. Playing cards are good, especially poker. References are better ("don't mess with the king's queen") and references to cheating at the game are excellent. ("aces up his sleeves")
2c. Fishing is good, boating is ok.
2d. Falling in love is a supreme pastime (see #3).
2f. Hunting is only ok if you mention your dog, and he should be named for a color.
2g. If you are not a hunter, your horse is your best friend, but he never gets a name. He is always a "he" unless your mare is the only woman in your life.
2h. Rodeo. This is the best way to have fun practicing all the things you need to know to run a farm anyway. Be careful with this one. It can take you away from home and ruin your life.
2i. Go to church. When you have a lot of time on your hands and you don't want to do other hobbies, its better to go to church than to be idle (= the devil's workshop). You can do other things too, but never mention that you do them on a Sunday. Do them another day, even if you are out late Saturday night.
2j. Made up games (kneeboarding in the mud behind your boyfriend's tractor trailer) are always acceptable, but usually do not appear in the lyrics, they show up in the music video, which is disappointing, but an unavoidable fact of country music.

3. Women. Women are essential to the country way of life. They can cook, clean, raise kids, hunt, fish, give you good lovin,' down as many shots of whiskey as you can, help you with the crop or the cows, and can fight along with the rest of the men. They can do everything. They are goddesses, but only occasionally do they look like goddesses. They also have a knack for getting tired of your hobbies and leaving you. A good country song would be a love song to her, praising her inward beauty and, if she's got it, her outward beauty. She doesn't even have to leave you in the song, just tell her how much you love her. You could also sing about how you met, what you thought when you first saw her, and what you did together when you were seventeen. Usually, the girl you grow up with is the one you marry (probably because you don't meet any new people unless you leave your town).

4. Men. For the women who want to sing country, a note about your relationship with the men. Quite often, they never went to college, but you did if you didn't run away at 17. They are good men, treat you well, and run the farm well. Truckers can sing country but trucker's wives can't, so your man runs a farm. You are madly in love with him, but you are still practical and won't admit it too openly, which he doesn't mind because he's madly in love with you and is ok singing about it. If he cheats on you, its not his fault, its the tramp's fault, which is why its so hard for you to move on when you leave him. So you sing about your man even though you don't want to see him again.

5. Names.
5a. Women always get good names. Often, its acceptable just to use feminine pronouns, but sometimes you need good, solid, down to earth names. Norma, Sue, Betty, Jean and Caroline are good. If you are reminiscing about a very pretty girl, any name that sounds Native American would be a good choice.
5b. Men don't get named as much. Best friends or heroes get solid names like Bob, Bill, Willy, Tom, Hank, or Johnny. Bad guys get adjectives in front of their names: Bad Bill, Wild Bill, Shady Hank.
5c. Your parents are "my old man," if you don't like him much, or "papa" and "mama."

6. Conflict. Country music is a story, stories have conflict. Your father beat you, your mother left or sent you away. The crops all died, or else the cows did. No one ever gets murdered unless they are cheating on a lover. The state took your land, you miss your wife because you are a trucker, or she misses you because you follow a rodeo circuit. You can't support your kids. You fondly remember when times were good and they aren't now. Or you somehow wound up in jail. Despite all this, you never turn to drugs, and you are never ever EVER suicidal. You are ok with crying about it. When things get very bad, you find a buddy at a bar. Your bar will ALWAYS have either a pool table or a jukebox.

7. Alcohol. You can sing about what happens when you drink it, you can sing about what causes you to drink it (usually seeing her with him), you can sing about it ruining your life or you can sing about it helping you forget her, or make new friends. Whiskey, Beer, and Tequila are good drinks for you. So are Jack Daniels, Jim Bean, and Captain Morgan (just don't mention "rum"). Champagne only if you are being ironic. Don't drink wine unless you are drinking and in love, and avoid martinis and anything "on the rocks." Leave tonic and gin to Billy Joel. Mixed drinks, absolutely not.

8. To keep your audience interested, try puns or a turn of phrase. Famous examples are: "He had an angel's heart and the devil's hand." "We're two of a kind, working on a full house." "Don't make me come over there... and love you." "Why should we both fall apart, lets fall to pieces together." "I can saddle up fast, get you there first class long before the dawn, you know your male's gonna get to you, come snow, rain, sleet, or hail..." "he's an angel with no halo, and one wing in the fire."

9. When you have sung enough country music to be famous, you can branch out a little. Sing about something unusual like Mexico, or something abstract like a great realization you have come upon about life. In this stage, its okay to break the rules a little, like singing about a pina colada, or a woman named Lillian.

10. If your career is not picking up, try singing about a soldier in a war somewhere. Women singing country should sing about the soldier's wife. Its been done over and over, but for some reason, America still loves it.

Lastly, its not a rule but an observation. Despite your woman leaving you, the cows dying, and the state taking over the farm, your songs have an upbeat rhythm, and cheerful notes. Even if nothing positive comes out of your mouth, your song still has hope hidden somewhere inside of it. The only thing left is for the audience to look for and find that hope.

And I guess that kind of explains why I like country music despite (as Anissa always points out) the continual use of the one, three, and five chords.

Ice Skating!

We had a nice cold snap, just before it hit 65 degrees. I dragged Steve out on the ice with me, knowing it was going to melt soon. Since my other pictures went into Myspace, I thought I'd treat you all to a blogger exclusive:

Steve being cold.


Some of the hockey players actually came over to see if he needed an ambulance or anything.




Blurry picture because the cold was killing the batteries.


Testing out the NEW batteries. Not blurry at all!


For some reason, I seem to take tons of pictures of feet for my photo albums.


Me trying to hide the fact that I haven't been on skates in a couple of years.


I'm flyyyyyy-inggggg!

Sad news

I have just been told that Professor Okazaki-Mullins has passed away. If you do not know much about Jujitsu, then no doubt you will not have heard of her. She is the daughter of the founder of our style of Jujitsu. Her father initially taught a separate set of techniques to his female students, in a time when it was rare for a Sensei even to have female students. Following in her father's footsteps, many of the classes she taught at the conventions I have been to were women-only classes. I learned quite a lot of things in the few hours I have spent in her classes at convention, but it seems like way too short a time. Just watching her, it is evident that she possesses an understanding of Jujitsu that many people will never attain. While I did not know her well enough to mourn her passing, I experienced her teaching enough to experience a strong sense of loss at this news. I am sure that there are many people in the Jujitsu community that are experiencing a real mourning today, and my heart goes out to them.

WOW

I'm normally not political at all. I hate political conversations, politics, and politicians. I am convinced that none of them really want (or have the capability) to fix all of the problems in our society. They all just pick the issues that THEY see as the biggest problems and fix those, causing OTHER problems to get bigger, which another candidate might see as the one that should have been fixed first.

What I have just realized, thanks to a blog entry from a friend, is about our voting system. I have not done the research but I have heard these statistics many times. Only about half of the US population actually turns out to vote, and roughly half vote Republican and half Democrat, with the occasional vote for an independent party. What I have just realized is that every other time I have heard those statistics, I have been hearing only the STATISTICS. I never focused on the other half of the US that doesn't vote. Why don't they vote??

Well then my train of thought turned back to me. Why didn't I vote in the last election? 1. I had not made the time in my schedule to educate myself about the candidates prior to the election and was unwilling to make an uneducated decision. 2. What little I did know about the candidates made me certain that I did not want any of them to be in a position of leadership over me.

While it is highly likely that a majority of America is just plain stupid and doesn't know enough to vote, I also think that it is possible that there are people out there who don't vote because they don't want any of the candidates to be president. Our ballots could be made so much better if in addition to putting "Kerry, Clinton, Obama, Huckabee, Guiliani, and whoever else wants control" on the ballot, they would also put "Not Kerry, Not Clinton, Not Obama, Not Huckabee, and Not Guiliani" on the ballot. American ballot-makers have accounted for this by allowing us to write in names of people we would like to see in the office for which we are voting, knowing full well that the American public is not coordinated enough for it to actually make a difference. But, if people were allowed to vote AGAINST a candidate, perhaps the statistics researchers would find that we can elect a president not based on the opinions of 25% of the population, but by 50% or 75% of the population.

Granted... adding an option like that to the ballot would cost millions, especially just in advertising. There would have to be a media hype so that the people who don't vote will know they have a new option. Then there would have to be educational seminars for the people who have been voting the old way to learn how to incorporate the new options. Then there would have to be people at the voting stations to tell the people who slept through the educational seminars what to do. Then there would have to be more people just outside the voting booths for the idiots who still don't get it and can't adapt to change (the ones Darwin thinks should have died a long time ago).

Ok so, its not really a feasible plan. But I think that having the option to say on a ballot "I don't want any of these people" would attract more voters. And it would cause problems if 70% of America didn't want anyone to rule them. But at least then, it would actually be the case that "the people have spoken," instead of, "a quarter of the people have spoken."

Pictures

At this very moment, I am uploading pictures to Myspace that include my super mario brother, walks in the woods, scenic lookouts, kitty porn, and christmas trees.

If you do not have a myspace account, and would like me to post some pictures here, you have to let me know. Say yes, and I will.

I wonder

What would happen if the paparazzi stopped following the celebrity sluts and started following US senators, government officials, and basically anyone in the perimeter of Washington DC? Imagine the scandals we could uncover. Brittany and Lindsay and Paris need a break. They are just young women with no significant parental guidance and as much as I disagree with their actions and agree with the consequences of their actions, there is no need for me to know about it. The really juicy stuff happens in DC, not Hollywood. So why are the paparazzi following strung out blond chicks?